draft saved on apr. 22, 2017. published on may 23, 2017.

song: Single by The Neighbourhood

note: i am SO sorry for updating so late. look at the date i started this draft and the day i published it, too much gap! anyways, i hope you guys will enjoy this chapter. i legit cried when i was writing this. hope i succeeded with the attempt of being descriptive. and please check out my other book, Bad Boys Need Capes!

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c h a p t e r  s i x : i just wanna get lost in your lungs

Monday. I hate Mondays.

I opened my eyes and stared at the bland, white ceiling. I checked my breathing, feeling the way my chest rose up and down.

You're alive. You're still breathing. You're still on earth. I told myself.

I did this every morning after I woke up, checking if I was still alive. The thought of dying when I was least ready annoyed me. When I died, I wanted to fight before welcoming death.

I sighed, it was yet another uneventful day that I needed to start with in order to get to tomorrow. Life was like a t.v series, you need to play the first episode to get to the second episode. Moving onto the next episode and skipping the first episode would be meaningless.

And as much as I would like to press the fast forward button, I couldn't. I was left stuck in the present, rewinding some of my pasts every so often, back to those times when life was still better. When life wasn't a big bitch to me.

I could remember last night, in fact, Bradley's face wouldn't stop playing inside my head. It was like the replay button was broken and I couldn't do anything so I just watched the scene play over and over again. I didn't mind though, I love his face.

Moaning softly as I felt my hangover, I forced myself to sit up. I grabbed my phone and checked multiple messages from people at school I barely knew. What caught my eye was Bradley's message. My heart skipped a beat and I could already feel my face heating up as I clicked the message.

I couldn't sleep . . . we should probably talk. And when I say 'talk', I mean a civil talk, Avery. I want you to listen to me, please reply.

My hands were shaking as I crafted a reply.

No problem. Where?

I hit send and fell back on my bed with a thud, ignoring the searing pain inside my head. My phone beeped in sync with my skipping heart. He's not gonna ask you to get back with him, Avery. Get a grip.

His reply was almost instant and with a pounding heart in sync with my throbbing head, I read his message.

Same old building. Try not to get caught by the security!

I couldn't keep my smile to myself but quickly reminded myself that we were not getting back together. I had made it clear that I had walked out of their lives last night and I didn't intend on giving a fuck about what they do. What was going to happen later was a permanent goodbye and a closure I had been waiting for a long time.

I'm getting it now. I told myself as I sat up once again and replied, I won't. 6:35 p.m.

Deciding I should get ready for school, I took a quick shower, brushed my teeth and went downstairs to make myself a breakfast since Dad could never make one. Hell, I'm not saying I'm an expert, but Dad couldn't do so much as flip a fucking pancake without it flying off the pan.

I was gathering the ingredients for the batter when Dad emerged from the hallway, standing dozily by the threshold of the kitchen, adjusting his bleary eyes as he walked toward the center island and sat in one of the chairs.

"Morning kid," he greeted groggily.

"Yo, Dad," I greeted back, watching him in amusement.

"Don't cook, I ordered pizza," he told me, almost falling asleep on his propped elbows.

"You're feeding me too much carbs in the morning," I grumbled but was dying inside at the thought of freshly baked pizza in my mouth.

"That's my duty as your Dad," his reply came in muffled since he buried his face in his arms. "Last night, you came home with a boy I recognized. I think I've seen him somewhere."

"Dad, you're such a creep," I told him jokingly and he rolled his eyes at me. "And as for your question, you might have let him in inside our house yesterday." I filled him in, remembering Tanner told me Dad was the one to let him in.

"Oh," he muttered, seeming less bleary than a little while ago, "I thought he was that scrawny ass fuck boy boyfriend of yours."

I sighed indignantly, putting away the ingredients I had set on the counter tops. "Dad, you need to stop referring Bradley as 'scrawny ass fuck boy'. You're being such a hypocrite."

"Even his name sounds like a fuck boy's," he muttered to himself loud enough for me to hear. "And excuse me, Avery June Duncan, I lift weights."

I outright cringed when his lips left my middle name. Dad thought it would be fun to make another name out of his. I remembered the time I asked him why my middle name was June when I was in fact born in April. He told me he had just removed three middle letters from his name Justine, and voila! There came my middle name.

"Dad, you lift weights to get hoes," I stated.

"At least," he said in a firm tone, "I lift weights."

I merely shook my head, not finding it in me to continue bickering with him. I sat beside him while we waited for the pizza to arrive.

"Drunk again last night, did anything humiliating?" Dad asked, giving me a funny look.

I shook my head proudly which made Dad put on a scowl. "Nope, I certainly did not."

"You are a huge disappointment."

___

I arrived at school earlier than I had intended to. I just wanted to get things over with at school, so Bradley and I could finally talk. Some students were milling around the hallway, probably waiting for their friends. People I barely knew greeted me in surprise, looking at me in shock, probably wondering if I had done drugs since I showed up early. I admit it, I was always late to class and our principal had long relinquished giving me late slips and detentions ever since I never showed up at one.

