S T O R Y # 1 ♥

The Part-Time Librarian

     I love books. They’re my life. When I read a good book, I get so deeply engrossed that I’m not even aware of my surroundings anymore. Facts about me: I wear thin-framed glasses, I wear a retainer that’s hardly even noticeable, I have dark-grey eyes, I have untrimmed bangs that softly frame my face, I’m a senior, I’m the editor-in-chief of the newspaper club, and my favourite hang-out place at school is the library. Sum them all up and bam. You got yourself a nerd—scratch that. A “bookworm,” as I’d like to acknowledge myself. The title nerd has been overused and butchered. I’m not even a complete nerd, hello!

     Every day, be it vacant classes, free periods, dismissal, recess or lunch break, you’d always find me inside the library. Chillin’. Okay that didn’t sound very cool but let’s just keep it that way. The librarian, Mrs Oliver, is an old and cranky lady but I think she’s gotten a soft spot for me since I offer my help to her every time the library needs tidying up. Really, it’s so dusty in that place you could mistake it to be an excavation site for an Egyptian tomb. People rarely visit the library these days seeing that computers already overpowered books. But for me, books are always the best no matter what anybody says. I guess you could call me old-fashioned, but whatever.

     Today was supposed to be another ordinary day as I do my daily routine of going to the library, but something strange happened. The two large doors were shut close and a sign was nailed on the old wood. “TEMPORARILY CLOSED –Mrs Oliver.”    

     I swear my jaw literally hit the floor. Closed?! For what reason? The library never closes! Unless it was contaminated by a weird gas, or was hit by a tornado or was being terrorized by a hungry lion or was crawling with termites—it shouldn’t be closed! How was I supposed to survive this day? I’ve been going to the library since I was a freshman, straight until now. The record has been broken because of that cursed sign that said temporarily closed. How could Mrs Oliver do this? Did something happen to her?

     Grieving for information, I ran to the faculty and asked the teachers about it.

       “Mrs Oliver’s sister got very ill,” my English teacher, Mr Ford said. “And she’s going to be absent for a couple of weeks. But don’t worry; the library will be open tomorrow. Somebody will substitute for her while she’s away.”

     I quickly thanked Mr Ford and headed to the cafeteria: my second favourite place. In a lot of schools, their cafeterias sucked—word of mouth. But in our case, our cafeteria served normal food. It may not be that luxurious just like in those prestigious schools, but it’s alright, and everyone agrees. As I devoured a whole melon bread with one satisfied bite, I noticed my four best friends approaching. That’s right, I might be a bookworm or a geek but I have a lot of friends, especially these four.

       “Strange… Did our lovely little nerd get lost?” Kana teased.

       “The librarian must’ve gotten sick of seeing her face every day that they kicked her out,” Ann added.

       “Or, she finally found her senses and decided to ditch that old place,” Yen shrugged her shoulders.

       “No way,” Joy mock-gasped. “That’s not the real reason, right Lin? I mean, you worship that place. That library is your church. Every book is your bible.”

     As a reply, I rolled my eyes, ignored their presence and continued munching on my bread. They all sat around the table I was sitting on and began eating their snacks too. It was recess time and a lot of students were crowding inside the cafeteria now. A few minutes passed and they all settled in and sat on their respective tables to eat as well. This is how disciplined our school was, seeing that it was a private school run by nuns.

     I was explaining to my friends about the library-issue when three girls caught the attention of everyone inside the cafeteria. They were squealing and running around like maniacs. Nobody could keep secrets in this school, so we figured we were gonna find out in just a few moments.

       “There’s a foreigner approaching!” Girl #1 announced. “A hot foreigner OMG!”

       “Everyone, stay cool!” Girl #2 fixed her appearance.

       “He’s coming! Act natural!” Girl #3 shout-whispered.

     Curious, everybody stared at the door as a tall silhouette formed on its frosted window. An eerie silence crept the room and the three idiots stood stiff at the middle of the cafeteria. Act natural they say. The door opened and entered a young man, probably around our age. I heard silent squeals from my friends and excited whispers filled the whole place.

     I don’t know, but when I saw him, I think I felt sad all of a sudden. Strange.

     I couldn’t see his features that clearly, but I could tell he was handsome. He had a dirty-blond hair that looked like a mess, very tall, had a good-build, and dressed like a real teenage boy. Was this a new student, perhaps? Something about him made me feel weird inside. It wasn’t “love-at-first-sight” or anything cheesy like that. It was more like I knew him, but didn’t at the same time. He looked awfully familiar and I was jumbling my thoughts and memories for at least a name that I didn’t realize he was already in front of our table.

