Pairing: 3Racha & Felix

Genre: Idol AU

!!TW!! : angst, emotional distress, crippling loneliness, mild psychological abuse (accidental), just plain painful

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It was two in the morning, and Felix was still wide-awake.

He was exhausted, but every time he was about to fall asleep, his mind kicked back into overdrive and an overwhelming sense of loneliness that made him feel like his chest was caving in on itself took over.

It didn't make sense. Why would Felix feel lonely? He lived with seven other boys, all of them amazing friends, and three of them his boyfriends.

Ah. Who am I kidding?

Felix was too tired to even try and lie to himself anymore. Of course he would feel lonely when despite having three boyfriends, not a single one of them could find the time to pay him some measly amount of affection.

The rational part of him understood, of course. His boys were working extremely hard on composing new tracks for their second album that would be released later that year, and that was only adding to the already busy schedule of the entire group. Dance practices, vocal practices, recordings, official meetings, interviews, shows, etc, etc.

Stray Kids were gaining more popularity every day, and as wonderful as that was, it was also quite tiring – really, Felix couldn't blame his boyfriends for working so hard when there were so many expectations resting on the group's shoulders.

But it had been weeks, now.

Weeks of Felix going to bed in an empty bedroom. Weeks of Felix waking up on his own. Weeks of Felix barely having the time to share breakfast with one of them, let alone all three of them. Weeks of Felix staying home once evening came while his boys stayed stuck in their studio.

Weeks of lessening attention, lessening affection. Weeks of kisses and hugs becoming rarer every day, of gentle head pats or playful hair ruffling simply stopping altogether.

Weeks of Felix's old insecurities slowly creeping back on him.

3Racha had been a thing before Felix. They had already started dating by the time Stray Kids debuted, albeit in secret, and the rest of the group had been supportive. Despite knowing this, however, Felix had found himself falling in love with all three of them.

It had been an awkward moment of realization that had led to Felix trying to avoid all three of them for weeks – which was hard when the first one was his alleged soulmate, the second one was his main "ship" mate, and the third one was his fellow Aussie that made home feel a little less far than it actually was.

They had quickly caught on, of course. Felix was a cuddly person by nature, always clinging to one member or the other, so when he stopped coming to them for cuddles or any other type of physical affection, it didn't take a genius to understand that he was avoiding them.

Upon confronting him, words were said and feelings were shared. As it turned out, the three of them had apparently been interested in Felix for a while, too – Jisung had been the one to bring it up to his boyfriends and, much to his surprise, the two of them had admitted to having budding feelings for the freckled boy.

To say Felix had been relieved would be an understatement. And then overjoyed, because they liked him too and they hadn't wasted any time in showing him properly.

Boundaries had been discussed. Insecurities had been brought up. Long discussions that spanned over months had taken place to ensure proper communication between all of them – because as much as they loved each other, they were still four boys in a relationship and, with their current lifestyle, it could be a little hard to manage.

They made do, though. Felix was happy, and his boys were happy, and the rest of their bandmates were just glad that the four of them had finally gotten their shit together – or so Seungmin had said because apparently, they had been dancing around each other ever since they debuted.

Things were different now, though. Those long discussions usually meant to hang out, catch up, and simply enjoy each other's company in a relaxed and intimate setting didn't happen anymore. Chan, Changbin, and Jisung were working themselves to the bones and Felix... Felix wasn't with them.

He had tried, of course – once. He had accompanied them to their studio, wanting nothing more than to learn more about their passion for producing. And yet, the entire time he was there, he couldn't help but feel like an intruder. They were working like a well-oiled machine, practically forgetting Felix was even there in the first place as they got caught up in another wave of inspiration.

Needless to say, Felix hadn't asked to join them again. He had realized that producing was just their thing, and that it wasn't that big a deal – they could find the time to bond over plenty of other stuff, right?

Wrong.

Because 3Racha didn't do anything other than produce, nowadays. The moment they were free from the group's schedule, they either returned to their studio or locked themselves up in their room to take a power nap, and then go straight back to working.

Felix tried to be as supportive as he could be, of course. He baked cookies late in the evenings, knowing how much his boyfriends – and also their bandmates – loved his baked goods. He brought them meals and drinks to the studio whenever they skipped lunch, washed their clothes so they wouldn't have to worry about wearing dirty shirts and underwear, cleaned up the room every day so they wouldn't lose their stuff, and all sorts of other things that hopefully made their lives a little easier.

At first, they made sure to thank him every time. Small kisses, brief hugs, whispers of "thank you" and "I love you" and all sorts of other praises that made butterflies flutter in Felix's stomach every single time.

Until they didn't anymore. Until it became yet another routine that simply faded into the background of their busy lives, and Felix found himself wishing that—

'CREAK'

The door of the room slowly opened, the faintest of light seeping through as a short figure stumbled through. Felix instantly sat up, rubbing his slightly burning eyes.

