.16 | the man behind the shield 

Merida was used to getting ready rather quickly, though she knew if she didn't meet Steve in exactly half an hour in the rec room he wouldn't have minded. She just didn't want to be late, and her previous conditioning from Killian always had her keeping watch on the time.

The last time she had been late for anything Killian had made sure she didn't sit right for a week. 

She stared at herself in the mirror, her shoulder length locks damp from the shower, her body wrapped in a small towel she had found in the bathroom. It was the first shower she had in an actual shower in a very long time.

Being on the road for the circus didn't leave much for modern day hygiene - this was foreign to her, but she was able to figure everything out rather quickly. 

Her body was slender, her face slightly gaunt, but showing more signs of life than she had seen in a very long time. Her eyes were tired, fragile and they bore the signs of seeing and experiencing horrific things.

She dropped the towel to the floor and stared at her lithe and supple body, her ribs thankfully didn't show anymore after Fran had started sneaking in extra food for her over the past few months, but her shoulders were so bony, as were her arms and waist. 

She thought of Natasha and Fran, both strong, tall, lean and fierce. 

She wasn't envious of Natasha or Fran in a mean way, but she felt that diminishing part of her soul that felt the lack and shame from her current state. They were both so strong and statuesque women, and here Merida was..fragile, broken and so small.

Her eyes watered, but she stopped the flow of tears that threatened to fall before they could reach her cheeks. She quickly grabbed her towel from the floor, wrapped it around her body shamefully and then hurried to the closet where she had a bundle of clothes at her disposal. 

She chose a long sleeved length denim styled button down and paired it with a white pair of skinny ankle pants. She tucked in the denim button down and rolled the sleeves of the button down up to her forearms before slipping into a pair of comfortable shoes that didn't match at all, but Merida was never really one for style or fashion; she didn't have that luxury. 

She didn't bother with her hair since it was always quick to air dry. 

Merida made it to the rec room five minutes before the half hour mark, the elevator dinged and she stepped off before stopping abruptly at the large room. It was contemporary, flashy and sleek.

Straight back there was a large bar with under lighting that lit up in a yellow-gold glow, bottles lined the bar, but from her distance she couldn't make them out. The left and right areas of the room were wide open with small mini bars on each side. There was a pool table, and other common things that could be found in a rec room. 

She just wasn't expecting it to be so big!

There was a set of stairs that winded up to a second story and a set of stairs that led to somewhere else below. The middle of the rec room was complimented with a set of two large coffee tables that were sleek and shiny.

Around the two tables were large love seats that were off white, vanilla colored. A few single seats that were plush and leather lined the perimeter of the coffee tables all the way around intermixed with a love seat here and there, each one the same vanilla color. 

There was a bottle of something on the glass table furthest towards the bar and she caught a whiff with her mutant senses; it was harsh and smelled like straight alcohol. It was already open and a lone tumbler that had been used was sitting on the glass table next to it. There was a faint trace of motor oil...Tony!

She knew that smell. 

She walked silently into the room, her hands wringing themselves nervously as she gazed around before seeing a shuffle of papers on the coffee table closest to her. She walked closer, her eyes squinting to inspect them.

Merida realized quickly they were drawings, the lone pencil next to them further proof. She picked up one of the drawings and her eyes scanned the drawing of a big top circus tent. It was so detailed and carefully drawn, even down to the shaded parts. 

Footsteps sounded from the stairs that led to the bottom tier of the rec room and she caught the familiar sound of .... and scent of Steve. She quickly put the drawing down, but as he rounded the last step at the top his eyes connected with hers and she felt her cheeks turn red. He was in a long sleeve blue shirt and a simple pair of blue jeans. His boyish blonde hair was tussled, but somehow fell perfectly with little effort. 

"I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched Tony's stuff.." She breathed out quickly, even going so far as to take a small step back from the coffee table. There was a silent alarm in her eyes as she felt the condition of fear rise up in her belly. She pushed at a stray hair that fell in her face from leaning over to drop the drawing on the coffee table. 

Steve let out a breathy laugh and looked down at his feet before crossing his arms and leaning against the sleek steel railing behind him at the top of the stairs, "Uhm, no you're fine, but those are actually...mine." He looked back up at her with a tinge of scarlet staining his own cheeks. 

"Oh," She responded, her eyes widening and her eyebrows rising in surprise. She was not expecting the drawings to be from Steve's hand.

It took her aback for a moment, made her curious as to what other hobbies the man behind the suit enjoyed. Surely he wasn't just good for fighting bad guys and wielding his shield?

"Tony was in here earlier with Bruce," Steve nodded towards the bottom and empty tumblr. 

