draft saved on mar. 03, 2017. published on mar. 16, 2017

song: Maps by Maroon 5 (please play this while reading the story)

note: thanks for the almost 700 reads! you guys were amazing. ps. this is unedited, and sorry if it was short and boring. also please check out my hew book entitled LINEAR EQUATIONS.

c h a p t e r f o u r : every alleyway is dark, you idiot

I liked the taste of alcohol against my tongue. It was amazing, it works magic on everyone who wants to forget everything temporarily. You cave in even if it was just transitory. I guess you could tell, I was that desperate. Another thing I liked about alcohol; it burns your throat at the first shot, but then leaves you craving for more even when it hurt you in the first place. That was pretty much how I depicted myself whenever I thought of the name Bradley.

He was my alcohol after all these years. He still is.

An unfamiliar guy started grinding his body on me, greedily groping my ass with both of his hands. I growled and punched his nuts. I couldn't even feel his small dick when my fist made contact with it. It was super small. He prostrated on the floor, I sneered and kicked his side.

"You filthy, thirsty, small dick of a boy!" I slurred in my drunken state.

I stormed upstairs. I was in Megan's party, the whole place was trashed even if the party just started two hours ago. I managed to get inside a small room without bumping to any hormonal teenagers, grinding themselves on the walls while making out with a person they barely know.

If Bradley was here, he'd beat up that guy in a pulp. He'd ask me if I was okay. He'd snake his arm around my hip, letting his territorial side dominate himself. He'd kiss me as if we'd never see each other again. He'd drive me home, telling me I shouldn't get too wasted or else he'd have to beat tons of other guys.

I locked the door and leaned against the door, tugging the ends of my hair down fervently. I missed him so much. I want to feel his body so close to mine, the point where there was no space between us.

I miss him. I love him.

He was the first guy I'd ever loved. I never thought it would end up this badly. This is what happens if you loved someone too much. It's dangerous.

I got so lost in him that even if I wanted to escape, I couldn't. I didn't know the way back. He was the only one who has it memorized, I needed him to escape. But he has forgotten me already. It pained me that I never crossed his mind while he was the only one I could focus on.

Is there a map that can lead me out?

I hauled myself up and unlocked the door. Stepping out, I saw the same people making out in the hallway. I blanched in disgust and rushed downstairs, getting lost in the sea of sweaty, hormonal and drunk people.

Maps by Maroon 5 started playing, and in almost by coincidence, Bradley sauntered inside the room. His eyes roved around as if he was looking for a certain someone.

I miss the conversations.

The lyrics rang inside my head, playing over and over again until a tear slid down my cheek. His eyes met mine and I put up a blank facade. He instantaneously tore his gaze off of me when someone caught his marvelous eyes. I followed the trajectory of his gaze, already knowing who it was.

I let out a small, humorless laugh when my eyes caught Alice.

They kissed. 

It was sufficient to let a storm brew inside me. Right then I knew what I had to do to take my mind off Bradley. I propelled people ferociously to reach the door, earning myself indignant groans. I stepped outside, instantly blissful I left the crowded house.

Cindy was my ride which only meant I didn't need to worry about my car since I didn't use it. Fixing myself, I strode inside the dark alleyway, walking aimlessly. It was dark, except for a few decrepit lamp streets that kept blinking on and off. The lights pissed me off and so I bent down to pick up a rock and aimed for the lamp street. I hurled the rock I held and heard the pleasing sound of the glass, shattering.

I stared at the shrapnels, thinking how ironic it was that we were the same. Broken after being used, too shattered to put the pieces back together and to be fixed.

I sighed and tried to clean up the shrapnels by using my black leather boots as a broom. I heard a few faint laughs until the sounds came clearer.

"Oh look what we have here."

I spun around and saw two obviously drunk guys. I straightened my stance, smirking at them. It's been a while since I've done this, purposely walking in a dark alleyway to beat up perverted, drunk boys.

"Why don't ya comeeee with us?" The one with his body covered in ink slurred, sending a wink my way.

I shook my head, "Boy I ain't that easy to convince."

He staggered forward, leaving his comrade who seemed too wasted to care about what was happening.

"I can give you a good, gooood, time, girl," he whispered and tried to kiss me but I kneed his nuts.

I guffawed, "Honey I told you, I ain't that fast to impress."

He groaned in pain and looked up to me with a painful smile. I knew he was trying to hide his annoyance, which made me want to irk him more.

"You like it rough, huh?" He asked, aggressively pinning me to the wall.

"No," I said with a dark tone. "I like it bloody."

I pushed him off and sent a kick to his face. He fell on his back with a loud thud. I hovered over him, sending right and left hooks to his now bloody face.

"You picked the wrong girl, dickhead," I said through the punches when someone pulled my hair fervently, making my head collide with the ground.

It was his friend. He hoisted his friend before they both hauled me up, pinning me against the wall once again. I smiled at them, they both had grim faces, the alcohol seeming bygone in a long time. I watched in amusement as the guy I beat in pulp stared at me with obvious lust and anger dancing in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. That was just foreplay, honey. Do you wanna proceed with the next step?" I asked in a sweet voice. "Just let my left hand go."

They both looked at each other for what felt like a minute before the other drunk guy loosened his grip on my left wrist. I bent down, moving so slowly down to my boots. I felt my left boot and fished out my pocket knife, grinning when I was starting to straighten myself.

Then both of the guys were ripped away from me. I heard fists making contact with skins until it finally stopped. I gripped the knife in my hand in rage. Who the fuck would do that?

"What in the fuck are you doing, walking in the alleyway at three in the morning?!"

I squinted my eyes and saw a familiar face, which made my blood boil in anger.

"It's none of your fucking business! I do my shit, you do your shit. Why did you have to steal them away from me?! I was gonna kill them, for fuck's sake, you dick!" I shouted, putting back the knife in my left boot.

"You think you could handle them?!" He shouted back.

"You're fucking sexist! You fucktard, do you want to try me? I can fucking slice your throat out, in case you didn't know."

He scoffed, "Don't be oh-so-cocky, I helped you!"

"But the problem is I never asked for your fucking help, Tanner-boy!" I yelled, gripping the collar of his shirt and pushing him to the wall. "I wouldn't be this angry and unsatisfied if you let me stab those guys with my favorite knife. Do you want to replace them?"

That shut him up. I pushed myself off him and fixed my clothes. I shook my head, glaring daggers at him.

"It's dark here, you shouldn't be here."

"Every alleyway is dark, you idiot," I snapped, rolling my eyes at him.

"I just thought they were doing something bad to you," he tried to explain but I cut him off.

"They were. But that didn't mean I couldn't handle myself. Next time you try to be a knight in shining armor, think thoroughly if the one you thought needed help was really a damsel in distress," I told him before finally leaving him in the dark and narrow alleyway.

I was fine by being alone and walking home even if I was still drunk. That never stopped me from being the bad girl I was. When you're broken, you put up an enormous facade in a vain attempt to let others think the decoy you're holding up was the real you, when in the contrary, it really wasn't.

I guess that's just how life works. Everyone is fake, it's hard to distinguish whether a person is being authentic or not. But at the end of the day, we pour our hearts out to the ones we thought were real. Then always left heartbroken because of letting a simple thought lead us on.

"I love you."

I snickered as I now realized how fake that was. They were just three stupid words, made to fool us. Making us believe that love would conquer all when it wouldn't even do much such as mend a broken soul. All it did was break more hearts.