It was 9:42 pm on Sunday, July 20th. The night she left me. The night the one I loved left this world and moved onto the next.

From that day on, I blamed myself every day for what I did.

I was the one who killed Luna Gregory James.

It all started one day in September, 1986...

~~~

I was on my way to a new school, 3rd grade, my way to start again. I wasn't sure about what it would be like, considering I was homeschooled for my entire life before that.

I can remember the first time I saw that beautiful smile, the first time I heard that amazing voice, and now, it's gone.

"Hi, I'm Luna. What's your name?"

"I'm Nyx. Wanna be friends?"

"Sure!"

From that day on, we were best friends. We ended up moving from our small apartment to a house, that ended up being right next to Luna's. Life was great.

~~~

Middle school was a blur. It was like a wave of responsibility washed over me on the first day I was there. It was a good thing that Luna was there to support me, and I was there to do the same.

If I could sum up Middle School in a few words, those words would be terrifying, drama, schoolwork, stress, anxiety, and of course, Luna. No matter what, she was there, by my side.

~~~

A lot happened in High School. The land where everything is constantly changing. Everyone is growing; people are becoming taller, knowledge is growing, and of course, dumb, stupid, hormones that make you feel feelings you may not want to feel!

One of those feelings was love. For Luna. The girl I had known since 3rd grade. My first true friend. I truly loved Luna with all my heart.

She didn't know for about 4 months about how I felt about her. We were seniors, and it was almost winter break. I decided to ask her out to the holiday dance.

To my surprise, she said yes! I still remember all those years ago, how beautiful she looked in her sparkly, blue, gown, how her eyes sparkled in the multicolored lights.

From then on, we started going on dates, and after a little bit, started a relationship!

And now for the night I confessed my love to her. The night of graduation.

"And now I am proud to present the class of 1996!" The presenter shouted.

Everyone was cheering. We threw our caps up into the air, it was such an amazing moment of "OH MY GOSH I MADE IT THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL YESSSSSS!!!" And "OH MY GOSH I FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL WHAT DO I DO NOWWWWW????"

But all I could think about, was Luna.

After a few moments of celebration, I turned over to Luna and yelled "I LOVE YOU, LUNA!" She couldn't hear over the racket. I yelled even louder. "I LOVE YOU, LUNA!!!"

Shocked that those words came out of my mouth, she yelled "I'VE LOVED YOU EVER SINCE 3RD GRADE!!! I LOVE YOU TOO, NYX!!!" and then planted a kiss on my lips. My first kiss, I might add. Everything was perfect.

~~~

College was great, for the most part.

Luna and I both enrolled in community college, since we both can't afford to go to a higher level school, and we're both not geniuses.

I enjoyed studying photography and film making, since I was majoring in those subjects. Luna majored in fashion and cosmetics and all that girly stuff.

Being the dumb young adults that we were, we got into drinking and parties and all of that bad stuff. Peer pressure is the worst thing to ever happened to me.

This is the part where everything goes wrong.

Luna and I were getting drunk at a party over drinking games. I can't remember what got us into it, but we ended up playing it.

"Nyx, your turn." Brandon, a big macho man in my fraternity house said to me, handing me the dice.

I rolled them, and got an eight. I had to swig eight gulps of beer. I hated it, but it made me feel good at the same time.

It was then Luna's turn. She had to take only 4 swigs. The alcohol seemed to have the same effects on her.

We ended up playing until about midnight, and I wanted to drive Luna home.

We hopped in the car and started driving. I could feel myself swerving, but that seemed normal to me, until I swerved strait into a truck.

I woke up in a hospital room, not having a clue what happened or what was going on. Sadly, Luna did not.

The nurse explained everything to me. She said they were trying to help Luna the best of their ability but it might not have worked.

~~~

A week later, I still wasn't in school. I wanted to stay by Luna's side throughout all of this. It was my fault, so I had to at least stay with her until she healed. If she healed...

I remember sitting on the edge of Luna's hospital bed saying "Oh Luna. You're so beautiful. Why did we have to give into those stupid party things? I'm so sorry. It's my fault that now you might be on the verge of death. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." And a tear slipped from my face. That tear then turned into rivers of hope. Hope that Luna will come back.

It didn't help much.

~~~

Last week, the James family and I were gathered around Luna's hospital bed, silently praying. We all knew she was gone, we just wanted to make sure the Lord sends her to heaven, a safe place where she can live without pain.

When we were finished, I let Luna's father into my spot, and then, all of us together, pulled out the plug that kept Luna's lungs going.

I heard the flatlining in the room. It was devastating for everyone in the room. We loved Luna dearly.

Luna's soul was gone. It was just her skin and bones left. There was no more beautiful personality left in her. Just a perfect body.

Luna was gone because of me.

~~~

Now I am standing here, in the front row of Luna's funeral, making sure she has a good, safe, farewell into Heaven.

I am holding a book I wrote for Luna. I started writing it on the day I knew she passed. I took one of the journals she was going to use for writing, and started writing little notes in it.

I called it "Things I Wanted To Say, But Never Did."

It consisted of 50 pages of nothing but compliments and notes to Luna, that I hope she will see on the other side.

This is how it went:

1. You are beautiful, inside and out.

2. I will always love you, through everything.

3. You will be my one and only love, even if you're not physically here.

4. You're smile lights up the whole world.

5. When you laugh, it's like the whole world stops and admires you.

6. Your flaws are just factors that make you, you!

7. It was not your fault.

8. You are amazing.

9. You were the only true friend I had ever had.

10. There are so many people who love you.

11. God thought that now was the right time to pull you up into his army of Angels.

12. You are an inspiration to the entire campus.

13. I didn't need drugs, you were my natural high.

14. I promise not to do anything too exiting while you're gone.

15. I will try to publish the books you wrote.

16. Why did you have to die so young? I loved you.

17. You always let your personality shine through everything you do.

18. You are independent, but still liked being around others.

19. Your volunteer work had made such a difference.

20. You look perfect in everything you wear, so I don't understand why you bother asking.

21. I will go to mediums at least once every two weeks to try to talk to you.

22. I'm sorry.

23. You wanted to complete so many things in life, but you couldn't do it, so I want to do them for you.

24. I will make sure no one takes away any of the jewelry I gave you. I want to keep it all.

25. I will never forget our little adventures.

26. You're still the same sweet 3rd grader I knew since back in '86.

27. I'll come to be with you, one day, but I'm still needed down here.

28. I will make sure to get you autographs from all your favorite bands.

29.I'll get a plaque made for the place that we got into the accident.

30. You are a confident person.

31. If you put your mind to it, you could do it!

32. I'll take you to a 5SOS concert if you're still interested.

33. I'm sure Michael Clifford would love to say hi.

34. I'll keep in touch with your family because they're my family too.

35. If Donald Trump becomes president, I'm taking your grave with me to Canada.

36. I'll bring a copy of Captain America: Civil War with me to Heaven, when it's my time.

37. I love the way your eyes glisten when you get exited.

38. I'll talk to your friends about your "sudden disappearance."

39. I will start the pizza with ranch foundation for you.

40. Don't worry, Heaven has a plan for you.

41. I loved how you believe in fate.

42. Your belief gave me hope that it will get better.

43. Punch Hitler in the face for me, ok?

44. I'll try my hardest to get you to see Star Wars 8 and 9.

45. I will get your Loki Funko Pop figure signed by Tom Hiddleston for you.

46. I love you more than cupcakes.

47. You are my cupcake.

48. You are a genuine person.

49. You're love for everything restores my faith in humanity.

50. You are amazing!