A/N: Thanks for clicking through.

☆Subject: John Lennon
☆Setting: Roosevolt Hosp, Dec '80 ☆Synopsis: The nurse and the patient.

❤️ There's A Pulse- 14500 words, 1 chapter.
💙 Pulse is an early work of mine so Learner Driver Plates are attached.
💜 Pulse is mostly from the point of view of Nurse Bree and covers the recovery of JWL.
💘 I am not a medical person if something is mentioned incorrectly please do let me know and I will fix it.
💖 John doesn't die.

~~♡~^~♡~~♡~^~♡~^~♡~^~♡~~

~Late on the night of
Dec 8th 1980~

"Evening all, how was everyone's week"

Various responses ring out across the nurse's station and beyond; locker room, wash station located to the side of the desk, and the drug room across the narrow hall where Elaine stood punching in the code.

"I drank too much and thought I was kissing Steve McQueen turned out it was a taxi driver from Queens, soooo close"

"Nothing"

"Work, double shifts ugh"

"Went to mums"

"Took a carriage ride round central park..... and Mark proposed Arrrr!!!!!"

"Oh, give us a gander, that would have cost a pretty penny"

"Candy machine 20 cents"

"Diane that is not nice"

"Right you lot cut the mooching, close out and handover!" Head nurse Nancy smiled over her orders, she was the biggest hypocrite of the lot when it came to be mooching on a Monday night as her work week was ending. Tuesday and Wednesday being her 'weekend' for foot loose and fancy-free Nancy inspired mayhem.

And how was your life changing event, Bree?" Nancy followed my amble into our locker-room, rounding me up and giving me absolutely nowhere to run and hide.

"He ranted, hit the wall beside my head and walked out..... and can you believe it, he called me a tight wad after leeching off me for ... what? two years or more. He had a wallet but it was sealed shut with cobwebs"

"No tears?" Nancy watched my face, the trouble was I had let a few fall but more at my own stupidity and wondering why I allowed myself to be used. He had the cash but so convienently 'forgot 'his wallet on numerous occasions. I had expressed my views on my live-in bludger with a degree- that came wrapped with a side dish helping of emotional extortion and violence before clocking off for the weekend. Nancy knew I was going to lay down the law sooner rather than later.

"A few but angry, narly ones with a big load of cuss words screamed randomly into the pillow" I grinned putting on the 'brave' face the mask of cordial workplace requirement- anything to get you through the night.

"Good" One-word Nancy uttered as there wasn't anything else to say. I did it, grew strong and stood my ground. We returned to the desk and I eyeballed the whiteboard on the wall behind, Nancy nodding at the scribbled pen marks indicating rooms, names, nurses "You're on alert, missy"

Oh.

Alert meaning there was a live one in theatre but they may or may not make it into our intensive care unit, our ward.
Twenty beds, a nurse per bed, Roosevelt at the forefront of the one on one care.

"VIP"

Double Oh.

Nancy tapped the red marker on Room 20's line, vacant and waiting. The room was walled as opposed to the rest of the beds on ward. They all had was a clear window between the hall and them then light curtain swaying sails for the times decorum was required. At all other times, everybody saw everything. A separate entrance was also available if required to the walled room. For family, visitors, doctors, a quick getaway to theatre or hopefully front door, and staff. All to stop beady eyes staring.

A VIP was assigned two full time nurses for the entire time they were admitted. One senior and one head, which tonight and beyond will be myself and Nancy. Its to prevent over populating the patient and family with multiple different faces and keep everything on the down low. Because, even with confidentiality, word always seems to leak out. Another two nurses will be our backup emergency staff but only if an emergency on the staffing side of things occurs. Like if Nancy, god forbid, got ill and took time off.

"Time?"

"Um arrived..." Nancy looked at her watch "Three hours ago -around 11.."

After watching the last shift of nurses escape out the wards main entrance laughing about where they were going and what they may be drinking, I settled into the nurses station to wait.

To prevent idle fingers I had plenty to keep me occupied.

All sorts of paperwork lay in wait for the nightshift nurse. Filing, checking patients on drug orders, signing off charts, filling in stock requests, follow up xray/ blood/ urine results. Boring and tiresome but altogether important stuff.

Rubbing fingers over my eyes I glanced at the clock... four hours of surgery- shit .. must be bad, not even a call up from recovery so not in there yet either....

Another run through the possible new patients' currently empty room I triple check the stock levels required for the usual needs.

Fresh towels, bandages, sterilised instruments, cannula kits, spare chart pages and drug order forms, a spare IV trolley, goggles, masks, syringes, O2 bottles and lines, thermometer, blood pressure monitor and lastly, a new cuff. All the usual stuff.

A large wheeled toolbox type set up for the nurses and doctors use sat in the corner. Drawers with soft close mechanisms usually shut with a hip more often than not. Some meds can be kept In situ but not anything hard like morphine or Pethidine. I triple check oxygen mask and the tanks are full.

Another hour and I'm getting the kettle on for the girls on ward, always nice for the weary, the mid shift slump. Nothing hits the spot like a tea break at two a.m.

The phone chimes and I lurch, even though I'm awake and as well rested as a shift work nurse can be, my eyes and senses were waning.

"ICU"

The call, surgeon and theatre nurse are now on the way up to the ward.

My patient is alive.

I make sure the door is open wide, ready. I watch and wait, senses on high alert now, fingers tingling with anticipation of the hive of activity to follow in the ensuing minutes. Mind buzzing through and over all the different procedures for a smooth handover between ICU and the theatre staff.

VIP's are different, no names are bandied around or they are referred to with a false moniker that is written on the nurse's station wall. Visitor access is tightly guarded. A list of names on the door like the proverbial night club but no thumping music, only bleeps and overly bright white light, pain and worry.

I will now have a double shift, it helps the transitions in the early days for the patient and seamless presentation care.

With no home life after the massive upheaval in my (haha) love life I can't wait to stay in this warm reliably safe place.

No thoughts for loser bludgers and definitely no way or time to go drown my sorrows. For that is what I would surely do if I was idle after a normal short shift.

And there will be no thinking of it either; the only thinking done here is on medical orders and automatic fast responses to the requirements of the highly medical volatility of the patient.

A bed is pushed through the doorway and the room is flooded with the required hospital staff. Orderlies pressing the wheeled bed into place, the bed i turned down earlier to now be removed. The surgeon and three theatre nurses crowd the patient who is completely ventilated and out cold, male.

IV lines are flowing. I note multiple blood bags hanging, one full, one near empty for me to replace ASAP. Patient is swathed in bandages, mask for O2, 'shower' cap over his hair.

"Bree"

"Doctor Knox"

I get the 'look' and force myself to not send an eyeroll his way.

Knox is the resident 'hottie' surgeon. Quick draw, lightning fast and very, very good but cocky and sometimes the heady heights of being named and lauded top hospital surgeon for the tri state area give him a personality like no other.

Nothing better than calling him a prick after his rounds. Rounds where he has, as per usual, propositioned at least two nurses per ward. He's been trying it on with me for years, Nancy fell victim and I am not about to share her mistakes. No way.

"Multiple gunshots, extensive blood loss, induced coma, just stable BP at present and pulse as good as we can get it to hold at the moment" Knox watches me double check the chart and note blood type.

"Drugs?"

"Many, obviously Bree" Doctor glances over his reading glasses with sparkling eyes and then I'm blessed a shit eatting grin ugh. I only want to see the forms are signed off on as I hand the chart back. "I'll have the pro come and run through the concoction of meds in his early rounds"

The theatre nurses disappear, the patient is under control he's sedated, comatosed, brim full of drugs and iv's full. I begin by checking blood flow rate as Knox swirls his signature over the many pages. I make a note to order three bags of blood for the fridge, making five on hand all up.

"Bree" Knox pulls the chart back suddenly, flipping pages back to the front tapping the pen on the name of the patient "Take care of this one"

"Shit!"

"Yes shit. So eloquent you are at 3am" Knox smiles and walks to the door "I've sent his missus home for the night, should be in early though. There's a police detail on the door" Knox pointed left and the blue uniform came into view, glancing at me, I guess to register my face.

And then we were alone.

I start by doing a complete physical assessment on my patient. I also assertain the equipment settings and double check the alarm settings. Rounding the bed I check what drips are running and label each line, especially because the patient has a central line with 'chooks foot' extension.

This little extender thingy we call a "chicken foot" - it plugs into the infusion port and has 4 little extenders with caps so you can plug 4 different drugs into one port. They are still all going into the same line further down but you don't run into the problem where one drug is pushing another one in.

Then I update the ICU flowchart and run through the administering medications due times.

