Days
_______
Thomas
_______

Newt got sent to hospital a few weeks after my birthday.

It was warm day, not as warm as the previous few however.
The sun beat down over the Glade, and small signs of the beginning of fall started to appear, like new plants on a dry desert.
They were hopeful.

Newt's fate, not so much.
______

"It's too bloody hot."

"The weather is perfectly fine." I protest, rolling my eyes a little.

Tugging on Newt's wrist, I wince as I can feel the scar on his pale skin, yet I don't say anything.
We walk, well, it's more me, pulling him along, to a far corner of the Glade's garden.

"Sometimes you must forget, I used to live in England. It's far too hot to do anything, right now." Newt grumbles, stumbling behind me as we make our way to under a huge tree.

"I haven't forgotten. I just think, you know, we should do more fun stuff, since I'm allowed out of my room more." I shrug, my cheeks flooding pink.

I actually just want to spend more time with Newt.
Because I love him more than anything.

I keep on wanting to see him, to remind myself, he's not going to leave again.
He said, he's better.
He's not going to leave me.

"So what are we doing, here?" Newt sighs, turning around and looking at the vast amount of garden behind us, squinting at the sun.

I don't reply, instead I sit down on the crisp grass, crossing my legs.
Patting the ground beside me, I motion for Newt to sit.

"Isn't it pretty, here?" I ask, my mind wandering astray when I look around.
Under this tree, is a great spot. To just, sit and think. It's on a short but sharp incline, creating a view of the whole Glade and garden.

"Yeah." Newt nods, his voice suddenly more sad, and lonely.

"Did you ever go up here before now?" I ask, tilting my head to look at him.

"No." He mumbles, looking at the ground, tearing away pieces of grass. "I didn't exactly go outside much, if at all, until you showed up."

We sit in silence for a moment, while I soak up the beautiful view before my eyes.
I just want to live in this moment. I don't want to go forwards, or backwards.
Just here, would be perfect.
Where it's just Newt and I.

Where he isn't going to leave me.

"Tom! What you doing?"

A voice yells from above, one that I recognise instantly but still it's never hurt me any less to hear it.

I tilt my head up to look at the clear blue sky.
Except the sky wasn't clear, with a giant tree above me.
And a pale, dark-haired girl sat up in the branches, a smirk spread across her face.

"Aren't you so proud?" I sneer, squinting, her body backlight by the sun.
I notice Newt jump a little beside me, yet once he's figured out what's going on, he appears relatively relaxed.

Teresa's been tormenting me, ever since Newt tried to, you know.
She made my life a living hell.
Now Newt's back, thankfully she's kept her mouth shut, only occasionally showing up, and not half as aggressive as before.

"No, Tom. I'm proud of you. For making your boyfriend not leave you, again." She shrugs, yet that smirk still spread across her face.

"Go away." I snap, sulking as I focus my eyes away from her.
"Anyway, didn't I leave you? I didn't come with you to that rooftop. I left you." I turn the tables, speaking calmly, although inside bubbles a hot rage.

Teresa mumbles an inaudible reply, her cheeks flushing red.

For a moment, I look back at Newt, his pale face almost shimmers in the sunlight as his eyes are fixed back on the Glade.
He looks beautiful.

"You're beautiful."
I state, filling up the silence.

At first I expect to hear a groan of disgust from Teresa, and when I don't, I look up at the tree to see she's gone.

"Thank you, Tommy." Newt nods, ducking his head down.
"I'm really not." He smiles sadly, tucking a strand of sandy brown hair behind his ear.

"You really are. You should believe it, for once in your life. That you're shucking beautiful." I reply, intertwining our fingers against the lush grass.

"You don't understand. I'm really not. Don't make me beautiful, because I'm not. I get sad and I can't talk to anyone but you and my head-" he pauses, stumbling over his words "That's not beautiful, that's not pretty".

I'm speechless.
Newt spoke as if that had been weighing on his chest for years.
Like he'd planned it, in his head.