Merida nodded, realizing now why she had caught Tony's scent. Steve pushed off the railing and stuffed his hands in his pockets, walking over and around the coffee table as she gave him a shy smile, "So, you like to draw?"

Merida noted the subtle scent of cedarwood and lavender...maybe something else but she couldn't be sure. The scent drifted from his person, a soft and not over powering smell that was comfortable and nice. 

Steve nodded, picking up the piece of paper she had just put down and looking it over for a moment before placing it back and giving her a small smile, "Yeah, when I have some down time,"

He nodded towards the little love seat next to the coffee table as an invitation to sit, which she was thankful for because she didn't like standing and feeling awkward. 

"May I?" She asked, nodding towards the drawing again and he nodded, another invitation that she was more than welcome to look at his drawing.

She inspected it again, the circus tent glaringly familiar. She was entranced in the photo, watching it come to life in her mind with red and white stripes, fireworks bursting behind it, she could see it as if it were coming to life right on the paper. 

"You miss it..." Steve breathed out hesitantly, his eyebrows cinched together as he watched the mixture of love, reproach and nostalgia pass on her face.

She quickly looked to him and his blue eyes, so attentive and so comforting, captured her gaze for a long second or two. Merida nodded slowly, furrowing her brows. 

"Even in the darkest moments, there was still beauty in the circus. It came to life - it, it somehow brought me to life. I didn't like performing for Killian and I certainly didn't like the way the animals were treated which is a whole other story, but I enjoyed watching everyone else perform. It was such a magical place - how it could come up so quickly, breathe magic into the world and then collapse and move to another city," 

She paused and blushed, "I'm rambling, I'm sorry," 

Steve smiled and shook his head, "Don't be. I enjoy hearing more about the good times," 

"Was your mother part of that magic?" He approached cautiously, looking at her with softened blue eyes. 

Merida felt an ache in her heart thinking of her mother. How could it be possibly that the fainter the scar on her heart that more that it hurt? It never got any easier without her mother, but the fact that Steve insinuated that her mother was part of the beauty in the circus made her heart skip her beat. 

He either knew all the right things to say or he could read her like a book. 

She nodded, "My mother was an acrobat and she was...magnificent. I was never scared for her, when she did her act. I just knew that she'd always be okay - she was like an angel with invisible wings. She could just.....fly," 

Steve smiled as she spoke, aware of the energetic connection he felt sitting next to the girl, but unaware of what it truly meant. He just knew he could feel her emotions more strongly than a normal person should, but he kept quiet - kept this mystery to himself as he watched her light up like Christmas morning talking about her mother. 

"I don't have anything of hers to remember her by, but I guess the memory of her will never really go away - I'll always have her with me as long I don't forget...," She added with a slightly forced smile as she returned her bright eyes to the drawing. "You're very good, you know that? The shading on this is incredible," She added as she placed it down on the coffee table again.

She could hear him murmur his thanks beneath a sheepish smile. 

Merida looked up at and him whispered, "Can I ask you something?" 

He nodded encouragingly, "Go ahead," He leaned back on his side of the seat, his broad shoulders taking up much of his body and she had to pry her eyes away from the fact that he was so massive compared to her tiny little self. 

He gazed at her with the patience of a monk.

"What is it like being Captain America?" 

He paused for a long moment and cinched his eyebrows together, he averted his eyes from him as if he was deep thought. His arms were crossed, but he nervously uncrossed them and let his left hand rest on his knee while his right arm draped on the top of the love seat. He was pensive, quietly in thought. 

"It's-" He stopped and continued,

"It's something I never would have dreamed of a really long time ago, but now given everything it's what I was born to do. If I can do something to help just one person then it's a job well done. I just know there is a lot of evil and unjust out there and I have a sense of duty to uphold so that I can protect those that can't protect themselves," 

"It's challenging at times, but it comes with the territory," He paused and he gazed up at her as her eyebrows raised slightly.

She tilted her head to the right as she drew up one of her feet on the loveseat and wrapped her arms her leg, pulling her knee closer to her as she leaned her chin on that same knee, gazing at him. 

He wanted to say something else so she gazed at him patiently. 

"I wasn't always like this. I was a scrawny Brooklyn kid who got beat up a lot," He admitted with a soft laugh escaping his lips, but when he saw her surprise he nodded and continued,

"A friend of mine from a long time ago..he once told me that I was chosen because the strong man who has known power all his life may lose respect for that power, but a weak man knows the value of strength, and knows... compassion." 

How was it that the man who sat here next to her had been bullied too? 

She couldn't imagine anyone bullying Steve now, but it did make a lot of sense. He had a heart a of gold and wanted to protect those that were innocent. A lot of things started to shift together for her to piece together the reason why Steve had been so adamant on getting her out of the circus and away from another steel cage.  

