Dedicated to TheNightPhantom for all their encouraging comments!

Gracie-May O’Donnell was a first class passenger on the R.M.S. Titanic.  She was twenty-one years old when she decided to visit her brother in Boston. She left from Southampton. This was her first trip abroad.

As I gave in and sank into my subconscious, my worst nightmare resurfaced and haunts my fretful sleep. Though it happened near thirty years ago, it continues to deny me my basic need for sleep. All I can think about is how the blankets consume me like the waves did, how I cannot touch solid ground like back then. The simplest things that used to provide comfort only prod my unforgiving phobia. My name is Gracie-May and I am forever haunted by the ghosts of my past.

I jolted awake from the sound of grinding metal. My cabin shook as I tore the sheets from my body. It felt like I had only settled into a peaceful slumber. Suddenly, there was a sharp rap on my door. I eased the door open to see a slightly perturbed steward standing there.

“Ms O’Donnell, you need to put on something warm and report to the Boat Deck with your life belt.”

I couldn’t help but hear the tremble he tried to hide. My brain raced through all my thoughts, and replayed the sound of the tearing metal. My facial expression must have portrayed my internal distress as he amended his previous statement.

“A routine drill,” he assured me. “No need to fret.”

My hands trembled as I swiftly pulled on my warmest clothes. Button-boots, my thickest petticoat, a grey skirt and my pink sweater. I proceeded to fasten my life belt securely. The belt was so bulky I could barely move my arms, let alone walk.

But walk I did. As I stepped out into the corridor my heart began to pound and I found it difficult to swallow. On the whole, the other passengers seemed to think this was either a game or an irritating inconvenience. There was no running or pushing or even any raised voices. I relaxed a little deciding there mustn’t be any reason to be afraid.

When we stepped outside, the icy air bit into my cheeks. Then again, how could anyone think this was a routine drill? That would be sheer madness considering this coldness surrounding us. There must be something terribly wrong. The ship’s officers and seamen were uncovering the lifeboats and hurling the canvases aside. If this was a routine drill, why did the deck seem to tilt forward? Then again, the Titanic was the finest ship ever built. Maybe it was my inexperience that resulted in my nerves.

It was then I saw Captain Smith pass by with Mr. Andrews, the ship designer. They were both so carefully expressionless I, once again, felt a stirring of fear. If there was no problem their faces would lack that tightness and they would be making reassuring remarks, surely.  

In the meantime, the officers at the lifeboats were desperately trying to convince people to get aboard. A brave few did, which encouraged others to follow. It was barely half full when they decided to lower it, but I reassured myself knowing there had to be plenty more boats for everyone else. We would all have our chance.

A tremendous amount of steam was bursting noisily out of the funnels above. I felt a surge of hope, thinking they were starting the engines again.

The officers were repeatedly requesting that only women and children were to step forward. As one boat was slowly filling up, a second was being lowered to the next deck to increase the boarding. The forward tilt if the deck was growing more and more pronounced. Suddenly, there was a blinding white light and a strange whistling sound, followed by a boom of an explosion above us. Distress rockets- that could mean only one thing. We were sinking. We were actually sinking. My legs felt weak and I swallowed hard in attempt to keep my expression as brave as everyone else’s seemed to be.

Husbands and teenage boys were escorting their wives and sisters forward with empty promises to join them later on. Yet there was no real sense of panic. Maybe they were all just extremely courageous, but I know that I was growing increasingly frightened. The band had come out onto the deck but my mind was too jumbled to appreciate the light, spirited tunes.

My lower lip began trembling when I realised there wasn’t nearly enough lifeboats remaining for the rest of the passengers. Suddenly, men started jostling me forward telling me there was only one lifeboat left. Then, just like that I was half-climbing and half-falling into a lifeboat.

The next few minutes passed by me in a foggy recollection. But when I looked back, the Titanic was low in the water. The portholes were still glowing like stars, but I could see water rising unchecked through C Deck and making its inexorable way upwards. All around us, heavy objects were crashing into the abyss of the Atlantic Ocean. I was unable to tear my eyes away from that beautiful stricken ship in what could only be perceived to be her death throes.

Even then I could hear the brave, yet haunting sounds of violins being played aboard the ship. As the bow was engulfed by nature’s monster, there was an enormous din of shattering glass and grinding metal from the pit of the ship.

Several women gasped as the Titanic’s funnel suddenly ripped free and smashed violently into the water. Her stern rose higher into the air as the bow had gone under. I heard screams of anguish as people plummeted into their icy grave. The ship’s lights were abruptly extinguished and then came back on again for a last farewell, allowing us to see her final descent. The lights disappeared, plunging us into darkness.

The Titanic was gone.

The screams of the dying seemed to last forever. It was a horrifying, unearthly sound that would have sickened the Devil himself. I am not sure what was worse: the screams themselves, or how they gradually faded away.

I jolted awake the sound the screams echoing in my ears. Many times I felt like throwing in the towel, giving up on life, but then I think of all the lives lost that night and feel the need to make my rescue mean something. I will forever be haunted by the night of April 12th, but I am determined to never let a tragedy like this happen again.