Then I take a breather.

Turning the overhead light off, dulling the room slightly I tell myself to keep the patient as 'patient'.

No names, no thoughts of his usual life, just patient.

I've been doing this nearly twenty years now and each year, instead of becoming more jaded and callous -keeping the patient as a hunk of human flesh on the bed- I've found the opposite to be true on my case.

For me... it gets just that little bit harder each time-to separate the patient and the person they are. The person that lives, breathes and loves daily. The person with family they love, that should be having their regular daily happy life.

"Let me introduce myself- Hi, I'm Bree and I will be your nurse!" I smile at the tall man hidden beneath hoses and oxygen, mask and cap; bound by tape and bandage "I'm 40 something ok ok! I'm 41 in March if you must know, nosy aren't you ....." nNo response of course unless you count bleeps, and a buzzer setting off for the blood bag to be removed and replenished.

"Let's wipe some of this away from your ears and neck, don't want your lady upset, do we" I take the small sponge and clean the blood that has been left behind, lines of dried maroon and betadine swab marks etch the tale of his night, four gunshots and still here "Well you have fought to get into ICU and I'll be damned if I let you leave too soon so I'll make you a deal..... You keep breathing and I'll keep you nicely medicated and comfortable." I paused waiting for the sound of nothing but his silence "No retort or anything? ... I'll take that as you like the deal"

It's just me and him, alone, and I study his fingers on the right hand as I clean more dry trails of blood from in between them. Callouses on the pads, long digits and soft skin on the back of his hand, an iv was attached here and bruising has made the area purple tinged with red.

"Oh god how do I keep you a patient and not you...." I set his hand down and step back leaning heavily against the wall, I look to the ceiling and worry my lip. I'm a fan ..... a massive fan and if I let him in, let the patient ..... become the man..... Oh god I can't do this.

Heading for the door I stop myself. Who else will be better than me at keeping this patient safe, keeping him alive, worrying about his comfort, being discreet with his needs. Nancy will be by my side and we can lean on each other. We have been leaning on each other for years and now we will lean heavily again.

The door buzzer is activated and I see the light blinking as I finish the hourly check, closing the chart and positioning it on the staff trolley I breath in, his wife is most likely waiting behind that door.

She is short, she is silent, peering out from under fuzzy ebony hair, eyes are darting about washing quickly over the patient and back to me.

The senior staff have lessons...

What to do with VIP's

It's not called that but that's what it is, how to disappear into the corner of the room and become invisible. Never repeat outside the room what was uttered about, or to the patient, inside. No talking to press, no pictures or asking for autographs. Ever.

She's hesitant and with good reason. I go to take her elbow, giving emotional support and as I touch her two men cram behind her into the room. Suits- nothing else to call them but suits... Lawyers are my bet, I've seen enough of them, been around too many.

The imported leather, probably softer than a baby's bum, briefcase is lifted and placed on the patients dinner table sat fallow, forgotten in the far corner.

Clicked buttons open the lid, papers are shuffling and pen's are lifed.

My patient can't sign anything.

Her eyes find mine and I offer a small respectful smile. Sometimes the immediate family become lambs, once they would be lion's or lionesses but here they become defenceless, weak, scared lambs. I offer my hand and she takes it, leading her to the patients side she touches his hand and puts her small palm on his cheek.

No words are spoken and maybe , maybe, a minute ticks by, I busy myself with the chart and glance at the clock, the doctor on rounds will be here in under thirty minutes.

Turning away from her husband I assume she will approach me for information but instead she heads to the suits who have her deftly bundled on a chair in the corner.

Papers.

Hushed voices with fragments of words sweep over me as I try desperately not to listen, shouldn't they be in an office or at her home discussing this. I bite the top of my pen to stop my frown developing and overtaking my face with upset and knowing as the callous words continue flowing.

"Sign here for the DNR" I feel dagger like eyes on me and wonder why they think I, being a nurse, would not know what the initials mean. For lawyers, they're mighty dumb.

DNR- do not resuscitate.

"No" The wife says loudly and I have to smile inside, thank Christ for that.

"Sign here and here for power of attorney and we can have the will extracted from the archives" She scrawls her name and I can't believe this, they are pronouncing him dead before he is even gone, shoring up the will- getting it ready to enact.

Holy mother of hell.

The buzzer sounds and I let Doctor Knox and Doctor Sinclair in for round's, the room is full again and I am given a inquisitive glance by both doctors, I shrug.

These are VIP's and more often than not they dictate terms. If the patient was unstable I am authorised to remove visitors at will. I approach anyway I can't stand the papers being shuffled and signed and the knowing that my patient is basically being pronounced before his time.

"I'm sorry the doctor would prefer only immediate family be on hand for rounds" My voice calm and controlled but I feel like yelling my disgust, the ugly look I get for interrupting is A-ok with me.

They turn to the wife for direction and she nods, I open the door and they start to leave.

Pressing a hand on my arm she reaches my eyes with her own "I will come back later"

"Oh, you don't have to leave" I encourage her to stay with a smile.

"No, I have business to attend" and with that she is gone.

Can I jump up and down and chuck a hissy fit now? - Business!? Now?!

Your husband is in a coma and might die!

I lock the door and whirl around to take down the doctor's orders and offer the patients present stats.

Afterwards I find myself clearing the post-it notes from the bed trolley dinner table I find a single sheet of paper on the floor beneath, trying not to view the contents, I place it in the bedside drawer for the patient and his wife.

Days pass and Nancy and I work on being efficient and speedy with detail on precision. Crossing our shifts we make sure the patient is positioned so not to develop bedsores and assist circulation and conduct as much of a sponge bath as the lines and dressing will allow.

I've developed a bit of a thick skin to John.

I can say his name now, just.

John Lennon is lying in a coma right by my left elbow as I jot in the chart.

I shaved him today and I washed his skin as he lays prostrate on the bed.

John Lennon is in a coma with four gunshot wounds scattered across his chest and body.

"We will start to bring him out of the coma today, wean sedation drugs. Watch for sharp movements in those hours, any ruptures will bleed heavily" Knox scrawls his messy handwriten orders and signs off leaving me with a squeeze on my shoulder, hand lingering a tad too long. I roll my eyes and get on with it.

We chat, John and I. Well I chat, he lies there silently.

Coma patients need the banter or someone reading a book to them, I had my little Pepsi-cola transistor radio on quietly last night and I swear his finger moved.

Tonight I read Alice...........

"The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright
-- And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.

The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done
-- "It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"

The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead
-- There were no birds to fly.

In a Wonderland they lie
Dreaming as the days go by,
Dreaming as the summer die."

The heart rate monitor has risen as I read and now floats back down when I stop "He hears but he does not see" I whisper near his ear.

It's so good to find the mind is still there, with the massive blood loss there's always the foreboding worry that the brain may have been starved of oxygen for too long.

John Lennon would not take kindly to being less than whole.

Eyes are moving under curtains of skin, he is definitely wakening to a lesser stage of the coma, climbing out of the enforced sleep, trying to rise to the surface of lucidity and I drop the chart away.

In these hour's he could have involuntary movements, jerks and random arm or leg movements. Dangerous when internal tearing occurs. Especially with John, his heart has currently more stitches than my t-shirt.

And there it is, just as Nancy walks in grinning, he has flung his arms and flailed about, she nears as he drops into the abyss again, still and we breath.

A bleed appears.

Under and to the right of his heart the crimson leaks.

Ripped stitches above and below now evident as the trickle turns river, gloves thrust on I have a finger in through his skin and trying to press on the gusher. Nancy reaches for the phone summoning the surgeon on call and she ready's the equipment, this will be an inhouse operation, right here, with my finger shoved in his chest and Alice In Wonderland lost and, more than likely, kicked under the bed.

The bleeps escalate and I start chanting in Johns ear.

I am captive, we are connected. My finger trying to stem the bleeding blindly and I feel his pulse racheting through me. "Don't you dare leave John, you're to stay right here" As the blood pressure ebbs, Nancy readies paddles for the press and electrocution of his heart but if that has to happen I will need to remove my finger. "Come on Lennon, fight"

Surreal and out of body I never imaged I would be here in a room with John Lennon, berating him and pushing him to stay.

A eerie calm lays over us now, the beats per minute return somewhat to stable, the pressure is deathly low as Nancy hooks up another blood pack to the IV, the infusion of lifesaving liquid directly into a vein.

Nancy is watching me chanting and telling the patient off. I was on the far side of his heart so I hover almost completely over his chest, kneeling on the side of the bed, my finger numb with it's heavy push upon his artery.

She smiles in understanding then the surgeon rushes in taking over, although I am still connected to John, til I am replaced with a scalpel, needle and thread.

