Pairing: Chan & Felix ft. SKZ

Genre: Idol AU

!!TW!! : injury, angst, hurtful words, overwork, overdose (kind of)

(requested by @heyheyhey:D)

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It was a really stupid accident, looking back. Felix had been in too much of a hurry to return home, he'd missed the last step, and had ended up rolling his ankle in a weird and very painful way. He'd managed to get himself home by getting a ride from one of the managers who'd been working late, and he'd gone to bed with an ice patch on it.

Unfortunately, the next morning, he woke up in even more pain than before. It was swelling pretty bad, the purple color was pretty worrying, and he could hardly put weight on it, let alone walk – meaning there was no way he could participate in the dance practice today.

He knew it wasn't ideal. They were supposed to finalize their choreography so they could start practicing with the background dancers in a few days, and each group practice was extremely important. He'd already been falling a bit behind in the last week, hitting a slump at the worst possible moment, and getting himself injured now just sounded like a really bad joke.

(Hell, that was why he'd been at the JYP building so late in the first place – he'd been practicing nonstop for hours – probably why he missed that step, too, since he was too exhausted to pay attention.)

As much as he hated it, he'd have to sit this one out. He needed to talk to one of the others, preferably Chan—

"If you're looking for Chan-hyung, he left earlier to get some work down on one of our tracks." He startled a bit – he hadn't even noticed Changbin leaning in the doorway. "He'll be joining us at practice a little later."

"O- oh. Yeah, about practice—"

"No, Lix, you can't skip it," sighed Changbin, sounding so genuinely exasperated it made Felix's heart freeze. "We all get that you're in a slump right now but hiding away in your room won't help you get any better. Everyone's working hard, and it's about time you did, too."

"R- right. Sorry."

Felix didn't really know what else to say. The words weren't even that particularly mean or harsh, but the tone with which Changbin had delivered them truly pained him. Was that really the impression he gave to the others? That he was lazy and didn't work hard enough?

Changbin simply nodded before leaving, and Felix gulped. He lifted his blanket to glance at his ankle. He could feel it throbbing painfully, and he wasn't even moving it. How was he going to make it through dance practice?

No, he couldn't. He needed to tell the others—

"Oi, Felix!" He instinctively dropped the blanket again and, a second later, Hyunjin showed up. "We're leaving early! Minho wants us to get more practice in, so let's get moving!"

"A- actually, I can't—"

The look of sheer disappointment Hyunjin spared him made the feeble protest die in his throat. There was a moment of silence, before Hyunjin sighed heavily – and how could someone sighing feel so suffocating?

"We're all tired, Felix. We can all take a break once we've got the choreography down. I know this week wasn't easy on you, but you need to get your head back in the game, now. What will the others think if you don't even bother getting up for group practice?"

His throat dry and tight, Felix lowered his eyes, nodding quickly in agreement. Nodding back, Hyunjin then left to go tell the others that they were leaving early. The moment he was gone, Felix let out a shaky breath.

Changbin and Hyunjin were right – he couldn't let the others down more than he already had this week. So, bracing himself for the pain, he slowly got up. It was agonizing, even more so when pain shot up his entire leg the moment he tried to put some weight on his foot, but he gritted his teeth and forced himself to start moving.

He'd get through today's practice, and then he'd tell the others. Hell, if he managed to nail the choreography right off the bat, it ought to appease them, right?

.

Felix did not get the choreography right off the bat.

"What the actual hell, Felix? I thought you said you'd practiced yesterday!"

"I- I did—"

"Well, I'm not seeing any improvement, am I?"

Felix lowered his eyes, fighting back his tears and hoping the others didn't notice them – the last thing they wanted to see was him breaking down. Minho let out an angry huff, his foot tapping rhythmically against the floor as he stared down the younger with palpable frustration.

"Look, everyone gets a slump at one point or the other, but this is getting ridiculous," he then stated harshly. "There's a difference between being in a slump and being lazy – and right now, I'm starting to really wonder if the actual problem isn't the latter."

