.20 | reprieve

Merida had decided to stay in her room for the most part for the better half of the afternoon.

After her emotional exchange with the Avengers and how she felt, she had thought it best to stay in her room for awhile. She didn't know how to wrestle with the back and forth between her head and heart, didn't know how to make sense of the way the beast within wanted nothing more to tear into Killian, but the human within her, the soft fragile heart of hers, had some kind of sick subservient obedience to the deranged boy.

A boy who, at one point, she had looked at like a brother, someone she had trusted.

She had put her trust into his awaiting hands and he snatched it from her, crushing it harshly and without feeling, her trust had fallen like petals to the ground around him. He had always had her life in his hands, had always lorded that over her, as well as the fate of the circus and all the other people if she were to ever even think about leaving him again.

It was why she had stayed so long; fear and guilt.

She would lay awake at night sometimes just dreaming of escape, but those dreams were twisted quickly into horrid nightmares of the circus falling apart, a fire set somewhere and many people dying and it had all been...her fault.

Each nightmare a subconscious fear that if she left...others would get hurt.

Later that day Steve had come by to check on her, but it was brief and she got the sense that maybe he just wanted to see her with his own eyes and make sure she was okay. Merida was grateful for the space he had given her most of the day, knew that he could sense when she truly needed to be alone, but how he knew her so innately without having known her that long still perplexed her.

Even while she was in her room earlier she could...feel his energy; feel the concern, the mild distress and even the compassion. He wasn't in the same room and she could feel him; it was both curious and unnerving all at once.

As the evening fell, Merida had been greeted by Natasha at her door holding a dress with a plastic covering over it as if it had just come from the cleaners along with a duffel bag full of feminine accessories, including hair styling tools and make up.

The black widow was in a mid-thigh black dress that came to a moderate V-neck, the gold stiletto's and gold necklace around her neck sparkled. Her hair was curled and her lips were a neck-breaking shade of red. She smiled at the woman's prowess, the way she carried herself echoed that of Fran; a moment of longing pierced her gut as she thought about Fran and Ansem.

Merida admired Natasha and her confidence. And she was relieved that Natasha didn't bring up what happened earlier.

It was pretty clear by now how torn Merida felt with everything going down, the attachment she still felt to the circus and Natasha knew more than anyone that pushing her to open up about it before she was ready was a bad idea. Natasha knew Merida would talk about things when she was ready, whether it was with her or Steve or someone else.

"Ready to go crash this party?" Natasha dryly asked with with a hint of a smirk that made Merida chuckle softly to herself. Natasha had been patient as Merida dug through the assassin's belongings, looking at her different styles of make up and hair tools.

"Have your pick. I got a look for every occasion," She added coolly as the red-haired vixen leaned against the wall of her room, smiling gently at Merida.

She dug through her things and picked what she thought she might need given the dress that Pepper had gotten her. She eyed the dress as it was draped across the small bed in her room, her eyes taking in all the jewels, her eyes were wide as she became even more enamored by the dress.

In person it was truly breathtaking.

"Is Steve riding with us?" Merida as she as pulled out a few accessories and started to make a pile for what it was that she wanted to use, feeling very grateful in the moment for Natasha's generosity.

"Tony talked him into going early for photo ops and a mini press conference before things got busy, but he told me to tell you he would see you there," Natasha added with a reassuring smile.

"I'm still wondering if this is a good idea, I mean-what if I get spooked and I shift?" Merida paused, looking up at Natasha with fearful eyes.

"I have a feeling you're going to be okay tonight," Natasha offered knowingly with a small smile, "Plus, Steve will be there,"

Merida looked up at Natasha upon hearing her words, something of a small, appreciative smile appeared on the mutant girl's face, a girlish smile that not even she could hide as her cheeks turned a shade of pink.

She played nervously with the bracelet Tony had made her. He'd been kind enough to come up to her room earlier and let her know it was finished, offering it to her this evening as an addition to her outfit. It had been the last time she had seen him today before he headed out with Steve.

Merida nodded nervously and continued digging through the make up and accessories.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Merida furrowed her brows as she looked over at Natasha curiously.

She nodded in reassurance and smiled at Merida, "What's mine is yours," They shared a look and Merida returned to digging. She felt so small and fragile in the shadow of the black widow, a woman so strong and powerful.

"Can I ask you something?" Merida paused and looked up at the red-haired Avenger.

Natasha gave her an inviting smile, "Sure,"

"How did you become an Avenger?" Merida asked curiously as she made her pile of things and then scooted over on the bed to sit and look at Natasha, who calmly leaned against the wall with her arms crossed against her chest. She dropped her arms and walked to the bed, sitting down at the edge a respectable distance from Merida.

