.24 | It Comes Naturally

Trigger Warning: A bit violence heavy in the beginning with emotional/physical abuse.

Crack.

Each crack against her skin was like a white hot brand against her supple and marred skin.

Crack.

Each crack was like a lightning rod of visceral pain that shot through to the depth of her heart.

Crack.

Each crack of the whip that Killian wielded in his unforgiving hands sent an electrical current of pain sensors through her body, rippling through her nervous system as her brow beaded up with painful sweats. Her body convulsed violently as she arched her bare back in agony, her throat was raw but she hadn't even remembered making a sound. Merida fell to a heap upon the warehouse floor in nothing but her bra and the jeans she left in.

The dark blue sweatshirt she had come in was crudely cut away from her body moments prior, leaving the drafty breeze from the warehouse ghosting across her skin, causing way for goosebumps to appear all throughout her body.

Both her hands were bound so tightly together by electrical wire her wrists were red and raw with no way to escape and no way to shift as the tiger within her soul succumbed to the pain and torture being inflicted.

The beast within was painfully aware, but frozen in a trauma-filled shadow that it couldn't claw its way out of. She was a shaking, bloody and filthy mess as her limbs quaked, her mind running an endless loop of how afraid she was in that moment to move an inch for fear of another lashing.

There was no semblance of forgiveness in Killian's beady black eyes.

He was mirthless, angry and obsessed; the obsession so wild he would beat the freedom and any illusion of self-worth out of her if he had to prove a point. She was his and there was nothing he wanted more than to make her remember her place. He didn't care if she moved or not. He didn't care if she cried out for help..and if she shifted he'd give the signal to his goons to pelt her down with a barrage of bullets.

"You actually thought you could go play a-ven-ger behind my back?" He sing-songed as he relentlessly reared back with a tidal force and unleashed another crack of the white hot pain as she buried her head into the cold, dirty floor of the warehouse.

Please shift..

Why can't I shift?

"Mer-i-duh, look what you've made me do," His words were arsenic laced, a sweet poison to gaslight her into believing that none of this would have had happened had she just stayed by his side...never left with the Avengers and never looked twice at the benevolent man, Steve Rogers.

Another wave of pain so heavy ascended upon her she nearly blacked out. Her vision blurred, between the hot tears and the snot dripping down her nose she couldn't see straight, couldn't think straight, couldn't even shift.

Each crack against her lithe little form was widening the gap between her and the beast within; the mental barrier growing stronger with each blow, each taunt as Killian successfully slid his way into her mind with doubt, revulsion and hateful poison.

She could barely even speak. The pain was like a wave of darkness that grabbed at her heart and tugged her under. She would gladly succumb to the darkness if it weren't for that nagging intuitive nudge in her heart..a thread that linked her to something so warm and vibrant and loving....the thread that linked her to Steve.

It was a thread that glowed like a single ember on a pile of ashes; that single ember was enough to keep her holding her on, to keep her eyes open and her heart still beating...for Steve.

"Steve," She breathed out his name like a lifeline.

She expected another crack across her skin but it never came. Merida opened her bleary tear-stained eyes, trying to adjust to the streaks that blurred her vision. She flinched back on reflex as Killian's dark insidious eyes were staring at her.

He had stooped down to her level and was staring at her with what was the most unhinged and crazed look she'd seen in his eyes as of yet.

"What was that now?" His voice was like a dangerously soft beacon of death.

Merida swallowed past the lump in her throat and averted her eyes quickly.

"Did I hear...Steve?" He guffawed in her face. "These li-ttle avengers are just mocking you, Merida. They don't care about you and ya' know what else, toots? You'll never be a hero,"

"You're a liar!" Merida bit out and quickly mashed her lips together in shock from her rebuttal.

The beast within started to stir...started to come alive from the catacombs of the shadows in her soul; the moment Killian's words landed the beast within her opened its eyes in reclamation. For the first time in a very long time Merida could see past the illusions of self-hate and the shadows of trauma from her feelings of unworthiness.

She could see past the darkness that Killian had made her believe all these and felt for a flicker of a moment the truth of her soul; she wasn't a freak. She was different, yes, but she surely wasn't worthless...not when someone like Steve looked at her in such a way that made her heart sing.

The beast was starting to wake up more fully, the feeling of a pre-shift ripple subtly passed through her veins, though Killian would be none the wiser to what was happening as he was too focused on his rage and desperate attempt at control.

If Steve could see through to the girl within the tiger.....why couldn't she as well?

