Sometimes, when Mom was gone and everything was quiet, Izuku would play pretend. He knows what pretend means, his teacher said it was to play a game that isn't real. To say something that isn't true. Pretend Dad is a lie, they say, Kacchan burning him is pretend.

(He would be like All Might, saving people with a smile. But that was when Mom was home. When he laughed and didn't stop smiling, because heroes don't cry over the little burns like the ones Kacchan gives him.)

When Mom is gone, and he's alone, Izuku pretends to talk to Dad. Dad never talks back, he just sits across from him, wild white hair and freckles― just like Izuku ―dancing along his cheeks. He whispers in a deep, scratchy voice. Like all of his neck had been torn up. But Izuku doesn't mind, because he knows he doesn't have a real dad, so Pretend Dad is good enough for him. Even if Pretend Dad tells him that he's Real Dad. It confuses Izuku because Real Dad is in America (with All Might! He told Mom that they're probably working together, 'cuz Real Dad's a quirk analyst). Pretend Dad huffs and tells him that he'll understand when he's older.

Izuku is ten when Pretend Dad stops showing up.

(Mom says that he looks just like Dad, the same unruly hair and freckles. Izuku wants to say that Pretend Dad looks like that too, but he was old enough to know that he was likely imagining the whole thing. He'd read enough online articles about childhood neglect to realize that. He might only be ten, but he had a thirst for knowledge. The next thing he searches up is Hisashi Midoriya. He doesn't exist.)

Izuku is twelve when he finds the dark web. He's heard all about it, so he stays cautious in his searches and exploits. Looking up grotesque, undocumented hero fights. Quirk research was easy, he didn't need to tread lightly, and after some time, he'd created a place to analyze quirks. For a price, of course. Mom could always use the money, and he made the inputs to her account as discreet as possible. She freaked out when three million yen appeared in her bank account the first time. He does it at the times she gets her paycheck, just a couple thousand yen to her bank account. She never questions it. 

Izuku is thirteen when he dreams of Pretend Dad again. He's not right. Half of his face is made of scar tissue that Izuku is all too familiar with. He has it over most of his body, there is a ring around his wrists and a bruise on his cheek. Pretend Dad doesn't whisper anymore, he talks now.

"Hello, my boy."

"So― are- are you really him? M-my dad?"

His lips twist down, Izuku thinks his expression might be sour by Pretend Dad's reaction. "Yes, my boy. I apologize."

"Y-you don't work o-overseas, do you?"

"No, I do not."

"Your quirk isn't fire breathing, you aren't a businessman, are you? No, I already know the answer." Izuku looks at his feet, his red shoes are tearing at the seams. "Why did you leave Mom?"

The man, Real Dad, Pretend Dad, stranger, grimaces. "You wanted to be a hero. I couldn't take that away from you. You're so much like my brother, you know. I don't blame you, it's appealing to the masses."

"I don't want to be a hero," Izuku says. His scarred fingers fiddle with the loose string on his shit. (Kacchan wants to become a hero, Izuku does not want to be like Kacchan.)

"I don't want the fame or the glory. I just want to make sure that nobody gets hurt. That the one person that everyone overlooked in the crowed gets saved."

Then Izuku wakes up, and strangely enough, all of his burn scars are gone. All of his injuries and bruises and sear marks have turned to a dream. He scrambles for his uniform. His alarm isn't set for another hour, but Izuku was always an early riser and a late sleeper.

(His notebook is repaired, too, but he won't realize until later. He was used to crumpling pages and charred lines.) 

Izuku isn't looking down on Bakugou, but the blonde doesn't get it. He wants to help whoever he can, Bakugou just happens to be human (not anymore, now he's a monster in a boys skin). He tells Izuku awful things, calls him useless, that he should kill himself. Izuku knows that Kac― Katsu― Bakugou doesn't mean it, still, the offer is tempting.

He knows he'd never do it, but it mulls over his head.

(There are Spider Lilies by his desk, all he'd have to do was write a note and leave his shoes by the railing.)

Dream Dad, Pretend Dad, Dad― that's what he's started calling the man ―had told him that Mom would be sad and that no matter what anyone said that Izuku could become a hero. Izuku cried in his sleep, hugging his Dad, and his Dad hugged back.

All Might said he couldn't become a hero without a quirk. Izuku was dejected, but he knew that a stubborn part of him will always save people no matter the cost to himself. Burn scars and bruises stopped hurting him after Dream Dad healed them. Burns and bruises stopped hurting, he was used to them.

Then Bakugou is stuck in the slime monster that Izuku was in and all he sees is Kacchan, tripping through a hole of a wooden bridge. He rushes in without thought, helping people was in his blood, and he was desperate to save anyone. His childhood torturer was no different, no matter the monster lurking under his too human skin.

All Might saves them in the end and Izuku gets scolded while Kacchan gets praised. It's fine, though, he's used to it. (The teachers praised Kacchans ninety-eight. Izuku always got one hundred.) 

He walks home with downturn shoulders. His head is hanging to the ground, Kaccha― Bakugou had told him that he didn't owe Izuku shit. Izuku knows that, but it still hurts, an aching that crawls under his skin. It was like a sunburn, itching dry flesh that burns until he rips it off. 

Then, All Might says that what he's said before was wrong. That Izuku could become a hero, that he could have a quirk. He could have All Mights quirk. Years of speculation and a fifteen-year-old is the one that finds out a national secret?

The answer was yes, obviously.

The training was grueling, but Dream Dad always laughed into his fists and healed his wounds. Izuku thought he'd heard mutters of finally back in the family, where it should be but he couldn't be sure. Dad mutters, just like him.