It was just who he was.

She was thankful he was at the circus when he was..she still hadn't told anyone that Killian had planned to deflower her the night it all happened. She pushed that thought away from her mind quickly and shoving down any shame that tried to creep its way into her veins. 

"I can't even imagine you being bullied, Steve," Merida whispered with a coy smile. 

Steve laughed and she felt her heart hum. 

"I was," He nodded with a boyish smile that made him look a lot younger than he actually was. 

"I think I would have liked that scrawny Brooklyn boy," Merida added with a brighter smile than Steve had seen in days. When she realized what she had said she frowned, raising her chin from her knee and her eyes widening, "I mean, I like you now, I just....you know.." 

"I knew what you meant," Steve responded coolly with a sheepish smile. 

She was quiet for a moment, resting her chin back on her knee and feeling more comfortable in this quiet space with Steve than she had in a long time. There was a cozy feeling she got, sitting here in such a way with him. It was strange and foreign, but something inside of Merida settled in a way that she had never really felt before.

The beast within her was tame and strangely relaxed; no longer on edge and antsy. 

"What about the man behind the shield? Does anyone ever ask how he is?" She whispered curiously as Steve paused, his eyes snapping to her own. She saw the slight surprise in his eyes, those blue eyes gleamed quickly but she had seen it for a moment. 

His smile was tight, but humble, "No, not really. I guess they think since he's Captain America he's always okay," 

Merida pressed and didn't really know why she wanted to know so bad.

"Are you?" 

Steve shifted and gave her small smile before adding lowly, "I am right now," His eyes captured hers again and she felt her cheeks turn a shade of red,

"I'm sorry, I'm asking personal questions that I really have no right to ask-" 

Steve shook his head, "You can ask me anything, it's okay," 

Merida paused and tilted her head to the side, "I guess I just know how it feels to be something else, another identity I suppose, but I think people forget that there's a girl inside of the tiger and there's a man behind the shield.."

Steve gazed at her, his eyes softening as if he hadn't heard it put like that in a long time; if ever. 

Merida perked up slightly, straightening up and flicking a drying strand of hair away from her face, "What else do you like to do, besides saving the world?"

Around Steve, she was relaxed and there was a odd lilt to her voice that she had never really known, a fluttering of feelings in her stomach as she found her voice more and more around the patriotic hero. 

Steve laughed and shook his head, "I think you'll find I'm pretty boring," 

He added with a smirk, "To give you an idea, Tony says I'm always the dullest one at the party," 

Merida's smile widened. 

She could see Steve being the quiet observer, chiming in when he felt called to and keeping to himself. There was nothing brazen and loud about his aura and she stared at it while it pulsated around him. She looked at him and nodded lightly, "Your aura is more docile, stoic and observant. It's-it's very comforting," 

Steve cinched his brows together, "What is an aura? I'm sorry, I'm still trying to catch up with everything," His lips pulled into a small smile. 

Merida bit her lower lip and stared at him, "No, it's okay. I honestly need to try not to read aura's as often, it's a bit invasive and I don't mean to,"

She paused and continued, "It's like your energetic sphere, it pulsates around you and depending on your mood or emotional state it can change colors. It's unique to each person so everyone has a different aura, even the way it looks on each of you is different," 

Curiosity laced his features, "What color is mine?" 

She smiled and felt a tug at her heart. It had been so long since a stranger had been interested in her and her gifts and didn't see her as some circus freak. Everything about Steve was moral, full of integrity and humble. She had never sat next to someone was so striking, but just as handsome as he was, there was a boyish nature to him underneath the surface. 

She wondered if the Brooklyn kid in him had never left, still in his heart after all these years. 

"Very blue, which means comfort and calm. I see bits of green in there which is restful and quiet and sometimes I swear I see some yellow, which can a number of things, but I think for you it means livelihood, optimism and happiness," 

She found her voice again and grinned jokingly, "Tony might be right, you may be a bit dull at parties." 

"Hey now, cut me slack. I was nearly frozen under the ice for seventy years, I have a lot of catching up to do," He beamed back at her, laughing lightly as the two shared the joke together all in good stride. 

"Will you show me around? I'd like to see more of this room," She looked around, curious as to what else could be in here.

He nodded encouragingly and they stood together, walking in the rec room together as he pointed out what everything else, taking her down to the second floor that was more recreational than it was entertaining parties. 

She spotted the baby grand piano in the corner and paused, her eyes catching the sleek black beauty of instrument. He slowed his walk as she stopped and caught what she was looking at. Merida walked to the piano slowly, lightly touching it as she started to walk around the piano, her eyes looking up at Steve as an invitation to sit. 

