song lyrics that relate to my life

Everything is blurry
And everyone's is so fake
And everybody's empty
And everything is dull
....
Can you take it all away?
Well ya shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
...

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish
I didn't do
...

I cannot sleep, I cannot dream
Tonight
...
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting
Everytime
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating
Their insides
...
Don't waste your time on me
Your already the voice inside my head

Do you ever feel like breaking
Down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio turned up so loud that no one hears you screaming?
No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
....
To be like me
To be hurt
To be lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down and feel like you are pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you
No you don't know what's it like
Welcome to my life..

I woke up it was seven,
Waited till eleven
Just to figure out no one would call
I think I got alot of Friends but I don't
Hear from them
What's another night all alone?
When you're spending everyday
On your own...and here it goes
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid and I know that it is not
Fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and is having more fun than me..
And when the night is dead,
I'll crawl into my bed and stare at these four walls again
I'll try to think about the last time I had a good time
......
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake and I'm bored and i
Can't fall asleep and every night is
The worse night ever
....

Hey mum, look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
....
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it right
I just wanna make you proud
....
Can't pretend I'm alright
And you can't change me!
..
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it is just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
....
I try not to think
About the pain inside
Do you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Seems so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
....
I can't stand another fight
Nothing's alright
...
Nothing's going to change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard to just to talk to you and you don't understand!
....

Father of mine, tell me where have you been?
....
Father of mine, tell me where did you go?
You had the world inside your hand
But you did not  seem to know
Father of mine, tell me what do you see when you look back at your wasted life and you don't see me?
...
I never understood you then and I guess I never will..
..
Then he walked away
...
Father of mine tell me how do you sleep with the child you abandoned..
I will never be safe!
I will never be sane!
I will always be wierd inside!
I will always be lame!
.....
Then he walked away!

Momma please stop crying,
I can't stand the sound,
Your pain is painful and it's tearing me down
....
I told him you didnt mean those nasty things you said!
You used to fight about money, bout me and my brother, and this I used to come home to, this is my shelter
It ain't easy growing up in world war lll, never knowing what love could be, you'll see.
I don't want love to destroy me like it has done my family
....
Father figure stop yelling, I can't stand the sound
Make momma stop crying cause I need you around
My momma she loves you, no matter what she says is true
I know that she hurts you, but remember I love you too!
..
Don't want to go back to that place, but had no choice , no way
....
In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend like it comes naturally
....

Feels like we are on the edge right now, I wish that I could say I'm proud
I'm sorry that I let you down
Let you down
All these voices in my head get loud I wish I could shut them down
I'm sorry that I let you down
L-l-let you down
Yeah, I guess I am a disapointment
Doing everything I can, I don't want to make you disapointed
It's annoying
I just wanna make you feel like everything I did wasn't ever tryna make an issue for you
But I guess the more you thought about everything, you were never even wrong in the first place, right?
Yeah I'mma just ignore you
Walking towards you with my head down, looking at the ground, I'm embarrassed for you
Paranoia, what did I do wrong this time?
....
I cared for you but-
.....
Yeah, you don't wanna make this work
You just wanna make it worse
Want me to listen to you but you don't ever listen to my words
You don't wanna know my hurt yet
Let me guess, you want an apology, probably
How can we keep going at this rate?
We can't
...
I just wanna be alone right now, I don't want to think at all
Go ahead, drink it off
.....
I feel like Everytime I talk to you, you're in an awful mood
What else can I offer you?
There's nothing left right now, I gave it all to you
...
Everytime I sit on that couch I feel like you lecture me
Eventually, I bet that we
Could have worked this out
And probably figured things out
But I guess I'm a let down
But it's cool
Oh you want to be friends now?
Okay, let's put on my fake face and pretend now
Sit around and talk about the
Good times that didn't even happen
Why are you laughing? Must have missed that joke, let me see if I can find a reaction. No, but at least your happy...
...
I'm sorry
Im So sorry
I'm sorry that I  let you down

....
Cause I know I can only starve so much till I like how it feels
Sitting on a throne of bone, staring at the cold meal
I know it isn't my body that you love, it is the shell I am inside of and I'm killing it, I'm killing the only peice that you can touch
I know it isn't the body that you need but that what sleeps right next to you
I'm killing it, I'm killing it...
Please eat
If only I can believe I deserve everything
Every spoon and bite, anything, I want to eat..
Cause I know I can only starve so much before I die..
There's parts of me you can never revive
.....

