DAY 1

As soon as the car sped off and she was out of sight, I fished out my mobile and searched for her name.

          Instagram account—Followed.

          Twitter account—Followed.

          Facebook page—Liked.

          Facebook profile—Friend requested.

Done! I scrolled through her public timeline, but the mobile screen was too small for my browsing pleasure. So I hurried towards my black sedan, placed my camera bag in its designated hold-box at the foot of the passenger seat and sped home at 130kmph. Thankfully, the roads were clear as it was almost midnight. The people in Miri town sleep early.

I parked my car below the mango tree outside my house, grabbed my camera bag and ran to my bedroom. A gentle nudge on the mouse and my 24-inch iMac screen came to life. My Facebook newsfeed stared back at me and I grinned. I quickly typed in her FB page URL. A few seconds later, her profile photo smiled at me.

The next hour was spent browsing through her social media channels. I liked every post but commented on none. I noted that she was not an active social media user considering her last post on Insta was two months ago, her last tweet on Twitter was 13 days ago, and her latest posting on her FB page dated 6 weeks back. Maybe she was active on her FB profile but I had no access to that yet.

I removed the SD card from my DSLR and plugged it into the card reader. When the disk file appeared on my screen, I clicked on it and copied all the photos and videos to my computer.

Twenty-five minutes' transfer time. I had more than enough time for a quick shower, which was exactly what I did. As I sat down with a towel wrapped around my head, I saw the red notification dot. I quickly reached for the mouse.

Evy Rumsin has accepted your friend request.

I glanced at the clock. 1:50 a.m. Ah, so my celebrity friend is a night owl. Just like me.

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DAY 2

ER: Thanks for the photos.

Me: I have more. Email them to you soon.

ER: Okay. Thanks.

I continued browsing through the 482 photos I'd taken yesterday, out of which 334 were of her. I moved all her photos into a separate folder highlighted in blue and named it 'MY CELEBRITY FRIEND'. All caps. Then I moved the 19 videos of her into the same folder. Of course, I wouldn't send her all the photos. I'd choose the ones that portrayed the best of her and keep the intimate ones to myself. What intimate ones, you ask? Well, those I snapped when she wasn't aware of my presence.

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DAY 3

OMIGOSH! O-my-gosh! Omigosh! OMG!!

Evy Rumsin just followed me on Insta and Twitter!! I punched the air and leaped from my seat. The customers at the nearby tables stared at me. Embarrassed, I quickly sat down, reached for my iced coffee and gulped it down. Then I paid for my lunch and left with a song in my heart.

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DAY 4

Just seconds after I uploaded the photo montage of her to my Insta, she liked it. Given that I'd tagged her on the visual, but still... instant like means she must have really liked it. I grinned to myself as I screenshot the post for safe keeping.

As I did so, a new notification came in.

Wait a moment. She just reposted it! My grin grew wider.

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DAY 5

All was quiet on social media. What was she up to?

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DAY 6

Silence is golden. Not!

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DAY 7

The silence was deafening. Over the past few days, I multi-tasked between monitoring her social media and putting together a video snippet from the footage I'd taken of her the first time we met. She sang beautifully during the two-hour concert held at the town hall. For the first time, I was more than glad to be the official event video/photographer. She was the first celebrity who actually looked into the camera lens like she was looking into my eyes. That was the moment she melted my heart.

I checked the time—11:45 p.m. Another day was almost over. I decided to upload the video and tagged her. Then I waited. And waited. Was my night owl awake?

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DAY 8

Morning came. There were many notifications. Lots of likes and comments. But no sign of her. I checked the chat window on FB. The small dot next to her name was green. Then why hasn't she liked or commented on the video? Does she hate it? Is she angry with me? Has she even seen it?

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DAY 9

It was three minutes into a new day before she finally LIKED the video. Followed by a simple comment – 'Thanks'.

That's it?

I stared at that one word for a long time. Thanks. Nothing else. What did she think of the video? Did she like my work? I meant yeah, she LIKED the video, but... but... that's different from actually... Never mind.

I played the video and watched as she wowed the crowd again with her angelic voice. When it ended, I clicked play again. And again. And again. I could never get bored of her voice.

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DAY 10

Oh, why didn't I think of that?