As the surgeon steps out for the night, Nancy and I look wearily across at each other. I rip the gloves off and toss them in the trash then, she gathers me to her, and we hug the heaviness away.

"Alright?"

"Yeah, numb finger" I grin a little. "Thanks for being my partner in crime"

"That reminds me. After all this we are clubbing and drinking and causing so much damage to our livers it will be recorded in Manhattan folklore, ok!?"

"Oh, I don't know about the clubbing ...." I frown then smirk while Nancy snorts at the denial of us drinking ourselves silly.

"And mister" Nancy taps Johns foot "Naughty like that again and we will have to tie you up"

"He'd probably like that" I giggle and we are back to normal, the night less pressing and lighter from the last few hours of hell.

I try to catch sleep on the vinyl armchair in the corner, half of Nancy's shift became overtime of mine.

"Do you think he hovered over us while you had your finger plugging his chest?" Nancy questions, she loves reading articles on afterlife and patients coming back from near death and saying things that they saw doctors do or words said in the crisis.

"Hope not" I listened with eyes closed "My hair is an absolute mess"

Missus Lennon has been infrequent in her visits but today I have suggested she bring their small son in. Sean is five, so small to be shown his father in this inert predicament. So, at 8pm Sean, sleepy tired, with the lights dim, is brought in. Yoko lets me position Sean carefully beside John and we watch a tiny hand slip into Johns bigger one.

I have to turn away.

A tear escapes and I mindfully whip myself with annoyance at allowing emotion to drip into this workplace of mine.

Perusing the chart, trying to keep my mind steady I see black and white but no words. I look at her, no tears and now, after barely ten fleeting minutes, she turns, ready to leave.

All is calm, all is good, he is lifting out of deep slumber again and his eyes are stirring under the lids, this time I am ready, I chat to him with boring inane crap and focus...

Focus on his limbs for movement.

Focus on keeping his body safe.

Focus on him.

".....Anyway, I said to him if he thinks I'm going to let him bludge off me forever he has another thing coming. He hit the wall this time, not me.... thankfully" The story of my life is told, cathartic and cleansing, no doubt boring the poor sod before me to want to go back down into his coma. I should stop recapping my life story.

"Ok enough about that hopeless loser. Nanc and I are hitting the clubs and drinking tequila when you're up running around, wanna come along?" I have to grin the heart jumped ten then dropped five "Nah you're a scotch fella aren't ya, wouldn't hold up to our drinking sessions. Wussy English" Baiting the ears, I see the flick of eye movement under his eyelids and the pulse ups and runs then drops placid, this is pretty neat. Hopefully he won't recall it, my famous last words.

He drops away into a deeper sleep and I ready for the daylight and visitors. More VIP's I've been warned.

Rounds completed Doctor Knox pinches the skin on my upper arm as I accompany him to the door, too close I step away as he steps into the space beside the police officer.

"You have visitors"

"I do?"

"Well patient does. Do you need me to stay with smelling salts?" Knox winks and is gone.

"What are you talking about....."

"Hi, I'm here to see Joh-"George Harrison is struck dumb as he catches a glimpse of the still form on the bed "Paul, Rings in 'ere"

I was positioned in the doorway and as George steps past two more crowd in, fucking hell... smelling... salts.

I can't breathe as they step either side of the bed and I close the door, I am in a room with rock gods and legends of my youth and no one is talking because they're all too busy rubbing their red swollen eyes.

What a horrible way to meet.

Standing back flush against the door I hide in plain sight, ready to answer questions but far enough away not to encroach on their grief. Paul turns slowly after ten silent minutes of soft touches to skin and holding of Johns hand and I try to breath. Remember how to breath Bree.

I open my mouth and nothing comes out. Berating myself I brace and fortify and become a nurse again, throwing the Beatlemaniac in the drawer for another day.

"Talk to him......"

Those red doe eyes throw silent questions at me and I step a little closer, picking up Alice In Wonderland from the table as I go.

"I've been nattering his ear off, reading this" I turned the book over for a few slight smiles.... "He hears"

"He's in coma isn't he though?" Ringo asks, blue eyes holding mine, I'm trapped in his intense stare and have to squeeze the book to my chest to find my feet.

"He's weaning..." That got a few inquisitive soft smiles " I mean by weaning.... I. I.... mean off sedation and slowly, over the next few hours he, hopefully will join us. Wake up- and become more alert"

"Oh, he was never a lert .... leered a lot though" George grins happily and I'm dying inside. Stepping past Paul, who seems the most fragile of the three, I check Johns monitor.

"See his heart rate, he has been steady the past hour now it's risen a few points, he knows you are all here" I smile at Paul as he leans over "John, say hello to your mates.... Paul, George and Ringo are here"

The monitor shows his heart rate kick up and I wipe some strands of hair off Johns forehead "Look" John's eyes stir under his lids.

"Sweet Jesus" Paul grins the widest grin making his eyes crinkle. As I watch them all react to John, I can't help but grin like an idiot too. Paul squeezes my shoulder "May I?"

"Be my guest"

But Ringo steps up cutting Paul off. "How come Lennon..... you get the pretty nurses?" My face turns beetroot red and I retreat back to the end of the bed and further still til I'm back busying myself with the medical trolley. "I only got fat old things, this one.... What's your name luv?"

"Bree, her name is Bree" Paul smiles, never taking his eyes off the heart rate monitor as it records good times, Johns happy.

"Bree, oh mate you have to have a gander" Ringo watches me as I redden to the almost the same crimson of Johns blood, he turns back to John "Blushing like a peach too, mate" George points out Johns eye movements with a toothy grin and mumbled "ha, look at that Paul"

"That's it!" I straightened and walked forward, determined to clear the rest of Ringo's words from his lips. Scooting beside him, biting the inside of my cheek trying to formula a witty retort. "Talk about your bloody wives and children, Mister Starr"

"OK" Paul grinned like the Cheshire cat himself "Linda says stay alive and the nurse is a hottie" I slapped Paul on the arm and he hugged me to him like I was a member of the family.

I wasn't, I couldn't be, dreams don't come true for common people like me. I need to be professional and aloof but all I seem to be is immature and fangirling ridiculously.

"Sorry luv. You don't know John but we do. Talking 'bout a pretty nurse will have him awake before the sun goes down" George smiled warmly as I watched Johns monitor, tiredness from the weeks' worth of worry for this patient threatening.

"Well John hear this. I'm average, plain like a flavourless jelly bean and I know how you hate those things" I smiled encouragingly at Paul as he tentatively picked up Johns hand, holding him gently, pressing his fingers against his mates.

In this environment you see a lot of men out of their depth. So long have they survived without showing sadness they have a hard time grasping the strong emotions swirling in them while seeing loved ones like this for the first time. Wiping their eyes so other don't see, clenched fists and jaws set, shoulders squared so they don't let tears fall.

But these three gulp and wipe their mouths messily, letting tears fall freely, no hidden sneaks with a tissue to be seen and they hug the one beside them with emotion and love. They hug each other.

Truly beautiful, truly friends.

I thought the Beatles hated each other, sure Ringo worked with each of them but George and Paul or Paul and John - not on. Today they banter and gravitate together, holding hands, arms slung over shoulders, smiling down on their friend, wishing him strength, wishing him awake. Wishing back.

I fill in the chart and hesitate to watch openly, Paul wanders towards me, they seem set on leaving soon.

"You a fan then luv?" His eyes catch mine as I bring my head up smiling, biting the pen. I grin, I'm not about to lie "I'll take that as a yes. Look after our lad, won't you"?

"Always" Hugged too fleetingly by Paul, he turns on his heel to give one more squeeze to Johns hand. A press of lips to his forehead 'from Lin' he claims.

"I think we will all be back, right?" George pauses by the door as Ringo and Paul nod in the affirmative "But it will most likely be separately. Bloody press was thirty thick on the way in as it was"

"You can come anytime..... midnight if that's better, all the same in here lights are always on. That's til John is awake and back to consciousness ...... anyway, even then I am guessing he is a night owl normally" My eyes question each of theirs as they move closer to George.

"Yep, John's a right ole night owl " Paul tittered "You'll be hard pressed to keep him in the bed I should think"

"Don't worry, I'll keep him in bed til he's fit to get up"

"Oh, he'd love you to keep him in bed" Ringo teased again, anticipating my reaction and not disappointed as the glow of fushia pinches my skin.

"Stop ya teasing, leave the nice nurse be, Rich. She's taking good care of our lad, don't go upsetting her" George stepped in and I was engulfed in Harrisons arms, cradled and safe, squeezed and released. "Here's the number for the hotel we are all at"

Looking at John once move they finally plodded slowly through the door, leaving the room silent and devoid of three talented musician's and lovely men.