He made a face and frowned deeply, those pertinent cheek bones ghastly in the light.

Without warning, he shot up from his perch on the ground. His right hand tightened considerably around the handle of the thick black whip.

"You know what happens to little girls who disobey..." He paused as his face morphed horribly from revulsion to morbid glee, "I'll beat his name out of you if it's the last thing I do,"

Merida knew the goons on either side in the corner of the warehouse were wielding their weapons with a hair trigger; they were prepared for her to shift. She had been shot before, but she honestly didn't know how she'd fair against a barrage of bullets.

But she refused to lay here for another second and take a hit.

All it would take was a quick shift and a precise strike at Killian...one moment of brave delivery on her part and she could have his neck within the jaws of her tiger self in a second....She didn't know how this would end....she closed her eyes -

A loud crash that shocked her to her core made her face twist around. The warehouse doors on the opposite end were blown off the hinges, the smoke and debris settled as a familiar scent engulfed her senses causing her to reflexively choke out a sob of relief.

Walking through the cloud of dust, Steve stepped forward donning his bright blue suit with his shield poised against his chest in a defensive pose. Tony drifted through the debris, his iron suit hovering above the ground next to Steve.

The face of the iron suit lifted open revealing Tony's darkened gaze which matched the furrowed brow and look of absolute pain that ghosted over Steve's face.

The two avengers took in the dark and grisly scene as Merida lay in a heap on the ground, her back completely torn open in gashes, her body trembling without any indication of stopping.

"Dratz, thought I'd have more time," Killian spat out with a diabolical smirk.

"Welcome gentle-man!" He bowed deeply as Steve took a step forward. He looked up from his bow and glanced in both directions of the warehouse where his men stood with their guns poised and ready, "Let's play a game. Point and shoot!"

He clapped his hands together, forgoing the whip altogether as both henchman stepped forward and opened fire.

Killian's hands were upon her, jerking her up and using her as a shield as he stepped backwards with body guarding his front. The gunfire was so loud it made her head spin, and even if she wanted to she couldn't put her hands over her ears since her hands were bound.

The chaotic fray of the fight made it hard to concentrate on anything other than the debris and pinging of the bullets that she could hear in the warehouse. She saw a blur of blue and white as Steve managed to duck behind his shield while Tony had flown up in the air in his suit.

And with Killian's grip on her arm dragging her backward without warning completely tripped her up. Somewhere in the madness she shouted for Steve and Tony, calling their names as Killian managed to escape out the back exit with her lithe frame tumbling in his vice like grip.

The cool breeze hit her body the moment they were outside.

The night air was crisp and it bit at her unclothed body, her bra doing little to shield off the painful sting of the breeze against her fresh wounds. She felt spots dance across her vision from the adrenaline her body was producing due to the pain. A wave of nausea coursed through her as she almost wretched there in Killian's grasp.

He jerked her more closely to his body as he dragged her down the concrete walkway towards the Hudson. She could hear the lapping of the water, smell the rotted out area they were in where garbage and debris had been dumped.

The water made the beast within cower.

I can't swim.

There were three overhead lights above the jutted out concrete where they walked that glowed, one of them flickering eerily, bathing the area in an off-yellow glow. Under the overhead lamps that hung above, she could see the flutter of wings from the moths that were drawn to the light...

It reminded her of Killian...she had been drawn out of the tower like a moth to the flame of light and look where it had gotten her...Steve and Tony were so close, but yet...every moment was a torrent of unpredictable anxiety when it came to Killian.

The beast within was torn; one part wide awake and ready to pounce and yet the other part of the beast still caught under Killian's shackles, still deathly afraid of disobeying and the wrath that might follow from another escape tactic. He was a phantom wraith..haunting every inch of her...poisoning her thoughts and her gifts...crippling her in ways that were in a way worse than death.

She shivered uncontrollably in his grasp as he stopped against the wrought iron railing that separated them and the Hudson below. The water was dark and unforgiving as it lapped below them against the jutted out walkway.

With unforgiving hands, he shoved her through the small opening of the railing, separating the two between the railing so that she was on the edge and he was on the walkway; the only thing keeping her against the railing was his tense grip upon her arm.

All he had to do was let go and she'd fall.

The wind blew through her hair in a sudden shift of breeze, the water below was menacingly dark and she didn't have to touch it to know it was probably deathly cold. She felt her body convulse in another round of anxiety and shivers before hearing a familiar voice behind them.

