Title: GYFRINACH
Written by: itsmedameyy

“Are you sure you’re doing fine there?”

“I am, I can. I’ll survive. You don’t have to worry about me. Ako nga ang dapat na nag-aalala sa’yo,” tugon ko sa kausap ko sa kabilang linya. Nasa kusina ako nagluluto para sa agahan. 

Isang araw nalang sana at paalis na ako pabalik ng London nang ikinansela ng lahat ng airlines lahat ng flights, kasama na ang sa akin. Dahil sa tumataas ang bilang ng cases sa Pilipinas, temporaryo muna nilang pinatigil at kinansela lahat ng flights. Pinatupad na rin nila ang enhanced community quarantine lalo na sa buong NCR kaya heto ako ngayon, nag-iisang pasamantalang nakatira rito sa malaking bahay dahil napauwi ko na ang kasambahay. Three months passed by really quick at ang ginawa ko lang ay ang magbasa, manood ng movies at kumain.

“Don’t worry about me, I am fine. Marami naman akong kasama dito hindi tulad sa’yo na mag-isa ka lang dyan,” sabi nito habang nakangiti. He’s always like that when talking to me. Tinupad niya talaga ang pangako niya sa akin noon na aalagaan niya ako at ituturing na anak, gaya ng pangako niya kay Dad. He’s old but still very lively. Ayun nga lang, hindi ko na siya pinapayagang bumyahe ng napakalayo lalo na kung hindi naman ganoon ka importante. At lahat ng hawak niyang negosyo na sa ibang bansa ang base, ako at ang anak na niya na ang nagma-manage. “Sabi ko nga sa’yo sana tinawagan mo nalang sana sila---

“Uncle, ayos lang ako dito.” For the nth time, I assured him that I am doing alright. 

Sa totoo lang, nakaka-miss mag-isa. I lived alone for how many years, ngayon pa bang ilang buwan lang? At isa pa, sa sitwasyon ngayon mas pipiliin kong mag-isa. Mostly, people would want their family beside them during this pandemic at ayokong maging selfish at ipagkakait doon sa kasambahay na malalayo sa pamilya niya. 

Sobrang bilis ng takbo ng araw at sobrang laki na rin ng pinagbago ko, literally. Dati kung sobrang aloof ako, laging mag-isa at hindi masyadong nakikihalubilo ngunit ngayon, nagagawa ko na. For years of staying in London, I’ve learned a lot of things while living a normal life. Uncle Ace helped me change myself, my lifestyle by simply being my parent. He really tried to convince me to rely on him, to depend on him even at the smallest things. Kaya na rin nagbago ang tingin ko sa sarili, sa ibang tao at natuto na akong magtiwala kahit papano, lalong lalo na taong tumupad ng pangako niya kay Dad.

For the first two years, it was a damn hell for me lalo na at pinabalik niya ako sa pag-aaral kaya kailangan kong makisama. Years after years, natuto rin akong maki-sabay sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Just like how I engaged myself with those people I am living with; the drivers, the maids or those office employees that visits us often. In short, I am now living a simple and happy life that Uncle Ace has given me.

Ibinalik ko ang atensyon ko sa timer na naka-set para sa niluto kong pizza. Dahil sa sobrang layo nitong bahay, wala masyadong sumusugal na mag-deliver lalo na at strikto ang security ng village. Mabuti nalang at may kaibigan si Uncle Ace na may-ari ng isang grocery store kaya sa kanila na mismo ako nag-order at pina-deliver dito mismo. 

“Kakain na ako, you should take a rest na rin. Bye!” paalam ko dito at pinatay ang tawag.

Pagkatapos kong kumain, itinuloy ko na ang napagplanuhan kong gawin sa araw na ito. Naisipan kong i-explore ang bodega sa may underground ng bahay dahil simula noong dumating ako dito o kaya kahit noong pabalik-balik ako, hindi pa ako nakakababa doon. Actually, I never tried to because I am always out. And eventually nawala na sa isip ko lalo na’t matagal-tagal na rin akong hindi nakabalik sa bahay na ito. Kahapon ko lang naalala ng makita ang floor plan ng bahay kaya nagpasya akong tignan ito.

Hindi mahirap sa akin para buksan ang pinto. Ngunit bago ko ito tuluyang buksan, I tried to observe first hanggang sa dahan-dahan ko itong itinulak pabukas. Sinalubong ako ng kadiliman na agad namang nawala dahil sa liwanag ng dala kong flashlight. I turned the lights on from the switch beside the door before I step inside completely.

“Oh, uh?” 

