Addiction
It's just one drink... I thought to myself. So I drank one drink... then another, and another, and it just wouldn't stop. Way past the point of sobriety, I lock myself in my room to drown myself with this temporary substance to take me away just for a bit.
It's only for tonight. I drunkenly thought to myself. But it happened the next day, too... and the day after that and so on. I can't stop the urge to leave this horrible life I live and change my thoughts so forcefully.
Sometimes I wake with a stranger in my bed, sometimes I wake in a strangers bed! Now I live with my friends because my parents kicked me out after I broke everything in the house...
Now I'm meeting new people who introduced me to the newest world which I can inject into my veins and live like Alice in my own Wonderland, just for a bit. It feels so good, it feels like forever, and it runs out. I want to go back so I keep going. I can't stop... It's like I'm in heaven.
I don't have to focus on any of my troubles, any of my stresses, I don't have anything to worry about here in my Wonderland of dreams. It's wonderful!
And as I fall down onto the bed of rainbow colored flowers that grew in the lilac grass beneath me, I can hear the flatline. The grass and flowers die so quickly and everything is so dark. The ground opens up and I fall onto hot concrete. Everything is burning! Everyone is so sad and torn up. I can't look but I can't look away.
It's so horrifying and I'm scared... Is this hell? I look around more and there are so many other people falling from the skies and I can hear all of the screaming souls of the tortured souls. They've gone mad and I will, too. What have I gotten myself into? This isn't what I wanted! Somebody help! I want to be alive again, I promise I'll stop all the alcohol and the drugs. I won't lay a finger on it anymore just let me be alive again! I scream out in agony already, I've just arrived here and yet it's driving me crazy.
The sounds of everyone's screaming and cries of pain fills my head and suddenly all I can see is red static. What's going on?! I'm scared! I fall to my knees but my skin is burned by the hot fire beneath me. Am I trapped here forever? I think so... Nothing will save a sad soul like myself. Who would ever want an addict like me alive again?
The thoughts get louder and more violent, I want them out. I want them out! I want them OUT! I start tearing at the hairs on my head. I don't like the feeling but I can't seem to control myself anymore. I feel my nails against my head and I want to stop but I can't, the blood drips down the side of my head and I hear it disintegrate as it touches the flames. I pick at the inside of my brain, why aren't I dead yet? Why aren't the thoughts gone? They're getting louder! They won't shut up!
I scream louder in hopes I can drown them out but it's no use since I can't hear myself anymore. I can't hear or see or think for myself anymore. It's all gone to shit. It's useless, I need to accept my fate. I refuse. I'll suffer down here for an eternity and even after that, I will suffer. Here lies the remains of a poor fucking addict.
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