FELIX.

If there's anything I really enjoy, it's performing in front of others. Especially on stage in front of the adoring fans. It's quite crazy to think about; the fact that I was an international sensation, part of a boy band who was loved and adored throughout the country. The world.

"Thank you all for coming! You guys were fantastic tonight!" Chan called into his microphone, as we wrapped up our set. We'd just played our encore; Show & Tell to end the last show in our hometown before leaving for our tour.

   Our world tour.

    It still sounded crazy to me.

     The chaos of backstage felt like home to me, as I pulled out my in-ears and put them away. We had roughly twenty minutes until our meet and greet, just enough time to bathe away the sweat from performing under the hot lights. After a cool shower, I changed into a plain black tee and some vibrantly decorated jeans. There's a tiny rainbow patched embroidered on the pocket and I sighed wearily as I spotted it.

    I was gay. Out and loud and proud. But for some reason my management team always had to insert my sexuality into everything I did. I wasn't ashamed of it, and I didn't want to hide it, but I wanted to just be. Be Lee Felix; international singing sensation. Not the gay member of the band. I didn't want to be marketed as the sweet gay boy who'd plan a brunch or help you decorate the interior of the house. I didn't know anything about that. What I did know, was music.

    "Rainbow pins again?" Hyunjin chuckled, snapping me out of my thoughts. I nodded, sighing once again. He shot me a knowing look, before he demanded it was his turn to shower. I was thankful for him, for all my band members. They just seemed to understand me. I never had to explain myself. They had all tried — to no avail — to get management to lighten up on exploiting my sexuality.

    Fifteen minutes later, we'd been stationed back in the auditorium at a long, fold out table. There were lines for each of us, though mine was mostly made up of families and mothers, the odd queer teen. I was appreciative for everyone who liked me, who wanted me to sign a photograph or autograph book, or who wanted me to take a selfie on their phone. But I was tired of being the perfect, gay role model.

     Meet and greet's were definitely one of the best parts about the tours. As much as I loved performing, singing and dancing in front of sold out stadiums, there was something about getting to know those who supported us. I tried my best to commit each and every person to memory; faces and names at meet and greet's, Twitter handles, Instagram usernames. I liked knowing who they were. I didn't want to be known as cocky; the band who didn't care about their fans.

    After the meet and greet, I was just about ready to crash. I'd been up since the early hours of the morning; rehearsing the stage, then working out, then voice lessons and choreography classes and finally, the concert and meet and greet. I hadn't been home in twelve hours and I was ready to sleep for another twelve, before getting on the bus with the others to start the tour.

 
   I also had to pack. I hadn't packed my suitcases, hadn't gathered any of the things I'd need for song writing or recording new tracks for our new album. But that was a future Felix problem. Current Felix needed a long sleep, and then a nice breakfast, and probably a relaxing bath.

     "I'm so happy to be finished.." Seungmin flopped down on the couch in the dressing room. Jeongin followed him, flopping almost on top of him. "Hey get off me you oaf, it's too hot for that!"

   I chuckled at their antics. Though not that much younger than him, Seungmin and Jeongin were the youngest of the band, and by God did they act like it. If someone was roughhousing, or otherwise hyper, it was those two. Although Hyunjin and Jisung were also quite hyper, and easily excitable. I suppose maybe we all were, in a way.

    "How are you getting home, Felix?" Chan asked me, as he zipped up a grey hoodie. I'd since changed into a pair of sweats and a plain shirt, and future me would thank my lucky stars as I dove into bed as quick as I could.

      And Chan... Chan was just good. He was always the person you could count on. He stuck up for you, and turned up for you, and always offered you a lift anywhere you needed to go. He always fought about wanting to pay, and he was a great gift giver. We'd adopted him as a sort of leader; he was uber organised, always knew what needed to be done when, and he was the one that produced all of our songs.

    "I was about to ask you for one, big guy" I commented, and he slapped me for the comment. He wasn't actually big, but he was buff. We lived in the same neighbourhood, and so he usually drove me home after practices and concerts and classes.

     "Alright so Jisung, Hyunjin and Felix are with me. I'll see you guys tomorrow!" He called, and we scrambled to gather up our things as we left.

     As he dropped me in front of my apartment complex, I thanked him, as usual. I almost wanted to pass out at the bottom of the staircase, but amazingly, I made it up the stairs and into my third floor apartment before collapsing into bed.

    I'd have to start the whole thing over again tomorrow, but it was the start of our tour and I was excited.

    It was going to be the best tour ever.