I am expecting a lot like a messy storage or more like a dusty room. Pero nadismaya ako dahil isang hindi kalakihang karton lang ang nakapatong sa lamesa na nasa gitnang bahagi ng buong kwarto at napapalibutan ito ng cabinet ng mga portable safety vaults. I scanned the room and I am surprised on how organized those are. Nilapitan ko ito isa-isa at napansin kong lahat ito ay may pangalan. 

“No, I should not.” Just like the old times, I feel the urge of checking the vaults but I stopped myself for some reasons; my gut feels maybe. 

Ibinaling ko na lang sa kartong nasa gitna ang atensyon ko at nilapitan ito. And to my surprise, the contents made me remember all those things I tried to forget. Napaatras ako ng bahagya dahil sa nakita at pilit na kinalma ang sarili. 

I thought things has changed and I thought I was already doing fine. But as if in a slow motion, all the memories I tend to forget came back rushing like a strong current of water. Para rin akong nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig habang nakikinita ang ibang pangyayari na pilit ko dating kalimutan. 

Akala ko, tapos  na. 

Akala ko, okay na ako.

Hindi ko napigilan ang mga luha kong dumaloy sa aking pisngi. I am not this emotional before but over the years, I learned to cry and feel weak.

“Come ’on self! Those are just memories.” I murmured. Pinahid ko ang mga luha at kahit na nanlalabo ang paningin ko, lumapit ulit ako sa karton at tinignan isa-isa ang laman nito. Iilan dito ay mga gamit ko na galing sa dati kong hideout, iilang figurines na meron ako dati at mga libro na rin.

 But a box caught my attention dahil alam kong hindi sa akin iyon at hindi rin ito pamilyar. I took it out from the big box at dahan-dahang inilapag sa bakanteng bahagi ng mesa. It was lighter than I expected it to be. Isinunod ko dito ang tatlong libro ko dati na hindi ko pa nababasa. 

Dala ang kahon at ang mga libro, bumalik ako sa kwarto. At bago ko binuksan ang kahon, kinapa ko muna ang kabuuan nito. Hindi pa  rin nawawala sa akin ang iilang mga bagay na nakasanayan ko dati pa.

And as I expected, I found something hidden under the box. A memory chip.

I am dying in curiosity so I grabbed my laptop and inserted the chip. Nababagalan pa ako sa paglo-load ng laptop at ng chip.

“Bilis! Bilisan mo—yes!” I exclaimed when the drive opened. Isang video file lang ang naka-save dito. The thumbnail was this box green box so I played it.

Unang tumambad sa video ang box at tahimik lang ang background nito. I even tried to turn the volume up but I cannot hear anything aside from a heavy breathing maybe from the person recording the video. 

Mamaya-maya pa ay narinig ko na ang kaluskos at isang napakapamilyar na boses ang narinig ko. 

“Hi… I don’t know how to start but, uhmm if ever you are watching this now, I just want to say Victoria that I, uhmm…” About 15 seconds pause then I heard a sob. “I miss you. I miss you so much, V.”

The video ends. I played it again and again until I got tired of hearing the same thing that person said. 

Para akong lutang sa kawalan habang iniisip ang nakaraan. Mga panahon na napakasaya ko, na wala akong iniisip na iba kundi ang kami lang magkasama, masaya. 

Come to think of it, today’s the exact day I left Philippines along with the Arman Bridle everybody knew. Umalis ako ng walang maayos na paalam, just a simple phone call to Amber. All they knew was I was with him in London but I was not with him in the house where Gray and Amber visited once. 

Nobody knew I always visits Philippines as Nikki, not Victoria or Nike anymore. I even stayed for almost a year here, months after I left. I wanted to show myself up to people I considered friends back then. I wanted to settle things with them but I have no courage to do so. Every time I attempt to, nawawalan akong lakas ng loob. And I don’t know why. Maybe because I left without any traces?

Naalala ko noong lalapitan ko na sana si Amber ngunit hindi ako natuloy dahil kasama ang kinikilala niyang ina sa isang café. Same goes with Calvin na akala ko walang kasama pero andun si Amber, ang mayabang at si Gray. May kasama pa silang iba noon kaya mas lalo akong nahiya. 

Minsan nagkasalubong kami ni Zywon, kapatid ni hacker at alam kong namumukhaan niya ako pero hindi niya ako in-approach.

Bumalik ako dito sa Pinas noon para sana mas kilalanin pa ang mga taong naging parte ng mga pangyayari sa buhay ko. I want them to know that I care all of them and I was sorry because I wasn’t able to let them know or feel about it. Isa lang naman ang goal ko dati at yun ay ang hindi sila madamay sa mga ginagawa ko. Bumalik ako to settle all unspoken misunderstandings and to start anew. And if given a chance, I would like to be friends to all of them. Pero ang lahat ng iyon plano lang lahat. 