The others were watching from the sidelines, unwilling to step in. Had it been the beginning of the week, when Felix had just started struggling, most of them would have surely stepped up to take his defense. However, it had been almost seven days since then, and none of them felt as understanding or merciful anymore.

They were all tired. They were all working hard. They all wanted a break.

But because of Felix, they couldn't even get that.

"We're starting from the top," snapped Minho. "But only you. I'm not going to put the others through it all over again when you're the one messing it up. Get in position!"

Felix didn't even have the heart to try and protest. As told, he took his position. He didn't know what hurt him the most, though – the throbbing pain his ankle, or the sheer humiliation of having to start over in front of everyone else.

(Even with the number of painkillers he'd taken earlier, the pain had barely dulled – probably because he was actively putting weight on it even though he should let it rest.)

The music started, and he forced himself to focus. Barely a few seconds in, however, a sharper pain shot up his leg and made his knee bend awkwardly. Minho instantly walked up to him and, without warning, crouched down and grabbed his injured ankle – which was completely hidden under the baggy sweatpants he was wearing.

"You have to turn it this way!"

Felix swallowed down the pained cry as Minho twisted his ankle in the opposite direction, the pain almost making him crumble there and then. He forced himself to keep his position steady, however, and if Minho noticed how badly he was shaking, well, he didn't say anything about it.

"Again!"

Just as Felix was about to start over again, the door of the dance room swung open, and none other than Chan entered. At first relieved to see him, Felix's nervousness only tripled a second later, painfully aware that his precious leader and secret crush was now about to become yet another witness to his accumulating failures.

"Hi, guys..." Chan looked a bit disturbed to see only Felix and Minho up on their feet. "Is everything okay...? Why aren't you guys practicing?"

Changbin scoffed at that. "We would if Felix actually got it right."

"Huh?"

Chan looked at Felix questioningly, but the boy kept his eyes stubbornly locked on the floor – if he met Chan's eyes now, he would undoubtedly break down in tears, and that was the last thing he wanted. Since Felix didn't look like he was going to answer, and Minho looked a little too pissed off for his taste, Chan looked over at one of his other boys, instead.

"Jeongin?"

The youngest member bit his lower lip, sparing a slightly pitying look for Felix before glancing back at their leader.

"It's... Um, Felix-hyung is still hitting a slump. He's having a pretty hard time with the choreography—"

"Meaning he keeps messing it up – even worse than he was doing before," cut Hyunjin, clicking his tongue. "And since he's the only one struggling, he's the only one who actually needs the practice. We can't move on until he gets it right."

"Which won't ever happen, considering he can't even get through the first ten seconds without doing it wrong," huffed Jisung.

Each word made Felix feel smaller and more insignificant than the last. He knew he was to blame, he knew he wasn't doing good right now, he knew he was holding the others back, but hearing it from their mouths didn't make it any easier to accept. And, now that Chan was here to hear and see it all, he only felt worse than before, if possible.

"Felix... Why don't you take ten to go freshen up? I'd like to talk to the others for a bit."

Felix didn't want to leave but, at the same time, he really didn't want to stay and endure the onslaught of judgement any longer. So, with a stiff nod, and still avoiding to look at any of the others, he briskly walked over to the wall where his stuff was. Picking it up, he cringed when the empty water bottle fell out and rolled a few meters away, the 'THUD' echoing like a bomb in the heavy silence now blanketing the room.

The water bottle rolled all the way to Seungmin's feet, but the boy didn't make any move to pick it up, simply looking the other way when Felix stiffly bent over to get it – and wow, if Felix didn't feel like crying before, he certainly did now. Seungmin might not be as vocal as the others about his displeasure, but he sure knew how to make it known. Feeling like he was about to suffocate under everyone's staring, Felix wasted no more time in leaving the room, doing his best not to limp – with his luck, they'd assume he was faking it and it would only get him even more in trouble.

The moment the door closed behind him, he leaned against the wall for a moment, trying to catch his breath and allow his ankle to rest for a bit. However...

"—the hell, guys? What was that about?"

"Look, hyung, we know you're protective of him, but you need to stop spoiling him so much – he's not keeping up and at this pace, he won't be ready for the practice with the background dancers. Hell, he won't be ready for the show itself!"

