!!Warning!! Deppression, cutting, and suicide (tiny bit swearing)

He's a little ooc too sorry.

I know that most people who write angst put these types of things down. You're probably suffering like me and others, please never hurt yourself, don't damage your beautiful self with your own poisonous words. You're beautiful even if you don't agree, and I might not be able to see what you look like, I believe you are beautiful. You'll find your reason to live, I myself have yet to find my reason fully, but I haven't given up and you shouldn't either. Love yourself, even if you can't try your best to think optimistically! Love you, now enjoy the story dears.
シシシシシシシシシシシシシシシシシシシシシシシ

Y/N's PoV

3:45am
I smiled, this empty smile of mine, I force it whenever I want to feel happy. I know sometimes it never works, I want it to work. It's selfish of me to force my body and damage my body like this. I just can't help it. I can't, I can't, I can't.

I want the burning sensation. I need to feel the pain, seeing the red flow down, my arms filled with fresh and old scars.

"I'm so disgusting. This body is ugly, horrible, and needs to burn. Actually.. I can do that.. so simply."

My gaze locked on a lighter, a purple colored lighter. With a few movements I could so easily burn this ugly stupid body of mine. I took a few steps towards it, grabbing it, my eyes never leaving the sight of it. I flicked it open and it Lit.

That beautiful red fire will touch this sin if a body, an ugly ugly, horrible body. I brought it closer to my scarred skin, so very close.

Just as I started to feel the heat close to my skin, my phone rang out. My fingers stopped, and my gazed then shifted to my phone.

"Ichicatsu" the name on the phone rang

My eyes went wide, tears fell as I walked over to the phone. My eyes were fogged but I could never forget that name, "Pft, I forgot I put his user like that. How cute".

I picked up the phone. My voice was shaking, my hands were trembling. "What's up Ichi? Why calling so late." I tried so very hard to seem calm, it was going so well until my voice cracked. Gosh I keep making mistakes.

"I forgot to well... ask if you wanna come over tomorrow.. my brothers will be gone for the afternoon and I just thought you might wanna hang... not that it matters if you come or not of course.." the voice sounded embarrassed at the end, and I of course noticed this. "I would love to ichi. What time?" "Err.. i said the afternoon but anywhere around 12-3pm is fine. Bye and goodnight.." he whispered at the end and hung up the phone before you could reply back.

"Goodnight..." I had a strange feeling wash over me. Strange? What the hell am I acting coy for now. I love him, I just feel ashamed of myself. Ashamed of my body..

I looked over to my scars, and a few burns. "Now I gotta find something to cover this up, I don't an infection or shit".

~The night ended with Y/N putting bandages round her arm and clothes to cover herself tomorrow~

7:25am

I woke up. So early, so very early. I don't want to get off my comfortable bed, my comfy bed. Why am I even here anyway. I should've killed myself last night. I should've burnt myself, I should've cut myself more. I deserve to bleed. I deserve it.

A waste of space, "I'm so fucking useless". Tears went down my cheeks. I shouldn't cry, it's fucking useless to cry. I'm so weak, I need to be better, I need to try harder. This shit is exhausting. My eyes turned to the clock. "An hour has passed already? I'm such a fucking lazy piece of shit"

Time skip to Y/N finished with changing and arriving~

I'm here... I'm actually here.. I sighed and put on my calm facade. Knocking on the Matsus house waiting for Ichimatsu to open the door. The door opened revealing a cute Ichimatsu holding a cute small kitten.

"I don't see a difference" Ichi looked confused at you until you fully said it fully "Between you and this cute little kitten" his face went red like osomatsu's hoodie.
"S-shut up and get in before I change my mind!" "Okay okay~" you stepped into the house.

Ichimatsu was strangely quite when you walked it. You turned to him " What's up Ichi~ to embarrassed to speak?" You teased him but he didn't seem to get embarrassed about it. Instead he grabbed your hand and pulled you up to a room.

You looked into your eyes, averting your eyes every now and then, but it always went back to Ichimatsu. "Uh... so-" he cut you off " why are there bandages on your arms." You looked surprised and nervous. "It's cosplay~" Ichi grabbed your wrist forcefully and looked at your eyes "that wasn't a question"

He pulled down your sleeves "take them off" you looked away from him and continued to act "Ichi! You pervert" "If that's how you wanna play it I'll do it forcefully"

He forcefully unveiled the bandages quite easily even though you we struggling to make him let go. The bandages were fully off, your arms could be seen. "You.." his bangs covered his eyes.

"I'm sorry.. I know this is disgusting for you to see, I... I'll go" you stood up only to be pulled down to comforting arms. Leaning against Ichimatsu's body, you started to tear up.

"Why... why y/n? Why do this to yourself. Why do this to your body." He sobbed on your shoulder, feeling his tears staining your shirt. "I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry.. I couldn't stop you from doing this, If I was better I.. I'm useless trash. I'm so sorry.."

You grabbed his face, you soft hands(or rough) touching his face, making him look directly. "Listen to me! You are not trash, and if you are then you.. you're my trash... I must confess this." Ichimatsu looked shocked at you but stayed quiet for you to continue.

"I Love You"

You looked nervously at Ichimatsu, only to see him smile. A cute genuine smile, pointed towards you. "I love you too" he hugged you.

"Please promise you won't do this to yourself? Uh and be with me?" He asked nervously as he hugged your waist (same goes with your chubby, all body types are welcome).

"I promise if you promise to never put yourself down...and of course I would love to be with you." You smiled and you hugged him back "I promise, I'll forever promise".

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

The End! I'm sorry that the ending seemed a little rushed. I was running out of ideas, and my songs suddenly changed.
I hope you enjoyed it and you can request things too! First published post.

Love you Dears, Enjoy♡︎