Nancy took over, heckling me madly as we transferred information from one to the other, the shift crossover becoming a slightly giggly girly affair.

I imagine John was rolling his eyes in those moments.

"So, was the cute one cute and the quiet one quiet and the-"Nancy was worse than me.

"Nancy!" A slight hiss to my voice" Get a grip"

"Oh come on, if they had come in on my shift don't you tell me you wouldn't be worked up like this" Nancy grumbled happily.

"That's not the point" I retorted haughtily and laughed quietly as her eyes swept over my features. I blurted, not able to contain myself at all "All very handsome and right there Nanc.... George hugged me, Ringo flirted, Paul was that close, gave a too quick hug and squeezed my-"

"Butt!!! he squeezed your butt, ohhhh Bree!"

"My shoulder Nancy. Geez get a hold on yourself girl" I frowned at my gushing, Nancy seeing my agony of my dropping professionalism.

"Bree, stop with the sulks. It's natural, they're them. The poster boys of our youth, sex gods of our dreams, you're allowed to be a little excited to have met them"

"But John ......" I turned and walked over to him, he was asleep now the monitor quiet and steady "He'll of heard, no doubt. My obvious crushes on them all ... garnering happiness in his pain. So unprofessional of me...."

"Oh boo hoo. It's the fucking Beatles" Nancy grinned as I looked up at her not believing the way she was acting "Go home and get some sleep, dream about them and report back on who was the lucky fantasy man"

Stepping off the bus I walked the 100 or so metres to my small flat, it's advanced age and semi damp walls meant it was well and truly due for a demolition wrecking ball but I kept renewing the lease. What can I say- it was cheap.

Close to transport and the shops plus in a safe-ish neighbourhood and all mine, alone I sealed the deal on my own slice of rental heaven. And that was the big clincher to stop me moving. If I went elsewhere I would surely need a flatmate to help cover costs.

The radio grumbled with static and I shifted the dial ever so slightly catching the golden oldies hour as I fixed dinner. It was 4am but I needed to eat, starving rumbling stomach and sleeping don't mix in my book.

Oh book! I tossed the vegetables in to boil and walked across the hall into the bedroom. Reaching blindly under my bed I pulled out a box of novels. If John behaved I could read, if he didn't I could be assured of plenty of lively action and visits from doctors. I hope he behaves, I've been wanting to read this book for months.

Dinner hit the spot and before I retire to snuggle down into the sheets and doona I find my way to the back door, a small shared garden down three steps, I jump from the top nearly floundering onto the damp grass and head to the back fence, climbing a metre or so into the fork of the large oak tree growing there.

I can see everything from here on the side of the hill in the 'burbs.

The hospital looms bright and tall almost centre of my frame then the fancy high rises to the left, the Hudson River dark and looking still, from here, to the right. A few lights drift along its course. Directly in front, down the slope, a very favourite place to go Harlem Meer; where I can sit under a tree and people watch while eating ice-cream and sunbaking in summer or making snow angels and sipping hot chocolate in winter.

The winter chill sends a blast up from the river and I tumble inside, sleep beckoning and the next shift with John on the other side.

Sunlight streams in and catches my face, rubbing my ears I berate myself, forgotten again I have to pull the drapes and now I pay the price, barely four hours shuteye.... and never to close my eyes on this side of today, again.

The dark blue of the drapes hold most of the light at bay and as I close them for tomorrow I see the buildings in the daylight, finally realising that John and I are almost neighbours, well him in his fancy tower and me in damp walls close to central downtown Harlem. Grinning at my 'so close' not being so close I hanker to cook so opt to throw a fudge slice in the oven for work and snatch my uniform from the dryer to get prepared for another shift.

"Finally, see John, I said she would be late" Nancy was in the middle of our shared exercise routine, the movements keeping the sleeping man mobile for when he is actually trying to be mobile again.

"Is he awake?"

"No" Nancy stopped the leg movements, setting his limb down gently "Look though, all the vitals showing wakeful attributes and his eye dilation is excellent. I'm sure he is just waiting for his favourite nursy to show up" Nancy laughed quietly as she combed Johns hair with her fingers.

I couldn't resist biting the bullet and asking why I was favourite and not her "Pray tell why moi would be favourite Nurse, Nancy?" I checked the changeover details and flicked the IV to displace any air trapped in the line as she ate a huge chunk of my homemade slice.

"This is sooo good, you didn't put the last of the Mary Jane in it by chance?" Nancy grinned and licked chocolate from her finger.

"Nancy! Someone will hear you!"

"Well if he does, I'm sure he'll only ask for a slice"

"You're mad, go home"

"What and leave all that slice here with you, no way!"

"Would you lot shuddup" His voice was low and scratchy from being previously ventilated and unused, his eyes stayed closed.

"Well that's one way to wake the slumbering" Nancy turned around to gobble another piece and I pressed digits on the phone keypad, calling up the doctor for checks on the now waking John.

"John ... you need to lie still, you're in hospital"

"And you're eating happy slice"

"Well he's lucid, better chart the conversation" Nancy giggled.

"There's no drugs in the sl- Oh hello Maureen, can you send up the doctor on duty please"

Nancy and I stood back of room waiting to be called up for observations but hopefully not for what words the patient had actually said...

"Fuck off with the light" John was coming round too fast, he was in that inbetween of knowing and not, lucid and dreamy, too quick and he would again be flailing about ready to rip lines out and also try and get up and leave even though he would fall in a heap on the floor.

"Alright I'm done Mister Lennon, I'll leave you in the nurse's capable hands and see you in a few hours" The doctor of the hour took leave, Nancy yawned wearily as she shut the door on his retreating white coat.

"He always has a stick up his arse that one"

"Nancy please!"

"Well take it out and bang it about that fucking light" John spoke up reminding us there were three in the room now.

"I'm off, this one is going to be a shit to keep down on the bed, good luck with that" Nancy swiped another fat piece of chocolate slice, waved and ducked off down the corridor to sign out.

"Now see what you've done- started scaring nurses away Mister Lennon" I walked about his legs tucking in the blanket, checking his toe for his extremities temperature.

"Stop tickling me"

"Feel that?"

"Can't feel it from there luv, move your hand a way higher"

"You are going to be a live one, lucky Nancy will have you for your really wakeful shift"

"I am glad I'm live seeing as I'm in a hospital, now tell me why I'm here"

"Open your eyes and I will"

"Ok, too easy" John moved his face, his nose, frowning at his eyes not seeming to want to open "They won't, it's too bright"

"Oh well can't tell you then, such a saga too and lots of melodrama and-"

"It's too bright, Mary Jane"

"It's Bree to you" I watched John struggling, he was having a good attempt. I decided to lean over him, my face shielding him from the harsh overhead light "Try again"

His eye fluttered slowly open...."Oh for fucks sake I'm in heaven aren't I"

"Nooooo"

"Well why are you an angel then?"

"Oh smooth one you are but they don't have old angels in heaven" I hovered, blocking the light, John watched me taking his pulse and fixing the tubing. Again recording all his vitals in the ever expanding chart.

Lifting his arm, applying the blood pressure cuff he held my hand weakly trying to stop me "Ok Ok, let me finish this and I'll chat"

"No way, how long asleep?"

I sighed and set the cuff aside.

"Coma from bullet wounds actually"

"Oh sorry..... coma" John leered and I stepped away, my patient was John Lennon and he was awake. "Show us the bullet wounds then"

"I'll show you one and show you the others when I change your dressing" I walked away to get all fresh sterile bandages, tape, gauze and antiseptic cream.

"Did I nearly die?......." John was watching me intently, yawning, flexing an aching jaw no doubt, as I stepped back over to position beside the leg wound to take the bandage away, flipping the blankets up and away to get some space.

"You died twice on the table and had to have many litres of blood transfused. You're still weak. We need to get you better slowly, this isn't an 'oh I'm awake let's go home' scenario ok?" Carefully snipping the old bandage away I took a peek at John, his eyebrows drawn together mulling over my words.

"Maybe I should have gone, died I mean"

Johns vitals and lucidity were smashing records. Fitness prior to his shooting now helping him recover. His scores on both would in the high 9's and 10's. Vocally strong too. Scratchy sounding of course from the ventilation tube but that was to be expected.