     Seeing his features much clearer now, my heart literally did a back-flip. He resembled him. He resembled him a lot. This boy had hazel-nut-coloured eyes, spiky-soft bangs that framed his face, a sharp and masculine jaw-line and porcelain skin. He was smiling too. He looked like an angel without wings. What’s worse—he definitely looked like him, minus the colour and style of his hair.

     Snapping back to the real world, I noticed that everyone was staring at me. I nearly jumped out of shock when I found him leaning over the table, giving me a closer look. I knew my face was heating up but my fingers and feet were frozen. What was happening?

       “Hey,” he smiled. My breath hitched in my throat. Even his voice sounded a lot like his, but only deeper. I glanced over my friends—they were giving me mischievous smirks. Did the world turn upside-down? Why was this god-like creature talking to me, a bookworm, a nerd, a geek? Guys like this one should be talking to the pretty ones, like Ann.

     I turned to look at the boy and was betting that he was secretly staring at Ann, but I was wrong. He was staring directly at me. Only me. Shit. I’m in trouble.

     I couldn’t look at him in the eyes. I don’t usually act like this. The last time I felt this way was when I was with him. My first love. I know this guy wasn’t him, but he reminded me of him in so many ways. The way he walked, way he talked and the way he smiled. It was scary.

       “May I help you with something?” I managed to say in a calm voice. My heart was going to burst out of its ribcage. Damn his handsome face. Damn him, damn him, damn him.

       “Yeah,” he shortly laughed. “Can you show me where the library is?”

       “Huh?” My brows instantly rose. Why would a guy like him look for the library? It seems like everybody had the same thoughts too, seeing that they all looked pretty shocked. I cleared my throat.

       “It’s temporarily closed at the moment,” I emphasized the words. Okay, I gotta admit. I was still sour about the fact that I couldn’t visit the library today and I was really disappointed in Mrs Oliver too. I felt like I was betrayed… Exaggerated much? Nah.

       “I know,” he flashed me his pearl-white teeth. “That’s why I’m looking for it.”

     A thought suddenly hit me. I pushed my glasses up my nose and stared at him disbelievingly. “Y-You’re the substitute librarian?”

       “Part-time librarian,” he corrected with a grin, earning giggles from everybody. He looked so hot and cool at the same time it was crazy. “I get to earn some cash by working here during my free time. So, can you lead the way?”

     I had to literally close my mouth with my hand because I was gaping at him like a goldfish the whole time. Why would he ask me of all people? Shouldn’t he be asking some popular, pretty girl or something? Another thought hit me like a rock. Pretty girls don’t hang around libraries, nerds do. And I look like a nerd even when I’m not! Maybe that’s why, huh? I felt a little disheartened about it. So much for my cliché-fantasies about a hot guy like him falling for an ordinary girl like me.

       “Sure,” I sighed, knowing that nothing will come out of this. I stood up from our table and excused myself from my friends; they were still goofily staring at me. When I looked around, everybody was staring too, no matter how hard they tried to act natural, it was clearly obvious. The three girls who announced this boy’s coming were still in the middle of the cafeteria, standing stiffly. Talk about weirdos.

       “Oh, and by the way,” he unexpectedly took my hand and squeezed it. I swear. His touch almost burned my skin. Doing such a thing… He really does remind me of him. The redness reached my ears as my schoolmates almost couldn’t believe what just happened. “I missed you, Lin.”

     The way he said my name shot my eyes wide open. I was wrong. He didn’t just look like him, he was him! Oh my gosh. This can’t be happening. Was this really happening? It couldn’t. No. No way! What the hell! My head is splitting apart!

     I had to blink three times before I could give him a reply.

       “A-Ash..?” Was all that came out from my mouth. He laughed.

       “Yup! Wow, you didn’t recognize me at all.”

       “You… Dyed your hair blond?”

       “Uh-huh,” he brushed his thumb gently on my palm. This was so embarrassing. And right in front of the whole school too. The cafeteria was more crowded than usual. Word must’ve gone out that a handsome creature was in the school so that explains why the entire female population here. “After your class, can you show me around this school? We really need to catch up and stuff.”

