Warning: Mention of suicide. No attempts or actions, just a mention.
~~~

"Shuichi... what's this?" You asked, holding up a notebook with a fading cover. It was clearly several years old and you were curious about the contents, though you wouldn't open it without Shuichi's permission.

"Oh... that's the notebook I wrote in for therapy," Shuichi explained a bit sheepishly, "Near the end it turns more into a diary... it's kind of embarrassing."

"Can I read it?" You politely requested, still gently holding the black notebook. Shuichi put a hand to his chin in thought before he finally came to a decision.

"Okay, you can read it. Just don't tell anyone else about it, alright?"

September 5

I'm supposed to keep a journal to write things down when I'm feeling sad or depressed. I'm not sure why, but that's what my therapist said. So... here goes nothing, I guess.

Right now I'm feeling depressed, but I don't know why. Maybe it's just because I'm dreading school. Whatever the reason is, I'll figure it out later. I have to go to school now.

September 6

Today was pretty much just a repeat of yesterday. I'm still in the same low mood and I had the same classes... it's kind of like a small time loop. My therapist said depression can make you feel stuck in time, so I guess I'll watch out for that.

September 7

Today was Saturday so I had the day off from school. I didn't have the energy to get out of bed for several hours, though. I was just so drained and tired for no reason even though I was able to sleep longer than I usually do. I got 11 hours of sleep and I was still tired! Maybe I'm just stressing myself out too much with homework...

September 8

I have to go back to school tomorrow since today's Sunday. I'm dreading it, but I guess everyone hates Monday.

Today was a rough day. Kaito and I got into a fight and Maki had to break it up... I don't even remember what we were fighting about. Kaito's still kind of mad at me, and I feel like I should apologize to him. Maki said I shouldn't, though.

September 10

Today's Tuesday. Yesterday went by fine, but Kaito was gone yesterday and today. He says he has some kind of astronaut training session to attend for the next few days, but he wouldn't tell us exactly when he'd be coming back. I think he's lying about what he's really doing, but I'm not going to pry into his private life. I'm just worried it was about the fight we had. What if Kaito's transferring to another school to avoid me?

September 12

Today is Thursday. I was supposed to have therapy yesterday, but they chose to be closed on 9/11 so I had my appointment today instead.

My therapist told me that I need to be more specific and write more in my journal if I want to help myself, so I'll try to write more. I just... don't know what to say. Every single day I have the same foggy, numb feeling. Sometimes I'm so numb I feel detached from the world like I'm not really a part of it. Nothing really changes from day to day, so... what am I supposed to write about?

September 13

They say that Friday is the best day of the week, but it feels like every other day to me. Life is just one routine, over and over... there's nothing exciting to it. It's all one big loop.

Kaito said he'd be back to school on Monday. Well... I have some news for him. I managed to make a friend today, her name is (Y/N). I hope Kaito gets along with her. Maki doesn't seem too open to (Y/N), but I don't mind. She's not welcome to new people and I already know that. I'm not sure how long it'll be until (Y/N) finds out I'm depressed and leaves like all my other friends, though...

I don't even have the heart to tell Kaito and Maki.

September 16

Kaito came back to school today, just like he said he would. He seemed to get along with (Y/N), though he did make a few weird comments about me and her. I don't remember what they were anymore, though, so I guess it doesn't matter much.

Seeing Kaito come back to school made me happy as well as the fact he got along with (Y/N), but other than that I still feel this numbness. I feel so... empty and useless. Like everything I do doesn't matter to anyone. This world would move on quickly if I was dead...

September 17

I have therapy tomorrow... I hope it goes well. I'm worried that my therapist will think that I didn't write enough again. She doesn't actually read what I wrote, but I did tell her about how much I write per entry. It's pretty obvious I'd manage to screw up something as simple as writing since I'm a horrible failure. I can't even do a simple task correctly.

September 18

My therapist asked me lots of questions like, "Do you think about death a lot?"

I think she thinks I'm suicidal... but I'm not. I want to write, 'I'm just worthless' after that, but I guess this is a good time for me to work on the new coping skill my therapist taught me called thought challenging. It sounded stupid and it seemed like common sense that I wouldn't lie to myself... but looking at the things I've been writing and thinking recently I can see it.

I'll have to get better at catching myself when I say something about myself that isn't true so I can practice my new coping skill more. Hopefully I'll be able to get rid of this depression...

September 21

Today is Saturday. (Y/N) got my Discord username through Rantaro and sent me some memes in DMs, so that made me kind of happy today. It was small, but it made me feel appreciated. That probably sounds kind of dumb...

On another bright note, I'm feeling a little bit happier today. I hope things keep going this way and that this is a sign I'm starting to recover.

September 25

I had another therapy session today. My therapist said I'm starting to make faster progress than most patients towards recovering from depression, so that's a good sign. It made me feel like there was some hope for me, and I never realized how much I missed that feeling. It felt good to finally feel true hope.

(Y/N) and I have also started talking more often. We're becoming good friends pretty quickly, and now that I feel like I have more energy I'm able to actually spend time with her. I hope she doesn't feel upset about all the times I passed out while texting her because my depression had just left me exhausted...

October 2

I had another therapy session today, and my therapist says that if I keep improving this quickly I might be able to be discharged in a couple of weeks. I'm not sure if I'm ready quite yet, but I guess that's for me to judge when it's closer in time. For now, I should focus more on recovering.

I found a new hobby in writing, mostly because of this journal. I only have a short story written that's not very interesting, but that's okay. It means there's room for me to get better and improve my writing skills. I'm not going to act like I know a lot since I just started writing as a hobby a few days ago, though. I won't tell Kaito and Maki about my new hobby until I write something I'm proud of, either.

October 9

Next week will be my last appointment, and then I'll be all on my own. I'm feeling more ready than I was last week though, so I'm sure I'll be fine... and if anything happens, I can deal with it accordingly.

I wrote a couple of poems over the week, though none of them are really interesting. I guess it's a start, though. I wonder how Kaito and Maki will react when I show them some of my writing when I'm ready... which I don't think will be for a while.

(Y/N)'s been acting... kind of strange lately. I hope she's okay.

October 13

(Y/N) asked me out on a coffee date this upcoming Friday...!

October 16

I "graduated" from therapy today. I hope my coffee date on Friday goes well, and I hope everything else goes well in my future too. I know it won't all be good, but I'm hoping the majority of it will be. And... I hope I don't fall into depression ever again.

I'd like to keep filling in the pages of this notebook, but I think it's better if I stopped writing here. This isn't the end of my story, but it's the end of this one.

You chuckled a little, closing the notebook slowly.

That coffee date on Friday had gone so well you married Shuichi two years later.

~~~
Word count: 1540

Happy 250K readssssssssss... this was mostly an excuse for me to write something but shhh it's fine.

I have my dentist appointment tomorrow... we'll see what's going on with my wisdom teeth then and if they're gonna remove them...