"And leave me minding an empty bed, that doesn't seem very nice of you" I grinned up at him, my hand high on his thigh, his eyebrows darting up waggling evilly when he realised "Behave or I'll give you an enema"

"Yes nurse"

"That's better" The bandage fell away and I lifted the gauze to reveal ten stitches "there see, all red and gross" He was giving me hell I would return the favour. I would get into trouble if a doctor walked in but his banter was too much fun to ignore and be 'proper nurse like' with him " Open your eyes John, I'm teasing you"

"Well stop it, I hate blood and gore" His lips thinned as he inspected the single gunshot wound to the inside upper thigh "Shit, nearly took me gonads off"

"Oh, wouldn't that have been a pity" I giggled and got to work replacing the gauze and lifting his thigh to roll the bandage round his leg, glancing up I waited for his eyes as they roved around the bland room and came back to settle on me "Sorry John, just tell me to shut up if you don't want me to talk like this"

I got a grin as a response then his eyes drooped, he was suddenly tired again. John gave me a quizzical look, I guess wondering why, after so much sleep, he needed to sleep yet again so soon.

"You're going to be tired, a lot. Let sleep help you to repair your body" Covering his legs again with the white hospital blanket I stepped back to the light positioned straight above his head, switching it off and turned the main room light off leaving the dim light on over the nurses trolley on. I walked to his side with a dose of pain medicine, which gave a sedation kick on the side, for the IV "Better? I'm going to give you a pain med now"

"Much thanks," Holding my gaze, John swept his free hand up to my jaw making me recoil slightly, not used to patients touching me, he still managed to slide his finger along my jaw "You won't leave me, will you Mary Jane?"

"I won't"

Johns hand fell away and he was out like a light, all the activity sending him deep into sleep but hopefully only for a few hours this time.

"Go home" Nancy hissed quietly and prodded me awake. I had drift off to sleep, I was an hour or was it two, into her shift now.

"I promised him, that I'd be here when he woke up ..." Not raising my eyelids I let myself drift, hearing Nancy fussing around with the new stock for the trolley. I started to slowly fall back into my dreamless sleep again "I promised"

"I promised to love and obey but look where that got me- divorced and broke" Nancy poked my cheek and all I could do was groan incoherently at her and try to swat the air in a feeble attempt to get her to stop, all with my eyes closed.

"Why is she asleep, there?" John enquired when he woke, Nancy sitting on her stool, cast an eye over her dearest friend.

"She promised you she would be here when you woke up apparently" Nancy stood, turning to fetch the chart to document Johns wake time "She seems to think she owes you her promise" Nancy mocked.

"Send her home to her family"

"I can't do that. The closest family here is me, the closest goon of a partner she tossed out over a week ago" Nancy ran a finger over her lips, dry and cracked from the hospital airconditioning system that she worked in every day. "I'll poke her awake, let her see your.... what are they? Hazel? Brown? eyes and push her into a bunk in the nurse's rec room, although in here is probably much quieter"

"When will Yoko come?" John had wondered before he slept last night or was it yesterday or earlier today? Then forgot to ask one of the nurses to call her.

"I'm sure the doctor will call her this morning, she came in a few times when Bree was on. Those bandmates of yours all filed in too on her shift, lucky devil" Nancy grinned at Bree's luck, plonking down on the stool as she picked up the blood pressure cuff to again check the obs.

"You mean Beatle bandmates?"

Nancy nodded "Ahuh"

"All of 'em?"

"Yep"

"Shit I must have been near death then"

"That you were Mister Lennon, don't ever think otherwise. You have been given a second chance. Hours and hour's you were in surgery. I know Bree thought she wasn't going to end up with a patient that night" Filling in the forms and charts Nancy nudged Bree as she rounded the bed, the recliner chair full of nurse, uniform and now hair in every direction having escaped from under her cap.

"Oh god Nanc, what time is it?"

"A quarter before your shift starts"

"It is not...... is it!?"

I jumped up in haste, instantly regretting the swift movement, my head was aching from sleeping in the contorted position. "Oh very funny, it's hours yet. I won't sing duet with you at karaoke if you keep being mean to me"

"Oh glory be another song saved from Bree's singing"

"Morn luv ...... Thanks for keeping your promise" John tried turning to face Bree "Go home or to that room.... what's it called?"

"The Rec room cot he means" Nancy shook me a little, waking me from nearly snoring as I stood centre of the room dozing "Off you go, you'll be no good for John on your date tonight if not"

"Bah ha-ha" I kissed Nancy's cheek, wiping the light smudge of pink lip balm away with my thumb "Call the desk when it's my shift, I don't have my alarm clock on my person"

As well rested as one can be on a thin mattress and nurses stepping in and out of the room I had returned to the ward to find Nancy reading some more of Alice In Wonderland to John. The phone jangled as I stepped inside the room, so I snatched it up quickly.

"That was Missus Lennon she will be coming in tomorrow" John was silent and I thought he must have been dozing but as Nancy swapped places with me she shook her head in the negative.

John's face was glum, having had another good rest his body was now waking fully, he looked bored and wanted a visit from someone other than two nurses.

"I've got to dash to the chemist before it shuts, you right with the exercises?"

"Yep sure" I watched Nancy streak out the door then fly back in to collect one more piece of my slice wiggling it in the air as she waved goodbye.

"So what shall we do first...... bandages or exercises, or go for broke and sponge bath before the lot" I tried to lift his mood but I wasn't succeeding in the slightest.

".... I'm bored, take me clubbing"

"I'm not taking you clubbing, aren't you too past it for clubbing. I went last month and was surrounded by kids with zits and braces, ughhh" I shuddered recalling the idiotic night "The ex insisted we should have fun by going to a dingy club with his three friends. They all took off, ex included, leaving me sitting alone drinking Lemonade. Yep, I was designated driver.... never ever again"

No response, perhaps I should call the doctor in. He could have post-traumatic stress from the incident or be depressed, maybe he was on something prior the accident.....

"John, ummm just so I have everything up to date.... Were you on any drugs - prescription, over the counter, or ummm, something harder..."

Blankly he stared through me and as I totted up my symptoms list in my head I began to tap the page, thinking of every scenario for the doctor's information.

"Stop thinking, its noisy luv...and no I ain't on nothing- weak, strong or stupid strength. Well only Mary Jane, but you seem to have prior knowledge of her, don't you"?

"Shush John, the doctor might walk in at any moment. Nancy and I, on the very rare occasion, may have some but not at all regularly"

"Nothing wrong with having a joint luv"

"Shusssh you!"

Remembering John's other visitor's I smiled, hoping it would be a welcome distraction I reached over and opened the top drawer grabbing the note paper I had placed there earlier in the week.
The page the lawyers had dropped was also there sitting untouched. I made a decision, deciding to try for visitors first then business second. Perhaps I should have offered it but John was still recovering. Wiggling the paper, John snatched it from my fingers.

Well his reflexes are good.

Scanning the page quickly, John nodded for me to call.

"Yes hello could you please put me through to George Harrisons room ......... ok nobody of that name...... Paul McCartney ........... not him either" I looked at John, upset that I couldn't get in touch with his friends.

"Try Ramone, Paul Ramone" John offered as I twirled the cord around, whirling back around I tried the name.

"Try Paul Ramone.... oh great thanks!" I smiled at John I was being put through....

They strolled in like the three wise men, each carrying a gift, only two with beards though .... Smiles were wide as they joined a very lucid John, lying centre stage on the bed. All of them trying to speak at once.

It was a privilege I decided.

To watch each of them interested and equally worried about John. They looked over the medical equipment as they teased John saying it contained more than just the legal drug concoctions. I stayed back as much as I could, sat perched on the stool beside the nurse's trolley filling in Johns chart with my notes and observations. Doodling when the deeds were done on a sheet of note paper.

I was given a gift, a box of assorted chocolates, gift wrapped with a ribbon. Paul handing it to me complete with a kiss on the cheek. My blush quickly giving away the fact that, just like every other girl on the planet, I had a crush on the Beatles.

"Oh, she's more into pot brownies, that one is. I doubt a box of assorted would give her a thrill Paulie. Good try though" John grinned as I shushed his now too loud voice not wanting the word pot and she, as in me, to be in the same damn sentence! "What?! They won't dob on ya luv"

"No but your big foghorn voice might" I grizzled back as I quickly finished off my second set of ob's for the hour. My retort seemed to earn some brownie points of its own as all three visitors had a deep chuckle.

"She's got a point there Johnny" Ringo nodded in support. "Used to hear him clear across the stadium, couldn't hear the guitars but John .... yup"

"Shuddap Richard, don't tell tales or I'll liven the convo with some sordid tales of yours mate" John tried to straighten up from the resting position he was in so I stepped through past George, and then with 'quiet one' hovering over my shoulder, I heaved patient Lennon up and adjusted his pillows and bed height with my free hand, the other arm round and behind Johns shoulder and head.