I started clicking away. Insta lets us see what our followers are up to under the FOLLOWING tab. Evy was following me. I browsed through the tab and saw her liking and following others. Then I went to her Twitter profile page and clicked on the LIKES tab, where I can see all the tweets she has liked. That's when I realised one thing: she may not be actively updating her social media channels, but she was definitely active on social media.

I smiled to myself. I knew exactly what to do next.

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DAY 19

Ding ding.

A new LIKE.

I knew who it was before I even read the notification. She has been liking (almost) every single one of my Insta photos since I started posting her 'kind' of photos. How did I know what kind of photos she would most probably like? I observed and studied the photos she liked on Insta. The subject, angle, colours, styles, etc. Ain't I the smart one?

By now, I'm confident that she had the notification 'ON' for my profile because she was liking my posts almost instantly after each upload. And she started commenting too. We were slowly becoming good friends.

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DAY 25

Whoever this person is, I hated her. No, not Evy Rumsin. But her bestie. Or I think she is Evy's bestie. Why were they interacting all the time on Twitter? Why did Evy reply to her every tweet, even when her tweets are about mundane boring stuff? They even travel together!

They had been on the road together for the past few days, which I figured was one of the reasons Evy was rarely online. And when she did, she was still interacting with the girl online even though they were probably sharing a room. The idea of them lazing in the same room, interacting on social media and laughing out loud offline made me cringe. I wanted that. I wanted to be more than Evy's online friend.

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DAY 28

Me: Hey. Saw the poster. I'll be at KL for your show.

ER: Cool!

Me: I can be your photo/videographer if you like.

ER: Good timing. My photographer just dropped out.

Me: Great. See you then.

ER: See you. And thanks.

Thanks – that word again. It was the most used word in our online interaction and it was starting to irk me.

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DAY 35

I arrived at the venue. It wasn't hard to locate her because she was the star of the night. Besides, I could hear her sweet voice filling the auditorium and all I had to do was follow it. She was on the stage doing a sound check with her band, her back towards me. I smiled at the familiar sight.

My heart danced a little when we finally met face-to-face for the second time. I was surprised when she gave me a hug and introduced me to everyone as her favourite photographer. HER FAVOURITE PHOTOGRAPHER. I liked the sound of these three words rolling off her tongue almost as if she was singing 'I love you'. That was what I felt at that very moment: LOVE.

Snap, snap, snap.

Click, click, click.

Before I knew it, the night had come to an end. It didn't feel like work when she was the subject of my photo shoot. In fact, I've never taken so many photos in two hours. A total of 690 photos and 40 short videos.

She invited me to join her band for supper after we wrapped up for the night. While we were waiting for food to be served, the drummer asked to browse through the photos. I held the camera in my hand for him to view. After a few minutes, he looked bored and asked, "Do you have any of us at all?"

That was when I realised I forgot to take photos of her band. I was focusing solely on her. But at least I had one or two shots of her with the crowd, her with her fans, and her with... well, just her wooing the crowd with her voice and smile.

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DAY 38

She loved the photos. And the video highlights. And the photos. And more photos.

We upgraded to Whatsapp chats but it was always about work. In our daily chats, she commented on the concert video edits and photo selections. But not once did she ask how I was doing. I wondered if she would even be chatting with me if it wasn't for the photo/videography job. Then again, I should not complain. She was replying my messages instantly as if she was eager to chat each time, so that was sufficient to make me happy.

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DAY 45

It's been five days since I completed the post-photo/videography job and handed all the photos and videos to her. I have not heard from her since, except for the on-going interaction on social media. She still liked my photos and commented on my Insta regularly. She still favourited most of my tweets. But nothing more.

I stared at our Whatsapp chat window and wondered if it would be too much to say, "Hi, how are you?" when she hasn't replied to a single of those that I had sent over the past few days. Was she cold-shouldering me? It did not make sense because she was actively interacting with my social media postings. What was happening?

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DAY 46

I added her bestie online, the one she regularly travelled with. Her name is Kim Wong. I only met her once, during the concert in Kuala Lumpur. She is a bubbly girl who smiles a lot, like she doesn't have a speck of worry in the world. Kim is both inspiring and intelligent. Her charm is slow but compelling. People will not fall in love with her at first sight, but they will slowly grow to love her. A lot.