"Sungie?"

"Shit, sorry for waking you," mumbled his soulmate, stumbling over to his bed.

He didn't even bother to change into comfier clothes, simply flopping over the mattress, and Felix bit his lower lip hesitantly, before finally daring to ask.

"Sungie... Can we cuddle...?"

"Ugh, not tonight, Lix," groaned the boy, shifting on his side and turning his back to Felix. "I feel like I'm gonna suffocate if anyone touches me right now."

That wasn't new. Jisung could become sensitive at times, easily becoming overwhelmed when stressed, so as disappointing as his rejection was, Felix wasn't all too surprised, and forced himself not to take it personal.

"Okay," he simply whispered, slowly laying back down. "Good night."

Jisung didn't even reply, already fast asleep. Felix let out a soft sigh, closing his eyes again – now that at least one of his boyfriends was home, maybe sleep would come more easily to him.

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The next morning, Felix woke up to the sight of Jisung and Changbin cuddling. When once the sight would have filled his heart with tenderness, now all he could feel was an almost painful bitterness – and that feeling scared him, so he quickly left the room to go and prepare breakfast for everyone.

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Felix was bringing his boys some late dinner. They had forgotten to eat again, but it wasn't anything Felix wasn't used to. He had made sure to grab all of their favorites, hoping it'd help them relax a bit, and he had also bought a noodle box for himself – he was hoping they'd at least agree to eat with him before getting back to work.

When he arrived, he made sure to knock. There was a distant "come in", and he was quick to do as told. None of the boys even looked at him as he entered, all three of them focusing on different parts of the song they were currently working on.

"I, um, I brought you dinner," he mumbled.

There it was again. That bitter feeling, like he was intruding on something he shouldn't.

"Thanks, Lix. You can put it on the corner, we'll eat in a few," assured Chan, not even sparing him a glance as he moved his cursor on the screen.

Felix bit his lower lip, braced himself. "A- actually, I was thinking maybe... maybe you guys could take a break? And, um, we could eat together? I actually brought—"

"Here, hyung. What do you think?" cut Jisung, probably not even noticing Felix had been talking in the first place as he handed a notebook to Changbin.

The older rapper hummed, tapping his pen on the table as he read over the lyrics, before making some notes and handing it back to Jisung.

"Sounds good. Maybe something a little more upbeat around the bridge, though?"

"Okay, give me a sec."

Felix gulped. "Guys—"

"Oh, Lix, can you tell security that we'll be staying here late again on your way out? Thanks," requested Chan, still focused on his screen.

He reached out to grab one of the noodle boxes Felix had brought. Briefly checking its contents, he handed it over to Changbin, and soon did the same with the second box, before grabbing his own. Felix watched it all happen with a heavy heart. He had been looking forward to tonight, thinking that maybe, just maybe, they'd be able to spare him a few minutes...

He suddenly took notice of the bunch of pillows and blankets piled up in a corner of the studio. At first confused, he then recognized them, and a strange numbness spread through his chest.

Ah. I was wondering where those had disappeared to.

They were the extra blankets and pillows they had all bought together for their Downtime – when they all huddled together whenever one of them needed comfort or affection, or just the general presence of the others to feel better. Their Downtime was something they used to do on a weekly basic, but they had stopped that little ritual once the boys spiraled in their producing haze.Felix had simply assumed the activity would be put on pause for a while, and would take place once again once they had the time.

He didn't think they still did it but without him.

His throat feeling tight, Felix grabbed the last box of noodles and silently left, not a single one of them even noticing it.

The trudge back home was a long one, Felix's mind conjuring all sorts of thoughts and images that only made him feel worse. He didn't know why it affected him so much – of course they'd end up stressed, of course they'd need Downtime when at their studio, it only made sense to move the blankets and pillows there, it only made sense for them to do it together, it only made sense for them to do it without Felix—

"Hyung...? You okay?"

Felix hadn't even noticed he had entered the dorms. Letting out a shaky breath, he kicked off his shoes and offered a wobbly smile at Jeongin, who was frowning at him from the couch he was currently sitting on, with Seungmin fast asleep in his arms.

"Yeah, I'm good. Sorry, I just spaced out a little."

There was no need to worry the others for nothing. Felix was just being irrational because he was tired, there was absolutely nothing wrong and so there was no reason to needlessly worry his bandmate.

"Lix?" Minho came out of the kitchen, frowning a bit. "Weren't you supposed to eat with your boyfriends?"

Felix did his best not to flinch. "Ah, I changed my mind – I didn't want to disturb them for longer than necessary. Here, you can have this! I'm... I'm not hungry anymore."

Quickly shoving the lukewarm box in the older boy's hands, Felix then made a hasty retreat to his room, knowing he'd break if he stayed around his friends any longer.