"Felix is one of our best dancers. Just because he's hitting a slump—"

"He's not hitting a slump, he just doesn't want to work harder!"

"And who are you to assume that? Just yesterday, he got home at two in the morning because he was practicing so hard—"

"Well, it's not working, hyung. If anything, he danced even worse than before! Just this morning, he was trying to skip practice, and now this?"

Felix didn't want to hear anymore – he couldn't. Gritting his teeth, he walked over to the bathroom and, once there, he pulled out his bottle of painkillers. He was only supposed to take two every four hours, but it obviously wasn't working. He swallowed three instead, and then changed into a fresh set of clothes. By the time he was done, however, the pain was still there and, without really thinking, he swallowed another three pills.

He drank more water, washed his face, and strengthened his resolve – he didn't want to disappoint his bandmates any more than he already did, so as ashamed and humiliated as he felt, he was going to go back in there, dance as if his life depended on it, and finally get out of this stupid slump.

He swallowed two more pills, for good measure, then finally left the bathroom.

The dance room was completely silent when Felix returned. Everyone was back into position, and the air was visibly tensed – whatever else Chan had said while Felix was gone, they obviously didn't appreciate it.

Chan grinned when their eyes met. "Welcome back! Let's do this, alright?"

Felix simply nodded, not trusting himself to answer at the moment, and the back of his mouth also feeling a bit numb, for some reason.

Dropping off his stuff, he went to take his position again. He could still feel the pain radiating in his leg, but he knew it shouldn't take much longer for the painkillers to kick in and work their magic. So, bracing himself, he tried to focus as best as he could on the music and the movements and, the moment the first note echoed, he started dancing.

Even though Felix kept on messing up, Minho had apparently been instructed not to stop the routine and to simply roll with it. The freckled boy could tell the older was still pissed, but holding himself back now that the leader was here, and it definitely didn't make him feel any better. However, there was no denying that not getting stopped every five seconds definitely improved his mood, if nothing else. By the third run-through, he could hardly feel the pain anymore, and he was slowly starting to get back into the rhythm.

By the fifth run-through, he was making less mistakes than before, and the overall atmosphere in the room became a little lighter. Felix couldn't feel his ankle at all – or his toes or his fingers, for that matter, but he didn't care much about that, simply too happy to finally see some improvement.

By the seventh run-through, Felix was starting to feel lightheaded, and his heart was beating incredibly slow for someone exerting so much energy. He was starting to feel like something was wrong, but he couldn't bring himself to stop when he was finally seeing a few sparse smiles grow on his bandmates' lips.

And then, about halfway through the eighth run-through, everything went dark.

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"Felix!!!"

Jisung's startled exclamation made everyone pause and glance at the freckled boy – just in time to see him collapse smack in the middle of a jump. At first thinking he'd simply gotten his legs tangled up, actual worry started gnawing at Chan's guts when he realized that Felix... Felix wasn't getting up.

Rushing to his side, he turned him over and only then noticed how pale he looked. He slapped his cheeks a few times, calling his name, but Felix didn't stir at all.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Did he hit his head?"

"Is he okay?"

"Hyung... His breathing..."

Minho's almost whispered observation made Chan tense and he instantly brought his fingers against Felix's neck. His heart dropped when he realized he couldn't find a pulse at all, until he finally found it – but it was incredibly slow, thus incredibly worrying.

"Call for an ambulance." There was a moment of silence. "Call for an ambulance! Now!!!"

Seungmin was the first to snap out of his shock and go fetch his phone in a hurry. With Changbin's help, Chan managed to turn Felix onto his side, while Minho kept on monitoring his pulse with horror painted on his face.

"Felix... Felix...!"

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"He's going to be fine."

At once, everyone slumped in their chairs, relieved. The doctor cleared her throat to get their attention back and, once they looked at her again, she glanced down at the chart she was holding.

"Mr. Lee suffered from an overdose of painkillers. Thankfully, it wasn't taken to the point where it would be lethal, but it would have plunged him into a deeper comatose state had you not reacted so quickly."

