Just letting you know this kinda has some mature themes I think is what you could call it and I mean some people may not like reading it so yeh don't read it if you don't like the idea of suicide or it makes you feel really depressed cause that is basically what this story is based on 😊

My hands and head hung off one side of my bed, well my legs hung off the other. I knew it was the wrong way to lay on a bed, but I was looking at the mirror on the other side of the room. I stare at my reflection in the mirror as I saw the bangs of my black hair cover my eyes, and the rest of it drape over the scars on my arms, my piercing blue eyes staring back at me asking for help, help that I couldn't give nor get. I heard the buzz from my phone as a message came through, I pushed all the clothes aside trying to find the bright green cover, until I finally found it. I sat back on my bed before unlocking my phone to see the text that had come through from my best friend Zara. I suddenly imagined her short blond hair framing her fair face and her dark green eyes, her smile that was contagious, but I still couldn't smile. I always did at school, but that was all a lie and no one had found out yet, shows how much my friends take notice of me, or how good of an actor I was.

I looked down at my phone to read the text, 'hi how r u?' I contemplated whether or not I should reply before finally clicking on the touch screen to make the keyboard appear.

'Fine u?' I was expecting her to tell me all about her weekend and what she had planned but instead I got a reply I would have never expected. As I heard it buzz and read the message, I wasn't sure what to say back I mean what would you say to seeing 'I know ur lying" appear in black and white on your screen.

I stared at the screen for a little while before finally pushing my hair out of my face and acted like I had not clue, just like every other time someone asked me. 'Wat r u talking bout?' I felt like I had to pray that she would figure out what was going on, and that she thought that she had imagined it. I was about to type that she must be imagining things when suddenly another text came through.

'I know ur not fine' my breathing started to quicken as I thought that she might figure out what was going on, I didn't want to burden anyone else, she need to concentrate on her own life, not mine because I would never go anywhere what was the point in worrying about it. So I replied with the only thing I could think of.

'Yes I am and I don't need u telling me how I feel!' I reread what I had send and immediately regretted it, I didn't know what I was thinking. However at the same time I knew exactly what I was saying and still wanted her to see it. I didn't understand myself, how can they understand me?

My phone buzzed again, I stopped looking at the black wall to read what she had said. 'I know something's up with u.' I was about to deny it again when another message came through. 'Ur not talking to anyone at school and wen u d u don't make eye contact just stare up into space.'

So they had noticed, hut why didn't they ever confront me at school if they knew something was wrong? What should I tell her? Why does she even care? I decided to do what was best for her and deny everything until she finally got it.

'Look Zara I know ur just looking out for me but I don't want ur help I don't need it.' I was hoping that would be the end of it, I didn't know how much longer I would be able to lie to my best friend, and according to my texts the only one that cared. I placed the phone down on my bed, before going into the cupboard and getting a rope, I wasn't quite sure why I was getting a rope, I didn't know what I was going to do with it. I knew what other people did but I wasn't going to do that. Was I?

I placed the rope on the ground and walked back over to my bed, I heard it creak under the sudden weight change and picked my phone back up, I read the two new texts I had gotten from Zara. 'Yes u d I can c it in ur eyes.' I knew she was just trying to help, but I wish she would just leave me alone, yet I didn't want to be alone, I wanted someone to care about me and to notice me. Was that why I was acting like this? To find out if anyone fully cared and would save me? Or was it just because I didn't know any easier way out? I looked back at the phone to see the other text, and it almost matched my recent thoughts completely. 'Stop thinking like that' I didn't think that she was knew what was going on so I sent the only reply I could think of.

'U have no idea wat I'm thinkin' I knew it was a complete lie, because she seemed to be on the right track and what did I expect from the person that knew me the best. Suddenly my phone buzzed again as I could feel my eyes stinging slightly.

'Ur right I don't know wat ur thinkin but I have a pretty good idea n ur an idiot 4 thinkin that' I felt myself smiling at the phone as the tears started to slide slowly down my face and my vision started to go blurry. I placed the phone down hearing it buzz again, but I didn't go to it. I picked the rope off the ground looking for a place to hang it from I noticed that there was still the hook in the roof from when I had a mobile as a kid. I stood up on the edge of the bed and hooked one end on before tying a knot to keep it there, I draped it down just far enough so that it was at the height of my neck before tying a loop. I sat back down on the end of the bed, thinking about what I was planning to do when I heard my phone buzz again I picked it up and read the text messages.

'Nean u there?' That must have been a few minutes after I had put the phone on the bed, I looked to the other text 'Nean' suddenly another one came through 'JEANNINE'

I decided to reply, I mean it would be the last time I'd talk to her if I had my way. 'IM HERE' I decided to make it seem like I was still angry at her even though I wasn't, if I was suddenly happy like I feel she might get suspicious.

My phone vibrated in my hands again and I looked down, 'well then answer me straight away next time.'