"Oh look at the muscles on this one, do you work out luv? Press-ups at the gym, star jumps in the park?" George gave my upper arm a pinch to test my 'muscles'.

I had to escape, my breathing threatened to stop, I definitely would need Johns oxygen mask- I guess he wasn't using it at the moment anyway. Pressing past the Beatle that seemed intent on invading my personal space I fled to the safety of my corner by the trolley.

"Leave my nurse 'Mary Jane' be, George. I don't want her upset at your bloody antics then her taking it out on poor innocent me" I scoffed and he continued unperturbed "She threatens me with enemas you know ......"

A host of eyes turned my way and I flushed red yet again.

Forgotten when John eked out a sad cough, they were back facing the patient talking a mile a minute. George began glancing up with a worried look here and there, I realised they had been talking about lawyers and taxes, nothing argumentative but still I was an interloper......

"I'll step outside, be by the door, if you like?" My words rang round the room, each man gazing up at John then at me stood awkwardly by the door handle, hand at the ready to turn the knob. I shouldn't leave the room, it usually amounted to instant dismissal but these are the members of the biggest band in the world- and they were talking business... "It's no trouble, then you can talk, without worry"

Ringo stepped forward, crossing the room his blue eyes piercing with sincerity held mine "Don't be silly, we know you'll be discreet, luv" Ringo led me by my hand, like a little girl, to the other stool I had placed near the end of the bed "Sit yourself down and be prepared for boredom and probably a tiff or two" Ringo grinned but I worried and lifted my gaze to John, he had slid his glasses on and saw my face contorted with worry at Ringo's words.

"He's just jesting luv, we're only talking bout life. We'll behave, promise. Wont we lad's, best pals and all that?" John smiled a small smile reassuring me.

With yeses and yeah's all-around I sat and became privy to men talking about their lives, bringing me down from the clouds I had been floating in. Moments of endlessly tormenting and teasing as each if them drift back into amicable chatting about kids and family. They were all normal, it was my mind changing them into more. They had families, wives, worries, children and lots of history with each other.
Their Northern roots came back as they bantered, reminiscing about when they were kids, speaking fast and sometimes with what sounded like gibberish. Their hometown scouse sounding thick and authentic through their conversations and ready laughter.

The light on the phone signalled a call so I reluctantly tore myself away and latched onto the receiver. A storm was brewing, media gathered like clouds tracking together for rain and fans crammed down the streets and surrounded the entrances. It was time for the boys to clear off as John so eloquently put it, they all promised to be back or call. They all generously gave me a kiss on the cheek as they filed out the door.

Silence swallowed the room.

I busied myself and John groaned, he knew the equipment I was assembling and I smiled up at him from the trolley, the water warm and the soap a boring, nondescript scent.

"You enjoyed that didn't you?" John teased as I reverted into my nursing role, John now uncomfortable with me washing him as he lay on his bed. My face was blanked over as I often did when I did this part of the patient care. John was John Lennon and I struggled to stay blank. Trying to ignore patient Lennon and his question "Are you ignoring me?..."

Concentrating on his bandages I worked fast, making him hiss at times if tape was still attached a little too securely, and not loosened completely. "Well perhaps I should sing, hmmm"

If I fell in love with you

Would you promise to be true

I finally glanced up, his voice leaching into my ears, no one could ever ignore his voice. Shaking my head for him to stop was me waving the red flag at the bull, he continued as I tried to turn him on his side to redress his back wounds and clean the body.

And help meeeeee understand

'Cause I've been in love bef-

"Please John, I'm washing your damn body and I'm trying to treat you like a hunk of human flesh NOT John Lennon!"

He was pouting when I finally looked up, a grin quickly enveloping his features, cheekiness, loveable, endearing, his cackling made me laugh, covering my mouth to stop myself with no degree of success. Tugging the sheets up, I sat on the bed holding my face, hiding, shaking my head wishing I wasn't there in the moment, making myself upset and stupidly getting emotional instead.

"I'm a complete failure"

"What? NO. Where did that come from? We were laughing a minute ago luv" John pulled my fingers away from my face "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to aggravate you with my singing"

I had to roll my eyes, him aggravate me? What a joke .. now if I was singing .... "I love your singing, it's the fact that I love your singing so much that this is so hard"

"it's not hard yet, my love..."

"Where is that enema packet?"

John shut up his mouth into a thin line and he made his eyes big and round like saucers, I grinned thinly and set my jaw. My stance now like a... 'I'll get through it' or'we will preserve' scenario.

I stood to refill the bowl with warmer water and tried to get back on task.

"My wife..."

I was nearly finished down low at his shins, his voice a statement. I glanced up wondering what was the matter.

"My wife doesn't touch me near as much as you have luv. All these years and in a few day's you know me more intimately that she does. Not right is it"

There was nothing to say to that. My hands moved again soap rinse soap rinse towel dry sheets blanket. What is there to say....?

John Lennon was starved of touch, that one human want everyone desires and needs almost like the air we breath and here, right now, he was receiving it clinically and cold from a stranger in a sterile bland setting.

I remembered the sheet of paper as I emptied the dirty dressings into the bin and stacked the used implements by the door. John's eyes following me all the way round the bed and to his drawer, I took out the sheet and handed it to him, along with his Holly specs, and stood waiting.

"Did you read this?" John was looking at me in an interested kind of way, not angry, not irritated or upset, just asking.

"I ummm"

"Mary Jane, it's ok"

"I saw a bit but I didn't read it all, I put it aside straight away, I swear"

"Thank you for keeping it safe luv. I should say though, I'm not surprised in the least by the contents" The page was passed to me to read "Have a proper gander... and see what the view is like from John Lennon's window"

Drawing the stool closer, I started reading, glancing up as I stopped at each paragraph, by the end my hand was on Johns arm giving him a squeeze of strength. "Holey shit"

"Well that's one way of putting it" John laughed a bit "Good job you kept me ticking, luv"

"She can't do that" I stood up like I was about to wage battle with the enemy although she wasn't even near. "What if you had......."

"Died"

"Hmmmmm, yes that"

"You're a nurse and you can't say the word?!" John smiled at my reluctance to say the one word that I hated as much as my Ex.

"I can't say it around you, John"

"But there SHE goes without batting an eyelash. Making carbon copies, signing them and all but shoving the knife in my back" John groaned and shoved his head back hard into the pillows.

"Careful there mister, you can't be having a head injury on my watch" I smiled openly and happily showing all my love for the man, reminding him he was cared about.

"Can I keep you.. " He whispered as he lay feigning sleep.

"Ummm it's a lay away system. A dollar down, a dollar a week" I laughed and put his letter back in the drawer, John caught my hand quickly and just lay, eyes watching my face intently as he held me softly, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb.

"Where do I sign...."

"Oh sorry Mister Lennon, there's no warranty, this model is outdated and prone to malfunction"

"Oh, ok then, don't need one of them then, do I!!" John smiled somewhat forlornly and closed his eyes again "I need a lawyer. Do nurses have access to phone books? Suppose you can't leave the room til our Nancy gets here. It'll be afterhours by then won't it?"

I shook my head, I couldn't leave, he was right. And I had a lawyer's number on speed dial in my head. I harrumphed and shook the numbers away.

"What's the matter?"

"I know a lawyer and he's good, surprisingly. I know his phone number but you'll have to get him in on Nancy's shifts" I glanced up at John who comically had his eyebrow cocked as I nibbled my lip "Argh! He's my Ex. He's a fantastic ball busting take no prisoners lawyer but he's my Ex and I can't stand to be near him"

"Come here Mary Jane" I was pulled closer, too close, almost nose to nose we were "I'd wait for a phone book my luv but that bit of crap paper has been there a while, am I right?" I nodded in agreement, too long it had sat idle "I need a lawyer asap. Now I know you hate him but he could be here today, yeah"

Again, I nodded, he worked only a few blocks away and John Lennon could make anyone come to him in mere minutes.

"Thank-you sweetie" John kissed my cheek watching my blush break away and rush towards my chest. But I'm sure he saw the worry etched around my eyes also. At least here, at the hospital, I wouldn't be alone with Barry.

Barry Castin was a medium built steamroller of a man. He wanted, he got. He wanted me that night in Soho and he got. I was a fool, devoid of love in those years. I latched on and thought I'd found my one and only. What in fact I found was a man with a penance for violence and moths in his wallet.

He was my first major mistake and I damn well wanted him to be my last one too.

Barry was a blood hound and looking back I see he was actually making my life hell those first few months as well. All I saw at the time was someone wanting me with them constantly and for us to be together alone, no friends were to visit, at all.