     I was still in the state of shock. Ash. Asher Jackson was back. The boy who unintentionally broke my heart in middle-school, was here in front of me. I thought I could’ve gotten over him when I graduated and got into a high school where I could never see him again, but here he was, marching back into my life, probably to powder all that’s left with the shattered pieces of my heart.

       “Lin?” he moved his face closer to mine in my trance-like state. I quickly snapped out of it and distanced my face from him, but not in a rude way.

       “The library’s this way, c’mon,” I pulled his sleeve and headed straight for the library.

       I can’t let the same thing happen to me again. I can’t fall for him again, no. Not when I’ve come this far to forgetting him. When we got to the library on the second floor of our school, he politely nodded his head and thanked me. He pulled an old key from his pocket and unlocked the door. Even though I felt like acting bitter to this guy, I instantly had a change of heart when I saw the interior of my favourite place flash in front of my eyes.

     I tried to hide it by staring at the opposite direction, the bathroom, but I guess he caught me. He shuffled my hair and went inside without a word. As soon as my job was finished, I dashed out of the area and headed towards our classroom. The bell had rung in perfect timing for the first time for me, so I had a reason to escape Ash.

     The whole morning, I was bombarded with questions from my classmates if I knew the new substitute librarian. I gave them all awkward smiles and nods because I didn’t feel that comfortable with the topic. Asher Jackson. I can’t even say his whole name without stuttering. It seemed foreign to me right now, yet a tinge of nostalgia touched my heart.

     Let me tell you about Asher Jackson. Back when we were in middle-school, he was one of my closest friends. We hung out, talked about stupid stuff, laughed at our own laughs and made fun of each other, called each other names. He was really cute at that time so it was unavoidable that other girls wanted him for themselves. When time passed, this popular girl from another class confessed to him, and he accepted.

     Things got awkward between us after that. When they started going out, I felt like I was being left out. I mean, he approached me a couple of times, but it was me who kept a fair distance from him. One year before our graduation, we never spoke nor looked at each other at all. Until the day came when we were going to graduate middle-school and the whole class said our individual farewells, he just nodded at me.

     I blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall down my cheeks. Why? Did all those times we laughed, talked and did childish things together mean nothing to him? He ditched me just like that. I heard he broke up with that girl right after graduation, but I didn’t care anymore. Asher Jackson was out of my life.

     I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I didn’t notice the bell ring. It was finally dismissal. I’d usually stop by the library around this time, but it didn’t seem like a good idea at the moment. There was this book I borrowed last week called the 39 Clues. I was supposed to return it today but I was having a mental debate whether to go or not.

       “Just go already!” Joy slapped my back. Now this is what’s weird about Joy. She seems to figure out anything that’s going on in my mind. It’s either she’s a psychic, or I’m just plainly transparent. “If you don’t face him now, do you think you can tomorrow? Geez Lin! Stop being such a coward! This is so unlike you!”

     That’s right. This wasn’t like me at all. But Joy didn’t know about our story. How would she be able to understand? Although I’m glad she’s pushing me to face my fear and see Ash, I just couldn’t find it in me to do so. She’s absolutely right. I am coward.

     I pushed my glasses up my nose again and gave my friend an apologetic look. She half-smiled at me, probably reading my mind again. “Sorry, but I can’t… right now. I’m not prepared to speak to him properly yet.”

     Joy was an open-minded girl. She nodded her head and sighed. I’m so hopeless. We went home together after school and I forced myself to think about random things just to keep that boy out of my mind.

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     The next morning, I was determined to return the book I borrowed. I’ll just leave it on the librarian’s desk as soon as Ash is away, sign the card and leave. Yeah. Let’s do that. My legs felt like heavy weights as I walked towards the library. Upon going there, I took a really deep breath and sighed. I can do this. I was about three feet away from the door when I noticed—half the female population of our school was here. I didn’t have to guess why.

      They weren’t even borrowing books! They were just loafing around and tried to flirt with Ash. I gotta say, it was a terrible sight. Not that I was jealous or anything, because I’m already used to Ash being surrounded by girls. As they continued to shamelessly flirt with him, he just responded with a silent and polite smile. In other words, he was trying to ignore them. I laughed silently—he didn’t change a bit. He was wearing spectacles today, which looked damn fine on him, and was stamping some books. Typical librarian duties.

     I pushed my way through the crowd of girls that were surrounding him on his desk and put the book I borrowed right in front of him. I couldn’t look at him, so I occupied myself by writing on another borrower’s card. I mean, I just had to.

