I have been addicted for some time now.
Coke, yes.
It was always ambition, that I fancied.
No family, no one. This was supposedly the fastest way to get there.
The first snort was at 18, after that it was just one wall after another. These walls soon became a fortress, around me.
Just me and ambition.
Coffee no longer sufficed, coke gave far more adrenaline.
Not that i had an option, for all those walls were too tall.
I sometimes felt the scent of coffee though, longed for it. But the thought of lagging behind kept me from peeking.
I remember when I had coffee, every other day. Heads down on her lap,
the way her hand formed a dative with my hair, as if made only for my musing.
I never felt the need or possibility of affection then.
Then one day i made another multiverse,
One where there was all coke and no coffee.
A multiverse full of conundrums.
A year later,
I returned .
I know now.
I can have all the coke I desire,
the fake achievements,
the mirage of happiness,
but coffee is all of that and more.
All my life,
I kept running, chasing.
One day i finally caught up,
And i realized,
I was chasing coffee, on coke.