I walked through the graveyard as I saw the branches reaching out to me. The moon is too bright, the light is hurting my head.

Soon the headache becomes too unbearable to stand and I collapse on the floor.

Why am I here? What is affection? Why am I on the verge of tears? Who am I anymore?

I know they love me, I know I'm a burden.

I asked the internet for help. How to not be a burden. It only reassured me that I wasn't a burden and gave me advice.

I was sure before that I had severe paranoia. They convinced me it might be anxiety and completely rejected the idea of depression being even remotely close to the truth.

I'm said to have anxiety dreams, but I think of them as nightmares. In one of my dreams I killed someone, they did deserve it but... In another, I was in an orphanage, everyone got kidnapped though I somehow didn't and I spent until I woke up hiding in fear that the kidnappers would come back. I never have normal dreams anymore, always nightmares. When I was little I dreamt of everyone riding a giant butterfly, though now I have to deal with the fact that dream me is a murderer and alone.

Alone. That's a really scary thought. To be alone with yourself when you're afraid of yourself. Of your thoughts.

Afraid. Afraid to contact someone for fear of rejection or being ignored. Is it better to be invisible or secretly hated. What if even when you try your best everyday to be happy and loved by all, you still screw up and you reveal that you aren't always happy because no-one is. What if you yell at someone and they look at you because they did nothing wrong and you've just been bottling it up, you're feeling emptier and you snap more often. What if you snap at a kid and they start crying?

Will you ever be okay?
Will I ever be okay?