       “Lin!” he sounded relieved the way he spoke. He stood up from his desk and smiled again. Curse that damn smile. Don’t give me that look you jerk. I’m not falling for you again. “I’m so glad you came to visit m—“

       “I want to return this book and borrow another one, sir,” I interrupted, keeping my voice professional and distant. He should realize by now that our status is far from friends. This is my school. He can’t act like an ordinary student in front of me here. He’s working part-time here and I’d really appreciate it if we didn’t acknowledge each other at all. As soon as Mrs Oliver returns, I want to forget that these all happened.

       “Oh,” he replied, sounding a bit embarrassed. I kinda felt bad for being so rude with him, but I have to do this in order not to repeat the same mistake I did before. He took my borrower’s card, signed it and gave me the book I intended to borrow. It was Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules. “Make sure to return this next week. I hope you’ll have a good time reading that.” He flashed me a cute smile before I left.

     When I finally got out of that place, I shut the door and took a breath I forgot I’d been holding. I touched my cheeks just to realize that they were burning and my heart was beating uncontrollably. No one has the right to look that good.

     I quickly dashed out the building and went home.

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     A week passed, and I was able to keep away from the library. Even though my body ached to go there, I managed to constantly remind myself every day that Ash was there, and I know the consequences of meeting with Ash again. But today was another issue. I was forced to come back because the deadline of the book I borrowed was today.

     Dragging my feet, I walked towards the library and expected to see another group of girls surrounding the part-time librarian, but was surprised to see none. Nobody was present except for silence and Ash. He looked bored upon reading the log book. When he noticed me walk in, I guess I could say that his eyes lit up.

       “What can I do for you?” he said in a professional manner, but a feeling was tugging me that he only showed that smile to me. Argh! Stop daydreaming Lin! This is how you fell for him in the first place. Push those thoughts away! Shoo! Shoo!

       “A-Ash,” I stammered. Damn, why can’t I even say his one-syllable name right for once? “I’m here to return this.” I slid the book on the table and tried to occupy my attention by writing on the borrower’s card again. I hope I wasn’t getting too obvious.

       “Okay,” he took the book and signed the card I just wrote on. I was about to make a run for it when he asked again. “Don’t you want to borrow another book?”

       “I’ve had enough reading for this week,” I quickly replied. I felt like a traitor for saying a lie like that, but I needed a reason. I really needed to go far away from him. I have to make a run for it, NOW!

       “Hmm…” he eyed me suspiciously. “I wonder why those words sounded like they were squeezed out of you.”

       “I wonder why too!” I could feel my palms sweating and my breathing frantic. Why couldn’t he just let me go? Why couldn’t he just make this easier for the both of us? A short silence went on and then he took something from his drawer. He handed me a thin portfolio. “Before I forget. Mrs Oliver left this for you last week. I couldn’t give it to you until now because you kept avoiding me.”

     My eyes shot open. So he did notice! I’m so ashamed of myself right now! Geez! He must think that I’m still in love with him or something. I took the portfolio with tremulous hands and read the first page. I almost cussed out loud.

     It was my assigned articles and stories to make this month for the newspaper club. And the deadline was today! Damn it! Because I’ve been so busy dodging the library for the past week, I totally forgot about my responsibilities as editor-in-chief. If only I wasn’t such a wimp, I could’ve finished these articles already! Now I had to stay and finish them before the publisher picks them up later.

     When I glanced at Ash, he was grinning at me. I didn’t mean to do it, but I glared at him to cover up my embarrassment. “I’m staying for a while to make these articles. Can I use the computer on the research room?”

       “It’s under maintenance,” he replied coolly. “If you want, you can use the main computer. Since nobody’s here, I give you permission.”

     Was he serious? The main computer was right inside his small stall behind his desk. If I use that there, then the two of us will be cramped inside! Well, not exactly cramped, but I can’t work with him that close to me. I sighed. Who was I to complain? Did I have much of a choice?

       “I’m sure that if it was Mrs Oliver, she’d let you borrow. She’s very fond of you, y’know.”

     I wish he’d just stop talking. I nodded at him almost reluctantly and he opened the small door for me to crawl inside. Seriously, the so-called door to get inside of the stall was just a small opening under the desk. How can an old lady like Mrs Oliver manage to crawl here back and forth every day? No wonder she’s so cranky.

