BOOK TITLE : The Guardians Gift

REVIEWER: Cakeo-San

AUTHOR: shiteutea

GENRE: Fanfiction.

-COVER:9/10

It’s a very aesthetically pleasing cover. It’s simplistic yet perfect for the story. The only issue is that the text size for both the title and subtitle is relatively small.

-BOOK TITLE:10/10

The book title directly correlates and fits well with the story. Not only that but, you circulated back to the title (Jisoo’s meaning of a guardian angel) at the end so, it further convinced me it was the perfect choice for the story.

-BLURB/STORY DESCRIPTION: 10/10

The blurb is short and sweet. It gives enough information to interest the reader without revealing the entire storyline. A minor error is how the second quote is written. It would sound better as “I’ve known you for so long.”

-PAGE LAYOUT (Paragraph, Spacing, Lines, Order of Sequence, Neatness): 8/10

Neatness/Etc: The distribution of dialogue and the length of the paragraphs are just right. Readers can easily follow the text with ease. The use of line breaks to emphasize a particular line/phrase is a nice touch. I appreciated the aesthetically pleasing aspects, such as the images. It prepares the atmosphere for each chapter.

Order of Events: The very first scene, I found a bit unnecessary. I’m guessing its purpose is to introduce readers to how hell and heaven are portrayed (in the story) but, since Kyungsoo was simply a side character, it seems unneeded. There were moments where I had trouble following the flow and had to re-read it to make it make sense. These foggy moments usually happened after the transitions. Certain transitions were a bit unclear and could have been stronger instead of so cryptic. If I recall, it was somewhere toward the end, when Jisoo fully became human, that it became foggy. Other than that, the order of events was not only reasonable but the preparation was done right.

Paragraphs: The attention to detail is truly lovely and a huge factor of what made this piece unique. What made the detailed descriptions admirable though, was the use of wordplays such as metaphors and vivid language, which really enhanced that imagery. I was able to imagine every piece in my head as if it were a movie. Though, as always each writing style does have its cons, there were moments where the descriptions were overbearing and unnecessary. For example, at times when you described Jisoo’s clothing or furniture., things could have been written more simplistically. Not only because it tends to bore the reader after a while but for you as well. Many will skip over it to progress so, why distribute your hard work unwisely just for it to be skipped over?

Overall: It’s understandable that each chapter was pretty long since this is a short story but, it felt overwhelming at times how so much happened in just one chapter alone.

-CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 9/10

I’ll only focus on the two main characters but, in general, both were written out beautifully. The characters were the second factor in making this story so lovely.

Jisoo: She was such a unique character! Not in the aspect of her personality itself, but the small details. Those details differentiated her from the trope she could be classified under. Such as her deeply rooted religious faith and the Shakersperian language she would speak in mentally and verbally. Most of the time when people include biblical themes (typically in the angels and demons storyline) it’s weak because it’s not reinforced by details like those shown in Jisoo. Most of the time, people try to portray angels as immensely devoted followers of God but, it lacks since we are never shown that deep connection to their beliefs but simply just told. She also progressed nicely. There’s a difference in her in the beginning and at the end of the story.

Jin: Jin was a simple character yet with enough complexity to be far from bland. He had a couple of lines that I just really liked. Such as when he says (something along these lines) that an old adventure must come to an end for a new one to start. Lines like that gave his character a nice touch. I did feel like we didn’t get to know Jin as much (though being told a lot about him) as we did Jisoo.

Extra Note: There was an inconsistency of the pronouns used to reference Kyungsoo. At first, I thought Kyungsoo was a girl (which surprised me because I had EXO’s D.O in mind )but, then I could confirm Kyungsoo was a he towards the end. It’s nothing major but, it’s worth knowing.

Overall, I felt connected to the characters in the sense that I came to care about them. Their pain became mine for the time, etc and, that couldn’t have happened without a strong writing style and story foundation/plot.

-GRAMMAR/VOCABULARY/SPELLING: 8/10

Grammar/Spelling: Grammar could use work but it wasn’t major that it disrupted the story. Grammar mistakes ranged from simple things like missing punctuation in compound/complex sentences and awkward word structure. (Certain sentences could have sounded better with a different arrangement)
E.g
“He rested his slender figure on the navy leather chair.”
Sounds better in comparison to:
“He rested his slender figure on his chair made of navy leather.”

Vocabulary: One of the many lovely things about this story was the vivid language! The words brought life to it and made it such a delightful read. Yet, less than frequent but more than rare were instances of very awkward sentences. By awkward I mean that certain words did not fit the context/sentence or they weren’t the best word to use because it made the sentence sound weird.

-COMMUNICATION WITH READERS: 2/5

I didn’t see any personal replies to your readers in the comments (if there are then, they must be a few) but I can conclude that you promoted your work by suggesting it to others on their message board. So I’ll consider it as a form of communication. But for future works do try to connect to your readers here and there, it’ll not only help establish a loyal audience but, it’s kind of a form of gratitude. A good story is a good story, nonetheless, even if the audience isn’t “huge” but still.

-GENERAL SATISFACTION (Pleasure derived from reading the work): 15/15

In general, I loved what I read and I think you did a lovely job. In all honesty, I had to stop reading for a while because wow were the emotions running high towards the middle-end. I’m glad you didn’t give us a happy ending but didn’t forget about giving us closure. It was a sad ending but, it was not unsatisfactory. It was a bittersweet read. Though short and saddening, it did have an impact and provided me an experience.

-TOTAL: 71/80

THANK YOU FOR SUBMITTING YOUR WORK FOR REVIEW. WE WISH YOUR WORK MORE SUCCESS -TSC