I lie on my carpet, staring up at my ceiling in quiet thought. Sleep has eluded me all night and most likely will till she leaves. But I can't wish this time with her away and I don't, not at all. Even though it's exhausting, I feel complete at the same time.

I frown.

Soulmates are messy, complicated things.

I twiddle my fingers, anxiously interlocking them and twisting them, noting that the sun is peeking through my curtains. I sigh, closing my eyes and revelling in the gentle warmth that falls on my face. My ears prick up at the sound of movement, and girlish squeals shortly follow.

"No! Don't wake Clara, I don't think she slept very well last night." I hear Kia say, presumably ushering the rest of the girls downstairs. I hear her tap lightly on my door as she goes and I reach out, tapping back and smiling at our childish code.

I turn my head back to the ceiling, my weariness suddenly hitting me like a brick. It doesn't seem to matter that she's only meters away from me anymore, my eyes can't stay open for a moment longer and I gratefully crawl to my bed, collapsing face first in the pillow with a slow groan of joy.

When I wake, the house is much quieter and the sun is beginning it's decline in the sky. I groan, pushing a hand through my wild hair. I sit on the edge of my bed, wondering if the house is safe to wander. I glance at my clock, pursing my lips.

5:00pm, definitely should be safe by now.

My stomach growls and I sigh, moving towards the door and pulling the chair away from it. I shrug on a black t-shirt and decide that my blue flannel pyjama bottoms can stay, my wariness easing with every moment of silence.

I lightly jog down the stairs, wondering where Kia has gotten to, or if she's even in the house.

"Kia?" I call, absently moving into the kitchen to rummage through the fridge.

"Finally, I thought you'd never wake up." Kia's voice echos from the living room and I roll my eyes, stuffing a slice of left-over margarita in my mouth.

"Oh, by the way, were you playing the piano in the middle of the night, or did I dream that?" She asks wryly, already knowing the answer. I go to retort when another voice interrupts.

"I asked him to play, I couldn't sleep." A voice says, and for a moment I can't help but admire how gentle it is. Then I realise.

My body freezes in place, my stomach churning at the knowledge that she's still here. Just moments away from me. They could walk in any second and this is how I would meet her.

The first interaction with my soulmate is something I have imagined time and time again. Never have I dreamt it to consist of me in blue flannel pyjama pants with a slice of pizza hanging out my mouth.

It's an actual nightmare. I'm going to throw up.

They've seen maybe the back of my head through the half wall that divides the kitchen and the living room, but not my face. She hasn't seen me. Not yet.

It's okay, play it cool.

I slowly make my way towards the stairs, the very definition of relaxed, and as soon as my foot touches the first step, all calm is lost and I run like hell back to my room. The floorboards creak and protest as I go, my door slamming shut as my breaths come ragged and uneven.

Way to play it cool.

_

I hunch over my algebra work, keeping my mind busy with a flurry of numbers and equations. There's a gentle knock at my door and I sigh heavily, glancing towards it. I didn't need to hear the front door closing to know that Clara had left, the ache in my chest being more than enough.

Kia pokes her head around the door and I gesture for her to come in. She looks serious which makes me worry. 

She sits on the edge of my bed and watches me for a moment before finally choosing to speak.

"So, when were you going to tell me that Clara is your soulmate?" She asks, her hands neatly folded on her lap, her expression calm and serene as she watches me balk.

She now has my full attention, my eyes wide and my palms sweating profusely. I wipe them nervously against my flannel pyjama trousers, my eyes darting away from hers as I try and find something, anything to say.

"Uh, I don't.." I start before pausing, knowing there's no reason to lie to Kia.

I sigh heavily and turn towards my desk again, my hand raking through my untidy hair as I rest my forehead in my palm.

"Kit.." She pleads gently. Her arm snakes around my shoulder, holding me tightly as I exhale shakily.

"How long have you known?" I question, still not capable of looking Kia in the eyes.

"For the last year, but I didn't figure out who until today." She explains gently. I swallow harshly, shaking my head in my hands.

"I first saw her when I was fourteen." I murmur, raising my head to stare at the wall.

"What?" Kia gapes and I nod.

"At your dance recital." I mumble.

"Kit, that was nearly four years ago. What..?" She shakes her head with dismay and I glance at her.

"I can't Kia. She is, in theory, everything I could ever want, everything I'll ever need and I can't bring myself to see her more than once a year because... I'm afraid that she'll... become real."

"Kit, you know how ridiculous that sounds, right?" Kia says gently and I scoff.

"Yeah, but it's not ridiculous to me. Look at me, we're polar opposites! I don't know how to speak to her, let alone be with her. I don't know how." I say pathetically.

I mean, this is the girl that was made for me! This isn't something I'm willing to screw up.

"You're a very good man, Kit. Don't you think that maybe you're overthinking this? You're taking away Clara's chance to know you and that's not fair on her." She says gently, yet fiercely and I know she's right. Denying her that experience is selfish. I nod.

"How?" I ask quietly

"Slowly." Kia says simply, patting me on the shoulder.

"She'll adore you, Kit, if you only give her the chance to. And give yourself a chance too." She says, wandering out the way she had waltzed in. She pauses for a second, back-tracks and whips my sheet of algebra answers out from under my arms.