"It just sits there, no one ever really plays it," He responded as she gave him a curious look as to why the magnificent piano would be look so untouched. "I think Tony just got it on a whim, he does that a lot," He added with a humorous smile. 

Merida smiled and silently sat on the bench, her fingers running the length of the keys, memory already knowing what each one was as her eyes settled on them with a distant memory taking hold of her. Her mother had known how to play and she had taught Merida.

When she passed, Fran took the mantle to continue teaching her as they could. Sometimes they could get into the instrument room and sneak a session, other times they couldn't with Killian watching her every move. 

But she remembered, sure as Steve could remember his Brooklyn days as a kid, Merida could remember her days as a kid playing piano with her mother, when she was protected and the times were brighter; so much simpler.

Without thinking, Merida started playing, her eyes in a trance as she stroked the keys tenderly, her lips pursed in concentration, her eyebrows cinched as the music flowed into her. 

The beast within purred with contentment. 

Her song was slow and emotional, building up slowly over time - it wasn't anything that Steve had heard before, but that didn't matter. He could feel the music, feel her emotional connection to whatever distant memory she was living. He watched her with curiosity, watched as the fragile and scared little girl disappeared and a strong and confident woman appeared, playing the piano and creating her own kind of magic. 

He had never seen her so graceful, so in her own zone of genius as she poured her emotional trauma into music. In that moment, Steve realized she needed more moments like this, to steal away and create magic. He didn't know what all it would take for her to feel whole again, to make her feel worthy of her own powers and skin, but he did know this was a a really good start. 

Merida was aware of Steve watching her, but she didn't mind. She felt the sweet release of emotions pour through her as the music continued to flow her concentration on creating magic with the flow of her fingers. But she was keenly aware of the pull she had that felt more like an invisible string, that string connected to the man standing before the piano, leaning against the small seat near her and crossing his arms loosely underneath his chest. 

When she finished her piece and looked up at him, she swore she could sense that he felt it too. 

----

After awhile, Merida ended up excusing herself to go back upstairs so that she could get something to eat. Steve offered to get her something, but she just wanted to be alone.

He had shown her around and she had even learned a little more about him, and somehow he had pried out of her little bits of herself as well. It was give and taken, they each shared bits and pieces that day to one another, but the most comforting part of it all was that Steve made her feel normal and while that should have made her over the moon, a part of her felt fear. 

She had never known the comfort she had been feeling. It was foreign and she felt the beast within stirring lightly in fear as she became more and more comfortable with Steve. 

She couldn't afford to get close with anyone here. It wasn't safe to do so.

Merida had already gotten some things from the kitchen to make a sandwich and even found some chips, which was something she hadn't seen in a long time.

Killian had kept her on such a discrete amount of food, so it was no surprise that she was delighted to see chips. She brought her plate back to her room, padding softly and once inside her eyes caught sight of the drawing from the rec room laying at the foot of her bed. 

She walked over, setting her plate down next to it gently and took the drawing in her right hand, her left hand running the length of the circus tent and smiling lightly to herself, her stomach flipping as the bottom of the drawing on the far right it had Steve's signature and on the bottom it read,

'For the girl inside of the tiger,'

Her heart skipped a beat and she stared it for a longer than she should have before finally deciding to pick up her sandwich and eat. 

Author's Note: 

A huge shout out to NATRCMANOFF

She made some AMAZING AWESOME BEAUTIFUL graphics for Merida and Steve's story!! This was so unexpected and I was so grateful for the amazing magic she created. If you want to see all of her work head to the graphics page/chapter and scroll to the bottom to see all the graphics she has created. She's so talented!!!! :) I plan on uploading more of her work later!

I wanted to give you all a sweet chapter between Merida and Steve. This was long over due and I wanted to really give these two a moment to talk with no one else around, get to know each other a little more and have a moment where Merida can open up to Steve and vice versa. 

I absolutely adore the fact that she was interested in the man behind the shield, I feel like everyone forgets that Steve is a real person behind the shield. Captain America is fawned over and I think people are on the assumption that Steve is okay because Captain America is this mega hero. I think shining a light on Steve was poignant and I wrote it so that Steve was a little perplexed that someone would care to take notice of the him vs only fawning over his persona of Captain America. 

I love them. Goodness they are both smol beans. T.T

Btw, this poor baby. I feel so bad for her. I can't imagine her not being fed and starving at times. It hurts my heart so much, but we know that with origin stories they aren't always rainbows and butterflies. She is in good hands with Steve and the other Avengers. I can't wait until she forms friendships with the rest of the group! 

As always let me know what you love about this chapter and how you are enjoying this story. Thanks so much for your continued support!! I really appreciate it! :)