~~~

Just a broken girl
She always faked her smile
Nobody in this world
Truly knew her trials

She misses her best friends
She hangs out with replacements
She wants her time to end
She's just another misplacement

She's gets told that everyday
Even if it's jokingly
But she takes it to her heart
And she just wants someone to say

"I know that you are hurting
I know that you're in pain
Let me ease the burden
I'll love you all the same"

But no one cares enough
They all just think she's sad
But this is so much more
So much more than that

She tells you she is alright
But she is telling white lies
Can't you tell
Look at her dull eyes

She knows no one will care
She's just a useless girl
She's called fat and dumb
And never helpful anywhere

She's told that everyday
Even if it's jokingly
But she takes it to her heart
And she just wants someone to say

"I know that you are hurting
I know that you're in pain
Let me ease the burden
I'll love you all the same"

She craves death more and more every day
Waiting for her time to come
Eagle ray hoping for the day
When finally, finally she'll be done

The hidden cuts
The endless tears
Are all perfect pictures
Of all of her worst fears

She is fat, she is ugly,
She is emo, she's a nerd
She should change her body
Her cries of help forever unheard

She is told that everyday
Even if it's jokingly
But she takes it to her heart
And she just wants someone to say

"I know that you are hurting
I know that you're in pain
Let me ease the burden
I'll love you all the same

I want to see your smile
I want to hear your laugh
Even if it takes a while
I'll make sure of that

You're not ugly
You're not fat
You're beautiful and unique
And that's a fact

Don't listen to them
They don't know what they're saying
You are more than my friend
And there's no need for pain

I'll always love you
No matter what
You'll never have to wonder who
Will love you for you

Ok always there if you need me
I'll love you just the way you are
Again, you're beautiful and unique
And to my hear you will forever hold the key

I'll fix you piece by piece
And protect you from their words
And if you need your space
Your request will never go unheard..."

~~~

So uh, yeah. Wooh, depression. I actually wrote this a month or so before I began talking to Oscar and Isaac, before we became friends, before I found the two people who will love me, who accept my scars, accept my tears, accept my depression, accept my anxiety, accept my pain. Now that I've found them... it's so hard to imagine life without one or both of them. I keep having this recurring nightmare in which I'm just having a normal day at school, and then someone from my school office comes in and says that either Oscar or Isaac killed themselves, and in a more it said to tell me.

Who dies varies from time to time, but my reaction is always the same: collapsing on the floor in shock, and then when I realize what happened, sobbing. Not crying, but full on sobbing. Hardly being able to see through my tears. Forcing myself to take shallow breaths so I don't pass out from lack of oxygen. Confusion as to why they did what they did. Anger that they did it. I spend the rest of my day numb. And I go home and cry.

What scares me the most, is my reaction. I hardly know them, yet it tears my heart in two. Like I was being stabbed. Like claws squeezed on my heart. And looking on it, I realize it's not happening at my current school. A different, but familiar school. My (hopefully) future high school.

Well, there's something else I want to discuss, but I don't really think I want to do it on this part. I'll try to have it out in a few hours, but no promises. I've got chores. Bye guys.