"There's nowhere to go, Killian,"

Steve's voice was resolute as he walked towards them, shield hanging by his side as his eyes, even in the dark, blazed a thousand furies of justice. He was like a beacon of justice, though the overhead lamps bathed Steve in an odd yellow glow, making him look like a dark angelic hero of justice.

She could see his aura pulsating wildly. The blips of color she noticed were nothing like the Steve she usually saw. This Steve was vindicated, strong.....unforgiving even with his pursuit of Killian and putting an end to this once and for all.

She noticed the flickers of red from anger, the grey from sorrow and the hint of orange with his intense expression of anger towards Killian and his desire to keep her safe.

Through whatever link that tethered them together, she swore she heard him say, "Hold on," She didn't know where the voice came from and she looked shockingly at Steve as if he had just said it aloud..but he hadn't said it aloud. It was in her head. She furrowed her brow in confusion, but didn't question the benevolent promise that filled her head with hope.

"Let her go, it's over!"

Killian cackled at Steve's futile attempts to make him stand down. He leaned against the shell of her ear, and what he whispered sent a dark chill straight down her spine to her feet. She felt the hotness of Killian's breath, the promise in his words and cowered immediately at the subtle threat that this was far, far from over..and if anything it was only the beginning.

"As you wish.." He bowed yet again. The white of his face against the starlit sky was revolting and she saw the gleam of madness in those dark eyes again as he winked at Merida and....let go.

She didn't have time to scream.

She also didn't realize how much she was counting on his death grip against her skin until it was gone...with him no longer holding on there was nothing protecting her from falling into the water below and with her hands tied she couldn't do anything.

"Oops, did I mention the pathetic little thing can't swim?" He revealed with a vile smile as he leaned against the railing, looking over at her body as it quickly disappeared beneath the Hudson's dark clutches, her body barely making a splash as it careened into the abyss.

Steve didn't even hesitate.

He was already running, throwing the shield onto his back as Tony blasted out from the warehouse in the same moment. Tony was flying to the walkway to subdue Killian just as Steve jumped over the railing, his super soldier strength sending him flying over the edge and into the water below near moments after Merida.

The moment Merida hit the water her arms lifted above her head on reflex.

The immense shock of cold that swept over her bony and lithe body, mixed with the fact that she had on nothing but a bra and dark blue jeans...the Hudson was like ice and it shocked her to her core. She felt instantly everything and then nothing at all as the shock transformed into unabashed fear and desperation.

She was kicking her legs, thrashing as the inky darkness made it completely impossible to see anything around her.

After a few moments of shock, her body started to fight for survival. Her lungs felt as if they were going to burn or explode, her chest started to feel as if something were bursting out of it. If she could have used her hands she'd have clawed at her throat, her chest...she writhed around like a banshee, a few bubbles escaping her lips as a scream she didn't know she'd been holding escaped.

A brief moment of panic ensued as she was utterly alone and in the dark of the water...sinking slowly and nowhere near to break through to the surface. Her throat burned, her chest started to constrict as the panic gave way to an eerie calm and surrender.

Merida closed her eyes.

She felt her body settle and an odd sense of acceptance and peace washed over her. In this moment she felt nothing. It was absolute stillness as her mind started to slowly power down, her heart slowly faltering with its beating.

She couldn't remember this peace...couldn't remember a time where she felt so consumed by the darkness and yet so at home in a space.

There was no Killian...no circus...no pain...no fear.....nothing.

Just empty space.

A void.

A place where she was free from everything.

Merida felt a pulse within her body around the blackness.

Something jolted her, pressing on her in rapid succession as if someone were pushing on her chest over and over again.

A warmth spread through her entire being as a flicker of power surged in her body, as if someone had flipped on a switch and she was starting to come back to. A familiar life force settled into her soul and it was then she felt that presence of a familiar golden thread that tethered her to Steve.

It was enough to bring her back.

The beast within roared with fury.

Merida's eyes flew open and her body wracked with violent coughs, spitting up water as her shivering body lay on top of what felt like the cold concrete. She was no longer in the water, she was back on land and drenched from head to toe. The water escaping her lungs paved the way for her to inhale deeply, her hands now free and unbound as she gulped in the crisp night air.

Her harrowed eyes immediately looked up to see Steve hovering above her.

He was completely drenched from head to toe, his suit sopping wet and under that same yellow lamp he glowed like a guardian angel, as if he were truly built and crafted from the celestial heavens above. His shoulders were heaving up and down, his deep ocean blue eyes wide and panicked, those brows of concern furrowed all for her...yet there was relief that passed over his face as his right hand gently pushed back strands of dark damp hair out of the way of her face.

