Heyyyyyy guyssss I am backkkk! Omg the more I am thinking about this book, the more excited I get to write more and more of it! Eekkkk!

Anyway, here is chapter three! 

Noah

I think that life can be beautiful. I think that it's worthwhile. That you can continue. That all people will find their purpose.

People aren't all bad. Even if they may seem to be. There is kindness somewhere in their hearts. You may just have to dig deep to find it.

I believe that you should smile just because you can. You don't even have to mean it. Smile for no reason at all. And one day you will smile naturally, even at the smallest things.

I have gone through pain. I have gone through loss. I have gone through months of not speaking to anyone. I have gone through depression. I have hated myself before.

You would think, through all that I would just not want to even exist. But I am happy that I get to live life. Because through all that, I can still find the good things.

I have decided to live life out to the fullest. To not let the past control me.

It's easier to give up. Easier to set into a given pattern of living. Easier to stop living all together. But I'm not in for the easy. I like the thrill of a challenge.

I sigh as I think about my friends back in New Jersey. I miss my family and friends there. I didn't really want to move to San Diego, but I'll just suck it up anyway.

Hey, new environment, new people to meet, new places to see. Even if it's hard to see the positive, it's there.

And anyway, this is where my mom had dreamed of living. Always talking about how perfect the weather would be. The thought makes me smile.

I can now think about my mother without drowning myself in agony.

She was the best mom. She loved my dad, brother, two sisters and I more than anything. She was a kindhearted person. Always there whenever someone needed a helping hand.

Never have I met someone so wise about emotions and life like my mom.

And then, I couldn't believe that she died. I couldn't believe that I would never see her bright smile ever again. That I wouldn't ever be strangled in one of her tight bear hugs ever again.

And so, I went silent. My heart and words... just died off. It irritated my family, my friends. But I didn't know what else to do. It was the only way I could protect myself from the reality that my mom was gone. I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to believe it. And for some reason, I felt ashamed. I hated myself and I don't even know why.

I hardly ate for months. People were constantly trying to get me to eat. They failed more times than they succeeded.

And it wasn't until eight months later that my father finally sat me down and forced me into the reality that mom was gone. The pain in me was unbelievable. Tears finally flowed. And at the time I thought that it would never end. At the time, I despised my father for "causing me pain". But that was just the pain that I was holding deep inside me that needed to come out.

Once I finally admitted to myself what I already knew, I finally began to heal. The weight on my chest lifted, little by little, and after another six months, I was able to think and talk about mom without being in pain. I could smile while thinking and talking about her.

Sometimes I wish I could forget the pain. Sometimes I even wish I can forget about mom. But that's no way to live my life. I need to remember these things, even if it hurts. Because I believe I can become someone who isn't defeated by those memories.

And mom wouldn't want me to forget. Yes, she would want me to be happy. But she would also want me to grow stronger.

Now, I think more of what my mom would want for me, and what she would want me to do in certain situations. She would want me to smile. She would want me to encourage and help others.

I suddenly think back to the girl I met... well sorta met - in school today. How she wouldn't talk. How she wouldn't smile. How she wore baggy clothes. The shadows beneath her eyes. And the emptiness in her eyes.

It reminds me of my old self. I remember how hollow I was. How empty I was.

Mom would want me to help this person.

So I will.

And also... this doesn't just feel like an obligation to my mom.

I truly want to help. I want to bring her out of her shadows. I want to show her the sunlight.

And so...

I will.

*

Currently my family and I are staying at a hotel because of renovations. We are renovating an old broken down brown house, about a ten minute's walk from Sheridan Heights.

I have never really been a fan of hotels. Too much luxury for my taste. And yet, despite luxury, I don't like having to share a room with my dad. At least it's just him now and not him and my brother, Jonah. Thankfully, Jonah moved out two years ago to go live in Florida with his girlfriend Penny.

Penny is the type of girl that you warn anyone about. But of course, Jonah was "blinded by love" like any typical person who is head over heels for someone.

But last I heard, things were going well between them. I guess someone managed to tame that girl.

I head outside to the hotel's outdoor pool. At least there's one good thing about most hotels.

I pull my shirt over my head and put it on one of the lawn chairs, leaving me in just my swimming trunks. I quickly notice how a pair of girls who are sunbathing, gawk at the sight of my chest and muscular arms.

I almost roll my eyes at the way their mouths are hanging open. Could they be more obvious?

Set on being polite, I shine a bright smile at them. They almost look dizzy with delight.

I turn away and sigh.

Women.

I walk into the pool water and stride over to one side of the pool, perching my arms up on the edge.

I close my eyes and lift my chin, feeling the warm sun on my face. It's an average day, only around 75 degrees, so the water is a little chilly. But the sun feels nice.

"Noah," an all too familiar female voice shouts out. I groan inside. Now what?

I open my eyes to see my older sister Emma walking my way, her arms crossed.

"What sis? As you see, I am trying to relax."

"Did you get your homework done?" she asks with a serious look on her face.

This time I do roll my eyes. "And since when did you become the mom?"

"Since now. Schools here in San Diego are more difficult than in New Jersey. Or... so I've been told."

I snort. "Big talk for someone who whined when dad refused to let her drop out."

"Hey, you're not me. You actually have a brain in that noggin. Well, sometimes you do," she says while making sure there's no dirt under her nails.

"Gee thanks for the compliment sis."

"Of course, baby brother."

I cringe. Baby brother. I am not five anymore.

She looks straight at me. "Seriously though, do you have your homework done?"

I close my eyes again. "I will consider doing it."

"What, do I actually have to bribe you into doing your homework now?"

A grin spreads across my face. "Depends. What will you give me?"

"Hmm... breakfast in bed tomorrow."

Seriously? "Emma, I don't know if you noticed, but we get that every day in this hotel."

"So what? Their cooking can't compare to mine," she points out.

"Well duh because we can always rely on you to burn the house down."

"Hey, my record is clean!"

For now.

I remember one time a few months ago when Emma tried to cook dinner for us. Somehow the pan caught on fire and she was dumb enough to try to pick it up by the damn part of the pan that was on fire. She got lucky, only having a few minor burns.

What she was trying to cook, well, we never found out. It was just a bunch of black charcoal in the end, of course.

I don't think she even knew what she was cooking. We never let her try to cook after that.

"Anyway, make sure you get your homework done," she says as she walks away.

"Okay, mom," I call back.

I stay in the pool for about half an hour longer before I get out. I go back into the hotel, grab a quick shower and start on homework. Luckily, since it was my first day, I only have two homework assignments.

I'm just finishing up to first assignment when my dad gets back to the hotel.

"Hey dad. How are renovations going?"

"Oh pretty good. The inside still looks much better than the outside does. They will hopefully be starting the exterior walls later this week," dad says while sighing. "It's a lot of hard work. You should come by to help a couple days this week."

"I plan to. It's better than staying in this hotel." So much better. I prefer getting my hands dirty and being outside.

"Thanks son. Your mom would be proud of you for helping out."

I smile.

Yeah... I know she would.

***

And there you have it guys! The first chapter with Noah's POV!

I hope you like him so far!

Leave me TONS AND TONS of feedback! 

Also, I am writing the next chapter right now! Hopefully I will get it out to you guys later today or tomorrow!

Love, Lexi! ❤️❤️❤️❤️