In fact, I should have already been kicked out or worse—expelled, but Anna kept pulling strings to crawl me throughout the last year of the unbearable high school.

I stood by my locker for twenty minutes, examining my red vans until the first bell rang, reverting me back to the realization that I was at school. I ambled slowly to my first class, feeling my every step while searching for a certain curly-headed lad amongst the bevy of students walking unbelievably slow whilst chatting animatedly. I had the sudden urge to push every single breathing human out of my way.

I breathed deeply as I stared at the back of two girls who were talking with booming voices on a Monday morning. I cleared my throat trying to get their attention but to no avail.

"Fucking talk somewhere not crowded," I snapped and both of them stopped walking and turned to me with gawking faces. I rolled my eyes and side-stepped them, entering the room I was supposed to be at 7:45 o'clock in the morning.

With a scowl, I pulled a chair to the very back corner of the room and sat down. My eyes roamed around the dull, blue tall walls of the room in disinterest. I folded my arms atop the desk and buried my face, deciding to just sleep throughout the whole period.

I was currently closing my eyes when someone tapped my shoulder. With a groan, I thrust my head up, regretting ever doing so as Alice towered over me with a sheepish grin on her small face.

"Yeah?" I asked, trying not to sound pissed even though I was ready to twist her head out of her body.

"Can I sit beside you?" She queried hopefully, staring at me with anticipation.

I swore under my breath. She presumably assumed what happened at the party last night was a reconciliation between the two of us. Well, she deemed so wrong.

"If I said no, you still would take the seat beside me," I grunted as a response.

Her smile did not falter even a centimeter as she pulled the chair closer to mine. Hearing the scraping sound the chair made my skin crawl with intractable seethe. I was not the type of person to forgive easily, especially when they had done something not worthy of my acquittal.

"To enlighten you," I started and she stared at me expectantly, "we're still not fine."

She sent me another one of her wide grins and clicked her tongue. "Don't worry, A. You won't hate me anymore."

I shook my head, keeping all the comebacks I wanted to spew to myself as our teacher flounced to her desk, making everyone shout their mouth.

Except me.

___

I practically sprinted toward my car, desperate to get out of the school. I was in the middle of unlocking my car when Bradley appeared in my peripheral vision, looking distraught.

I turned my head to get a better look of him, I realized he was staring at me. I tried to digest the butterflies that had disgorged inside my stomach sans my consent. His gaze was deep, almost as if trying to penetrate through me and piercing through my body to get to my soul. I held his gaze, my eyes as blank as they could. He sauntered toward me with his hands tucked in the pocket of his jeans, a forlorn cast on his handsome visage.

"You're wearing your woebegone face, what's the matter?" I asked him as he halted in front of me. He was at least at two feet away, making my skin crawl at the sudden closeness.

"Yeah?" He said, tilting his head with a small sad smile. "I love that fleeing from your mouth."

I struggled not to lose it in front of him, but I held my ground as I stared back at his alluring blue orbs. "I thought we were supposed to have a civil talk at 6:35 pm. What are you doing?"

He did not break our gaze, instead, his gaze ensnared mine. "I couldn't wait any longer. I'll follow you to your house so you can drop your car and I'll drive you to our meeting place."

A frown settled on my face as I thought of the possibilities that might happen later. What if he decided to break my heart once again by telling me that he and Alice were very lucky to have each other and that I should fuck off and never show my face to them forever? The thought alone made my heart break a little inside.

"Release that frown," he murmured, using his fingers to ease my brows.

"I don't understand, Bradley. First you wanted to have a talk and now you wanted to drive me to the place where we were supposed to meet?" I told him warily, trying to read his body language to cognize if he had ulterior motives up his sleeves but failing miserably. "What's the catch?"

He let out a light chuckle as he retracted his hand away from my face. "There's no catch, Ave. Don't ponder too deep, you'll find out later in minutes."

My heart lurched at the mention of his nickname for me. It was the first time it had escaped his lips in those three months we had been apart. I recalled the time he broke up with me face to face in the first week of June, his words had left a nasty gash inside me and it wasn't even on the verge of healing.

I nodded my head, unable to contain the curiosity coursing through my whole body. "Fine."

I unlocked my car and clambered inside, glancing at Bradley who was standing where I left him seconds ago. He was watching me intently but I couldn't fathom the look on his gorgeous face.

I put the key in the ignition, revving up my car as Bradley got inside his. I sped my way out of school, leaving Bradley behind for the sake of my serenity deprived mind.

___

We walked around the skeleton building. Everything was severely damaged except for the sturdy ground and tall pillars, keeping the whole building from falling apart. This building was a metaphor of me, all I had was my facade to keep me from taking a pratfall.

"We were lucky there were no guards by the gates," Bradley said with a small smile playing on his red lips.