That jaw of his was taut and tight. She saw the way he clenched his jaw slowly release as he witnessed her arrival back to the here and now, as her chest started to breath of its own accord.

"Merida," Steve breathed out in relief as he searched her face.

She realized he'd been giving her CPR after he'd found her in the water and brought her back to the surface where the next heart-gripping moments had been spent trying to resuscitate her. She had looked so lifeless on the ground, but Steve didn't stop until her eyes flew open and he felt a pulse again.

It was in that moment she saw a scared boy from Brooklyn, someone who was worried, concerned and more rattled than he'd care to admit. His defenses were completely down and any armor or shield that he had ever had to put up was lowered.

Steve was frightened.

She saw the humanness behind the avenger persona, the boy behind the mask and something in her heart burst open.

It wasn't the man with the shield that scared her heart her the most, it was the man behind the shield.

Steve Rogers.

A man out of time with brute strength and power that could easily crush her within his grasp, but with her he softened and filled her with nothing but comfort and safety.

Instinctively, she reached up and wrapped her arms around Steve, fear and adrenaline coursing through her veins as she clung to him tightly in honest to goodness gratitude, beyond thankful for his quick reflexes and for pulling her out of her the water.

She nestled into him, clinging desperately to his damp suit and taking in the realness of the moment.

This was real. She was safe.

And in his arms she had never felt so held, so supported as she started to cry.

"I'm so sorry," She choked out with a sob as the fear and daunting realization of what had just happened settled into her soul.

How could she have been so stupid?

To leave the tower without telling anyone?

She couldn't even shift, couldn't do anything..she had felt helpless and afraid and realized with a startled jolt that she never wanted to feel like that helpless and afraid ever again.

"It's okay," Steve's voice was comforting, but she still felt the gravity of what had happened and how her actions could have resulted in something far worse happening.

She felt the warmth of him, his strong taut stature against her broken little body and she felt a tremble ripple through his being as the relief of seeing her alive and okay really hit him too.

"What matters is that you're safe,"

This close to his chest she could feel the beat of his heart in time with her own.

She could also feel the reluctance of his hands to wrap fully around her, given that she was in nothing but blue jeans and a bra. That is, until she realized he was hesitant to hurt her because of the whip lashes on her back. They were excruciating and she couldn't even fathom looking in a mirror to see what had become of her back. As the adrenaline started to very slowly dissipate, the piercing pain started to take hold again and she winced against him.

A wave of unforgiving nausea flowed through her.

"We have an airlift coming for you," He frowned and something so painful crossed his face as the idea of her hurting actually hurt him too. It looked like he wanted to say something else, but he held back.

"I-I couldn't shift, c-couldn't do anything," Merida bit out through chattering teeth.

She tensed against him as she was suddenly aware that Killian was still out there.

"Where-where is he?"

Steve pulled away gently and nodded down the concrete walkway, "Tony got him, but he didn't make it difficult. He didn't even try to run after I went in after you,"

She was so thankful he had found her in the dark water...it was nothing short of a miracle that Steve had found her.

She peered out through her tears and saw Killian on his knees, subdued and cuffed as the headlights of the NYPD glowed in the distance, getting closer and closer to the warehouse and docks. He was smirking as he watched the scene unfold before him, gleeful even.

Tony, Natasha and Clint were all gathered around.

"Ah, Mer-i-da, welcome back to the land of the living," Killian called out with a devious smile.

Clint kneed Killian in the side rather harshly, sending the ringmaster into a fit of unhinged giggles.

Tony walked over to where Steve and Merida were at, bringing with him a soft dark gray blanket that Steve helped to carefully wrap around her shoulders as she used it as an attempt to keep warm and also to help cover up the exposed parts of her body.

Steve must have sensed her insecurity and the way she covered herself, but he didn't say anything. He wordlessly helped her cover up and for that she was thankful. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been in just a bra around anyone other than Killian or Fran.

"Hey Siberia, you going be able to hang in there for a few more minutes?" All jokes aside, Tony look concerned as he glanced over at her.

In the distance, she could the hear whirring of an aircraft getting closer.

Merida nodded, but as she glanced up at Tony she couldn't help but look around him and over towards Killian who stared at her with a twisted grin. Tony turned around to look at Killian and then returned his gaze to Merida, "The circus is over, kid. You don't have to worry about that freak show anymore,"

She nodded again as she unabashedly leaned into Steve and waited for the airlift. The pain in her back grew more intense so she bit her bottom lip to keep from whimpering.