I stopped visiting favourite places, routines in my world were discarded because I was forever hovered over. He didn't hurt me in the early days but swallowed me in his views instead.

And now he was about to enter my little universe once more....

"Bree, what a surprise. Angela said your name and I flipped. How are you?" Barry stepped in the room and I was engulfed by memories but he was acting as if we were mates. I stood cowed by the door and waited til John was right with the lawyer. "I'll see you when we wrap up, darling"

Suddenly, I'm a child again. He makes me feel inferior and small. He makes my skin crawl. "I'll be outside, yell if you need me Mister Lennon"

John nods and his eyes burn me with their heated gaze. I should have told him no and got the phone book.

Time is no friend of mine. I'm approaching the age I should have had my babies but here I am.... Childless, footloose, fancy free. Maybe I should just hook up at the bar, get up the duff, before it's too late and I'm a spinster with no children. All my life has been work- nights, split shifts, emergencies, no extra hours for life. I suppose I brought my life on myself and I should stop ruing the loss.

Never leave me alone when my Ex is in the room. Nancy will grumble and tell me off for not calling her but I'm a grown up. I should be able to handle a little heat.

The door swings open and Barry looks flustered "Finished, goodbye" and he flees down the corridor.

Stepping back in the room John's eyes are watching, brooding on my attitude, and my silence.

I get back to work, the shift will end soon, each nurses handover will be completed.

Nancy will high five me like she always does when I shove the chart in her lap... And then ... and then I will finally go home.

"He's good and he's going to get on with it but I told him to come on Nancy's shifts even if it's two the fuck in the morning" John glowered angrily at me, why? I haven't done anything. "Why did you just do that? He fucking hit you and you invited him here"

My eyes darted up did I hear right? "He told you?!"

"He didn't have to tell me anything, darling. You did. Your body, your disolving into the floor, your pathetic rush out the door" John stared at the ceiling, he looked like he was counting to calm himself "You can't run from that, you have to stand up and fight.." Johns eyes leveled on mine "Even when it's only lifting your fucking chin and looking him in the eye my luv"

One big fat tear rolled down my face and he softened slightly then hardened again, the Lennon bastard they all speak of looking down his nose at me. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't be sorry!! Be mad, be angry, be strong. Don't be sad and definitely, definitely don't be sorry Bree" His voice softened and I chanced to look up from the blood pressure cuff I was inanely fiddling with on his arm "Oh girl, geez. He hurt you bad that one, didn't he"

I was in his arms before the cuff was removed, I can't remember how long for but it felt so safe and good and nice. All the things I shouldn't feel, I felt. All the thoughts I just had, I shouldn't have had.

Nancy walked in and I fled.

No changeover, no high five, no chart put on her lap.

"Would she be home by now? Call her!" John pestered Nancy. He was worried, Bree was weak from the lawyer and upset for being weak and accepting a hug from her patient.

"Wait would you, this time of night she has two buses and a ten-minute walk.... that's if she goes straight home. I can't factor in buying milk or stopping off to get plastered at Joes"

"Would she? She a drinker?" John sat up gingerly trying to drag himself higher in the bed and Nancy made an ut oh sound to herself, were these two getting too friendly...

"We have been known to drown our sorrows. What is it to you then, patient Lennon?" Nancy stared John down, she was head nurse and had the authority to suspend Bree on the spot for breaches like this.

Bree knows the score you can't be friends on shift, Nancy is the senior of the two and that's it "If you two are-"

"Us two are not, nurse Nancy. That fucker Barry whatshisname sent her through a loop. I tore her off a strip for being soft and then I apologised to the upset lady, I hugged her. End of story" John talked straight, a mile a minute and his attitude calmed Nancy "Call her please. I need my nurse safe, Nancy"

Dialing the phone number Nancy watched John and listened to the ring. She did like him, as a Beatle, a man Nancy guessed. Perhaps Bree working with John had been a bad idea... Pick up the ph-

"Bree, hi huny. No he's fine.............Yes I know that but I need you for the next shift, have a cold shower and for gods sake, tip the rest down the sink" Nancy listened intently "Bree please I need you for the shift ..... No. I think you should drink coffee from hereon in"

Nancy glanced over at John, he was eavesdropping, she turned in case he read lips too. Nancy began whispering in a useless attempt to twarth Johns eavesdropping capabilities "Bree, come on. I love you darling but you have to stop this ...... No I don't think that's a good idea ...... promise you'll be here at 7 ...... alright I'll see you then. Love you, byee"

"What's happened, what is she doing? Is she alright?" John questioned as Nancy hung the phone up.

"Shush, I'm thinking"

"Nancy what's going on?"

Nancy met Johns gaze, and head nurse Nancy took over "Mister Lennon, it is no concern of yours what my nurses say to me on the telephone" Slamming open a trolley draw Nancy got the bathing equipment ready.

Approaching the bed she decided to change tack "The truth is John, none of us really know how much another person is hurting. We could be standing right beside someone who is completely broken and have no idea" Nancy continued her ministrations and let John chew on her choice of words.

Bree breezed in looking like a million dollars, her smile wide and happy later that night.

"Nancy told me...." John stated as Bree bustled about, busy with the changeover checks and balances. Too busy for chit chat. But wait, Nancy what?! Told him!?!

Bree looked at Nancy watching the patient and nurse interaction "Nancy told you I took the pills and the-!!!?"

"Bree!!!"

"No. No she didn't but... how interesting" John countered grinning at her admission. And then he realised .... she was bouncy, her knee not stilling, her fingers tapping, eyes wide.

"I'm going. You two can sort out big mouth Bree"

"Nancy. Come back" I whined, speaking to the rapidly closing door. Nancy disappeared leaving me with my big mouth and slightly jumpy disposition.

"Will I be ok?"

"What?"

"With you high as a kite. Will I be OK?"

"You'll be washed and exercised in under half the time and the obs will take five instead of ten and your pee break in the pan better be quick because I'm likely to shake the pan and the-"

"Slow down, slow down ... I get it"

"Dob me in, here I'll get the phone. No don't ..... Tell Nancy to suspend me, if not she will go down too for not realising I'm using and she will go in front of the nurses board too and the I, I -"

"Do you do this often?"

"What. No. NO, of course not. They were his you know, left them in the vanity cabinet next to his disposable razor, or was it mine? I hadn't had one before, just watched him you know. Like a little child interested but scared. Well not today! I took a sucker and washed it down with my tequila and then felt my head spin and my mouth smile so wide I had to look in the mirror to see I was really happy. Awesome, I felt like I was flying like a kite you know. Oh, Oh, Lucy in the Moonsky with Mister Benefit!"

John laughed as she rambled away, stunned at her admitting her naughty diversion of the day, he didn't care if it was once or a few times, he just worried she was ok. "Come here, read me this"

John handed Bree the Alice in Wonderland book and was entertained and read to at a rapid-fire rate of words per minute. She showed him all the pictures and regaled him with interesting anecdotes of her life.

John had Bree turn the lights off so they were in a dim setting, minutes after midnight she fell asleep, leaning on the book on the bed beside John. He watched the girl- woman frown in her dreams and wondered if she was happy in there or running scared like she seemed to be out here, tonight.

Fingers found hers and he held her hand, gaining comfort for his own gain and knowing if she woke her movement would wake him; he fell asleep.

"Oh god" Shit shit shit shit fuck.

"Nice nap?" John watched Bree wipe her eyes and check she hadn't dribbled.

"Your meds, your excerise, your bath!... I'm dead"

"Get me the meds I'm sore but if Nancy says anything I'll just say I refused"

"But that's a lie, you didn't"

"Ask me then, Bree"

"Do you want a bath and your exercises?"

I smiled a little. He wanted to cover for my mistakes, so sweet.

"No nurse Bree, leave my poor body be" John watched at my lips curl up a little as I silently thanked him.

My breath caught "You called me Bree, twice"

"That I did Bree, do you mind?"

"No not at all it sounds nice, a lot better than Mary Jane" I relaxed back onto the stool then realised the bloody chart needed filling in. I grabbed the offending board and quickly added the details, John laid a hand on my arm to slow me down.

"Arrr question Bree... When I go home will I need to organise a nurse?"

"Ummm yeah maybe if Missus Lennon can't cope then yeah but the hospital will sort all that for you and-"

"I want you, if you can put up with me a bit longer that is"

"Oh, I can't it's not my area. You see I'm a -" I paused as John looked at the ceiling, anywhere but me now.

John spoke without emotion, calm, cool, collected "You could if you wanted. All you have to do is say the word and I will have it sorted"

Why won't he look at me, I'm shrinking away and he is looking at a poxy roof.