Silence falls over us for a minute- the minute, despite only being a minute, feels dragged out, much longer than a minute.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't just say things like that to you."
Newt speaks up, his voice raw.

"I'm not sad. I was. I'm not now. Not since I've been back with you." He smiles warmly, a genuine smile, which still makes my stomach do flips.
Newt moves closer to me, and rests his head on my lap, looking up at the sky.

"I love you Newt."
I beam down at him, kissing his forehead.
"I guess, we just wait, until you finish your programme, and well, whenever they can let me out again. And then we could move somewhere, get away." I speak my thoughts aloud.

"We could go to England." Newt grins, his eyes sparkling.

"Yeah, that sounds great. And we could live together, and it would all be okay." I dream, my voice hazy.

"It wouldn't be okay. It would be perfect, Tommy."

Our perfect moment doesn't last long however.

I can see it, the happiness in Newt's eyes contorts to pure fear in a matter of second.
He throws himself forwards, abruptly pushing himself away from me.

"Newt!" I yell, crouching beside him, as he sits with his legs outstretched, looking as pale as when I found him that morning.

His face floods with terror, it's as if he goes to take a breath, but he can't.
Raspy noises just seep from his mouth as it hangs open.

He can't breathe.
Oh no, what's happening?
He can't leave me again.
Please, no.

"It's going to be okay. I promise." I let him grip my hand, with his shaking one.
"I promise," I repeat, my voice barely audible as tears begin to blur my vision.

A part of me doesn't mind not being able to clearly see the tragic scene in front of me.
My boyfriend, not breathing.
Gasping for breathe next to me, I have a moment of realisation.

Maybe he never got better.

___________

The purple and red bruises circle around my knuckles like a decorative pattern.
Yet there was nothing pretty about this.

My hand stings as I try to clench my fingers, making the colours on my knuckles seem more vibrant on my snow white skin.
Anger even bubbles inside when I see that a lot more damage has been caused to my hand than to the wall I punched a second ago.

It's been 1 hour since Newt was taken back to hospital, and I'm already losing it.
Of course, they sent me back to this shucking isolation cell. Probably for their own protection against me.
I don't blame them.

They lied.
They all shucking lied to me.

Swinging my arm back, I'm about to throw another punch at the white wall before I feel a tug on my arm.
I glance, back, furrowing my brows in confusion.

"Hey. I guess this probably kinda sucks for you. A lot." Teresa gulps, smoothing down her black mini dress.
"But maybe you should read that letter? It seems like a pretty good time too."

And with that, she holds out a frail arm, her bony hand gripping onto the envelope.
"Erm. Thanks." I mumble, trying to hide the tear stains on my cheeks.

Taking the letter, I sit down, my back against the wall, feeling totally unprepared for whatever this small piece of paper says.

Teresa, in an attempt to comfort me, sits beside me, holding my arm.
It's sweet, but I don't want her.
I want Newt.

"Just open it." She speaks softly, encouraging yet her voice laced with despair.

Taking a deep breathe, I tear open the envelope, wincing before I can dare open my eyes to read it.

Yet as soon as I've opened my eyes, I wish I never did.

I wish I never got this letter at all.

My eyes widen as I re-read it what feels like a thousand times, trying to understand it's contents.
But each time it feels like the meaning just slips through my fingers, unable to place the meaning of this letter.

I mean, he can't be serious?
Right?

'Kill me, if you've ever loved me, be the one to pull the plug, kill me.'

-a/n-

Ayyyyyyy
Idek m8 im sorry I haven't slept properly in a while and I'm high on double shot espressos so this is absolute shite. But I rlly wanted to publish it so I could work on the next one this weekend.

This was supposed to be fluff. But I'm too sad to write fluff SO SORRY THIS IS WHAT YOU GET.

VOTE / COMMENT PLS BC I HAVE NO FRENS AND ITD BE COOL IF YOU DID THAT AND BE MY FREN....

honestly don't ask rn my mind is SHUCKED UP
Ayyyyyy
I'll leave now. 0_o