     I started working on the articles in silence as Ash continued his librarian-duties. The atmosphere was so awkward that I misspelled a couple of words because of my trembling fingers. Something hard and heavy was knocking on my chest as I punched a few more words on the keyboard. Ash moved a bit to pick up a file he dropped. His arm accidentally touched my waist and I cringed. Feeling his body heat was hell enough for me. Maybe it was just me being nervous, but it was really hot in here and small beads of sweat formed on my forehead.

     A few hours later, I was close to finishing the last piece of my article. I was assigned to write half the page of the literary section, so writing a few poems would just be a piece of cake for me since I love doing it.

       “That’s strange,” Ash muttered. I peeked at him from my shoulder and asked what he was talking about. He showed me the log book he was reading earlier and I wasn’t so surprised to see the entire pages with my names on them. Simply meaning, I visited the library every day and Mrs Oliver probably wrote down my name to keep record. “These log books date until three years ago. You went to the library in perfect attendance. But starting from this date, you only came once a week.”

     I leaned closer to the book since I couldn’t see it very well. I fixed my glasses and blinked twice before staring at it. He pointed at the date where my name wasn’t present and turned to look at me. Since careless-me was leaning so close, when he turned around, his nose poked my cheek. I tried to ignore it but the blush that crept into my face didn’t really work well with me.

       “Starting from the date when I started working here, you stopped coming unless it was to return a book. Why?” He was looking at me with such serious eyes that I almost forgot how to breathe. He was this close to me. How did he expect me to think properly?

     I shrugged my shoulders and quickly went back to work on my poems. It was difficult to pretend like I didn’t give a damn. I blew on the loose hair that was annoying my face and typed away like a maniac. I didn’t know what the hell I was typing anymore, but as soon as I can finish this and leave the better. I can’t handle this anymore.

     I finished with the articles and saved it on my USB. Abruptly standing up so I could leave immediately, Ash stood up as well. Since the space was so small, our distance from each other was just about six inches away. I was staring at his chest because his height towered over me.

       “Lin, wait!”

       “Um…” I mumbled. “I need to get this to the publisher. Thanks for letting me use the—“

     I didn’t get to finish when he raised my chin up so I could look at his face. Oh my God. What was happening? Was this really happening? I must be dreaming. I’ve got to wake up! Damn you Ash!

     I was about to make another protest but his gaze silenced me. He was staring at my eyes intensely, yet softly and gently at the same time. My chest was obviously heaving for air… it was so embarrassing. I can’t faint at a moment like this. It was getting really hot now. Doesn’t he have an electric fan here or anything?

     The next thing I knew, he was putting the loose strands of my hair away from my face and tucked it behind my ears. He slowly took my glasses off and stared at me again. I froze up when his mouth moved to speak.

       “Why do you hide such a beautiful face?”

     It was official. I was petrified. Once again, I‘ve fallen for Asher Jackson, right on the spot. Does this boy have some kind of pheromones or something? One thing was clear in my mind: I have to get away. I can’t let myself fall deeper. He’s just gonna leave me again like before. I can’t fall deeper for him again. I just can’t.

     I pushed him away, causing him to stumble down and land on his chair, as I made my escape and ran outside the library. I couldn’t feel my legs anymore because of how hard and fast I ran. Even if Ash was behind me, chasing me, I swear I wasn’t going to turn around. But who am I kidding? Why would he chase after me?

     I can’t believe that just happened! Why was he acting like that? I can’t understand him at all! Of all part-time jobs, he had to be our substitute librarian! Damn it! Damn him! Damn me!

     As I slid across the hallways, I coincidentally bumped into our publisher. Without a word, I threw him the USB drive which contained the needed articles and dashed off. I knew that man well because he’s been the official publisher since I was a freshman. He’ll surely understand my reason for doing that.   

     When I reached home, I collapsed on my bed. I literally ran home today, my limbs were aching. No doubt this’ll be hard in the morning. I touched my cheek, where Ash’s nose softly brushed earlier. Why is this all happening again? History is repeating itself. This can’t be good. This can never be good. Oh crap. I forgot my glasses.

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     The next few weeks, I didn’t take a step near the library. Even though my friends urged me to go there and just get it over with, I can’t. They have no idea of what was happening, so I can understand why they’re acting like this. If only they’d understand why I’m acting like this as well.

