I sometimes wonder amid my mindless turmoil on this earth

Turmoil's  which I keep prolonging for reasons that wouldn't even satisfy a lunatic's ears

Oh! How loathesome and depraved have been my acts which I now  regard as such

Oh! For how absurdly long I had kept that darkness clutched to my chest, which I now abhor

Yet now, I assure myself , as I try to move past - far away from it

But it is to no avail , for an inescapable haunting fear grips my heart

Could a sinner as such really ever redeem itself enough  to face the Holiness of Lord who stands atop in his glory and virtue

Penance! Repentance! Forgiveness! Oh , I hear it loud and clear, my fellow brethren's

Alas! These words feel as hollow as the morals I could imagine to have , when I still clung to the darkness

I could pander to and fro, lending aid to all the despicable wretches as me , to the sorry souls who may never have seen the light in their miserable lives...

I could sing praises of my lord and propagate all the love ever flowing from bottomless pit of this life to my earthly brothers and sisters

Yet, I remain in end , as I have been from the beginning- a progeny of darkness and vice

And though now I crave to do all that counts as repulsive to them by being under light

I still yearn as much as any progeny of light does for a deserving look into Divine's eyes without guilt or shame hovering over my soul

Alas! I had lost the chance from moment I was to ever beget for clemency 

Penance! Repentance! Forgiveness! Oh , I hear it loud and clear, my fellow brethren's

But what of it! They can ring all day in my ears after thousand ramblings from wisest saints but there lies not a morsel of truth to ever ease my tainted soul

The sin has been done- latched on, unmistakable to delude and for all the virtue to ever be done-none could wipe it away

The ever brooding blood , the shame and disgust wedded to me, promised as unasked bride solely to fretter me even when all were to forget and forgive

Oh! Lord , there is no relief...if you truly are to be

How could a ravenous beast turned to hero ever raise its hand in front of omnipresent being who could well-see his beastly form and filthy vices

Penance! Repentance! Forgiveness! Oh , I hear it loud and clear, my fellow brethren's

But I would much rather wish it  all to be a lie!

There is no joy for a tainted soul or sinner in promise of heaven or being saved from hell

There is no beauty or comfort in a forgiving and gentle Lord for whom all of you sing so soothly

Let the Lord from whom I seek clemency, be a tyrant having heart of cold 

Let him treat all us wretched irredeemable souls to cruelties far worse than in nightmares of us filthy beasts

Let him be the unflinching omnipotent who could silt baby's throat and gouge out eyes of his dearest follower without a second thought 

Penance! Repentance! Forgiveness! Oh , I hear it loud and clear, my fellow brethren's

But alas! You will find none of it to exist in this empty heart

A heart far more willing to defile the image of holiness sweetening the joy of death for all you pretty saints

Than ever accept to be at ease again to be able to gaze into eyes of your benevolent noble God

Oh! If only if it were all to be a lie, then both of us could ever rest in this angelic peace