Then, the day of the entrance exam came around, he had to eat hair, apparently? It was more gel than anything, but he could feel the quirk. Coursing through his veins. 

He struggled to make it to the entrance exam, leaving a clean beach in his trail, and a smiling All Might.

He'd broken his arms and fuck, it hurt. Everything burned and he was fading in and out of consciousness. God, everything hurt, it was like every bone in his body shattered and tried to hastily put everything the tiny pieces back together.

When his vision turned black, Dream Dad was clapping. "Good job, my boy."

"You c-can call m-me Izuku. I've known y-you since ch-childhood, right?"

Dream Dad just chuckles. "Alright, Izuku."

The first day of Yuuei and he was already failing. Eraserhead was testing them on quirks, and Izuku was already falling behind. He didn't know how to use One for All without breaking his body, and Eraserhead had caught up to that flaw.

He is scolded (he is used to it) by Aizawa-sensei. He is given a second chance. Because his first time wasn't good enough. So he breaks his finger and tells Aizawa-sensei that he can still move. Everything hurts and he doesn't realize that the purple stopped swelling and that his finger was slowly, painfully, carefully, putting his skin back together. Aizawa-sensei does, though.

He doesn't say anything.

Pretend Dad calls him reckless. He nods his head bashfully and then Pretend Dad ruffles his hair and ruffles his mess of hair. "You look just like me when I was younger, but with Inko's colors. You're beautiful, my boy."

"Th-thanks, Dad." 

He fights Kacchan- Bakugou. For the first time, Izuku is angry too. He'll never show it though. He's not like Bakugou, he's calm and collected and (everywhere, anxious, stupid, worthless, Deku) a hero-in-training.

The day ends and the guilt of feeling angry bubbles. He tells Kacc- Bakugou the truth about his bullshit quirk.

Iida would be a better president than he could hope to be. He gives the spot over without hesitation.

Pr―Dad tells him to skip school, that something bad was going to happen today. Izuku insists he cannot. That Aizawa-sensei would get mad, and that Mom would worry that he was home alone, that he would be expelled―Dad let's him go with a sigh.

"Just, try not to get killed, yeah? Healing a fatal wound would be difficult and I really don't want my own son to die."

"D-dad!"

There are villains running amuck. He already broke two of his fingers, desperation clawing at his bones, his skin and carving into his mind. The leader- Shigaraki Tomura -stands with venom. Izuku doesn't know if he's breathing as the black mass of muscle and brain is ordered to kill their teacher. Their teacher who is fighting for them. For him. Izuku feels nauseous, his head is running in circles because it's not good enough.

He goes to help their teacher― the one who hasn't given him hash words and glares. The one who hasn't called him a crybaby once. (It's because now you have a quirk.)

He ends up in the hospital. He's getting hurt, it's not more than before, but he's still getting hurt.

Pretend Dad sighs across from him. This time it isn't a toddler's playroom or even his room, it's an office. Like the one in Aldera, Dad is the principal and he's in trouble.

"Izuku, give me your hand." He has a broken finger and scars that trail up until his elbow. Outstretching his gnarly limb, Dad holds it. Gold and green glow from Dad's palms and fingertips, Izuku can't look away.

"Th-thanks, Dad."

"Kid, stop getting yourself hurt for others."

"I- I make n-no promises."

The office blurs to his room, Dad is laughing. He laughs with the faceless man, and then he wakes up.

Todoroki has lived a shitty life full of fear and pain. Izuku knows what it's like. Knows what it means to differentiate friend from foe at the weight of a footstep. Knows what it means to run and hide because your ribs have shattered in your chest and you won't make it out alive. Izuku knows what it means to drown in your own thoughts and lose sense of the world. To breathe too little and then breathe too much.

Izuku knows. And he burns his Endeavor poster to ashes when he gets home.

(But Todoroki has learnt his flames aren't something to fear, and Izuku feels like a hero.)

Grand Torino is a strict teacher. He is old and wise and his kicks takes all the oxygen from his lungs. But Izuku just smiles, because burns hurt more, broken bones hurt more. This is nothing, he's learning techniques, he's learning how to be a hero. He's going to save everybody. Even the people that would never save him.

They go on a train, to patrol in Hosu, to do something, Izuku is only vaguely aware of it. Then in all crashes down, there's a Noumu blaring down with beady eyes. Izuku doesn't think twice before he throws it to dust.

Stain is defeated, midterms, the teacher-fighting exam all happens. Izuku wins against All Might, and Dad is proud.

Izuku loses against Shigaraki when they kidnap Bakugou, Dad doesn't say anything. Izuku cannot sleep. His eyes sting, but he wears a cheap costume and heads out with a couple of friends (friends, he has friends!) to save Bakugou.

They do, then they don't. Hiding behind a piece of rubble as All Might tries to win against a villain that has killed all he'd ever loved. His voice is familiar, his non-face and smile, the dentist of his missing nose and the abundance of scar tissue.

Izuku run in between them. Eyes flooded with tear.

"You- you liEd-" Izuku can't breath.

"You- and- you lied about everything, right? You ju- about Kacchan― a-and about Mom a-and about me. Y-you lied, right?"

The man that gtins is not his father. "Is this your successor, All Might? He's almost as pathetic as she was."

And Izuku breaks. His head falls somewhere between consciousness and not. Arms moving on there own.

This wasn't what he remembered. This wasn't tea parties and playing heroes, this wasn't patching up wounds and telling him he wasn't a failure.

This wasn't his father. Then again, he wasn't a child, this wasn't playtime.