     I’ve just gotten word that Mrs Oliver will be back after three days, so that means Ash will disappear from my life again after three days. I hope I can forget everything that just happened. It’s not worth remembering, right?

     The following morning, something weird happened. As we were having a discussion on our Physics class about modulus, the speakers burst out loud words that barely seemed audible. Every hour, someone probably played with the speakers and kept saying words neither the class nor the teachers understood. It came out in muffles.

     When the electrician fixed the technical problems, that afternoon, we heard what the person behind the mic was talking about, loud and clear. I almost fell off my seat when I realized that that voice undoubtedly belonged to Ash.

       “Calling the attention of Heartlin Jensen. Please proceed to the library right now. Please, Lin.”

     That last sentence caused all of my classmates to stare at me. I’m guessing they had a barely vague idea about why I was being called since they were all giving me foolish grins. This is so annoying. What did he want now? If it wasn’t enough that he gave me a mental scar when we were in middle-school and engraving a memory on my mind with what transpired at the library weeks ago, he just had to go to the extent of paging my name to the entire student body.

     I pretended to not hear the speakers, but it was futile because every hour, it would announce the same thing over and over again, only, it sounded more desperate and dejected every time that I started to feel guilty.

     One of our teachers ordered me to go to the library already because it was causing a lot of fuss and disturbance on the other classes. I excused myself and pretended to go to the library, when in fact I went to the bathroom and screamed. Ash is a fool.

     I survived the day and escaped school without seeing Ash. I heard from my friends that he was looking for me. I’m glad I went home early. The next day, I was relieved when the principal cut down the speakers so nobody could tamper with the mic and cause any more disturbances.

     During our English class, Ash came to our classroom and asked if I was in this class. The teacher, Mr Ford seemed to notice me hiding under my book, so he told Ash that I was absent today. I heard from my classmates that Ash looked so dejected that they felt sorry for him. They were also wondering what happened between us that caused him to act like this. My ears grew big when gossips contained the room.

       “I heard he was captain of the basketball team back at his school.”

       “I wonder why he chose to work part-time here.”

       “My cousin goes to the same school as him. She says he’s so nice to everybody and a total heartthrob.”

       “Does he have a girlfriend?”

       “Maybe he’s interested someone here in school, that’s why he worked here.”

       “That’s possible. It’s so suspicious that a guy like him would work here.”

       “He sure does have a lot of free time. I envy his schedule.”

       “Hey, do you think Lin’s got something to do with him?”

     Those whispers made my head spin around. He was what..? Why did they know more about him than I did? I shook my head vigorously and tried occupying my thoughts with other matters. The day passed slowly, and I managed to escape him again. Finally, tomorrow Mrs Oliver was coming back, and Ash was leaving.

     There was something inside of me that wanted to just simply say goodbye properly, but another part of me begged me not to see him again. To be honest, I’m dying to see him. But I just can’t. I’m setting the distance again so I can forget about him, just like I did before. You can do this Lin. You’re doing great. Yeah.

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     Today my problems were going to disappear. Ash was going to disappear. So far, there were no paging, no announcements, no desperate boy looking for me, no rumors, no gossips, no Ash. Why didn’t I feel relieved? I should be happy that he’s not bothering me anymore. But why do I feel so uneasy? After every class, I was expecting a sudden announcement from him again, paging my name to go to the library—but none. Did he give up? Why do I feel disappointed somehow? I can’t even understand myself. I’m so messed up.

     Hours later, it was our last period for the afternoon. I knew Ash probably already left because I saw Mrs Oliver walking around the campus. I sighed. What the heck was wrong with me? I couldn’t concentrate with our lesson because Ash was invading my thoughts. I tried to focus and scribble down some notes, but I didn’t understand a thing. At least the headache was occupying my mind. My eyes hurt and my vision started to blur because I forgot my glasses back at the library. Daaarn. I was busy copying the items on the board that I didn’t notice that there was a boy outside our classroom, pleading the teacher with his eyes if he could come in.

     Our oblivious teacher asked him why since he wasn’t a student of this school. The boy just replied by saying, “I need to speak with Lin, sir. Please.”

       “So you’re the one who’s been playing with the speakers,” our teacher said. Everybody turned around, since our door was at the back. Curious looks bore holes on the back of my head. Only I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t. What the heck was with all these drama?!

       “I see,” our teacher muttered. “Well then, since you’re so sincere, okay. Lin, you’re excused from my class.”