"You all seem so...close, like a family." Merida added with a genuine smile.

"You mean a dysfunctional family?" Natasha added with a sarcastic smile. Merida let out a breathy laugh, shaking her head. She thought about the circus and felt her heart squeeze at the memory.

Natasha smiled ruefully and shook her head, "Clint was sent to eliminate me, a long time ago.."

Merida widened her eyes, "As in...?" She couldn't even imagine it, her jaw dropped slightly in surprise as she leaned forward and whispered, "Kill you?"

Natasha nodded and shrugged with a smirk, "He made a different call that day...gave me a second chance and the doors to working for S.H.I.E.L.D. opened right up," She paused and looked up at Merida with a curious gaze, "We don't always get second chances, but when we do it's important to take them, Merida."

Merida paused and realized what she implied and looked away before her own curiosity got the better of her, "Before this...what did you do that would make Clint come after you?"

Natasha smiled sadly, "I was a covert assassin for the KGB. I was brought up in a very...indoctrinated school that taught me everything I know now. I was one of the best in the program, did everything they asked of me without pause or hesitation,"

She paused and Merida frowned lightly as Natasha was reliving something that Merida felt she shouldn't be asking about, something so privy and private. She started to open her mouth to tell her it was okay and that she didn't need to know everything, but Natasha continued, "Clint gave me a reprieve that day and I try not to waste what time I have left to be a better person for it...for him too,"

Merida blinked and swallowed thickly as the heaviness of the story rattled her, even though it was something that happened a long time ago. Natasha was not a woman it seemed who would bear her soul to anyone. She had walls up just as Merida did and she wondered if she indulged Merida's questions because she could sense Merida's walls around her heart..sense a kindred spirit.

Merida could see her aura and it was darkened, guilt laced the colors as it shuffled around her body, but more than that there was a optimism that shone through as Merida offered an encouraging smile, though it ebbed a bit as she frowned lightly again.

"I did things as the tiger when he..uhm, he would order me to. People who came in and tried to make shady dealings with him, but he figured them out before they could get the jump on him," Merida paused and her heart felt heavy in her chest as she looked up at Natasha with bright eyes, "I've done things as the tiger I'm not proud of,"

The memory of puking her guts up after attacking a well-known dealer in a deal gone south still haunted her mind; the sickening sound of flesh, the scream of horror as his eyes widened in shock and fear. Merida had no other choice; she either did as she was told or he would have hurt her..or worse he would have hurt someone else in the circus. His favorite threat to her was always Ansem's head or Fran's head on a silver platter.

And she knew he wasn't lying.

Merida pursed her lips and looked away from Natasha. She had endured it for their safety and her own.

A moment of resonance danced between the two; an assassin turned Avenger who had a ledger of red and a tiger girl from the circus who had done things that haunted her soul. She hadn't lived a life like Natasha, nor had Natasha lived Merida's life, but the two could understand the feelings of remorse, guilt and the unshakable weight of innocence torn too early.

Merida just wondered if there was any way to ever get that innocence back.

"Hey, look at me," Natasha offered, getting Merida's attention. "There isn't a single person here who will ever judge on your worst day," Natasha nodded slightly, encouragingly as Merida's eyes bristled with unshed tears of relief and gratitude.

"I'm really glad Clint made a different call that day," Merida whispered with a small smile.

Natasha smirked, "Me too," She eyed the accessories and jutted her chin out towards a deep red lip color that was laying near the gold eye shadow, "I think that lip color will look really good with that dress,"

Merida picked it up and wiped her eyes from a stray that fell, smiling all the while as she inspected the color, tilting her head to the side much like a cat. Natasha watched as Merida looked over at her, "My mother always said there isn't anything a nice red lipstick can't fix,"

Natasha smiled, "She sounds like a smart woman,"

Merida felt her heart constrict at the thought of her mother and Natasha frowned slightly, sensing the girl's slightly contained grief roll off her in waves. Losing people never got easier. Even when time passed by, the pain could crack open at any time and rock your world.

For Merida, there was never a day that went by that she didn't think about her mother.

"The one thing that I can say the circus taught me is how to put on a mask of beauty. I'd get lost in the make up part of it all. It was a small window of time I had to just...get creative and cover the sadness with eccentric colors and shades, "

"Except this time you don't have to wear a mask. Just be yourself, whoever that may be," Natasha shrugged lightly and gave her another small smile, "Now, how about we finish getting you ready?"

"You're going to help me?" Merida asked curiously as she thought for a slight moment that a girl's day getting ready with Natasha wasn't exactly on the top of her favorite things to do list. The black widow was pure feminine power, but she didn't think girly things like this were exactly her thing.