I didn't have to try very hard to dislike Kim because every time Evy looked at her admiringly, my heart turned sour. Was I turning into a green monster? However, from my evaluation over the past few weeks, befriending Kim came with a string of benefits. She being a friendly person made it easy. All I had to do was follow her on social media, like all her postings and comment regularly before the opportunity arose for us to exchange contact numbers. Unknowingly, she became my spy.

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DAY 73

Me: Hey... How are you?

KW: Hello! Wassup.

Me: How's the trip? Saw the photos you posted. Looked like you ladies are having fun.

KW: It's fantastic! We were busy meeting up with people and learning new things.

Me: Any free time today?

KW: She hasn't replied your messages?

Me: Yeah...

KW: She will, eventually, when she has the time. You know that right?

Me: You have the time now.

KW: I'm a multi-tasker. ☺ And I'm not the superstar.

I hated the fact that Kim was the one I regularly communicated with now. But the more time we spent chatting, the harder it was to not like her. She was responsive and always there. Unlike Evy. In fact, when it came to insecurities with Evy, it was almost as if Kim could read my thoughts and know my feelings. Sometimes, she would even help me deal with my insecurities, which both irked and comforted me.

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DAY 92

We have been chatting for the past three hours. Not Evy and I. But Kim and I.

It was about a concern I had for one of Evy's photography projects. Evy hadn't replied my messages for the past four days and I was getting all pent up. And Kim, ever the mind-reader, realised something was amiss and asked me what was wrong.

Initially, I resisted the urge to discuss the situation with her but she had such an open-hearted charm that eventually, I lowered my guard. One message led to another. The next thing I knew, I was sharing my concerns with her and she even had a solution for it!

Me: You know right, I wanted to talk about this with her, not you.

KW: Ouch! But yeah, I know. Treat this as rehearsal?

Me: LOL! You gotta be kidding.

KW: ☺ I won't tell.

Me: It's okay. I'll just repeat it with her.

KW: All the best with that.

I sighed after we said our goodnights. What I had going with Kim was great. It was personal and somehow, she was genuine enough that I could trust her. I wished I had the same momentum with Evy.

Evy and I, we hardly communicated unless it was work related. That was if I was working on any photo/videography job at all for her. It was work or nothing. I was feeling more and more sidelined by her, which upset me. A lot.

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DAY 99

Kim picked me up at the airport. I told her I wanted to surprise Evy on her birthday and Kim happily agreed to lend a hand. Anything to make my celebrity friend happy, it seemed. I've even gotten Evy a birthday gift: her favourite tarap fruit in an air-tight container wrapped with triple layers of newspaper to prevent the pungent smell from alerting the Customs officers.

The flight from Miri to Kuala Lumpur was the longest I've ever felt. Probably because I was nervous and anxious about meeting Evy. Of course, I was excited too. But all these emotions evaporated when she opened her front door and stared at me. Long and hard. I waited for joy to flood her face but it never happened.

"You... what are you doing here?"

I masked the disappointment on my face, put on the brightest smile I could muster and exclaimed, "SURPRISE!! Happy birthday!"

I waited for a hug but time seemed to have stopped. She looked past my shoulder and suddenly I remembered that Kim was standing behind me. Here I was, all the way from Miri, and all she could focus on was her bestie. I bit my lip.

"Surprise!!" Kim bellowed. I could hear her smile without looking at her, that annoying bubbly girl. Evy managed a small smile, stepped aside and invited us in.

The living room was meticulously clean and tidy. There was a long black couch facing a sleek LCD screen. In between, a tall black porcelain vase sat in the middle of a shiny lacquer top coffee table. A round clock on the wall. Nothing more. Everything was greyscaled and minimalistic, a total opposite of my messy bedroom that was filled with photos stuck on walls and a colourful throw rug covered with soft pillows. My bright pink bag felt intrusive on the floor next to the couch.

"Here's your drink." Kim offered a tall black glass to me. I took a sip. It was cold water. I gulped the rest down to calm my nerves. I couldn't believe I was in Evy's residence, sitting in her living room, invading her private space. My eyes continued to explore her home as I tried to picture her life in this space.

"So, what's the birthday plan?" I asked Evy. She looked at me, then at Kim.