Why did I have to answer her straight away I glared at the phone before writing another reply. 'Look I don't know wat u think I'm thinkin but it's none ya wats happenin in MY life.' I suddenly realised what I had said, and instantly regret per it yet at the same time, wished I had said it before. With that idea in my mind I started to type again, 'you don't know me!' Suddenly one of my favourite songs popped into my head you don't own me by disciple, but that song was all about not giving up and fighting all of the pain but that was the complete opposite to what I was about to do.

I looked at the screen of my phone to see another reply 'actually I've been ur BF since grd 2 I think I know u pretty well' I started to feel the tears sting my eyes again but I just blinked them back and swallowed the lump in my throat.

'Well I guess it can't hurt to tell one person :)' yes, yes it can hurt to tell one person, more than you know.

'C that's the girl I know and luv.' Was her reply. No, no I am far from the girl you know and love. I decided to tell her something's but not tell her completely or properly.

'Well I have been having a few probs lately and I think I've finally found the answer.' I smiled toward the phone as I saw a tear splash onto the screen, I waited for her to reply.

'K wat?' I couldn't help but smile yet at the same time I felt like I was the worse friend, if that's even what I was.

I tried to think of how I could tell her, but the only words that were written was 'goodbye :)' I placed the phone down on my bedside table so that it was I view the whole time, I wasn't sure if that was so that I could see her words as my last, or because I hoped that she would be able to talk me out of it.

I stood up on the edge of my bed as a message came through 'wat?' I grabbed the rope.

'wait d u mean?' I out my head through the rope 'nean' I took a deal breath as I felt the tears stream down my face 'NEAN' I hung one foot off the edge of the bed as I tasted the salt water in my mouth and saw it drop onto the tiles, I took another deal breath thinking it would be my last. 'DONT THINK LIKE THAT I CAN HELP!' I looked down at my phone and even though everything around me as a blur, I could make out the capitalised writing. I pulled my head out of the rope and sat on the edge of my bed.

I picked up the phone 'how?!?' I sent, finally letting the tears flow as a river, not even trying to blink them back. 'How can u help wen u have urself to worry bout?' I wiped my tear stained cheeks with my hand. 'Im just a burden to u all once I'm gone u can all live ur lives.' I was stood up getting ready to go for good, but what I saw her reply with was not what I expected.

'Ur not a burden' I smiled at the phone at her attempts to comfort me 'if u had been a burden I would have left I' would she have really? Was it that she really did see me as a friend?

'U would have?' 'I thought we were just friends cause u felt sorry 4 me' I was waiting for her to tell me that I was right and she truly didn't care about me, and I should just leave her be.

'No' I stared at the phone in shtick 'ur my BF and I would never change u 4 anythin' I didn't know what to say.

'But I'm far from perfect, not like u' I knew she wasn't perfect, but she was closer than me.

'No I'm not, and it doesn't matter if ur not either.'

'It doesn't?' That was all I could manage to type, I was no longer crying, I couldn't tell If that was because my tears had all dried up or if it was because she was making me see sense.

'No just as long as ur urself then ur the best' could I really be the best, if I was just myself, I started to cry again. But this time out of happiness, happiness that she had helped me, and happiness that I didn't need to leave I didn't really want to but I felt that it was my only hope. The only hope for happiness, but that was what I had just found.

'Thank you' was all that I could manage to type through the blur of my tears.

'All good' 'now d u want to get some help at school?' I thought about going there by myself, and as if she had read my mind, she again told me the answer. 'Ill stay with u the WHOLE time'

'Yes thanx' I was hope that she meant that was a yes, but I didn't bother trying to tell her that cause I knew she knew that was what I meant, instead I told her something more important, although she already knew that as well. 'By the way'

'Yeh?'

'U saved my life' was all I could think of to type, and all of it was true.

'I know' I suddenly felt guilty for thinking everything I had thought about and tried doing.

'Just promise me u won't try that again!' Yep, she knew what I had tried for sure.

'I won't Zara' I suddenly realised that she might think that means I will try again. 'I mean I will' that could also mean I would try again. 'I mean I promise' by the time I had written that I was laughing so I told her that 'hahahaha'

'Hahaha' was how she replyed so I assumed she though it was as funny as I did. ':)' I laughed again, but I suddenly realised that I needed to say one more thing.

'Sorry' was the only think I could think of that was left to say. ':)' I knew that was her way of of saying that she had forgiven me, or more so that I had nothing to say sorry for, even though I felt I did. I placed my phone on my bed before standing up on the edge again, I pulled the rope off the hook attached to the roof and walked out off my room with it in my hand. I ran down the stairs and out the front door, I lifted up the lid of the wheelie bin and threw the rope in, along with all the ideas of leaving this world.

I don't know if I should really continue this story because it could end like this, but if you want me to continue or extend it, just let me know and I'll try my best

Another thing if you are the Jeannine in the story please get some help, your not alone, but if you are the Zara continue helping but if you are neither and just watch on if you figure it out as to what's going on with one of your friends, lease help them because although it may seem like they won't do anything you'd be surprised and you might be the reason they live. Anyway thank you for reading this story😊