I actually don’t know how they’re doing now. The last thing I knew was Amber has graduated in college after studying abroad. Same goes with Calvin, Math, Gray, Khael and Zywon. Cooler is still his fathers’ right hand and Ryu has a kid and married.

Alam ko, oo. 

I saw him multiple times and just like what I did to Amber, I tried to approach him but I failed. I know we need to talk something. I know he liked me and yes, I liked him too. Pero siguro hanggang doon nalang ‘yun. All those times I wanted to approach him, a year after I left, but I saw him with another girl already. I saw how he laughs with her and seeing him with her, I compared myself to her. I don’t think we even shared a laugh a before. He looks so happy so I stop there and supported him from afar, wishing him more than happiness. 

I was even there when they got married and left a small gift. It has a tight security but I still have some Victoria in my sleeves.

“Goodness! These tears,” I said wiping my tears. Itinuloy ko ang pagbukas ng  kahon, tumambad sa akin ang isang digi-cam at iilang envelope.

Sulat?

I took the first envelope and opened it and I wasn’t wrong. It was a letter and this one I’ve opened was written by Math, that ‘mayabang’ friend of Amber and Calvin. I read the letter and she still sound ‘mayabang’ but she’s telling me about Jeremy.

“Jeremy really liked you a lot before and now he still does but at the same time hated you. He misses you and would want to talk to you again after all this ends. Pero napakabastos mo talaga, bigla ka nalang nawala. He’s still heartbroken because of you!”

I didn’t expect her letter would be all about Jeremy loathes me and misses me at the same time. Ako rin naman gusto ko siyang makita ulit, maging magkaibigan ulit. I wanted to apologize to him again.

The next letters were from the other guys. Cooler who just wrote he wants to be friends with me coz he wants to learn how fast I was with my hands since I am a thief. And there goes with Zywon who wants to have a single race with me while Khael wants to know the tactics of a thief. 

“Seriously? Gusto yata nito matutong magnakaw?” napailing-iling nalang ako habang binabasa ang mga sulat nila.

Just come to think of it, hindi ko sila nakasalamuha ng maayos o ng matagal. I never really knew them personally but they want me to teach them something? 

Ah, sana nag-education nalang ako para maging teacher ako. Haha funny.

Last three envelopes and I am all done. But three? Not four?

I am hoping for four more letters but I have three here left.

I took another envelope and opened it. It was from Gray who simply said, ‘take care’ on the paper. The next envelope was from Amber. She just wrote her number, her address and the possible passcode she will use on her house. Napailing lang ako dahil sa dinami-dami niyang pwedeng sabihin sana, iyon lang talaga ang isinulat niya.

Hindi ko alam kung kanino galing ang panghuling sulat. I am hoping it was from Calvin and at the same time, I am hoping it was Ryu’s. 

I took a deep breath as I opened the last envelope. I am glad that it was from Ryu but at the same time, I felt disappointed because I was expecting something from Calvin too. He’s my befriend after all.   

Just like Gray, Ryu just wrote some letters. It was somewhat familiar but I don’t remember where did I encounter it. 

G Y F R I N A C H 

Puzzled by those letters, I searched for its meaning. 

After a while, it hit me. Ryu gave me a small paper before and he told me if ever I have a time, I can visit that link. It was a secret between us two during those times we were together before that day. It was his complete name and code name with the gyfrinach it between. 

Using another tab, I tried to reach the link address he gave me. 

Matagal bago mag-load ang nasabing link at para bang napakaraming reload ang nangyari bago nag-stabilized ang page. It was like I am accessing something deep. Kinakabahan ako lalo na’t nakailang reload na ang page mag-isa.

Ibinaling ko na muna ang atensyon sa digi-cam na kasama sa loob ng box. Surprisingly, it still works and turned on. 

Hindi ko alam kung kanino galing ang camera kaya wala akong ideya ano ang laman nito. I waited until the camera is ready to view the files. After a while, when the cam is ready I found myself smiling and sniffing at the same time. This camera is from Calvin and the files are some proofs that for once in my life, I was a kid who has a very good friend named Calvin Jeremy and I was Victoria Vera, and we were the underwear couple back then. Photos of us playing games, him teaching me to read and write and us eating the cookies his mom always cook for us. 

A video of us in the village playground.

