Legit, not towards anyone here, it's about different people. I am always willing and able to listen if you have a problem, I care and love you all.

It's bad.

.

I'm not okay.

I'm not fine.

Im just stable enough to be numbingly happy for some reason, I just never been okay. I never been fine.

Psh, don't give me the fokin stereotype fucking answer that it's going to be okay. It's not, I know it never was, and if it was, it got destroyed imediately. I only remebering true happiness at six.

A good time with my family together, at six. That's fucking years ago. Years.
Now? It's all behind doors and we're broken up, we fight, sometimes laugh but it isn't funny, it's not okay.
Remember the family portrait poem? It's a vent.
*Most of them are*

Everyone doesn't fucking help me JESUS CHRIST TELL ME YOU'RE THERE JUST TO NOT BE THERE
All they do? Watch and stare or complain about their problems as I am trying to explain my fucking Suicide trials, but no, let's talk about how your Instagram stopped
Or you're going on problems, and I really care, but fuckin shut up for a fucking minute! Goddamn, I never talk or get much out, then everyone ask me why I'm quiet, the quiet girl. The no one.

And if I'm someone, in someone to make fun of as people whisper how I cut just to be sent to the office or how fat I am, and I get it, I know I'm fat, just a big ball of insecurities, and I just don't eat much, and At this point, I don't care. I always will be looked at, I'll always will be mad fun of for my horrible fashion.

I'm the girl who you fucking make fun of by saying you can't go up either because you have "anxiety" but I fucking know you don't, stop using a fucking disorders as an escuse or fucking making fun of me. Jesus, it's not fun, it's not okay to have panic attacks where no one helps you calm down, it's not fun having anxiety over time and crying over it, because that's how my body and mind responses with anxiety, crying and no breathing or heavy breathing. It legit fucking stops my lungs, it makes me want to run and hide, it makes me want to die, but it's funny, laugh.

Oh, and fuck you fuckers who made fun of autism, or used it as a fucking insult. You disgust me, sick fucks, I hated being in class with you, really. I hated you saying that shit. I have a great cousin who has autism and he is my reason to live. He is the opposite of what you used it for, and it's not funny, it's not snickering worth, people go through hell with it sometimes, no one understands how disorders and such, how it's fucking hard.

And I hated one of you the fucking most, it chills my bones how you tried all you can to make me feel so out of place, out of the whole class. And it was only a few minutes or so, maybe twenty- thirty, but what was the point?

Legit, stupidest thing, you could legit take everyone's folder, everyone's folder exept mine, "you could put yours away" and yes it gets under my skin,it very much does, why am I so not normal?

Is it because of my random facts about older shows and movies, and even bands that are way cooler then fucking "Gucci gang"? I'm sorry, I would not like to watch someone repeat stupid shit again and again, i can't help my love for it. I can't help not being normal, I can't help that I'm not a fucking whore walking down the hallway with fucking tons of make-up and expensive clothes that probably are worth more then my life, im sorry that I stutter, I'm sorry that I don't laugh at people getting hurt, im sorry that I don't have my tounge down another person's throat, I'm sorry that I don't get into gossip.

Don't worry, I thought about Killin myself at school, but I didn't want people to laugh at my dead body. So, I'm still here.

Not that anyone cares, I went to the counselors office and they said that I should think about how other kids have it worse, but what if I'm that kid who has it worse, what if I'm just over reacting. I know kids have it bad, but think about my situation. I don't even post some of the shit going on.

I can't deal with change, gives me horrid anxiety, I hate change, I hate change. I just do. I can't stand it,I can't bare it, I just can't stand the fact I'm moving to another state. Not block, not new part where I am, state. I have to go through new kids. I have to find a somewhat new friends who will probably treat me like trash.

Everything I touch gets destroyed. I'm the most fucking worse person, I am a horrid monster that has that fucking imposter in my head that fucking won't go away. I know, an ugly monster, in and out, just fucking a punching bag.

I'm a bag full of fucking bags.

I mean, I'm okay now, I just needed to vent.