"Thanks!" She chirps, skipping out to no doubt copy my answers.

I link my fingers and rest my chin on my hands, the stolen algebra work already long forgotten as I try and figure out just what to do now. I ponder it for a while, becoming restless when I can't think straight. I pad downstairs in search of something more to eat and come across Kia munching on a left over slice of pizza.

I don't really feel like discussing my soulmate woes anymore so I grab a second slice, deciding on a slightly safer topic of discussion.

"So, how did your sleepover go?" I ask tentatively.

"It was fun, it was a really nice way to relax. Your music went down well too." Kia says, nodding.

"I didn't think it would be that noticeable." I admit and she shrugs.

"The girls said it was beautiful. Clara plays the violin, you know. She said her orchestra is in need of a decent pianist." She says nonchalantly, wandering upstairs with her pizza.

I hum thoughtfully, digesting the tit-bit of knowledge that my sister has purposefully left me with.

_

The next day, after school, I decide to cycle to Saskia's dance studio to meet her after practice. I would be lying if I said it was purely so that Saskia wouldn't have to cycle home alone.

Truth be told, I just want to see Clara again. Last night I tossed and turned, not able to come to a decision that I was happy with that also didn't make me want to throw up with anxiety. 

I lean against my bike, my arms crossed against my body tightly in a vein attempt to keep me tethered here.

Today I would be breaking my rule, I'd be seeing her for the second time in a year in a completely new environment. She wouldn't be the dancing angel that I had come to know, she would just be Clara, not that I think this version of her will be any less devastating. But it will be far more real. And even worse, she'll see me. For the first time she'll be seeing me for all that I am. I don't think she'll realise who I am, I don't think I'll stick around long enough, but she'll see me alright. She'll be able to form an impression of me, to give a name a face in her mind. 

No more lurking in the audience. God that makes me sound like a creep. What if she thinks I'm a creep?

I tug at my jeans with sweaty hands, praying that the image she forms of me isn't too harsh. I rake a hand through my unruly hair, dread coursing through me with every passing second. I probably look on the verge of passing out and I feel it too.

This was a terrible idea, maybe Saskia doesn't even have practice today? I mean, I know she has practice every Monday and Friday but maybe it was cancelled today. Maybe I should try this next week. Then I'll have a chance to tackle my god awful hair and stand a chance of it looking vaguely nice. I mean, this is my soulmate we're talking about, why didn't I take more time over my hair?

The door to the studios crashes open and my heart flutters so fast it would put a hummingbirds to shame. Shit. I'm out of time to turn around, it's happening now.

I spot Saskia's dark head of hair but she doesn't see me immediately. Someone nudges her and she turns to meet my gaze, and she smiles softly in response. My heart slows slightly as I lift a hand to wave gently, smiling back at her as I keep my eyes on her and her alone. There can be no slip ups, no accidental eye-contact. Not yet.

She weaves her way over to me, forgetting her friends for a moment and raises a quizzical eyebrow at me.

"Kit, what're you doing here?" She asks quietly. I swallow harshly, trying with all my might to not let my eyes stray to the crowd, to find the girl I'm drawn to in every way.

"Taking the first step." I say sheepishly, my hand raising to rub the back of my neck awkwardly.

Saskia's eyes widen in understanding and she laughs, bounding into me to engulf me in a hug. I wrap my arms around her in return, resting my head atop of hers as I do.

"I'm proud of you." She says quietly and I smile genuinely, rolling my eyes and laughing at her mothering instinct.

"Baby steps, sis. Baby steps." I murmur, gently taking her dance bag from her and shrugging it over my shoulders, quietly wondering what she has in it to make it quite so heavy.

Saskia turns and waves to her friends before merrily skipping towards her bike. I follow beside her, using all my self-restraint to not look back. Kia looks over to me, her expression a little worried.

"You don't look happy." She states and I shake my head.

"How am I supposed to know what she thinks of me? She's never seen me before, it's always been me in the shadows and now..." I trail off, my thoughts going round and round in my head like a goldfish in a bowl. Saskia interrupts me with a scoff.

She unlocks her bike and winks at me.

"That's what nosy twin sisters are for." She says easily. I frown, mounting my bike and following her, not entirely convinced on how much truth my sister will get from her best friend.

"I never thought to ask how you feel about all of this." I say, easily keeping up next to my sister as we ride home.

She shrugs carelessly, looking over to me with a grin.

"I think you'll make a pretty good match, she needs someone to take care of her." She says thoughtfully.

I can take care of her, I think to myself. How hard can it be? I've never been anyone's boyfriend, I've been so all-encompassed by my soulmate for so many years that the thought of being with someone else was highly undesirable. I don't have any experience taking care of someone, but I can try.

We get home and lock the bikes away, our parents slightly confused at the sight of us returning home together.

Saskia reaches out and we do our super-secret twin handshake, grinning at each other before going our separate ways.

Step one is done. I'm on her radar, at least slightly. She knows who I am, she's seen me, Saskia's brother; Kit. The thought is both terrifying and electric, all at the same time. 

_

A/N AH! IT'S A WEDNESDAY! I DID IT! This is a long one too, so enjoy.

I made spiced orange buns today, and now I'm going to do an abs and crying session at the gym. What fun. Tell me about your day, I'd be semi-interested to know!