"You tell me," she answered with a hint of annoyance. Guess we really caught her off-guard on her big day. But hey, I thought everyone loved surprises.

"We could go to your favourite restaurant for lunch. Then take a drive to Port Dickson to watch the sunset and be back in time to open your presents before the clock strikes 12," suggested Kim.

Presents! Ah yes... I opened my bag and took out the big ball of newspapers. They frowned at me as I peeled off the layers one by one.

"Tadaah!" I said as I peeled the last piece off and presented the container to Evy. Curiously, she opened it as I beamed proudly. "I present your favourite – tarap."

"Wow! You smuggled it in!" exclaimed Kim, totally surprised. She was beside Evy in a jiffy, obviously a tarap lover herself.

"Thanks," said Evy with a smile.

Thanks. How about "You're awesome!" or "I love it!"? I rolled my eyes but neither of them saw it. They were busy eating the fruit and commenting on its goodness. When they were done, Kim took the container to the kitchen. I hated that she made herself at home in Evy's place as if she lived here too. Did she?

"So where will you be staying?" asked Evy as she wiped her lips with a tissue. I was tempted to reach for my camera to snap a shot. Before I could, she asked more, "And how many days will you be here? What do you want to do in KL?"

WHAT? What do you mean by what do I want to do in KL? I want to spend time with you, duh! Was she counting down the days till I'll be gone? I bit the edge of my lips to suppress my annoyance.

"Just a couple of days. I have nothing planned except to spend your birthday with you," I said nonchalantly, hoping that she would suggest we hang out throughout my days here. I moved closer to her on the couch but she didn't seem to notice.

"Thanks."

She said it again. Urgh!

"Meeting up with any KL friends?" Evy asked, her eyes straying to the kitchen door. Was she uncomfortable with me? Was she seriously trying to get rid of me?

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I'm sure you have friends to meet, things to do. Make your trip here worth it, right?"

I came all the way to see you, only you, just to be with you. That's what makes this worth it. Don't you understand at all?

That was when I snapped.

Before I knew it, I reached for the black shining vase on the coffee table and swung it at her head. The impact sent her body to the floor. Blood gushed and flowed down the side of her head. Evy's eyes grew big as she looked at me, shocked. A soft gasp escaped her lips. Then I heard a loud shriek.

"What have you done??!" Kim rushed to Evy and cradled her bleeding friend in her arms. I stared at them in disbelief. The neck of the vase slipped from my hand with a crash. Kim closed her eyes reflexively as shattered sharp pieces flew at them. She even turned her body to shield Evy from the impact.

I looked at my hand that held the vase a moment ago, then at Evy and Kim again. Both my hands began to shake. Suddenly, anger and shock flooded me at the same time.

"Am I just your favourite photographer? Why can't I be your bestie too? Why can't you love me the way you love her? I am your number one fan. She's not even your fan, she's just your friend," I spat out those words at Evy.

"You're crazy!! CRAZYYY!!" Kim shouted.

"But why... why can't I be her bestie? Why must it be you! Why can't it be Evy and me?" I glared at Kim as I hurled the words at her. I envied Kim and wanted to hurt her so badly.

My eyes moved to Evy. My celebrity friend was groaning in pain as Kim cupped her head which was wet with thick blood. It broke me when I saw Evy in tremendous pain. What has the green-eyed monster in me done? Suddenly my heart softened.

"I'm sorry, Evy. I didn't mean for this to happen. I just wanted us to talk daily, laugh and be merry. I just wanted to be your best friend but you... you just wouldn't let me..."

Words failed me. I reached for a long shard of the vase that had landed on the couch. I felt the weight of it in my hand as the edges sliced into my palm. Kim watched me cautiously. I could tell she wanted to take the sharp piece away from me, but she wouldn't leave Evy. Such was her loyalty. She was such a good friend.

There's no way I could be Evy's bestie now. Why would she be my friend after this? I can't live with that. I can't live being someone she hates. I just can't. I inhaled deeply before I pulled the long shard across my throat.

Kim's scream filled the room as I fell back against the couch. But she didn't come to me. She held on to Evy as I looked at them. My throat bled so fast I was drowning in my own blood, but I kept my eyes on them. The perfect picture of two best friends.