ARA'S MONOLOGUE

(Ara is in the middle of the street wearing a fanc dress. She's looking around frantically)

I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. This should've never happened. I should have never allowed this to happen. I should have been more careful. I should have kept an eye on both of them. I know I find it hard enough to keep an eye on one person, nevermind two but I should've been able to stop it.

(she sniffs and holds back tears)

They wouldn't be missing if I'd just kept an eye on them. I know i could have probably left Chris to do whatever he wanted, he's a big lad and can take care of himself. I don't want to risk Si and him meeting when we don't know what's happening. Before the moon completes its cycle.

Magic always seems to be the issue. In Camelot magic is everywhere yet it's the place which is the most unkind to those with magic. I can't believe that I lost them, Even with magic I'm useless. I thought that i'd fixed everything, I thought that...I don't know. I thought that i'd figured it all out. I thought that for once in my fucking life that id' done something good.

Chris would be himself again, he'd know freedom and happiness. He'd make up with Crest and they would live happily ever after. Blaise would be happy with his two fathers . Gaius would get to know his son and everyone would be happy. I know that Si would make a wonderful ruler one day. THey may be young now but they'd grow to be powerful and show the world just how strong they are. I don't know where i'd be, I never did like to think of myself in the future. Several times I thought I didn't have a future.

If only I could find them.

(screen fades to black)

(ara is lying on top of something)

I was too late. He'd done it. I found him but he'd done it. They were only twelve...i know that they were a little annoying sometimes but that didn't mean that he could kill them. They're a child.They were the nearest thing that I had to family. They held my heart and it was ripped away from me.

I suppose Chris wasn't to blame. It was my fault. I invited them to the banquet. I should have just skipped it. It would have been much safer for everyone if he wasn't there, if i wasn't there. If i wasn't here. Of course, now i have no reason to be here. I have no reason to return to camelot. I have no other purpose on the planet anymore.

Si would be angry at me. I know i'd be breaking a promise that we'd made long ago. They'd broken their promise too...but I suppose it wasn't their fault. Long ago I had promised them that I would live...Actually no I promised that I would stay alive. That's something completely different. You can stay alive and completely forget to live.I'm not very good at living, I got better but i've never been good. Being with Si helped me become better at living.

That promise is dead now, just like Si. I know it's not Chris' fault, but I blame him. I blame myself, I blame the world, I blame the stars. There is nobody to blame except evil. The concept of evil is to blame. I know i've never considered evil. It goes against everything my people stood for.

None of that matters anymore. My emotional attachments have been severed by sheers. There is no point in keeping my morality right, I feel like an empty shell or a person left with poison flowing through their veins. If evil became triumphant...why should I be on the losing side?

I know the answer and I'm hiding it from myself. I don't want to think of the answer right now . I just want to wallow and mourn. It's only natural right? To want to hide from the world when you've lost your own?

I suppose there's nothing left for me to do now. I don't want to do anything, I just want to lie here until we're found and even then...I'm not sure if i want to get up. I don't want to get up only to fall again. I don't see any point in it, I don't see any point at all.

I used to be just like this when i was young. Back when I was under the care of a horrible physician. He was alright at his job but he was a terrible guardian. I used to go days without eating and sleeping and he wouldn't care at all. Then I was introduced to Si, they noticed the dark circles under my eyes. They'd notice how skinny I was. They confronted me about it, a little oddly but I was grateful for it. Then they got to know me and I got to know them.

Recently I've been getting into old habits, it's not completely my fault I didn't stop myself from sleeping on purpose, I wasn't giving mounds and mounds of work to do, actually Gaius was extremely kind to me. It was the nightmares which kept me awake. One wonderful thing about being a physician's apprentice, I know ways to keep someone awake for a while . Though i felt the drawbacks of that.

(Ara sighed and pulled the dead body closer to her, tears slipping down her cheeks like a waterfall)

Si...I don't know if you can hear me, I hope you can. No, I hope that you are peaceful and happy. Picking pretty flowers and baking yummy things up there. Perhaps you've found some children to play with. I hope you've found someone who loves you, I'm sure there's someone up there. At least if you can't be with them down here you can be with them up there. I would do anything to see that smile on your face. Not the one where you've annoyed someone, the genuine one. The one you kept close to your heart.

I'd give everything to see that smile.