(Your POV)

You forced a smile on your face as you made your way into the school. Your long sleeves effectively covered your cuts that decorated your arms in a charmingly ugly fashion, and your bag hid your knife stained with your own toxic blood.

"Hey Kaede," You greeted cheerfully.

"Oh, hey (Y/N)!" Kaede smiled at the sight of you, "Whew! I'm glad you're here... I'm super nervous for my  concert!"

Kaede usually didn't confide in others so you figured she must be a nervous wreck, "You'll do fine! Remember, they named you the Ultimate Pianist because you're amazing and talented~!"

"Thanks," Kaede giggled though you could tell she wasn't exactly satisfied but her selflessness prevented her from going any further.

You and Kaede were pretty similar. You both hid what you were truly feeling.

"Shuichi!" You called, waving to the shy boy. He smiled once he saw you and Kaede.

"Hey, what's up?" Shuichi greeted once the two of you got closer to him.

"Kaede's nervous about her concert," You teased.

"I'll be okay!" Kaede grinned.

Shuichi chuckled a little bit, "Well... I'll be in the audience. I'm really looking forward to hearing you play...!"

"Awe, I'm not that good!" Kaede gushed.

You already felt like a third wheel. You stopped walking with the two and they didn't even notice, they kept walking and talking. Shuichi, your crush... obviously liked Kaede. Not you. That felt like a stab deeper than any cut you could make, and it was right in the heart. You were shattering like a fragile porcelain doll that was carelessly dropped.

"Shuichi..." You mumbled to yourself, knowing exactly where to go when you felt like this.

You made your way carefully to the rooftop and hid behind a metal wall. It was a nice little nook where almost nobody went, and you always came here when you felt depressed. Setting your bag down, you rummaged through until you found the all-too-familiar knife.

You rolled up your sleeve and looked down at your older cuts. Some were merely scars while others were freshly sliced ribbons, still bright red and healing. You didn't hesitate when you lifted the knife, nor did you flinch as you raked your knife along your skin without any mercy. You'd done this so many times it was just a routine now.

~~~

"O-oh my gosh, I didn't even notice we left (Y/N) behind!!" I exclaimed.

"So what? We can always talk to her later," Kaede shrugged, "Since it's just us now we might as well make the best of it! C'mon, we only have ten minutes till class starts!"

"No... I... I promised (Y/N) that I'd talk to her before class today..." I shook my head.

"I'm really sorry to say this, but... i-it doesn't look like she's holding up her side of this meeting," Kaede continued to try to persuade me to stay. Why did she care who I spent my time with, anyways?

"I don't care. I'm going to look for her, okay? I'll see you at the concert," I curtly nodded and left- I was on a mission to find (Y/N).

~~~

You let out a sigh. It was a rush of emotions leaving your body. So many emotions you couldn't even name them all. It wasn't like you could name your current state right now anyways. It was somewhere in a slight euphoria while all your depression danced around you as it waited for a chance to attack you once more, but the pain from the cuts blocked that out because that was all you could focus on.

With a mind that was beginning to get foggy, you put away your knife and rolled down your sleeve as you fully immersed yourself in this toxic feeling. It was so pleasant to finally feel something nice in this dark void of suicidal thoughts, but you knew this feeling was fleeting. In fact, it was already starting to wear off. The idea of it fading away again like a distant memory just made you feel even worse; why were you always allowed to feel awful but never allowed to deal with it or have a resolution?!

"(Y/N)?" Shuichi called meekly.

You jumped from his sudden appearance and looked up, thanking yourself for having previously covered your arm and putting away your knife, "What are you doing here...?"

"Do you remember yesterday when you said you wanted to talk to me?" Shuichi prompted.

"Yeah," You bit your lip. You were nervous to confide in Shuichi but maybe he'd be able to help... just maybe.

"What did you want to talk about?" Shuichi asked, clearly not failing to notice your newly frenzied state.

"U-um... well..." You gulped before letting out a sigh in an attempt to calm yourself, "I... I'm d-dealing with, um... depression..."

