Bleach. That’s all that one could smell in the white building. The walls as pure and untainted as a virgin’s body, the smell of antiseptic as thick as the fog clouded in waves through a dark distant forest.

The feeling of arms encircling my small form brought me back to reality that wasn’t so different from a dark distance. My black, nylon molded eyes stared straight into blue orbs that held nothing but calm, even though everyone that had visited the boy looked on with anguish coating their sleep ridden gazes, the black circles causing them to look like decaying carcasses but they dared not show their grief that was soon washing away with the constant ‘I’m fine’ and ‘It was nothing, just a reaction to the new medication’ that Jesse always gave to reassure his friends who he considered family.

Family was long gone for Jesse, his mother disowned him at his mistakes, his father spat on him when he knew the truth, his sister too young to comprehend any different, but not once did he complain, not once did he let it show that his mistake all those years ago, the disadvantage to not have been informed of the deadly transmitted disease, the ways he could have prevented it, though he didn’t show that he was in pain, sick, wincing when no one was looking or grimacing as the experimental medicine did nothing for him.

He was at peace though; he had made peace a long time ago. His simple mistake of being a reckless, uninformed teenager, swayed by nothing but his first taste of alcohol and his first feeling of another man’s hands showing him love, the care he wished for, but it was all shattered.

Jesse had found out all too soon he was not long for this world, however he didn’t blame the HIV positive man, he didn’t blame the people that knew what he was getting into but didn’t warn him, he was just accepting of his fate, his flaws could not be refurbished no matter how hard he cried or how desperately he tried to fight for a push for a cure, he was a realistic person. He knew what was going to happen once he found out.

Almost instantaneously, from the shadows of his condition came the love of friends, Scarlet, a drag queen that he had loved and los, his closest friend, Gavin, Gavin’s other half, Dallas and Gavin’s younger sister, Taylor.

He looked over to the picture sitting beside the tightly tucked bed he was currently resting in. A husky laugh broke the silence as his smile reached his eyes, the thoughts of Taylor and himself having a deal if either were to be away from each other they would leave a picture of themselves by the other’s bed so they could always be there. Taylor had sworn that the black frame encasing a picture of her black and white portrait would bring him joy in his time away, her lips a deep black from the redness that it hid, her face showing no emotion and hair slicked back but in her signature tease, her words resonating through his head ‘The higher the hair, the closer to heaven’.

‘’Bernard.’’ A rasp was thick in his voice, the effects of not using it over the last few days after his collapse at Dallas’s graduation party.

The scene was like a heartbreaking film. The party was going so well for the teen, even though he was younger than all of us, he had found happiness and he was more than elated with being a part of the community after his was no longer accepting, but the scene shattered with Jesse falling to the ground, the ambulance arriving, the sirens sounding through the deafening yells of the party goers for Jesse to wake up.

His usual excuses were used, ‘I’m fine. It’s just the new medication not agreeing with me is all.’ but he knew it was more. He had been getting sicker and sicker but he didn’t want to worry his friends, he never did.

‘’It’s time.’’ Seeing my reflection in his eyes, the furry brownness of a bear he’s had since childhood water and cloud with tears but they were not happy yet not sad; they were knowing.

His arms tightened around me but my arms could not move, they could not embrace him back; however the smile on his face showing he was perfectly content with the way his passing would happen, without having to burden his friend with seeing his final moments. His smile held strong as his eyes grazed over to the night stand where he left a piece of paper, an address written on it and a key taped to it, his final gift to his friends where the any money he ever earned that could be spared went straight to, eventually amounting to purchasing a café they went to regularly that was shutting down but Jesse knew it held too many memories for it to be knocked down and replaced by another night club.

Soft lips faltered and quivered with barely there energy as a soft kissed was placed upon my forehead, the drowsiness of a warm, ethereal embrace claiming another soul paled his eyes, however his soul would not go alone as I would make my way to the golden gates wrapped in his arms, high above the clouds for all of life’s love and beauty no longer existed if I did not exist to be with my master.