"Painkillers?" repeated Hyunjin, his eyes puffy and red. "Why would he take painkillers?"

She quirked a brow, a bit confused. "Well, I would assume it's because of his ankle."

"What's wrong with his ankle?" asked Jeongin, frowning.

"It's fractured. A fresh wound, no older than a day, and definitely untreated. It was probably nothing more than a minor fracture at first but, from my understanding of the situation, he most likely aggravated it during your group's dance practice. He probably wrongly assumed that taking more painkillers would help."

If Changbin and Hyunjin didn't feel bad before, they definitely did now. They both distinctly remembered Felix trying to tell them he couldn't take part in practice today, only for them to make him feel bad about it and accuse him of being lazy, of all things.

Jisung and Seungmin regretted their words and actions. Although they hadn't been as bad as the others, they definitely hadn't tried to help. Jeongin also felt bad, mostly for not saying anything when he'd noticed something was wrong with Felix, too scared of getting on his hyungs' bad side.

Minho... Minho definitely felt the worse, though.

"Which ankle?" he asked, his voice tight.

"The left one."

Minho let his head fall in his hands. Each harsh word he'd told Felix kept on playing in a loop, but also that one instance when he'd physically grabbed the boy's left ankle to position him properly – it must have hurt so bad, yet Felix hadn't said a single word, just following his instructions... because he didn't want to let them down...

"Is he awake?"

"Yes. He'll need to spend the night under supervision here, however. You can go see him, but you won't be able to stay for long."

Nodding in understanding, Chan rose to his feet and faced the group. "You guys all head back to the dorm. I'll have a talk with Lix, and then I'll go back too."

"Wait, hyung, I should—"

"You can all apologize to him tomorrow, once he's feeling better," cut Chan, serious. "He's not in any state to deal with even more emotions right now."

Minho swallowed back any other protest, lowering his head. He wanting nothing more than to apologize to Felix, if only to assuage his guilt the slightest bit, but he knew exactly what Chan meant – Felix was the type to forgive too easily and, with his current state, there was no doubt he wouldn't hold anything against Minho or the others no matter how awful they'd been to him.

He needed to be given some time to process his pain properly, without the others' guilt influencing his thoughts and actions. And, as much as it pained him, he knew it was ultimately what was best for Felix, if they ever wanted to be able to rebuild the trust that was lost today.

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"Hey, Lix. How're you feeling?"

"Tired."

Chan chuckled, coming to sit next to the bed. He gently picked up Felix's hand and squeezed it, instinctively seeking out his pulse, and only relaxing once he found it, still beating a little too slow for his liking, but much stronger than the last time he'd checked.

"I'm sorry for scaring you, hyung," mumbled Felix. "I didn't realize I'd taken so many... I just wanted the pain to stop."

"You should have known better than to push yourself like that. Had you told any of the others about your injury, they wouldn't have held it against you."

Felix scoffed, obviously not believing him, and it pained Chan to realize just how badly the others had messed this one up. While Felix was at fault for not being honest about his health, the others were as much to blame for failing to offer a space where Felix felt safe enough to tell them the truth.

"They shouldn't have been so harsh on you," he finally said. "I already talked to them, and they all feel really bad for what happened. You'll probably get the royal treatment for a while once you come back home."

Felix couldn't help but chuckle lightly at that. "Looking forward to it."

With a small smile, Chan leaned closer to press a brief, gentle kiss on his lips. Felix sighed happily, his eyes instinctively closing as he basked in the affection, but Chan pulled away before he could truly lose himself to it.

"Rest, Lix," urged gently Chan, rubbing his head. "I'll come back tomorrow morning to bring you back home, okay?"

"Mmm. Tell the others... I want pancakes for dinner..."

"I will. Anything else, your highness?" teased lightly the leader.

Felix gave him a slightly dopey grin at that. "Another kiss?"

Chan chuckled again but obliged his adorable boyfriend and kissed him again. There was no denying that he took great relief in feeling how warm Felix's lips were – it'd surely take a while before he completely shook off the intense fear he'd felt today.