★ MINE ★
THE SAD TRUTH

          it was one of those days when Kimiko missed her mother the most. The festivals had always been a lot of fun for her, she had really blossomed through the presence of the guests. But for twelve years now it had been Kimiko's job and she hated it. Not because she found it difficult to be nice, more because she found it difficult to be someone completely different for a few hours

     Her mother had always told her that she was perfect, that she didn't have to pretend. But in the same sentence she had added that sometimes there was no other way. Kimiko had only been eight years old and only now understood that her mother had tried to prepare her for a life in the Kujou Clan. It was hard. It would be easier if her mother were still alive. But she wasn't.

     So Kimiko tried to do whatever her mother would have wanted. She would have wanted her to pull through this event, but she would also have wanted Kimiko to take care of the poorer people because that was her destiny. Her mother had always had a soft spot for ordinary people.

     »Lavender or rose scent?« , Nanami interrupted her thoughts. Kimiko had completely forgotten that she wasn't alone. For four hours now, Nanami and Mei have been busy dressing up Kimiko. She was already bathing, was now perfumed and dressed.

     »Anything, but please no lavender.« Nanami nodded while Mei busied herself tying the big pink bow on her back. Kimiko wore her ceremonial dress. It consisted of a gold, knee-length, pleated skirt embroidered with various designs, accented with red and printed with small white flowers, and black Geta sandals with ankle-length white socks.

     She wore a black breastplate with a gold Kujou Clan crest in the center and matching armor plates on the sides of her skirt. Beneath her breastplate was a loose, elbow-length pink-to-white gradient shirt. Underneath her loose shirt, she wore orange sleeves, a sling over her thumb, and covered the rest of her fingers. On their orange sleeves were gold armor plates tied with red knots. On the back of her clothing was a large pink bow that tied everything together.

     »How would you like to wear your hair?«, asked Mei after straightening the loop.

     »As I am not allowed to wear them openly,« she sighed. »Something braided.« If there was a chance for Kimiko to be herself, to be able to be in a bad mood, it was in the presence of the two girls. Still, she mostly avoided it. Mei nodded and started braiding her really long hair. Meanwhile, Nanami took care of the traditional make-up.

     Kimiko could still remember how she used to watch her mother doing it. She sat very calmly in front of her mirror, just like a real lady and was always polite. Kimiko, on the other hand.. she was annoyed by the tight knots, the make-up she was sweating under, the layers of clothing she was pulling down. She tried, but she would much rather put on her kimono, leave everything behind and go help Hajime.

     After all, helping was the only thing she could do. She was good at that. She liked doing that and it reminded her of her mother. What her father did, on the other hand, wasn't her thing. She couldn't imagine doing everything Raiden Shogun asked for. To be honest, Kimiko was even a little scared of her.

    »We're done, Miss Kujou.« Finally. After six hours, that's to be expected.

     Kimiko gave the two a smile. »Thank you.« She got up from the chair and straightened her skirt. »You did a great job.« Her mother used to tell her housekeepers that back then, Kimiko didn't know if she had ever meant it seriously.

     »Thank you, Miss Kujou,« the two said at the same time and then she left the girls alone to clean up. Hiroki was already waiting for her in front of her door.

     »You don't look happy,« was the first thing he said to her. Kimiko raised her brow and looked up at him. »Forgiveness. You look beautiful, Miss Kujou.« Yes, twenty more people would surely tell her that today. »Are you alright?« No. She could hardly breathe through the tight loop. The pins and ribbons in her hair hurt and the makeup felt like a hard layer of concrete.

     Also, being called Miss Kujou bothered her, especially on those days. Her mother had been Miss Kujou. She just Lady Kimiko. And every time someone spoke to her like that, she had the feeling that her mother would come to the event, fully dressed. It was bullshit, especially considering it had been so long, but Kimiko still missed her.

     She batted her eyelashes to hold back tears and forced a smile. »I'm great.« Kimiko started to walk, knowing that he would follow her immediately. »I'm even really happy. Father must have brought in delicious food and good music, and the guests are always very polite too.«

     Hiroki nodded. »I'm sure you're will having a nice evening.« Kimiko wasn't so sure. But she hadn't lied about the food. It was actually always delicious. »What about yesterday, had you fun outside?« He spoke softly so no one could hear him.

     She had to smile immediately. Yesterday. Yes, she had fun yesterday. And she would much rather be there now. »Do you think I can sneak out tomorrow?«

      »If things go well today and your father makes new contracts, he and the others will surely have a meeting with Raiden Shogun,« he explained. »That's why he already had a meeting with the members yesterday.« Kimiko wondered how Hiroki knew all this, but at that moment she was just grateful that he told her all the information.

