draft saved on mar. 24, 2017. published on apr. 20, 2017.

song: Stay High cover by Against The Current

note: remember that Avery's relationship with her dad is not as ordinary as everyone else's. so yes, they are one big weird father-and-daughter family. lmao, they have no filters.

c h a p t e r f i v e : a tiara with faux dildos

"Don't go too hard on yourself, kid," Dad yelled with a loud cackle.

"Dad, fuck off please," I laughed back.

I floated on my back and closed my eyes. The water felt amazing against my back and this was a good day to get a tan too.

"I'll be gone for a while, kid," Dad said as he appeared by the sliding doors at the back of the house. "Tell me, you aren't planning on drowning yourself because of that scrawny ass fuck boy, right?"

I swam toward the edge of the pool and crossed my arms over the ground. "Dad, please do remember that you're practically a fuck boy too, no offense," I held up my arms in the air.

He scoffed, "Kid, I am a man, not a boy. That simply explicates why I am eligible to sleep with as many girls as much as I'd like."

"Wow, my dad is a certified Fuck Man. Should I get you a sash?" I asked jokingly.

"A fucking tiara with faux dildos would be enough," he said as he waved me goodbye.

"Dad!" I shrieked and laughed obnoxiously.

And just like that, I had the whole house alone to myself once again. I swam for hours until my body felt sore. I got out of the pool and dried myself with a clean towel. I walked inside the house, still in my damp bikini and dredged up the fridge for any edible snack.

I ended up with three slices of cold pizza. I sat in one of the stools, the box of pizza lying atop the center island with me gorging them down. I stopped eating when I noticed dad's keys at the edge of the center island. I shook my head and the doorbell rang. I snagged the keys and walked to the hallway, passed the living room and foyer.

I opened the door and held up the keys, "Dad, you forgot your keys again. Definitely a sign of aging."

Before I could laugh, a frown made its way to my face when I realized it wasn't dad that was standing in front of me. It was Tanner who was frozen in his spot as his eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets.

"How'd you get through the gates?!" I shouted.

"Y-your dad let me in," he stuttered.

I harrumphed and rolled my eyes. "What the fuck is your problem?" I asked, noticing something was off with him.

He cleared his throat and averted his gaze. His eyes looked at everything but me. "You're in a bikini," He whispered.

I looked down and said, "Oh. You've never seen a bikini before?"

"No—,"

I cut him off, "I look good in it, don't I?"

"That's debatable," he meekly answered.

"Screw you," I snarled. "Why in the fuck are you here?"

He sighed and looked down at his shoes. "I'm sorry about earlier. I-I didn't mean to interfere. I just don't like the idea of not helping someone when I'm well capable of doing so."

I rolled my eyes and said, "Tan-Tan, like I said earlier, I don't like someone helping me. Especially if I didn't ask for their help in the first place."

"I don't like that nickname. But still, I just wanted to let you know that I feel sorry."

I waved him off. "Sorry is a foolish word. It's not like sorry will affix the damage. It's irreparable."

I tried to shut the door but he put his hand over it, stopping me from closing it fully. I sighed and let go of the door, staring at him expectantly.

"What?" I asked indignantly.

"I'll do anything, just, just forgive me," he said to me with an earnest look on his face.

I pondered over it for a minute and asked, "Do you know how to cook?"

___

"Can you put on clothes?" Tanner asked, irritated.

"Why?" I asked, "is my sexy body distracting you?"

He sighed and shook his head, continuing whatever he was doing. We were in the kitchen where Tanner was currently cooking something I never heard of. Let's just hope he wouldn't try to poison me. I stared at his back, noticing how broad his shoulders were. His body was more structured than Bradley, now that I thought about it.

Why am I even comparing them to each other?

"What's taking you so long?" I whined, propping my shoulders on the counter with a scowl.

"Didn't you just eat pizza?" He asked as he put something in the pan.

"I did. But why would I ask you to cook if I wasn't hungry?" I retorted.