Tony turned around to go back over to Natasha and Clint. "Oh, and I vote shawarma for dinner. Be there or be square," He called out with a very Tony-like smile. He then glanced down at Killian with a prideful smirk, "If you think you know what a circus is just wait until they book you at Ryker's,"

Killian frowned as Tony blasted off from the ground and disappeared into the night sky like a red and gold blur.

Merida took found a brief moment of solace as she leaned into Steve's chest, his heartbeat slowing to a more relaxed pace as the golden tether that connected them only grew more strong with each passing moment.

"Your friends are with Sam. They're safe too," Steve added with a reassuring smile.

Merida couldn't help but look at him with a small smile, her eyes still brimming with fresh tears as he added with a boyish smile, "I told you I'd get them back safely,"

She felt a small bubble of affection for the first avenger, "I always trusted you would,"

"Are they at the tower now?" Merida asked with a hopeful tone.

He nodded, "They'll be there waiting for you. Fury was a little reluctant to let Ansem in the tower, but your friend Fran is very persuasive,"

Merida couldn't help but let out a small breathy laugh at the thought of Fran whooing the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents with her insatiable charm.

"You're always saving me," She whispered with a soft hum to her voice.

"It-uh, it just comes naturally," Steve's nervousness was endearing as she felt the pace of his heart quicken with his words.

She looked over at the incoming lights as they were near the docks now and her eyes drifted over to Killian. She suddenly remembered the words that Killian had whispered to her before he dropped her into the icy water.

Merida frowned and pulled the wooly blanket closer around her in an attempt to hide and curl in on herself. His words had been a poisonous promise, something that made her stomach flip and her insides quiver.

She sure hoped Tony was right and that the circus was over.

He was caught.

It was all over.

She could breathe again.

As if he knew what she was thinking, Killian slowly slid his lips up into a wide, taunting smile. His eyes were like dark daggers in her direction. The NYPD showed up moments later, leaving no time to waste as they grabbed Killian and hauled him off into the back of the large black SUV.

He turned over his shoulder to look at Merida and she froze...even from a distance those dark eyes haunted her and as they shut the door. She prayed the shutting of that door was the end of a very long and exhausting chapter of her life.

She just couldn't figure out why a small part of her felt so tense and anxious....as if she were waiting with bated breath for the other shoe to drop.

Author's Note:

WHEW. T.T

What a chapter. This one hurt my heart, but I do solemnly swear that Merida's story will have a happy ending. I'm a realistic kind of person and I know that even though she has been with the Avengers for a little bit and has a great space to be held and cared for as she heals...the reality is that she has been tortured and abused (mentally, physically and emotionally) for years upon years...that doesn't go away in a few weeks, or days.

If she was miraculously a whole new person with a 110% confidence I feel that would be such a disservice to the reality of trauma and how it can truly affect people long-term.

That takes a lot of time to heal and I want to take gentle care with the realistic elements of trauma, so in this chapter she could not shift...she was basically like Bruce in Infinity War when Hulk was traumatized and didn't want to come out and fight Thanos. That's how I thought of it when I was writing this chapter.

The tiger is there..but in that moment of lashing the tiger was too traumatized to come out...though we get a glimpse of the tiger awakening within her at one point and I think that's very important to remember and note because the tiger within is growing stronger, more confident little by little and I truly believe the tether that connects her to Steve does help empower her on a soul level. :)

I'm so so so glad Steve and Tony got there before anything worse could have happened..... but I am curious what exactly Killian whispered to Merida...

And why did he give up so easily?

We are about to begin the third act of this story and I think we might have a couple more acts to go before the end sooooo we still have more to dive into and a lot more for Steve and Merida to explore within their imprint bond.

The other circus members are still at large though... T.T So like not knowing where Isabella, Blair and Blaze are at make me a wee bit nervous...

But on the flipside.....Fran and Ansem are at the tower now! WHOOO. ^^

I do apologize for such a heavy/dense chapter, but Steve saving Merida and quite literally wasting no time to jump in after her was like music to my ears and it warmed my heart so incredibly much. She's been through so much, I just know she's going to come out on top in the end...she has to <3

She deserves the world and I swear her and Steve are just absolute pure OTP vibes!! <3

Thank you all for reading and again...so sorry for a heavy chapter .... T.T I hope the Steve/Merida moments can somewhat make up for it! <3

They are so pure together. 😭❤