We were playing tags at ako ang hinahabol ni Calvin at mamaya-maya pa ay ako naman ang naghahabol sa kanya hanggang sa madapa siya sa may kalayuan. I heard a laugh and I am sure, it was from his mom and sister who rush to him. 

Another photo of us during his birthday and we were on the sofa, and I was handing him something. 

Those were our precious memories together and the best childhood memory I had so far. The last photo was the time we were in their pool, and were both wearing white towels. That was also his sisters’ birthday. 

Napakagandang alaala na hanggang ngayon pinaghihinayangan ko. Imagine, that great childhood with him was just a façade. Hinayaan ako ng kinikilalang pamilya na maglaro at gumala sa kanila dati para makakuha ng impormasyon.

I sighed as I turned off the camera. Ibinalik ko ito sa kahon at bumaling ulit sa laptop. The link was ready and it was asking for the secret code. I filled in the words that Ryu has given me and I automatically logged on. It was like an email and I found one unread mail from it. 

I didn’t bother to check anything but I opened the mail and read it.

“I know I reminded you before that you shouldn’t trust people around you. But this time V, I want you to trust me. I want you to depend on me even for a single thing. I like you V, and I want to protect you.”

RYU’s POV

As usual, some days I am out of reach since I have some duties I need to attend to. Just like today, this pandemic didn’t stop our transactions. May shipment kami ngayon at kaming dalawa ni Cooler ang umasikaso. Mahirap kasi magdeploy ng tao ngayon dahil sa COVID na yan. Glad it ended well and here I am, trying to get a rest from one of the bunks of this ship.

Inaantok na ako pero bigla akong nagising ng may nasagap na akong connection. And what made me more awake is the notification from one of my old links. 

I am now using another set of codes for my links but this one was from years ago. 

And fuck, it was from the gyfrinach I made for… Oh shit!

Mabilis akong nagtipa sa dala kong laptop but the connection is poor and I cannot disable the link easily. If the connection is poor, she won’t be able to read it and at the same time, I won’t be able to disable the link. Damn it!

Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. It’s not that I don’t want her to read it. It’s just that, I am ashamed of what I did. I know from the very start where she’s staying in London but I never tried to reach her. As a hacker, alam ko na rin ang pangalang gamit niya at kung saan siya nag-aaral. But I never tried to pull some effort to visit her or to contact her. Instead, I waited for her and eventually, I almost forgot about her. She was struggling to live a normal life na pinagkait sa kanya at noon, nakuha na niya ‘yon kaya hindi na ako nag attempt na guluhin ang buhay niya. Knowing how messy mafia life would be, I don’t want to drag her to another hell.

But seeing the notification of her checking the link, she must’ve read the letters Amber asked us or much better to say forced us to write. Damn witch! 

Fuck! 

Hindi ko alam anong gagawin ko and I cannot just call John or Zywon to disable the link for me. I don’t want both of them to know how stupid and corny I was back then. 

“Alam mo, hayaan mo nalang na mabasa niya ‘yon. It’s been what, 9 years? Hindi naman siguro siya maghahabol pa sa’yo. And besides, she’s smart. She won’t just wag her tail to a person who got married for how many times with the same person na akala mo ikinatutuwa na namin.” Cooler said while tapping my shoulders. Since when did this jerk got here at hindi ko man lang napansin?

“You’re too bothered to notice me. No worries, I’m good at gyfrinach.”

He walked out the room smiling and I was left there, confused. Hindi ko kasi alam anong gagawin ko. 

“Should I ignore this? Bakit kasi hindi ko naalala na i-disable ito dati?”

Just like what Cooler said, I let her read the content of that link while the connection gets stable. After a while, it was marked seen which means she read it already. 

‘What now V?’

Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas at nangangati na ako sa magiging resulta. Hindi ko alam kung ano rin ang magiging reaction niya. Napatayo ako ng biglang may nag-pop up na message galing ghost mail na iyon. 

She replied!

I opened her mail and admire how things for her changed.

“Thank you for that reminder hacker but you know what, I became happy and living a good life now. And that is because I started to trust some people and depended on them at the same time. Thanks for your concern and thank you for protecting me before. I don’t know if you will be able to read this but hopefully you will. I’m sorry if I left you all hanging, especially you. I tried to reach out but I have no enough courage to do so. But I am glad hacker that you are happy and got a great family. 

You’re just a bit tacky with your vow though.

Anyway, if I can go back to that time I would say I like you and I miss you too. But things have turned much better than we expected, let’s live with it. I won’t say you must forget me nor I will forget you but if ever we’ll bump with each other in some other time, I hope we’ll greet each other as friends. 

Regards, N.”

END.