After almost falling asleep on the counter, a pleasant smell tickled my nose. My eyes instinctively opened as Tanner placed a plate in front of me. I drooled when I saw chicken drumsticks drenched in beige sauce. Though I didn't know what the dish was called, I was hoping it would be scrumptious.

"What's this called?" I asked, grabbing the fork.

"Chicken Stroganoff," Tanner answered as he sat in the stool beside me.

I took a bite and instantly smacked Tanner's arm. "Fuck! This is so good!"

I gorged down the rest of the chicken on my plate, drinking water ever so often. I could feel Tanner staring at me the whole time, probably wondering what kind of a girl I was.

After finishing the rest of the meal he cooked, Tanner asked with an amused look on his face, "Is that all it took to gain your forgiveness?"

"Now that I've thought about it, I do need someone to be my driver later at a party," I mused, sending Tanner an evil smile.

He let out a weary sigh and buried his face in his arms. "Fine."

"By the way, did I get tanned?" I asked, suddenly scrutinizing my skin.

Tanner stared at me for a while before answering, "Yes, but I'm still tanner."

I closed my eyes as Tanner guffawed beside me. "Did you just seriously make a pun out of your own name?"

He continued laughing and said in between his laughs, "I think I just did."

___

Tanner picked me up at my house at exactly 9:00 p.m. He wore a white, v-neck shirt with a faded denim jacket and ripped jeans.

(note: MY FUCKING HORMONES FFS STOP. FUCKING BEAUTY. Joshua Anthony Brand btw, he's portraying Tanner. IT WAS A COINCIDENCE. I WROTE THIS AND I FOUND OUT HE WAS ACTUALLY WEARING THIS OUTFIT IN ONE OF HIS PHOTOSHOOTS.)

"Hot damn," I teased him as we walked toward his car.

"Avery, you're copying me. Look, we're both wearing a denim jacket, how gross is that?" He groaned as he opened the door of his car for me.

"Such a gentleman," I commented, "and shut up. I'm not a psychic to know you'd wear one."

"You're just a fucking creep," he said as he started the car.

I scoffed. The whole ride was silent except for the few conversations we shared whenever Tanner asked me for the directions. I don't know what was it, but something about him made me feel comfortable and at ease. The ride consisted of him humming a song I couldn't lay my finger onto. It got me irritated because I knew that song but I forgot the title. Come on, I know I'm the only one who hates it when that happens.

When we arrived at the said place, Tanner couldn't find a vacant space to park his car. And so, we had to park it two blocks away from where the party was being held. We both sighed, it was going to be a tedious walk.

"Great," I said flatly but with masked humor. "I think you're jinxing me, Tan-Tan."

He rolled his eyes as he walked by my side. He nudged me with his shoulder, making me almost lose my balance. "It's just a six-minute walk. And please, spare me the nickname, gosh."

I couldn't help but laugh when he muttered the word gosh. It was such a funny thing to say, especially coming from a big guy like Tanner. Remembering something, I pulled out my phone and stopped walking. I grasped Tanner wrist and pulled him beside me, pushing down his shoulder so we would be on the same level.

"Smile!" I chirped as I clicked on the screen of my phone, taking a picture of us. "Aw, I look so cute!"

Tanner scoffed and walked ahead of me. "So full of herself, gosh."

I jogged up to his side, trying to sling my arm over his shoulders. "Tan-Tan, I'm stating the obvious, alright?"

The party was in full swing by the time we had arrived. The lawn was providing an enormous bed for those who couldn't take what was in their cups anymore as they slept on the green grass. I shook my head and turned to Tanner, making him look at me.

"Okay, just a reminder, you stick by my side. And if you want to go somewhere, you tell me first so I can find you when I want to go home," I told him as I patted his cheek lightly.

"So, I'm basically your driver and bodyguard?" Tanner asked for confirmation.

"Mhm," I said. "Let's go!"

We squeezed ourselves through the sea of people, making it to the dance floor. I couldn't recognize the song but anywho, I danced to it. Tanner looked at me incredulously while he stayed rooted in his place, refusing to move a muscle. I took both his hands and like a puppet on a string, I made him dance. We laughed all the way through until we both felt jaded.

