When I wake I feel heavy, as though my body is being sucked into the bed and is unwilling to release me. I groan quietly, stuffing my face in my pillow as the memory of what happened comes back to me.

A panic attack, of course it was. I haven't had one in years, but never had they felt so intense as that. I frown into my pillow, wondering why I have to be such an anxious creature. Why can't I just be normal?

I turn around and find Kia sleeping on the floor beside me. I sigh unhappily and tentatively scoop her up and place her in my bed.

It's about 4 in the morning but I know there's no getting back to sleep for me.

I leave my bedroom quietly and pad downstairs, throwing myself down on the sofa. I feel embarrassed to have made such a scene and I cringe at what Michael must have thought.

I don't resent Kia or Clara. Kia should be able to have her friends round without me freaking out, and Clara. Poor Clara, she has no idea about anything.

I sit up on the sofa and rest my head in my hands, trying to sort through the emotions in my mind. Maybe I was just trying to do too much too fast. Everything is happening so fast. Just a few weeks ago I had only seen Clara 4 times, now she's just around every corner and my mind can't take the strain.

I resolve to slow down a bit, to go at my pace and no one else's.

I pull a blanket from the back of the sofa and curl up beneath it. It must be a comical sight, to see me scrunched up on the sofa underneath a tiny blanket. My mum picks the soft furnishings and you can tell.

I eventually give up on trying to keep my legs warm and stick them out, dangling off the edge of the sofa. I thought that sleep would evade me for the rest of the early morning, but my eyes softly close and this time I sleep much more restfully.

_

When I wake for the second time it's to a clatter in the kitchen. I groan and tug the blanket over my head.

My parent's go to yoga first thing on a Saturday morning and come home afterwards for breakfast, so I know it's Kia making all that racket. She doesn't even cook, so the image of her simply bashing pans in an attempt to subtly wake me up only serves to irritate me further.

"Kia! Shut up!" I groan huskily, trying to ignore the clatter of saucepans.

"Kit! You're awake! That means you'll cook for us, right?!" Saskia squeals and my eyes pop open at 'us'. I wriggle further under the blanket, scowling because even my own house is a minefield these days.

"No." I mutter.

"Please, Kit. You know I'm useless in the kitchen and we have a full day of rehearsals." Kia pleads, coming into the living room and sitting on me.

"Go away." I retort, my eyes narrowing at how conniving my twin sister can be.

"Clara's still upstairs, I can keep her there and you can fulfil some sick fantasy of cooking breakfast for your beloved. How's that?" She offers quietly and I'm silent for a moment.

I don't appreciate the way she's phrased it, but it would be nice to do something for her. I've never had the chance to previously and I do make good pancakes. Plus Saskia did help me through a rough spot yesterday.

I sigh heavily, flipping the blanket off my face and Kia grins.

"Wow, I didn't think that would actually work." She says and I swat her away.

"Go be a pest somewhere else." I mutter, getting up from the sofa and meandering into the kitchen.

"You might want to put a shirt on." Kia says and I look down at my jeans, wandering how I slept so comfortably in them.

I smirk at her.

"No, I don't think I want to." I retort and Kia's face downturns with disgust.

"How can one man be so nervy and yet so conceited?" She says, trudging up the stairs and I laugh at her.

"It's a talent!" I call back, getting to work on the pancakes.

I mix the ingredients and pour the first pancake into the pan, watching it like a hawk. These have to be my best pancakes yet. Slowly but surely a stack of beautiful, well rounded, fluffy pancakes forms.

I keep them warm in the oven and set about washing and cutting fruit, watching my final pancake as I do so. I get out a tray and carefully load it up with the pancakes, two plates, the fruit, syrup and chocolate spread and two glasses of orange juice.

I look at the tray wondering just how I'm going to manage to get it up the stairs. I pick it up and move slower than I ever have before, watching it obsessively as I manoeuvre the stairs.

I get to the landing and panic slightly, hoping against hope that Kia keeps her promise. I set it down on the floor outside Kia's door and tap once before high-tailing it back to my room.

I keep the door slightly ajar, wanting to see what they say.

The door opens and Kia chuckles slightly, taking the tray into her room. She closes the door and I pout.

I shut the door of my room gently and sit at my piano. Never mind, I don't need to see a reaction to feel good about doing something for my sister and my soulmate.

I smile to myself and gently play a happy little tune, my mood completely restored from yesterday.