I cry every night knowing that world is full of bull shit knowing I can't get what I want. No one respects me because I think of death, and I am at a point that I am giving up. Giving up looking at the world that is piled up in lies after lies, there is no such thing as happiness just judgement. I can't look around the house seeing the rainbows but of course the rainbows comes after the dark times then fades. There is no such thing as happiness and it won't last forever. 
        I put my headphones on ignoring the life of the demon, listing to 'Sweet Dreams are Made Of This' of course I love this song it speaks the truth. I nod my head to the beat of course there is a knife in my mind stabbing me each time when a word abuse comes on. I am not a person who likes people and people call me a killer, I am starting to believe that now. I think of so many things that deal with blood and death and ignoring the rainbows and sunshine. I hate it what it done to me made me fall into a despair of hate, hate of people who says they don't supports bullying yet they do it, hate the teacher who tells us they are friends to use but only there for god damn money, I hate parents who makes me go to a family house and ignore me, I hate it. Everyone song is about sex, drugs, more sex, more drugs, parties, getting drunk. I hate this life another stab to the heart. I want to die, but no one could look at me in the eye because I am a killer; they say. My teachers says my writing is too dark but in reality they think I am crazy. I think of jail most of the time, I think of joining the life of death don't care where I go. I can't look at my self in the mirror sometimes I want to break it. I can't talk to my friend like I use to anymore. I am becoming something that I don't want. I can't stop it I need help but I don't know where to go. I been in a world full of lies and I am tired of seeing people thinking that I have a great life but they never been in deep punishment for 7 maybe 9 years of people looking at you like your nothing. Of course I spend my time on a computer reading, writing, watching things that would haunt me. Do I care? I am already haunted by life and the world. My parents can't see my tears, my cousins looks away. I am a killer becoming one becoming a person who have no family. 
        I look up seeing no one sitting next to me, no one is near me. It was always like that every since I was small, no one looked at me as a human instead a killer. I am now seeing that my writing is too damn dark that no one respects, my mind is not stable but instead corrupted by a past mental state of terror, my body is now over weight that my skin is stretching, my looks gave up, I gave up smiling to the world instead I stay serious, I don't care. I want to die but I know it won't happen because no one loves me, even if I love them, I stay here in my computer wishing for happiness of the world but instead I have a family that wont give me any hope making me a robot. Clean, get this, please, fake I love you. I was teased by the language of Spanish making me not wanting to learn it, now I am fighting with my mom making me learn the language. She cares for school for me and not my actual feeling, she sees me cry not wanting to look at me in the eyes instead rub my back and say its okay. My friends who speaks the language makes me want to kill them and bury them in hell but I don't because they don't speak of it front of me, some that do I don't talk to them often.    
        Every year I am giving up becoming a life full of darkness, trapping myself in my room ignoring everyone. Eating less and less, food doesn't please me like it use to. I don't want to be beautiful instead I want to be ugly so no one could look at me and keep their comments to their self. But it's to late for that they make the comments already, I mean no one looks at me they look at me as a writer who knows everything. Even though I don't because they expect me to write rainbows, I am slowly giving up now and days I am thinking of death wanting to cut myself till I bleed to death, but it's too slow. I want a bullet through my head, or a stab to my heart, or hang. I want to commit a crime so I could die on the death chair. Instead I am a child who doesn't know any better, they say it's hormones something like that so they move on. Abused by my sister, hitting me when my parents are not around, teasing me when I cry so I cry more.
        I look up seeing the dark fading in already, will anyone help me? Will anyone says you are not a killer, you are not a dark writer, you are not a perfect person, can some one reach their hands for me and others? Or will I suffer a great deed for everyone like I always do? Or do you like to see me suffer for more than 20 years? Look at me when I get old saying I never felt anything for you. I am a afraid of losing, comments, everything. I need help because I am giving up, will you look at me and say "You are not a killer, your just a writer,"