I've never really had a close friend before. Don't get me wrong, Token, Clyde and Jimmy are great. Not that I would tell them that. But they're not – I hate to even think the word – my best friends. None of that 'super best friends' gay shit like Stan and Kyle. God that sounds so fucking ironic coming from me. But my relationship with Tweek has forced closeness between us. Mainly because the fucking crazy Asian girls start accusing me of cheating if I spend one day away from him. One day!

God, why do I bother keeping these stupid townspeople happy? Still, it does have benefits; I really like getting to know Tweek better.

Still half asleep, I approach the Tweak household. It's the first day of fifth grade, and it's my turn to pick him up. I ring the doorbell awkwardly. Mrs Tweak answers as usual.

"Oh, Craig! How nice to see you. Do you want to come in?" I thank my lucky stars my cheeks are already red from the cold. Kill me now. Every time. Every fucking time.

"No thank you. I'll just wait here for Tweek." 

Speak of the Devil, I spot the stressed blonde running down the stairs, mid-way he yells, "Gah! C-Craig! Pressure!" And falls down the stairs. I just stare at him from the doorway as he picks himself up, grabbing his bag and forgetting his coat as usual. He yells a quick, "Bye mom!" before slamming the door promptly behind him. I offer a hand and he grabs it like second nature which this has somehow become. Why me? I wonder for the millionth time. I sigh, although I guess as I mentioned before, it is nice having a close friend.

I look into Tweek's eyes and give him a warm smile.

"C-Craig? Are you okay?" asked Tweek nervously.

"Yeah," I respond. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"W-Well, you... you just smiled at me," he said quietly.

I feel my cheeks heat up a little. "S-So what?" I ask immediately looking away.

"Well, it's just... you don't really usually... n-never mind." Silence falls between the two of us and I feel an overwhelming urge to end it which is od because usually I love silence.

"Babe, you should really stop drinking coffee." 

"N-No way! Way too much pressure!" I sigh again. He has himself in a stupid vicious cycle. Still, the silence feels more comfortable after that and I give Tweek's hand a small squeeze.

After getting on and off the bus we walk into school, girls staring and drooling at us all the while. I sigh, fifth grade isn't going to be any different from fourth, is it? I glare at them all and give a couple of them the finger. You'd think they would stop after a while. Hell, even I thought just maybe after the summer holidays they would have, but no.

They did, however, move on from us slightly over the summer. They've moved onto Stan and those guys which is really, really funny. The people of South Park still don't seem to get that Asian girl's fantasies aren't reality. Although, I suppose Tweek and I made it a reality. It's probably our fault no one realised. You know what, never mind.

Tweek and I sit down next to each other in class and Mr Mackey walks in. I flip him off but he doesn't notice.

"N-Now listen, class, we are going wait to start our lesson for today once Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman return, M'kay? So you can talk quietly among yourselves until then, M'kay?"

"Mr Mackey, where are they?" asked Wendy.

"PC Principal, is giving them a, a small talk." I give Tweek a knowing look, but he just stared back at me with a panicked expression.

Xxx

Sometimes the people of this town are so, so stupid.

"Now listen up you four. I don't know what's going on between the four of you at the moment, and frankly, I don't care, but it is important that you all understand the concept of consent, alright?" PC Principal half yells at us.

"PC Principal, none of us are gay!" I say in exasperation. Stan looks confused – I don't even want to know what he's thinking about. Cartman looks mildly bored, and I can't tell what Kenny's thinking, seeing as his hood is up.

"Kyle, with all due respect, I don't care." I glare at him. "Now, Stan, ask Kyle if you can touch his penis."

"I don't know if I want to touch his penis!" shouts Stan whose practically hyperventilating and whose brow is so furrowed I wonder if the lines will be permanently stuck. He keeps muttering something about Japan. Oh my God, seriously, does nobody in this town understand what fanfiction and fanart are? I even explained it to Stan and some of the other guys! It doesn't apply to real life!

"Stan, this is not about what you don't or do want to do; it's about learning about consent! Eric, show him how it's done." The fatass sighs before saying,

"Kyle, can I touch your penis?" Why the fuck is he cooperating? He's a bigot!

"No!" I yell back at him.

"No what Kyle? You have to be specific!" yells our crazy headmaster.

"No, you may not touch my penis," I grumble.

"Very good. The other suitable response is 'yes, you may touch my penis, Eric.' Now, this is a little more complex but if you we're to get into a threesome or foursome relationship..."

Xxx

Hey Guys~ It's been a while! So, I have honestly no idea why this story was taken down. I have asked Wattpad, twice, but have received no reply. So, Imma just say I was censored until a better explanation comes my way! (It's pretty cool to be able to say you've been censored). I don't know why this story was taken down and none of my other stories were but whatever. Like, this one doesn't even have smut in it! Maybe Wattpad just doesn't like multi-shipping? Monogamous agenda? Who knows! Perhaps I deleted it in my sleep! Anyways, it's coming back now! Not exactly the same because I'm re-editing, but bascially the same!