Tanner said something over the music but I couldn't grasp the words that were coming out of his rosy lips. He waited for me to say something and I shouted, "I can't hear you!"

He leaned in to whisper something in my ear. "Let's go outside, it's starting to get hot."

I nodded as I led the way. I knew this house awfully well, I used to be here all the time. But now as my shoes tapped the floor, I couldn't help but grimace. Maybe coming here was a very bad idea.

We both egressed the house by using the back door which led us to the ridiculously colossal backyard. Some people were getting drunk in the pool. Some were lying unconscious on the grass just like the scene I witnessed a little while ago at the front yard. Cups and bags of chips were strewn everywhere. I cringed as I thought of how enervating it would be to clean up all this mess especially when you were hungover.

"You just came home from a party last night, didn't you?" Tanner asked beside me, out of breath.

"Yeah," I laughed.

"You don't get annoyed of those unfamiliar people mobbing you?" He queried, seeming irritated on behalf of myself.

I shrugged, "Sometimes. But I don't want to start a fight so I usually just don't give a damn about them."

We both stood beside the sliding doors and stayed silent, letting the overloud music fill our ears as we both tried to get lost in our own thoughts.

After a while, Tanner said mostly to himself, "There are so many better things to do than to be in this party."

I scratched my ear, feeling suddenly remorseful. "I feel bad now. I didn't think first if you were gonna do anything tonight. Instead, I just ordered your ass to be my designated driver for the night."

He waved me off. "It's nothing, it's not like I was gonna do anything productive or important at the house tonight. What I meant to say was, this party is boring. There are so much fun things to do out there than for you to be stuck here."

"Like what?" I pressed on, staring at him.

"I don't know," he shrugged his shoulder, "trespass abandoned places such as buildings or diners? Anywhere but here. I actually don't know how you could stand being here, I didn't peg you as a party girl."

"Well, what did you think of me?" I asked, suddenly curious.

"I pegged you as a rebel. I mean, yeah, going to parties could be a rebellious thing to do but not really if you didn't sneak out of your house."

I nodded my head in understanding and said, "I get it. I told you I was caught doing graffitis, I guess you perceived me as the kind person who was much more like you. Sorry to be a bummer, Tan-Tan."

He laughed, "I wasn't really bummed out. It was actually refreshing because I didn't know someone who was as wild as you could be at parties."

"Welcome to my life, then," I joked.

Our joyous laughs were intervened by the voice of the one who was throwing the said party. She clung to me as if her life depended on me and I had to sway myself from being all Undertaker to her. Who knew what might've happened if I were ever to do that.

"I'm so glad you could make it," Alice drunkenly chirped as she continued holding onto me, weighing down both of us because of her sudden weight on my body.

"I'm sorry, she's drunk," Bradley contritely told me as he tried to take Alice off me.

"I can tell," I said with a not-so-subtle sarcasm.

Alice reprobated to let me breathe as she persisted on mashing my bones. I struggled to get her off me, I wasn't in the mood to be in this kind of predicament. Tanner could only watch in terror as I tried to shake Alice off. I swear, if she puked on me, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from squeezing her neck until her head was detached from her body.

"I'm so sorry," Alice continued to murmur as I tried to shake her off again.

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes, still keen on disentangling her body from mine.

And then she started to cry.

Oh, the joy. I mentally face-palmed myself. Tanner looked as alarmed as Bradley and I.

My first instinct was to smack her but knowing Bradley, he'd be upset about it and I didn't want that reaction coming from him. He was always filled with joy.

"Alice, please get off of me if you don't fucking mind," I said, trying not to snap.

She disentangled herself away from me as she let out a sniff. Bradley silently stood by her side, afraid she'd breakdown in any second. I clenched my jaw, this was not what I had pictured in my mind months ago. What I had in mind was Bradley and I, happily going out together like nothing wrong could ever happen. But as I watched the scene take place in front of me, I willed myself not to fall apart.