"Of course, but just don't tell the guys about our little girl time," Natasha remarked with a wink before diving into the accessories with Merida and helping her pick out the best shades that would compliment her dress.

Time seemed to pass by more quickly than she had anticipated.

Merida was standing in front of the bathroom mirror as Natasha leaned casually against the door frame, a proud smile escaped the assassin's lips as she gave Merida a friendly once over.

Merida's hair was sleek and straight, curved at the ends, framing her face like a twenties harem woman, which made Merida feel more special than she had anticipated. She clicked a gold barrette on the side of her bangs for accent before taking in the dress fully. 

Her dress was sleek and black with a collective design of gold running the length of the entire dress, the straps were a few fingers thick, revealing more of her skin than she had anticipated. It was a heavier dress, the sparkles and gold sparkles weighing it down slightly, but only amplifying the stunning reality of the dress. She was reminded of a circus flapper girl from the twenties and she smiled at herself in the mirror as Natasha watched her patiently take it all in.

The black silk gloves paired with it had been itchy and she knew her hands would grow hot inside of the black silk, especially since they covered her whole hands. She didn't want to not wear them, but she also didn't want to be hot...she also didn't want the scars on her wrists to show at the banquet.

She had stared at them for a beat longer than anticipated, from her wrists to the gloves back and forth before Natasha caught on.

"I think these are going to make me hot," Merida offered laying them on the bathroom counter, but her eyes shamefully moved to her exposed wrists, baring the attempts on her own life long ago.

Natasha wasted no time in picking the gloves up and inspecting at them, she smiled lightly and said she would be right back.

When she came back into the room fifteen minutes later she asked for Merida to stick out her wrists. Natasha silently wrapped a thick strip of satin from the long gloves around each of Merida's wrists, tying a small delicate bow on the top. Each satin strip wrapped like an accessory around her wrist, covering her scars, but blending nicely.

She had cut and modified the gloves to Merida's liking.

Tony's bracelet blended in nicely with the new addition to her wrists.

"There. Now they've been modified," Natasha smiled approvingly.

"You're creative," Merida murmured appreciatively.

"You just learn to improvise along the way, especially in this line of work," Natasha down played her innovative mind, but Merida still looked up to the woman. She seemed to always have a work around for everything and she admired it.

Merida was adorned in a pair of black wedges that were more sturdy than the stiletto's that Natasha wore, but she preferred a sturdy shoe than that of a big heel. She needed her balance with where they were going, she needed the groundedness that the wedges would provide her. She knew there would be a lot of people so she wanted to make sure she was walking in something comfortable.

Natasha had been gracious enough to go looking for an abundance of shoes and when she couldn't find anything she sent a man named Happy out to look for something that would fit her dainty little feet.

He found the perfect wedges.

"You're going to be the belle of the banquet," Natasha finally spoke as she smiled, her green eyes shining so brightly. Merida looked in the mirror and saw Natasha behind her, looking on at her like Fran would have done.

She shook her head and let out a breathy laugh, "I'm not so sure about that, but I do appreciate your kindness,"

Merida turned around and leaned against the bathroom sink. She asked innocently, albeit a little breathlessly, "Do you really think I look okay?"

Merida's heart immediately went to Steve.

Natasha saw the anxious nervousness on Merida's face and knew she was thinking of Steve. The red-haired vixen sensed it, saw the girlish innocence on her face, the hopeful look on Merida's face that she tried to hide within the depths of those chocolate brown eyes. She nodded with a friendly smile to encourage the girl, to hopefully get her to see what everyone else saw in her.

Her trauma didn't define her, nor did the scars make her anything less.

Merida bit her lower lip and took a deep breath, "Okay then, let's go crash this party,"

Natasha smirked and nodded over her shoulder, "Sam is meeting us out front," Together, the two walked out of the Avengers tower, the sun already going down more quickly than Merida had anticipated.

Upon walking out, she noticed a few agents in black suits walking in, their eyes drifting towards both Natasha and Merida in their outfits. She ducked her head, avoiding eye contact as she continued next to Natasha. She noticed a large black SUV awaiting them where Sam was outside of the vehicle with a man in a suit and a goofy smile. 

Sam was in a dark suit, a white shirt and deep navy blue tie. He looked completely different from all the other times she had seen him and he caught her gaze with a sassy smirk, "Didn't think 'ole Falcon could clean up this well, did you?"