"Oh..." Shuichi's face immediately softened into one of understanding.

"There's... more..." You hesitantly pointed to your arm, and the detective knew exactly what you meant.

"H-how bad are they...?" Shuichi nervously asked, clearly hoping for a 'not very.' You just shrugged and rolled up your sleeve.

"See for yourself."

"(Y/N)... wh-why...?" tears began to form in Shuichi's eyes, and he slowly kneeled down to inspect your cuts closer.

"I'm sorry..." You whispered, looking away in guilt. There was silence for a few seconds before Shuichi reached into his bag and pulled out a mini first aid kit. Carefully and skillfully he treated and bandaged your cuts.

"Don't do that again, okay...?" Shuichi finally spoke.

"I won't..." You promised, "W-wait... but why do you have a little first aid kit in your backpack...?"

"Kokichi gets hurt a lot and makes me be his 'doctor,'" Shuichi explained, putting away his first aid kit, "But... don't try changing the subject... I have to know you'll get help for this..."

"You mean like a therapist?" You asked.

"I-it doesn't have to be... just make it somebody that helps you," Shuichi ordered.

You thought for a few seconds before looking up to meet Shuichi's eyes, "Can you be the one that helps me...?"

~~~

You looked numbly at the noose you'd tied. Shuichi was in the bathroom so you only had a few minutes to execute your plan. After you'd begun to feel a little bit better, you reminded yourself how awful life had been and it felt like no progress had been made- you'd just revert back to your depressed self. The painful cycle was ending today, right now.

Tying the end to the hook carefully, you tugged only to find it secure. You didn't really want to die, but you knew this was the only way out. This was the only way you knew how to escape.

With trembling limbs you stepped up on the stool, but as soon as you did you were pulled back and restrained by a pair of arms wrapped tightly around you.

"(Y-Y/N), why?!" Shuichi gasped in a broken cry, holding you tighter like he feared you disappearing. He was a lost child not wanting to lose his friend.

"I'm s-sorry... I'm so sorry!!" You whimpered, feeling your eyes well up with water. Tears soon began to spill freely.

"Y-you promised me you wouldn't do that a-again, you p-promised...!!" Shuichi clung even tighter, and you could feel his tears falling onto your back as he refused to let go of you.

You curled up in a ball around his arms and began to sob loudly, feeling guilty for trying to end your life. Shuichi continued to cry an endless river of tears as he held onto you, refusing to let you budge for any reason. There was no way he was going to even risk you doing something drastic.

Shuichi slowly calmed down and regained his reason, releasing you from his clutches.

"I-I'm sorry..." Shuichi apologized.

"For what?" You got your own personal space and then turned around to look at the shy detective in confusion.

"N-...nevermind," Shuichi shook his head, "It just matters that you're alive."

Things fell silent once more, but this one was more awkward. It was driving you insane and you had to do something, so you let instinct take over and you found yourself hugging Shuichi tightly.

"Ah- (Y/N)?!" Shuichi exclaimed in shock at the sudden move.

You buried your face in his shoulder, "Let me hug you... it's comforting..."

Shuichi didn't do anything for a while but eventually returned the hug and patted your back reassuringly. You could already feel yourself getting much better and the dark thoughts being chased away, making you smile. The next thing that came out of your mouth was a complete accident.

"I love you, Shuichi..."

"W-wh-what?!" Shuichi blushed darkly at your random confession, freezing up.

"I-I mean- I didn't say anything!" You panicked, getting up and scooting away from Shuichi a good foot or so.

There was silence as Shuichi just continued to blush and be shocked, and you sighed, "I-I'm sorry... you can leave if you w- eh?!"

Shuichi was next to surprise you as he suddenly pulled you in for a hug like a small abandoned child.

"I-I... I love you too, (Y/N)..."

~~~
Word count: 1551

So I lowkey disrespected a school admin to his face and he still had the nerve to call me a 'good kid.'