As if coming back to my senses, I attracted their attention by pulling Tanner beside me. "By the way, I brought a friend with me. Bradley and Alice, meet my friend, Tanner."

I lightly pushed Tanner forward, he staggered awkwardly but he composed himself quickly as he held his hand out to the two. They both shook his hand with smiles.

Breathe, Avery. Remember to breathe.

I took in a shaky breath as I tried not to cry. Tanner noticed as he whispered to me, "Hey, are you fine?"

I nodded my head microscopically, not trusting my tongue to do the talking. I wasn't fine at all. I was too far from that. Alice deprived me of being able to be fine since she had managed to take Bradley away from me. Now tell me, how could I ever be fine?

All of a sudden, I wanted to evanesce. And I wanted to cry until I would disappear into the night sky, to just be gone so that they couldn't stare at me. Fine was took out of my system long ago since I was brought to this painful life 'till fate took me to Bradley's world. I thought I could be fine again, and I could. I was always fine whenever I was with him, but then my sworn best friend had to be selfish and took the only person who could make me feel fine and kept him to herself.

There had been those times when I thought, maybe it wasn't only Alice. Maybe it was also me. Maybe I wasn't good enough for Bradley to settle with and so he had to stay away from me. I realized it was also my fault for not being a good enough reason for Bradley to stay.

That killed me, really.

"Thanks for inviting me, Alice," I told her with a poker face because inside, the storm reappeared once again and it was waiting for me to discern it fully.

"No, thanks for coming," she pulled herself away from Bradley to look at me. "I'm so glad you're here."

Her tear-stained face was sincere but I had enough of it. I could never look at her and Bradley the same way after what they did.

I wanted to say that the thought of coming here alone was awful enough, much more actually being here inside the vicinity of her home. Still, I nodded my head as though everything was all right. We all knew it was far from that.

I swallowed the lump that had formed inside my throat and caught a glance of Bradley. He was still as beautiful as he was before when we were still together. His features were the same, fresh-looking and approachable. I lingered in his eyes for a moment and I swore I saw a hint of sadness in those blue orbs of his.

I am sad too, Bradley.

I looked away and said Tanner and I would just be in the kitchen to fetch something to drink. They both nodded and Tanner and I started walking away from them. To Tanner, it might seem that walking away from them was too normal, but for me, it was a whole new story. Walking away from them felt like I was walking out of their lives permanently with no intention of ever coming back.

___

"Believe it or not, I don't drink," Tanner said as he pushed the cup of beer away from him.

"Totally unbelievable," I muttered.

An hour later, I was still drinking in the same cup. I kept count of the drinks I had and they were a total of 21. Tanner kept on stopping me every time I came back for more. He was starting to get annoyed.

"Avery, you drink like there's no tomorrow," he said as he frustratingly snatched the red cup from me.

I looked at him in the eye. "What if there's no tomorrow? What if I die later?"

He tossed the cup on the floor and pinched the bridge of his nose. "This is ridiculous, Avery. I'm not going to let you die!"

I was unfazed by his shouting. My world seemed to stop revolving as I stood there in my place, unmoving. He was all I could think about.

"Avery, don't kill yourself because of him. There are so many guys out there for fuck's sake," Tanner continued ranting but I just blinked at him. He sighed and told me, "I'm taking you home."

As Tanner dragged me out of Alice's house, my eyes roamed around the unrecognizable faces. They were all here to get wasted. They were here to waste one night of their lives and to not remember everything in the morning when they woke up. And as saddening as the truth was, I couldn't deny the fact that I was one of them.

___

end note: some of you may think avery was being overdramatic but i personally think she has the right to be like that. being broken by someone you love is not easy, especially if you loved them too much. yes, she's young, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have the right to love and to be hurt. we will all encounter that point of our lives, either when we're young or as adults. either way, know that pain always has an end.

if you wanna talk about your problems or anything, my inbox is always open. i'd be happy to listen and help you in all the ways i could. be happy about something :).

question: which one do you prefer when reading this book, long chapters or short chapters? i'll do my best to write as what you guys will choose.

postscript: also, please check my grammar and correct the mistakes!