vance

To me, there is great shame in surviving.

Some may call me a man of honour, others one of truth, but I believe that after what I have done, I am neither- certainly not a man of candour.

I have lied, I have stolen, and I have cheated the one thing that has redeemed me- the one place and the one people who have allowed me to rise and to be saved from a pit of endless, endless grief. They have saved me, in which they have taught me to evade my grief and shut it out, because I cannot outrun it.

They have saved me, and I have betrayed them. But nobody will know of it, and every night I will ask for forgiveness- because Tetrahmon is my beginning and it will be my end, for I refuse to die for a barbaric cause.

I don't know why I did it- perhaps it was to convince myself that they have a point, that somehow, Keira's death formed a piece of this puzzle of a global, catastrophic wipeout; a serial, instantaneous homicide, but their cause is too little and Tetrahmon's perfection too great. I refuse to end up like them. I won't be a virus, I won't allow my 'systems' to go into overdrive. I will not become her.

Maybe I did it to save myself.

They will have to let me go, now.

▿

Seven Hours Earlier

"Morning, Adamík." We're both early to work, which is, frankly, not a surprise, but although I so desperately want to talk to him, I can't bring myself to so much as look him in the eye.

"Good morning, Vance." He offers me a smile as he sets his chip down on the circular table and sits down, proceeding to set his screen up.

I take my place beside him, mirroring his actions. "Do you think we'll be covering the file again?" I ask cautiously.

"I don't know. Malcolm seemed quite set on not discussing this girl... Although, if you'd like to tell me something about her, since you seemed to know a little bit, feel free to share it with me." Adamík gives me another one of his lopsided grins. "Please don't feel obliged, though," he adds, cutting me off before I've spoken.

I simply nod. "I suppose it'll be back to our ethical decisions on completing the Wall."

"That would certainly be a more pleasant discussion, but after the execution-" He takes in a breath. "I'm not so sure."

What we do end up talking about is the Wall, yes, and the need to eliminate a threat, because something clearly drove NW-60 mad for him to have killed a coworker, a friend.

"Today begins a new age." Malcolm is on a live broadcast as she speaks to us, her porcelain face blown up on every glass building, firm and fragile-looking, although her eyes say otherwise. "Today begins a safer age, in which Tetrahmon will be free of all threats- both inside and outside. However, we will need every individual's cooperation in Project Chrysalis." The irony of the name is the only thing passing through my mind as I try to take notes.

"After what has happened with NW-60, we have become aware of a brain-altering danger which exists within people of this very city- which is why every person posing a threat to this city will be taken care of and resumed back to their better, original state. Together, we can save you. Together, we can save you all from a fate that will make us no better than the ancients." There is no hesitation in her voice, but simply systematic, coordinated pause for the sake of dramatic effect.

She is in control.

"Project Chrysalis is what will stop Tetrahmon from crumbling into chaos, into war and death and destruction, because together, we are stronger. United, we will preserve the beauty and the way of life in Tetrahmon- a way of life free from pain and disease."

This is the future."

This is our future."

The usual warning for citizens that will not be able to show themselves for forms of interrogation and the like closes the speech.

Malcolm receives our applause as the broadcast is cut off. "Project Chrysalis is our new creation that will eliminate any threat to this city and its people," she says. "Guards have been put into posts to roam every street, and report any suspicious activity or person, whereupon they will be branded a potential threat to the state."

Our science has uncovered extraordinary things- genes for intelligence, matrices for phenomena that would have been inexplicable in the ancient world- we have developed technology that is able to tell us what goes on in a black hole. Project Chrysalis is a matrix that seeks out any mutations in general DNA and that works towards finding a threatening gene, or any gene that will show signs of abnormality, or that will give us a reason to mistrust the person."

"Project Chrysalis is what will make Tetrahmon even greater," Jonathan adds on. "I trust all of you will put your dedication and work into it to make it possible and to advance it."

There is no need for that, because we are all convinced that this truly will be the pathway to a better place- for me, one where I will miss nobody and not feel any pain or grief. I want freedom.

And freedom is Chrysalis.

▿

I still don't know why I did it. It must have been impulse, but I have the digital file.

I lie in bed with the blankets thrown to one side, my chip on the mattress next to me, issuing out a holographic scene of movement- the very first page of the file.

I have flipped through the file, yes, but never have I paid so much attention to it. What is it they are looking for?

The page is riddled with graphs, equations, pictures of the girl, and there are warnings everywhere.

There are warnings of danger and there are warnings to not read further.

Yet, I send it to them. I send it to Bernard and then wipe my chip free of the contents of that file, because Ai no longer want to look at it.

My next projects is Chrysalis, and to do that, I must put my fundamental beliefs, my family, and Evanna and Bernard behind- they can no longer be parts of my life.

Chrysalis is what matters.

Not Bernard, not Evanna, not the file I have just deleted.

Not Julie, not Keira- as much as it pains me, I must find a way to truly break free of my pain and my grief before it's too late.

Love is a weakness, and it has almost destroyed me, but my loyalty lies with Tetrahmon. It has to.

Project Chrysalis is freedom, and it is the only thing that will save me.

a/n: here's the newest chapter! I hope you all enjoyed that.

Don't forget to vote or comment, or do both if you liked it! It would really mean a lot. Thank you for reading, and thank you for the support!

Sarah <3