I just smiled, unable to craft a decent reply without my voice cracking.

We walked around the hollow area for a while, everything seemed as depressed as I was. It didn't help my turbulent thoughts inside my head, having a huge war in which I was dispossessed of weapons, making me rely onto something uncertain of keeping me alive.

He was standing too close by my side, inducing a claustrophobic feeling inside my chest. I decided breaking the ice, knowing that when this was finished, I could finally start moving on.

"So, what is it that you wanted to talk about?" My voice came in small and so vulnerable. I hated it, I almost wanted take my words back.

"We might as well take a seat," he suggested, pointing to the floor full of debris. "It's gonna be a long explanation."

With my heart thudding ceaselessly inside my constricted chest, I sat beside him. We leaned against the wall behind our backs, his right knee touching my left one. I felt an electric shock even though our skin was covered in fabric, keeping us from being too close.

"How are you?" He asked, not meeting my gaze.

I stared ahead, thinking of a reply that wouldn't make me sound insusceptible. "Oh, I'm dandy. You?"

I felt him smile a little and I turned to look at him, only to see he was already staring at me. "We both know that was a lie."

I let out a sharp breath and gritted my teeth in annoyance. "Well, what was I supposed to tell you? That I couldn't manage to breath normally without you by my side? That I was immensely heartbroken when you left me standing here alone months ago? I don't know—,"

I felt his lips crash onto mine and my lips involuntarily reacted, kissing him back and letting my eyes close. I cried in our kiss, my tears burning against my cheeks as he pulled me closer to his frame. He bit my lower lip, asking for access and that was when I gained control of myself and I pulled away from him, against my will.

Memories flooded back, mercilessly. Tears ran down my face endlessly and I backed away from his touch. His lips were redder than before from our kiss. I could still taste him inside my mouth. He tasted sweet and bitter like dark chocolate, and oh God, I loved it.

"You cheated on me," I croaked. "Please don't cheat with me."

"Ave . . . " he trailed off, looking at me with a hurt expression. "I lied."

Scrunching my eyebrows and looking at him in disbelief, I said, "Don't fool me."

He closed his eyes and leaned back. "Alice and I pretended to be together, hoping that you'd be able to move on from me. But we were wrong, every time our eyes met in the hallways, in different parties, you were lost and that fucking hurt me."

"Bradley, I don't understand."

"I am still in love with you, so bad," he told me, locking me in his gaze. "Alice and I weren't together for real, we put that fake relationship up for a show. I'm leaving tonight, Avery."

"Enlighten me, please," I begged.

"When I broke up with you, it was not because I cheated on you with Alice. It was because of my mother," he explained, fiddling with his fingers and looking frustrated.

Bradley's mother never relished the thought Bradley and I being together. She was more evil than I ever could be and the thought of her being the reason as to why Bradley broke up with me made my stomach flip.

"I was forced into an arranged marriage, Avery, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. Alice heard me talking to my mother on the phone at Mason's party about the marriage. She wanted me to marry someone I didn't love, Avery," he looked at me with sad eyes and I couldn't help but cry once again. "Alice told me I should tell you right away, saying that maybe we could fix it together, but I didn't like the idea of telling you. I know you, you'd do everything to make this stupid marriage vanish but my mother would've done something more baneful.

"I told Alice I had a plan, that if I pretended to be with someone else, maybe you'd loathe me and move on. She volunteered, she knew if it was someone you didn't know, you'd make her life a living hell and so she sacrificed your friendship. It wasn't her fault, Avery," he told me sincerely, "she helped me."

I pulled him closer and hugged him. I couldn't put my pain and guilt into words, I blamed everything on Alice but she was just doing the guy I love a favor. Alice was too good for her own good, she didn't want me hating on someone innocent. 

An idea suddenly popped up inside my head and I pulled away from Bradley, making him look at me in the eye. "We can run away," I told him. "It's never too late. I can book a flight somewhere so far away that your mother wouldn't be able to know where we are."

"That was what I had planned first, Avery. But my mother knew me too well. She beat me to it, threatened me that if I planned on running away with you, she wouldn't mind taking your life away."

"Fuck her," I hissed. "I'll drive you to the airport, later. Please let me."

Bradley kissed me for seconds and pulled away, pecking my forehead and resting his chin on the top of my head. "Of course, Ave. I'm so sorry, Ave. I should've spent those dwindling months with you but I was too worried about you that I deprived both of us of happiness."

I buried my face in his chest, inhaling his magnificent chest. "It's okay, Brad. It's okay."

"God, I love you so much," he said, kissing my temple.

"I love you, too. I'll never forget you."

The whole day was spent kissing, reminiscing, and crying. I never thought it was possible to love someone this much. I knew it was time to say goodbye, but he'd always bring a part of me wherever he went. Being hurt was inevitable when you started loving someone, but it was a risk I was more than willing to take.