     No! No, no, no! Why did you agree you stupid bald teacher?! I was trying to avoid that boy the whole month, and you… You agreed so easily! So I protested. “But sir, I want to pay attention to this lesson.”

       “Pay attention to that boy first. Just look at that haggard face.”

       “But… sir…” I mumbled under my breath. There was no point in arguing with the teacher. All eyes were staring at me. I lowered my head and stared at my feet, thinking of what I should do. My thoughts were so contradicting and I found myself yet at another mental-debate. Another pair of feet appeared in front of my own. I slowly raised my head to see Ash staring at me with determined eyes. “A—“

     He quickly took both my wrists and leaned his face closer to mine. I uttered a silent yelp when our faces were an inch close. He looked like he was panting, and sir was right. He did have a haggard face. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he sighed.

     I could almost feel my heart melt with the tone of his voice. Why was he so desperate to see me and talk to me anyways? To apologize? A bit too late for that now. My classmates teasingly cooed which irritated the hell outta me. He pulled my arms making me stand up from my seat and led me outside the classroom after nodding a thankful nod at the teacher. When the teacher grinned at me, I replied with a glare. He’ll pay for that.

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       “Where are we going?” I said in an icy tone. Ash brought me behind the school. As soon as the coast was clear, he let go of my wrists and smiled hopelessly at me. This boy sure knew how to make a face. He held the back of his head and sighed countless of times, as if he was trying to figure out what to say. He should’ve thought about that before kidnapping me from my class.

       “Lin…” he looked at me; I froze. Please. Stop talking like that. “I… Look. See we… Um…”

     What was he trying to say?

       “What?” I encouraged. If he’s just gonna keep on arguing inside his head like that and won’t make up his mind, then he’d be wasting my time. I wanted to run away, but my feet were nailed on the ground. Stupid, traitorous feet.

       “About you.” He furiously shuffled his hair. If only there was a camera here, because he looked like a freakin’ model. “I’m… No wait. You… I… Uh…”

     I was getting a bit impatient with him that I unintentionally shouted.

       “Spit it out!”

       “I love you!”

     …What?

     Ash’s cheeks tinted with a rosy colour as I was still searching for where my breath went.

     He looked at me and the corner of his mouth slightly twitched up, and then down again. Was he lost? “I… I’ve been in love with you ever since in middle-school. I didn’t get the chance to confess before graduation, so I’m confessing now. But it seems like I’m too late, huh?” his voice started to croak. Was he serious? How can I believe this?

       “Liar,” I said, barely audible. The way he was looking at me made me think that he expected me to say something like this. He really was prepared. “You say that as if you’re the victim, but back then, you ditched me for that girl. You ignored me. You acted as if we’ve never been close!” I felt myself screaming. I wasn’t sad, I was angry. The emotions I’ve been bottling up since then are pouring out now, and I can’t stop them from flowing.

       “How dare you confess to me?! You have no right!”

       “I’m sorry!” he replied, matching my voice. He looked like he was about to cry with his frantic expression. “I didn’t know how to approach you. It wasn’t entirely my fault. You kept avoiding me, you kept giving me the idea that you don’t want to see me, so I kept my distance. And that girl who confessed to me? I didn’t even like her! I asked you if it was okay with you if I got a girlfriend, and you said it didn’t concern you! For Heaven’s sake, I was trying to make you jealous! And you didn’t pick up the hint! You… You’re dense!”

       “Oh, I’m dense?!” I bit back, furious. My hands were balling up into fists that I had to hide them behind my back in case I punch this boy’s pretty face. “What about you?! You know how I’ve always been! Do you think I really meant it when I said it didn’t matter to me? Ash you’re an idiot! Why would I pick up the darn hint?! Shouldn’t you be saying it to me directly?! That’s right, I’m dense! You know that! Yet why didn’t you tell me this before?! Why now, when you’re already leaving again? Geez you’ve got the worst timing in history!”

       “I’m sorry!” he repeated, falling down on his knees. I was surprised with that sudden action that I took a small step back. I clutched my chest and took a deep breath. This was getting intense. Why did I say all those things? Damn. “I’m so, so sorry Lin.”

     He knelt down as if the energy already drained from his legs and he’d gotten weak. His head was still looking up at me. Well what do you know? Asher Jackson was kneeling before me, begging for forgiveness. I never thought this day would come. I didn’t accept his apology. I was speechless. I knew he wanted words from me but I gave him none. It was silent for a few seconds, when he spoke again. “Do you know why I dyed my hair?” he started. I shook my head slowly.