Merida smiled and tilted her head to the side, "You look nice, Sam"

She whirled around to look at both Sam and Natasha before adding, "It's just odd to see you all so formal," Natasha nodded and mentioned lowly, "I'd trade this dress for my leather suit in a heartbeat,"

Sam gave Natasha a raised eyebrow, "The leather gets itchy though,"

Natasha quipped back quickly, "Not if you wash it like you're supposed to,"

Sam huffed and Merida smiled.

"Happy, this is Merida," Natasha introduced as Merida smiled up at the man who would be driving them to the banquet. "Hello, Happy," Merida offered a hand and Happy shook it with a small smile. She liked his name; it made her beam.

"I heard a lot about you from Tony, says you can turn into a big tiger," He rambled as Sam rolled his eyes. "C'mon man," Sam groaned as Happy looked between Sam and Natasha with his mouth slightly agape.

"What? It's not every day you meet a girl who can turn into a tiger, it's freaking cool!" Happy defended adamantly as Natasha smirked.

"Thank you for my wedges," Merida murmured bashfully as Happy smiled.

"I went to two different department stores for your size and almost clobbered a woman who tried to steal the last pair," Happy admitted with a boastful smile.

Merida laughed lightly and blushed.

She hopped into the backseat as Sam followed after her, patiently awaiting her to get in. Natasha hopped into the front seat with Happy. Sam made a face and looked up at Natasha from behind her seat, "Can you move your seat up?"

"No," Natasha remarked quickly as she flipped the visor down, checking her own lipstick and winked at Merida who was smirking in the backseat at the banter between them all.

She swallowed thickly as the SUV took off, rubbing her palms together as the nervousness settled into her belly. She felt the heat prickle her skin and the worry gather in her veins. She was about to be around a lot of strangers.

The beast grew anxious.

Sam glanced at her and offered a half smile, "Don't worry, we got your back. Plus, these things are worth it for the food,"

Happy looked in the rear view at Sam, "Think you can sneak me out some scallops? I really love those things,"

Sam groaned and rolled his eyes, "I'll see what I can do if you can get us there on time,"

Happy made a face as Natasha snickered.

As they drove along, Merida watched as the city passed her by and she had to pinch herself to remember that this was even real, this wasn't a dream. She was in what she imagined was a very expensive dress, make-up that had nothing to do with a circus act, she was with people that seemed to genuinely care for her well-being and she felt...good.

She didn't know what she did to deserve any of this kindness, but as Happy glanced at her in the rear view mirror with a sheepish smile she relaxed significantly, her hands growing less clammy by the second as they got further away from the tower and closer to their destination.

"You ready, Siberia?" Sam asked with a coy smile in her direction.

She felt a swell of curious pride in her chest upon hearing the name again and nodded. 

"Siberia? Ohhhhh, I get it," Happy said aloud as Natasha laughed lightly, shaking her head.

As they got closer, Merida felt her body relax, her breathing grew more steady and she felt a quiver of excitement she hadn't felt in a very long time; true genuine excitement, a hopeful spark lit a fire in her veins as she was in the company of people who truly and genuinely cared for her. The beast within purred with more contentment and curious anticipation as Merida settled.

She knew Killian was still out there, but maybe Natasha was right...maybe she was being offered a second chance to start fresh, to start somewhere new, and she'd be a fool to waste the chances that Steve and the others had taken for her.

A lump in her throat formed, but not from grief or sadness, but from the overwhelming sense of gratitude that washed over her being. Natasha locked eyes with Merida from the visor and her words echoed in Merida's mind.

'Clint gave me a reprieve that day and I try not to waste what time I have left to be a better person for it...for him too'

Steve had offered Merida a reprieve.

And deep down, though she was fearful of her feelings and the idea that things could actually work out in her favor, the beast within was urging her not to waste the opportunity Steve had so selflessly gifted her with.

Author's Note:

We'll get to see Merida's dress in the next chapter!!! ;)

This was supposed to be A LOT longer, but I decided to split it up into two chapters since it was such a great ending point for this scene! :) I'm already working on a follow up chapter that should be out by next Monda. I promise I won't make you wait long! ;)

I enjoyed seeing Natasha and Merida bonding together, she needs some girl time without all the boys!! ;) And can we talk about how smol bean they are together? Natasha being similar to Fran is making me so happy, she doesn't even realize how much it means to Merida the way she has stepped up in such a way. Merida sees so much of Fran in Natasha so I feel like that is why she feels very comfortable with Natasha <3

Also, let's just agree that Natasha helping her get dressed and ready is such a sweet bonding moment, Natasha doesn't have to do any of that, but the fact that she is there without anyone telling her to be is everything.

T.T

I love all their growth and development together as a team and family!

Sam and Happy are amazing as always!!!

This smol bean deserves the BEST and I'm so excited for where this is going, especially the second half of this story.