     »You're saying that he wouldn't notice at all.«

     »Yes, since most of the guards and Lady Sara accompany him.« He looked at her sideways, then stopped abruptly. »Whoever you meet, you have to be careful. He might already know who you are.«

     »Whoever I meet?«, repeated Kimiko. »I don't meet anyone. I told you why I want out.« Well, that was a lie. But somehow not. After all, she really only went out to help. The thing about Kazuha just came as a surprise. »Why do you think I'm meeting someone?«

     »Your bracelet is missing. Either you forgot it at the person or you were attacked again.« She hadn't thought that he would notice something like that. Either he was really good at his job or he was obsessed with her. To be honest, she didn't find either option acceptable. »Is he trustworthy?«

     Actually, Kimiko couldn't judge that. She had only met Kazuha twice, but still had the urge to say yes. Instead, she said nothing at all. She wasn't obligated to tell Hiroki the truth. Like he said he worked for her, she didn't owe him anything. »I would like to talk about something else.«

    »I'm sorry, Miss Kujou. It's none of my business what you do in your free time.« She said nothing more about it. She said nothing at all the rest of the way. On the one hand because she didn't want to, on the other hand because she felt bad. Because he was right, she basically knew nothing about Kazuha, but she didn't like Hiroki interfering so much in her affairs either.

     Of course she knew he was doing this because it was his job, but still. She wanted to make up her own mind about Kazuha and besides, it wasn't like he was a criminal. He was kind and really charming. »Thanks for accompanying me,« Kimiko said when they finally arrived. Hiroki just smiled and bowed slightly.

     As expected, the evening was anything but exciting. Kimiko's job was to shake hands, smile politely, and carry on conversations. If she hadn't already done that a few times and if she hadn't already known how to wrap her guests around her little finger, the evening would have gone on much longer.

     Five hours among these people had been enough for Kimiko. She'd listened to their stupid small talk, survived the stupid talk about money and power, and a few stares. From time to time she would have liked to bring up the subject of the poor, the normal people, their problems and whether they all felt like helping, but she wasn't allowed to.

     Kimiko might get her point across to her father every few months, but there was no way she could embarrass him in front of everyone in attendance. That would harm him. It would hurt the Tenryou Commission and hurt herself too. So she had kept her mouth shut. It had been difficult for her, but she had made it.

     Mainly because she drank glass after glass of wine and stuffed herself with the delicious food. »You've had enough, young lady,« her father whispered to her as Kimiko ate a third piece of cake.

     She swallowed the piece and put her pastry fork on the plate. She wanted to wash the piece down with her wine, but her father took the glass away from her. He did it very discreetly, no one but Sara noticed anything about it. »Apologize to everyone,« he continued. »Say it's late and you have to sleep now.«

     Kimiko nodded. She could have screamed. She would have liked to pour the wine over his head. But she didn't. She rose elegantly from her chair, which already caught the attention of the guests.

     »I'm afraid I have to say goodbye now,« she said softly. »It's quite late for me, but I wish you all a nice evening.« Kimiko smiled, tilting her head slightly and getting the same gesture in return.

     She didn't wait for Hiroki to pick her up outside the hall and escort her to her room. She staggered down the hall herself. She wasn't in the mood for company anyway. She just wanted to be alone. Halfway he came towards her hectically.

     »You should wait for me!«

     »Yes, because I can't even walk down the hall alone.« Kimiko rolled her pink eyes. »You realize how ridiculous that sounds, don't you?«

     »You drunk.«

     »If I hadn't been drinking, I would have smashed their skulls.«

     »Miss Kujou!« He looked at her in horror, but also slightly amused. »You can't say that.«

     She shrugged when they got to her door. »No one heard but you,« she told him, then left him alone in the hallway. As soon as she arrived in her room, she threw herself on the bed and screamed into her pillow. Once twice. It wasn't until the third time that she heard Hiroki knock on the door.

     »Is everything alright, Miss Kujou?« he shouted. No. Nothing was okay. Why didn't her father see that she wasn't in the mood for all this? Why didn't he see that it wasn't easy for her? Why was it important to him how she looked and that she always smiled?

     Kimiko felt tears rolling down her face. And then she got sick. It was the same every time. She was emotionally drained, ate way too much and then threw up. Kimiko knew she had a problem, but she had no idea how to control it either.

     She jumped off her bed and ran to her large bathroom. Without turning on the light, she knelt in front of the toilet and threw up. It was not nice. It was never nice. But every time she ate she felt good, she was distracted and filled that anger, that emptiness. But after that she was still much worse.

    »Miss Kujou?« She heard the door open and footsteps approaching. Hiroki sighed and flushed the toilet. »This can not go on like this.«

     It wasn't the first time he'd seen her like this. It was ridiculous, but her personal guard probably knew her best. »I know.«

     »I'll get you some water.«

     Kimiko nodded. She wiped her damp face. »Thanks, Hiroki.«