TW: Discussion of weight and body image. Brief mention of ED (which I have not had, I just mention it enough to clarify that). If you are sensitive to these topics, you absolutely do not have to read this. It's more of a rant than what I've done in the past so you won't miss anything by skipping over my babbling.

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way intending to compare the struggles of thin people with plus sized people or say that one side has it worse. I am merely discussing my OWN experience and it is not meant to invalidate anyone else's feelings. The issues that too-thin and plus-sized people face are obviously very different.

So. This is something I actually wanted to make a TikTok about on my account for a while, but I couldn't fit everything I wanted to say in 60 seconds.

I am very thin. And I don't mean like the kind of thin where I have a snatched waist and shit, I am literally flat on all sides and look like you could snap my arms in half without much thought (my guy friends have actually wrapped their entire hands around my wrists and said, "I could just break your arm right now. It would be so easy" and I was like "Hahaha pls don't😃"). I wouldn't say I'm the "desirable" kind of thin for this reason. I'm the kind where, when I see images of people who look like me, the comments are FILLED with people saying "omg that's unhealthy" and "eat a cheeseburger."

Let's talk about that last quote.

People who comment on another's weight and give unsolicited advice in general usually have NO idea what the person is dealing with. They just assume based on someone's appearance that they are unhealthy and not eating right. I cannot tell you how many times someone has given me their two cents when I'm literally just sitting there, eating. Including members of my own family.

Here's an example: In 2019, I was at my cousin's high school graduation party. My dad and I found empty spots where these two older (probably early 60s) guys were sitting. They turned out to be my cousin's teachers that she invited. Anyway, I grabbed some pizza (two slices of the homemade kind, so they were thin) and sat down while my dad was getting some more food. The guys looked at my plate, then at me, decided that what I was eating wasn't enough, and said, "You know, there's more food inside." I was like, "Yeah, I know," and then they asked if I was going to eat more.

Keep in mind I had no idea who the heck these guys were. I was already planning on getting more food when I was done with the pizza but they decided to input themselves into a place where their advice was not wanted or needed. I have a fairly small stomach so I usually eat smaller yet more frequent meals throughout the day rather than the traditional three large ones.

Here's the thing: I eat enough to sustain myself. To others, it may not seem like a lot, but I know my own personal limits and it shouldn't be up to them to gauge how much I'm eating. My grandfather often tells me I eat like a bird,,, sir I typically eat 4-5 paczki the day before Ash Wednesday and that's nearly the recommended calorie amount for a single DAY (we get ~real~ paczki and they're hefty in calories. Polish things.) He underestimates my power. Also he's got a gut and he's 6'2 so OBVIOUSLY we're not going to eat the same amount of food????

I mainly started struggling with body issues when I was 15 and I joined theater. Our choreographer would post videos for us to watch later and help us memorize the dances, and I was like "Oh my GOD, is that what I look like???" Basically I would just turn to the side and disappear like that one bully from SpongeBob.

Me in those dance videos^

It also doesn't help that it's EXTREMELY hard for me to gain weight. In the nearly 5 years since I started working toward weight gain, I have managed to gain.... wait for it.... 5 pounds. Well, 5 and a half. That's about 2.5kg. I have a fast metabolism and maintaining a constant weight is super difficult. Sometimes I weigh more than that, other times I'm less, but I'm proud of myself for even making my average weight where it is. I was stuck at the same one for YEARS.

Me @ my body when I've been trying to reach my weight goal for 5 years and I'm only halfway there:

Another annoying thing is when people are like "Omg I WISH I had your problems" when I'm like "I want to gain weight." Like I know they don't mean harm but,,, I don't think they'd wish to have my issues either. It just comes across as a little insensitive and demeaning to make my problems seem desirable, or that I should feel grateful that I have them.

"Why don't you just eat more???" some people will ask. To quote Niall Horan, "I'll tell you what, Sherlock Holmes, you are unbelievable." I never would have thought of that!!! WOW!!!!!!!!! I can just.... eat more.....? Omg my problems are solved🤩

Unfortunately it doesn't always work that way ma'am.

Plus what makes it worse is that I didn't always look like this. Yeah I've been thin but in middle school and 9th grade, I had more muscle and "meat on my bones." Then before 10th grade, I wasn't eating properly due to stress because my mom was going through chemo that summer and I was waking up super late every day (like 1pm, have coffee, which decreased my appetite, then I would eat dinner in the evening). NOT healthy, I know, and I've been struggling to recover from that ever since due to my body's refusal to put on weight. I'd like to point out it was not an ED, I wasn't doing it on purpose and it was largely due to stress, like I said.

But you know what has really helped me??? Looking at Zendaya.

Both of us pretty much have the same body type (v thin, small chest, small butt, narrow hips, though she's MUCH taller than me) and like. She's ZENDAYA. Being able to look at her and see small wrists and biceps has helped me a lot. We both have a similar "string bean", as I like to call it, physique. I do think she has a slightly more potent curve to her waist than me; I'm not kidding when I say my abdomen is just a straight line to my (non-existent) hips. I literally look like 🧍‍♀️

And what's helped even more is her being cast as MJ in the MCU.

Never having a significant other, my first kiss, or even experiencing a mutual crush hasn't really helped my view of myself, so seeing Peter Parker being into someone with my frame (and who's just an average, weird girl, also like me) is great. Sometimes I get sad about being so flat-chested but then I can see her n be like "But Zendaya looks great. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself."

It's so important for Hollywood to cast people with different body types. SO many people I know struggle with body image, and seeing someone who looks like you (frame-wise) can help. Again, I am in NO way trying to say that thin people have it worse or something. I'm just discussing myself and how most of Hollywood seems to be filled with the kind of people who are the "desirable" kind of skinny. AKA those who are thin but also typically have curves, a visible butt, and can actually have cleavage without having to manhandle their tiddies together (me for 1 second in the mirror with a low-cut top and then giving up because it hurts). That typical casting can be damaging to both ends of the spectrum.

So like lol ye. Hopefully my points came across as I intended because I'm not trying to draw pity or something. I'm just discussing an issue I've dealt with to raise awareness and talk about the fact that NO, I'm not going to eat a cheeseburger. Mostly because I can't.

Someone: Go eat a cheeseburger omg

Me: Actually MEGAN, I can't EAT cheeseburgers. I have ~*a red meat intolerance*~