"I don't want another nurse Bree. Nancy is the boss and we don't have a connection like you and I do. I can feel something with you, you know me. You know when I hurt or I'm sick of exercises. I just. I just think it would work best that's all"

"I'm flattered but-"

"But what? You can take leave of here. I will pay you decently better than this shit hole. You can have the run of the Dakota apartments, you can go out when I don't need coodling. You could read to me or tell me your life story or listen to my whinging or-"

"You don't whinge"

"Oh, you haven't known me long, I can whinge... a lot" John smiled and looked down at my fingers grasping the cuff much too tight "You'll break that if you don't stop squeezing the bloody thing"

"I. Ummm. I'm too involved John"

"What do you mean?"

"I like the Beatles, you know, massive fangirl poster plasterer here"

"Oh that's ok, I get that lots doesn't bother me none as long as you aren't shrieking like a banshee, I'm fine with it"

"I think I maybe might like you more..."

His eyes gravitated to mine, pinching me in his hard gaze. I stupidly continued, letting my voice talk without thought of consequence "I think I'm too intently worried for my patient's comfort...and and happiness .... Oh geez's that pill is still running my mouth off! .. I think I should shut up now. Ok? Yes, shut up-"

Nancy made her entrance and the shifts collided once again, leaving my world in upheaval and John with loads of questions by the look on his face.

Gradually the thought of his leaving ICU and my being his home carer was forgotten.

Mainly due to Barry the bastard crawling through the door so often... with page after page of document for John to sign, in a new suit each time mind you, the bloody nerve of him to now be throwing his cash around.

I wasn't sure what John had going on, all I knew was his wife had been feathering her nest and de-feathering his.. And his first born son's one too. Making changes to many companies and holdings held in John's name.

I tossed the pills away the night after my escapade, I don't mind Mary Jane on occasion but those little pills were totally off the wall. Relaxing in my tub with a wine and my novel has been leaving me more in control and centred than any outside influence has in a long time-

"Nurse"

"Doctor Knox"

"Bree walk with me please" The good doctor took my elbow and led me from the room, I hadn't been listening intently, as mostly, the doctor's information and delivery, was for John's benefit. If I heard the words 'meds' 'dose' 'vitals' my chin would lift and I would answer but standing by my trolley gave me room away from Knox, until now of course.

"The patient hasn't a nurse" I initiated level one extraction, my elbow popped free and I was turning toward the now firmly closed door of John's room. Why Knox didn't get the hint I don't know it's not like I'm Kathleen at reception, who lives in a too small uniform and a few too many top buttons undone.

"The patient will be fine. Come, I need to check the prescription charts in the med room" Knox was a bastard too. All men interested in me are bastards I've come to think, pushy and wanting something of you all the time. "Code?"

I punched the code and pushed the door for him to enter, I was tugged and the self closing door shut tight. The code box sat blinking away waiting for my fingers to stamp the code in for the door to bounce open again.

"Bree"

"Doctor"

"You have been looking lovely these last few weeks. I'm glad you tossed that loser boyfriend of yours" Knox closed in, he was taller wider stronger and I meekly walked backwards toward the furthest cabinets to try to get away.

"I. Thank-you doctor, the charts you required" Shoving the pile in his chest just wasn't going to cut it and I was in here til he decided I could go. Nancy, the only other nurse on ward with the code, was off on lunch.

Two hands, two legs pinned and held against the cabinet locked me in place. Surely he wasn't serious. The room seemed darker, colder, smaller than it ever had and I pushed myself to breath.

"Is my patient near ready for release home, doctor?" I chanced to look up into Knox's face, he smiled and I felt his fingers flitter along my stockings high up my thigh.

"Yea Mister Lennon will be off in two days I would hazard a guess. Have you been having fun looking after him, I know you like the Beatles this must have been a real treat for you" Fingers graced my underwear, tracing the edges in warning.

"Please stop... "

Knox leaned in closer watching my eyes, surely he sees I hate him, I'm scared of him "Mister Lennon has been an excellent patient, yes. May I go now. Please"

"You know I always get what I want don't you. I can make or break your career. Don't say no to me Bree, I wouldn't want to lose another good nurse" Fingers trailed down my cheek, round my nape dragging me closer.

"I need to go .... the patient, please" I caught my breath as he kissed a few kisses along my jaw and with his hand he pushed my uniform higher "Please stop!"

I pushed him with all my might, all my anger rushing out toward his horrid self.

Rushing the code box I slammed my fingers on the panel erratically, punching the numbers in haste. I felt myself being lifted as I got to the third number of the four, my waist turned and I was pressed against him, feeling what he wanted. I felt sick, nauseous and faint for oxygen.

"I will ruin you Bree.....make this easy on yourself"

"Fuck off" My scream echoed around the room and I kneed him in the groin. The panel hastily pummelled I escaped down the ward corridor and flew into the room.

"What the hell, Bree!" Nancy yelled as I crashed to the sink and took big gulps of water straight from the tap. I hate this, being the victim again. Do I wear a sign on my back?

Pick me- I'm an easy mark.

"I'm going to be sick" I hurdled in the sink, wiped my face with towels and stood hunched waiting to hurl again.

Holding myself upright on the sink I steady myself as much as I can, then he enters the room, like nothing was going on out of the ordinary.

"Bree, lovely chat. Let's do lunch tomorrow" Doctor Knox smiled at Nancy, and I assume John, and leaves, closing the door as I gag and try and hurl a third time.

Leaning over the sink washing my face I paused contemplating. Nancy and John were both quiet as I stare down the drain. "Does your offer of in-home nurse still stand?"

"What? of course. Sure. Are you alright luv, come here" John pat the bed and I sat by his feet as Nancy checked my vitals.

"Your BP is way down, put your head between your legs and tell me what's going on girl"

".... Let's just say the good doctor thought he might take my temperature in the med room"

"Fucking dirty bastard"

"I'll get the forms, write up an incident report" Nancy stood. Of course it was the proper thing to do. All the paperwork. I's dotted, t's crossed.

"Yes" I replied sarcastically "and then he will bandy my name round the surgerial unit saying I'm a tart and or willing hooker plus call me out on a non existent medical infraction or, if I don't report, I am still hung out to dry by being stalled in any pay upgrades or promotions. I'm best to take my next position Nancy"

"And that would be?" Nancy questioned quietly as I held my head in my hands.

"My in-home nurse" John spoke up as Nancy figured out all my jumbled nattering.

"Oh, I see it all clearly now"

"Com' on Nancy nothing is going on with Nurse Bree and meself.... I thought you were her friend"

"I am"

"Well be her bloody friend and help her change jobs then"

Nancy walked in, the daily paper in her hand, giving me a crazed look. After a hurried glance at a sleeping John she began pushing me into the corner by the trolley.

"What the hell is this? Did you do this?" Nancy hissed as she pushed the now open paper under my nose.

"No!" I didn't know anything about this entertainment news:

Lennon Ono Divorce

Informants state John Winston Ono Lennon has begun divorce proceedings against Avant Garde Artist wife Yoko Ono Lennon from his hospital bed.

Lennon has been undertaking the start of the divorce instructions from his hospital bed in the ICU department of Roosevelt Hospital where he has been recuperating after his near fatal murder attempt on 8th December 1980 outside their marital home, The Dakota Building, located on Central park.

Lennon, former Beatle front man and current solo artist has two s-

"I knew he had Barry doing something but not this Nancy, I swear" I looked over at John and his head was resting in a different position to what he was moments ago. "John?"

"Bree is not the reason of my fucking disgustingly, unhappy divorce Nancy, so don't start with all that shite" John grumbled as he closed his eyes to Nancy's stare.

Nancy took over the shift and I cleaned out my locker.

My last day and Nancy seems to hate me.

A pile of photos of the gang of nurses and theme parties we held over the years flick like movies through my fingers. The amount of laughs we had and shared. The good times of marriages within the ranks and babies that came into the world with a band of auntie and uncle nurses to watch over them for ever more. I took what I wanted and sat the rest on the table for the girls to get a kick out of.

I wasn't having cake or speeches, I was slipping away after rounds just like I always wanted it to be like. Anyone seeing me leave would simply assume I was transferring the patient to his abode.

Whether working with John was a good thing or a bad I really wasn't bothered. Knowing how my heart felt within this job made the choice easy to walk away while I could. With dignity. If this new position was only for a few months I would simply move on to something less stressful or get a post in a medical centre somewhere upstate.

I could even pour beers or waitress in a café. Everything was ok, everything was attainable. I smiled and lugged my box back to the room to start Johns discharge paperwork.

Fin.