       “I thought that if I changed my look, I’d be able to change my way of thinking too. I admit it; I was a stupid kid back then. I didn’t think. I dyed my hair blond because I thought that through that, I’d be able to have a new life and forget about you. But it became the exact opposite. The color of this hair reminded me of you every day. I couldn’t get you off of my head. You’re the same girl I keep dreaming about all night, and when I wake up, the first thing I would think about is you. Your image is stuck in my head. I was starting to think I was crazy! You know?”

     I blinked fast as I felt the tears threatening to fall. Why did I clearly understand what he meant? Was it because I’ve undergone the same thing before too?

       “I thought that I was screwed when we graduated. I couldn’t tell you. So when I found out that you went to this school and hung out at the library all the time, I applied immediately. Mrs Oliver was my mother’s best friend, and she knew you before you even transferred here. I always talked about you. It was really crazy. She called me a fool. I guess I really am. But Lin…” he looked at me with damp eyes and a face that said that he was really regretting what he did in the past. “I’m very, absolutely, certainly, deeply… in love with you. Please, forgive me.”

     What was I to say? I was stunned. Here I was, standing in front the boy of my dreams, and he was proclaiming his love to me. Sound too cheesy? I couldn’t help but make fun of him inside of my head. He wasn’t like this before. He was always cool and composed. But now..? Hah. Did he become like this, because of me? It had to be a lie.

     I was as stony as ever. I couldn’t forgive him—no. I wouldn’t. My pride won’t allow it. I looked down on him and my doe-like eyes showed no emotion. I was numb.

       “Asher Jackson,” my voice was trembling, I was afraid it would break. He cringed when I said his whole name and ducked his head like a guilty puppy. “I won’t forgive you after what you have done. I won’t love you like I did before because… because…” my hands were shaking and my heart literally hurt. “…because I don’t care about you anymore. Let’s pretend nothing ever happened and get on with our lives. I don’t give a damn about you. Please, disappear.”

     Did I say the right thing? Did I? Or would I regret it in the end? Ash stood up with his eyes stuck on the ground. He approached me and I saw him wipe his eyes with his arm. Was he… crying? He looked at me straight in the eye and smiled. Smile? Why did he smile? Didn’t I just bluntly reject him? Or was I just assuming?

       “You’re the liar,” he said. I knitted my brows in confusion as he held my face. What the heck? “If you really didn’t care about me…”

     I wasn’t aware of the tears that were continuously flowing from my eyes. He wiped my cheeks with both his thumbs. I made a small gasp. I was crying? “…then you wouldn’t be crying for me.”

     That did it. I didn’t hold back anymore. I wailed right in front of him and spat all the curses I knew. Damn this boy. Why did he have to put it that way? Why did he have to break the walls I’ve been trying so hard to build? He made me fall harder and I hated him for that. It was true that I hated him because of what he did, but I could never hate him for what he was, for who he was. And I knew he felt the same.

     I pounded my fists on his rock-hard chest as he pulled me close for a gentle embrace. God I missed him so much. Was this all planned all along?

     He broke the hug and kissed me tenderly. I don’t know why I felt so happy in my entire life. My head was light as a feather and I was getting dizzy and winded. So this is what kissing felt like.

       “Lin,” he smiled as he held my face and pressed his forehead on mine. “Can we start over?”

     I sniffled and shortly laughed before I punched his arm. “Only if you hang around the library a little while longer.”

     He laughed and hugged me again, burying his face in my hair. “No problem. I’m working part-time librarian and assistant to Mrs Oliver until I graduate.”

       “So, you’re not going away today?”

     He shook his head which then earned him a smile from me. He took something from his pocket; my glasses. He slid the glasses in front of my eyes and above my ears. Now I could clearly see how flustered we both were seeing that our faces were red and damp. “You nerd,” he snorted. 

       “Bookworm,” I corrected. He laughed upon teasingly nibbling his nose on mine before pressing his lips against my own again. Asher Jackson was back. But he’s not gonna get it easy. A new beginning will bloom from this day forth, and I’ll surely give him a hard time. Don’t get me wrong. This bookworm has fallen in love, out of love, and in love again with this part-time librarian. He’ll just have to take responsibility.

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A/N: Heyy! Thanks for reading this story. Don't forget to vote and drop a comment! ^^