I don't want to be awake again
Spend my days with my head in my hands
If I go outside I'll fall apart
I am mostly scared of passing time the world seems to get more unkind
Inevitable tragedies will soon be mine
I am looking for an easy place
To mask my thoughts behind my face
Oh brown baked column of victory
....
Let you forget that you were once my friend and watch another one find better and go on..without me
..

My mind is scary
I feel vulnerable and stupid
Waiting for a new embarrassment
To go and tear right through me
A dependent, fruitless animal
Watch me brimming with shame
And this confidence I fake only makes matters worse
I am not a stallion
I am just perversed
Hopeless and docile
And tamed
Another day I won't remember
Another day I wished away
Tedious days punctuated by dismay
Everyday feels the same!
It's the routine
It's the regret that makes me worse
Yet
Did I forget your name? Or did I make a joke and nobody laughed?
Did I come across as stupid?
Or did I come too fast?
This isn't a brave face,
This isn't a brave face,
This is a mask
Now I remember!
It doesn't take much to make me feel small!

Hey, slow it down, whatya want from me? Whatya do want from me?
Yeah, I'm afraid
Whatya want from me ?
Whatya want from me?
There might've been a time when I would give myself away
Oh once upon a time, I wouldn't give a damn
But now, here we are
So what do you want from me?
Just don't give up!
I'm working it out!
Please don't give in
I won't let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breath
Just keep coming around!
...
Yeah, it is plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
It's me, I'm a freak, yeah
But thanks for loving me
Cause your doing it perfectly
....
I think you could save my life!
...
Just don't give up on me
..
(Not about an ex)
I know you're somewhere out there,
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
....
At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself
Talking to the moon
Trying to get to you
In hopes you're on the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I fool who sits alone talking-to the moon?
I'm feeling like I'm famous
Talk the town
They say I'd gone mad
I'd gone mad
But they don't know what I know
Cause when the sun goes down
Someone's talking back
They're talking back!
...

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And If you had to leave, I'd wish that will just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just so much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all these years but you still have..all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me!
.....
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone!
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along!
...

This is my winter song to you
The storm is coming soon
It rolls in from the sea
My voice, a beacon in the night
My words will be your light
To carry you to me
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love...
They say that things just
Can not grow beneath the winter
Snow or so I have been told
They say we're buried far
Just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
This is my winter song
December never felt so wrong
Cause your not where you
Belong
Inside my arms
...
I still believe in summer days
The seasons always change
And life will find a way
I'll be your harvester of light
And send it out tonight
So we can start again
.....

...
You float like a feather in a beautiful world
I wish I was special..
Your so fucking special
But I'm a creep!
I'm a wierdo!
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here!
I don't care if it hurts..
I wanna have control
I wanna perfect body
I wanna perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special
....

I couldn't tell you why I feel this way, feel way everyday
No one could help me
They just watch me make the
Same mistakes again
What's wrong?
What's wrong now?
Too many,
Too many problems
I don't know I belong..
Where I belong
I want to go home!
But nobody's home,
It's where I lies, broken inside!
With no place to go, no place to go
To dry my eyes, broken inside
Open your eyes and look outside
Find a reason why
I been rejected
And now I can't find what I left behind
Be strong, be strong now
Too many,
Too many problems
....
My feelings I hide
My dream I can't find
I'm losing my mind
I'm falling behind
I can't find my place
I'm losing my faith
I have fallen from Grace
I'm all over the place
...

Honestly...I'm sad. More than that and this was kinda of a vent. I am a nobody that had a rough past and that isn't the beginning. Those songs were forwarded to irl people and one to Ryan , but I'm not going to point which ones out. I wanna die. I'm alone. No one cares. I'm fine.