Adrian's POV

I sit in my art studio painting. My mother wanted to make a greenhouse, but after everything was built it turns out she was giving me this studio for my 16th birthday. 

My dad designed it for me. Its now my place I go to hide from the world. I have paintings as old i am in here. I love this place because its the only place where I can be me. 

My dreams run rampant here and they stay here. Dreams like becoming a full time artist. Dreams of being accepted by society. Dreams of me and the one my heart longs for playing in paint and laughing the day away. 

None of the things will happen. 

They are dreams and nothing more. So to pass the time i paint my sorrows away. Tears fall from my face slowly and silently with every brush stroke I take. The sun shine through the glass and hits my arm every so delicately. 

There is knock at my door. I wipe my tears quickly and see my mother walking with a tray of food. My mother is literally my foundation. She reads me like book and it pisses me off sometimes. She reads my face and walks over to me and kisses my head. 

"What you working on?" I look at my painting. 

"I'm still working on it." She puts the tray of food down and hugs me super tight. 

"I feel like you need this." My mother says. My body starts shaking. I cry in my mother's shoulder. I haven't been myself this past year because last year. 

I realized I was gay. 

I told my dad and my mom and lets just say it ripped our family in half. As punishment i am holding that side of myself. My Mother and dad fight about me constantly. My mother is on my side and is completely supportive. 

But my dad....

He just doesn't get it. I remember the look in his eye when i told him. His warm eyes that looked upon me when i was young turned cold and black. He told me i was confused and that i just need to get a girlfriend  and forget about it. 

But what i heard was he didn't accept me. 

We didn't tell Emma anything, but she asks me constantly whats wrong. I just don't have the heart to tell her.

 I'm so ashamed to tell her because i'm in love with her long time crush, R.J. 

I remember when she told me. My heart nearly dropped. She told me that she was sure that they are meant to be together. 

I love my sister and i wouldn't do anything to hurt her. So with that being said my dreams of me and R.J. are buried deep with my never ending pile of hopeless dreams. 

I couldn't tell me how i feel about him saying it out loud makes it so real.

So i have unconsciously pushing R.J. away from me. Every time i say something to hurt him i want to vomit. Take back what i said and apologize. But that won't do. 

There is no way he will like me. 

I hate myself so much I want to disappear. 

Will he notice me then? 

The next morning i get to school early because I was putting my art pieces in the art show at the end of this month. Its literally the day after the fall dance. No one really goes to them. My art teacher looks at my pieces. 

She studies them and doesn't say a word. My hands start to get clammy. Fuck woman speak all ready!

"These pieces are good." Just good?

"Just good?" She puts a forced smile. "Your technical skills are on point but.. I feel nothing in these pieces. Its like your not putting you heart in it." 

I haven't put heart in my pieces since I came out to my parents. I stand up and grab my pieces.

"i see." i say flatly. She studies my face. I could cry right now. 

"Are you okay Adrian?" I have to hold in my tears. I nod and smile. 

"I am... I'm just going though a lot." She looks at me with a sad face. 

"You are welcome to come here anytime, okay sweet heart?" I nod. 

"Thank you." I put my paintings in my locker. Immediately i fall into my locker. Laughs grew behind me. I turn to find Kai standing behind me. I am not in the mood for this. 

"Don't you meat heads got nothing better to do?" Kai and his goons laugh at me. He grabs my collar and slams me against a locker. 

"Fuck you Adrian." Something happened with me and Kai at a party my freshman year. Since then he has been making my life a living hell. He punches my stomach. I fall to the ground trying to breath. They leave to bully the next poor loser. I lay my back on the floor and clutch my side . It doesn't even bother me that he bullies me.. 

It pisses me off that R.J. calls him a friend. How can I love someone who has friends like this? I go to class and see my sister. She smiles at me and walks over. 

"Hey i have been looking for you. Where have you been?" She looks at me with a concerned look. 

"You don't look well. Are you okay?" I nod and sit in my seat. 

" I am going to the soccer game to see R.J. play you should come with me." Thats the last place I want to be. Why would I watch assholes kick around a ball? 

"I'm just going to go home. I have to paint something for the art show." 

"Going out and being social will not kill you." She says annoyed. "You are going with me and thats final." 

After school we go over to the fields and see the teams warm up. I spot R.J. running with Kai and i makes me sick to my stomach. 

How is he smiling with him?! 

The game starts and R.J. is nothing but focused. He takes control of the defense. There was a lot of close calls and R.J. stops all of them. 

"Isn't R.J. just amazing!?!" Yells a random girl on the side. I immediately get annoyed. Since when did R.J. have a following!? 

It's half time with the score 2-3 favoring the away team. I start to get anxious for him. I hope he wins.

Our school scores a goal everyone is in an uproar. I am literally on the edge of my seat. Now R.J. has to keep the ball out of his area. He starts yelling at his guy to not let the ball get past them. I can tell he stressed. 

He starts yelling at people he is in high pressure or stressful situations. The game comes to a tie and they go into a 10 minute over time. 

I don't think my heart can take much more. 

R.J. Punts the ball  pass the half line to hopefully score before the game end. 

"WE SCCORED!" yelled Emma. "OMG!" She hugs me super tight as the crowd screams in excitement. R.J. runs to the middle with them team yelling in victory. Kai runs and jumps on his back howling. 

I calm my self down. Everyone packs up and Emma grabs me. 

"Lets go talk to R.J." I shake my head in terror.. There is no way i am doing that not with Kai there. 

She pulls me across the field. 

"R.J!" she yells. 

Shit. Shit. SHIT!