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26: Let go

Michonne's P.O.V

"I'm home!" Carl yelled as he slammed the front door shut.

"How was therapy?" I shouted.

No response.

Rick made Carl take therapy a little while after he was released from the hospital. Kid wouldn't talk to anyone, so it was for best.
At first, the therapist would come over and talk to him that way, but then Carl claimed he had more time to clear his head when he drove alone so he started driving Rick's truck.

Carl is a good kid. Sometimes he drops Andre off at school for me, runs a few errands and comes home to do his online school work. I don't know what errands he runs, but he does it and gets home on time.

"It was good," he said, coming into me and Rick's room.
He was dressed nice today. Usually he puts on black skinny jeans, black boots and a band shirt but today he tried. Today he put on his Sperry's, his button up white shirt and fresh, crisp boot cut blue jeans.

"Nice." I nodded. "You look very nice today, going somewhere special?"

"Actually yeah." He chuckled "when dad comes home can you tell him I'm out at the movies?"

"Ooooh," I smiled "with who?"

"Nobody." He grinned shyly.

"Oooh okay, tell nobody I said hello."

"I shall tell nobody that you said hello." He chuckled.
We shared a laugh but our smiles faded sooner than expected and I wanted nothing more in the moment but to keep laughing with him.

Carl's got this vibe that always makes your day a little brighter. And anyone would be lucky to be his friend, or in my case, I can't wait for the day I can call him my son.

"Michonne?"

"Yeah?"

"Well..I was wondering." He started "Do you ever feel like you're not good enough? Li-- wait! Of course not. Of course you haven't felt like that. Look at you."

I lifted my laptop from my lap and sat up, staring him at him confoundedly.

"What do you mean? I've felt like that before. Alot of times." I mumbled.

He came over and at on the edge of the bed and began fiddling with his fingers.

"Really? Have you ever tried so hard to be there for someone, to love them, or even be their friend but all they do is push you away. So you give up, because they're never there for you anymore, but right when you take on foot out the toxic relationship, they pull you right back in with the  'oh I'm sorry. I can't lose you'. And it starts right back over. You try so hard but you don't feel like you're good enough because no matter how much you care for them they'll never really understand how bad it feels when they ignore me when he's all I want."

He.


Ron.

Is that where Carl spends all of his time? I could've sworn Jay asked him to homecoming last week.

"I've felt like that before in my life too, Carl. And I want you to know, whoever this person is does not deserve your time. You deserve to feel like a prince, you're beautiful in your own way, and wonderful and you're everything that typical teenage boys aspire to be. Confident.
So don't underestimate yourself, don't let yourself be a second choice, don't degrade yourself for this person."

"Let go?" He mumbled

"If that's what it takes. You can't just mope around and feel like you aren't good enough."

"How do you mend a broken heart?" He smiled. But, the kind of smile that held a million and one lies and cries.

"You stop talking to them.  Block them everyway possible so they can't make you sad anymore."

That's what I did.
For every person that's broken my heart and man it's worked for 31 years.

He stared at me in silence for a second. His cheeky smile forming slowly as he wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Thank you Michonne."

He squeezed my tight and I laughed as I rubbed his back.

"It's no problem kiddo."

Unanticipatedly, he let go and quickly jumped off the bed.

"I'm gonna let go."

And then he marched out the room, his pride on his sleeve and his heart in his head.
___________________________________

Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong

"Who the heck is that?" Carl exclaimed from his room upstairs.

He hadn't been on his movie date yet, he was still giving himself a pep talk in the mirror of his room.

"I got it." I said, coming down the hallway.

I reached the door and took a deep breath. Literally no one visits unless it's someone from Rick's family like Hershel, Glenn and the others, but none of them would ring the doorbell in such a way... and other than that side of the family -- I can't think of anyone else who has our address. We live in the middle of no where.

Suddenly, they began to bang at the door and I felt a tense.

"Do I need to grab my father's gun?" Carl laughed, but hell, he just might.

I placed my hand on the door and swung it open on the count of three.

My eyes glanced down at the dark hands of a person far too familiar for my memory. The cuts, the scratches-- I knew who they belonged to and I just didn't want to look up.

But my eyes trailed along his body. The body I once laid with at a time in my life. The body that I once treated as a temple. The body that made me feel secure and then broke me down.
The body that I had to let go.

My nose flared and my eyes narrowed as they met his. He had a sly grin on his face and all I wanted to do was reach for my katana that I kept in the closet right beside the door, and cut his head off.

I hated every inch of this man, but then again I loved him. I loved him because he gave me happiness before, and love, and he cherished me. But I hate him because of the way he yelled at me every night he came from work, the way he would come home smelling like the perfume I always wanted him to get me from my favorite store, the way he threw me against the wall every now and then to 'get me in my place', the way he would grab my wrist in public and not let go, the way he would deny my son.
I love him but I hate every inch of this man.

"Never thought I'd find you." He chuckled.





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