No, no, no. What did I do?

"You... I..." Sherlock stutters. He moves back. I cannot even watch him in his eyes. He is too far away from me.

"What?" I ask. I put my hands besides my body and I sit up.

"I... This..." He stutters more.

Speak, Sherlock. Speak.

"I'm sorry. This is my fault, isn't it? Because of me..." He is deep-thinking. He takes a deep breath. "Every time you see me, you have to think about the cadaver. Therefore you tremble at all. I thought-"

What does he mean?

"You're a doctor. You should be capable of dealing with a cadaver." He dares to come closer to me. He leans against the seat, on the ground and he looks at me quizzically.

"It isn't... I don't... Let eat." I propose. I'm glad we had this conversation, even though it is based on lies. It seems difficult for him. Having a conversation, but he did it perfectly. Finally he could get the words out.

I have decided to stay another day to get his shock control. Now he rules the shockworld.

He let me listen attentively and it makes me happy.

He doesn't know what I think and he thinks it will be over if I do not see him again.

He may not think. I would rather he knows the truth.

I just have to restrain my feelings.

Okay, John, you can do it. You need emotional stability. You just have to create it.

I stand up and I look at Sherlock. He's struggling with the dish. With a towel I walk into the kitchen to help him.

You can do it, John. Go and help Sherlock.

The dish is safe and sound on the table. He cheers relieved. I take a deep breath, because I, with stress and trembling hands, endure the warmth ordeal. I have not felt Sherlock's touch and I don't give a hoot. Two seconds I looked at his eyes, like he did. Immediately we had forgotten. It hasn't any meaning.

I don't want to.

I don't know what I want.

***

I invited Mrs. Hudson to make it up. Okay, John has done the most of the work, but I saved him from his shock. Actually Mrs. Hudson has to make it up. Or not? Without her I never met John, but without her we never had a shock. Understanding feelings is so hard for me.

I sit next to John. I'm still thinking about our eye contact. Meaningless, I know. We both hold the dish, if someone was derived, the dish was fallen to the ground. We would cuss each other, but then burst into laughter.

I touch John. For fun he taps me back with his elbow. Mrs. Hudson looks on pleasurable. What are they still such babies, she probably thinks of us.

During our elbow-tag-game, we look at each other. I feel my mouth is dirty, is that why he look at me? I raise my hand to wipe my mouth. No, not dirty. My hands tremble, but John cannot see this. I lower my hand and my hand dangles besides my chair. Right next to the chair of John. He doesn't rumble anything. Thoughtlessly he wants to hang his left arm. His elbow has done enough.

He looks at me again. In slow-motion I see his hand is lowering, to mine. The warmth of his hand makes me curious. John's hand isn't stopped yet, and I try to search his hand.

I should try?

I glance down quickly and I know exactly where his hand is now. I'm getting closer and closer to his hand. I want to touch it, I want to feel it.

My fingers stretch out. I feel a soft hand. John's hand. My fingertips tingle and it makes my heart ricing. He leaps up a few centimetres because of my 'surprise'. He pushes his chair closer to me. I bend my fingers over his and he squeezes it gently. He shows he doesn't mind. Our both hands are trembling and his energy is crossing my whole body. It is strange, but blessed. Forever may it last.

Now he looks at me.

What should I do?

I wink at him. He smiles at me. We both chuckles at ourselves. Mrs. Hudson doesn't see through. He pulls my hand back on the table. We fold our fingers together and we are waiting for Mrs. Hudson's reaction. Meanwhile, she nibbles joyfully on the last piece of potato.

'Hey, guys. Do you have plans tonight?" Finally she looks at us. Her eyes wander to our hands. She is startled and she almost chokes.

"So yes." She laughs. She cannot stop staring at us. What does this fingers-interLOCKing really means?