Outside is hot, the boy could feel the blazing sun burning his skin as he sits on the prickly grass in the courtyard of the campus. Holland only stands a few feet away from him. Louis places his books on his lap and just stares at her as her lips move and she talks passionelty. He notices the hand gestures she makes as she speaks and finds it cute in an odd way. He hears laughing coming from close, but ignores it as he keeps staring at his first love.

The boy flinches backwards as he feels the books from his lap be taken away and he watches with wide eyes as it is thrown into the air. An imaginary lump feels as if it has formed in his throat and he quickly gets up from the ground and runs to try and catch the papers as the taunting laughter is heard around him. He picks up his homework and notes, trying to put them all in order before anyone could see the papers. His eyes dart to Holland who looks at him sympathetically, she smiles slightly at him before walking over and he feels himself choking up.

The girl kneels down beside him and begins picking up the papers herself, but Louis desperatly doesn't want her to. This moment is nice, but the situation is terrible. He looks up at her, noticing the furrowed brows and parted lips, shock swirling in her bright brown irises, and Louis knows, at this moment, she has seen the notes he writes for her. The blonde, teenage girl looks up from the paper into Louis' blue irises. "What is this?" she asks quietly. Louis blinks, he doesn't know what to say, he's speechless, frozen, and everything is happening too fast for him. The thoughts in his mind are messy, and he feels anger quickly build up inside of him, but he doesn't know why. The boy snatches the papers away from her grasp, noticing her flinch away from him, and his heart breaks and regret fills him but he knows he has to ignore as he puts all the now messy and crushed papers back into a random folder. He looks up at Holland once again, instantly feeling all the love he has for her, but he doesn't know how to express it at this moment. He could only do that while writng. "Why was my name in that?" she asks, her voice still as small. Louis rests his gaze to the grassy ground, swallowing before parting his chapped lips again.

"You weren't supposed to see that. Just let it go." he mumbles.

"Why, Louis?" his gaze flickers to hers once again. He doesn't understand why she can't forget about all of this. She doesn't feel the same way, she'll never feel the same way, so why can't she just let it go.

"Please, Holland. This is embarrassing enough for me already." he answers. The girl furrows her brows.

"Why?" Louis shakes his head, his fists clench.

"You now know I write letters to you, when we don't even speak to each other.Or maybe you don't know. Who the hell cares anymore? And I know inside right now, you're just dying to tell your friends about all of this before laughing. Laughing at me like students here do every single day." Louis glares at the girl in front of him, who's cheeks are flushed and eyes are wide. "It's the same everyday." he chuckles quietly, bringing his gaze away from her to not see her expression. He knows now, that he'll never get Holland, the girl he loves, and the girl he will always love because he's just too far in. "I'm used to it, so it's fine. Just leave and you could do whatever you want."

The blonde girl gets up, Louis refusing to see her walk away. A heavy weight feels as if it rests itself onto his chest. He feels so small in this large world that he knows he can't make it in.