Type: Songfic

Inspiration: Back to December by Taylor Swift

Pairing: Reader/Greg Lestrade

*POV switches  You'll know it cause Greg is written in first person POV*

I'm so glad you made time to see me, how's life? Tell me how's your family? I haven't seen them in a while.

The cold icy wind stabbed at your exposed face, you tugged at your jacket, for it being almost spring it sure was cold. You walked up the concrete stairs, nibbling the corner of your lip. You couldn't help but feel the nauseating nervous feeling in the pit of your stomach. You pulled your warm coat around you tighter, hoping it could shield you from not only the wind but also from the constant fears that were crossing your mind. The fear of rejection, the fear of not being wanted. You stepped into the small café, immeidatly greeted with warmth and the smell of something baking. You pulled your scarf off, letting your eyes search for him. It'd been two years since you'd last seen him. Finally you'd caught him out of the corner of your eye, part of you felt butterflies stir up in your stomach, while the other part felt like bolting out the door. You walked over to the small booth, sliding into the smooth leather seat. His eyes were focused on his phone as he typed quickly. "You were always a busy man weren't you?" Greg's brown eyes widened at the sound of your voice. "y/n?"  His gaze met yours and you felt your knees go weak, "Nope, I'm Beyoncé." You smirked, hoping to hid the tremble of your hand. "You don't have the hips to pull it off." He retorted. You let youself smile, unbuttoning your coat. His eyes floated over you.

we small talk, work in the weather. Your guard is up and I know why, the last time you saw me is still burned into the back of your mind you gave me roses, and I left them there to die.

I quickly finished up my text to Donovan, drumming my fingers on the table. She was coming. It hadn't fully registered in my mind quite yet, it'd been iver what, two years since I last saw her? "You were always a busy man weren't you?" The familiar voice met my ears, it was smooth just as it used to be, but now it was laced with a certain tiredness that wasn't there before she left. Her name escaped my lips, unable to control my surprise. I didn't fully expect her to show. She was someone from the past, something I thought I'd moved on from. But seeing her again stirred something up inside of me, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. I wrapped my fingers around the warm coffee cup. "I was surprised when you called me. Didn't think you would still have my number." Her h/c locks fell perfectly, her piercing (Eye color) eyes still held a certain fierceness, yet soft kindness I'd always admired. "Yeah well, figured I was back in town and well..." She looked down, twirling a lock of her hair.  "I wanted to see you." She said softly, I almost didn't catch it. She paused for a moment before finally saying what I know must of been hard, for she had always been a prideful person.

"I'm sorry."

This is me swallowin' my pride standin' infront of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night and I go back to December all the time.

You bit your lip. "Greg I'm sorry. You were amazing, you were the perfect fiancé a girl could ask for. I didn't want to end things between us, my career as a journalist took off and well, pride clouded my judgement. I shouldn't of left you. The December before I left was one of the best months of my life."

Turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin you wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine.

"I'd give anything to be able and go back and never leave. To stay here with my small job at the paper and never gone away. I know leaving you after you propose d and you would be an amazing man for forgiving such an unforgivable act." You rambled , the fear rising within you. "If only I'd realized what I was losing instead of what I was gaining. I was never happy, I didn't have friends like I do here. Sherlock, John, Molly, and I didn't have you."

And I go back to December turn around and make it all right

You found yourself unable to meet his gaze. Fears swarmed you. What if he rejected you? What if he didn't want you? What if he decided that you were an item of the past that he had no need for?

"You left me." A broken whisper escaped his lips after what felt like an eternity of silence. "You left me. You chose your career over me." You dared to meet his eyes, expecting fury and rage, but instead you saw a brokenness you'd never seen before. Greg buried his face in his hands for a moment before letting out an exasperated sigh. "I never stopped caring for you."

"I didn't stop caring for you either." You played with your sleeve. "Your all that's been on my mind."

Greg looked overwhelmed with emotion. He soon fell silent again. The memory of you leaving replayed in your mind, the voices of your fight echoed in your mind.

These days I haven't been sleeping. Stayin up and playing back myself leaving. When your birthday passed and I didn't  call

I ran a hand through my hair, my eyes fell on her and I noticed features that weren't there before she left. Dark circles had formed her under her eyes, laughing lines that had once formed around her eyes were now gone. She picked up her glove, "You know you asked me out here."  A small ghost of her smile upon her lips.  I scratched the back of my neck. "Yeah." Was that all I could say? The memory of when she left was vivid.

*Two years ago*

I think about summer all the beautiful times I watched you laughin' from the passenger side and realized I loved you in the fall and when the cold came and all those fears crept into my mind, you gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

"Greg!" Your laughter echoed throughout the small flat, your fiancé continued to tickle your sides. He soon pulled you into his arms. "I'm trying to tell you something!" You protested, "Well then tell me." He smirked and tickled your sides one last time before letting you speak. You sat up excitedly, "I got a job offer as a journalist!" You smiled, Greg smiled back at you, his eyes lighting up. "Y/N that's great!" He pulled you into an embrace before you pulled away, "When do you start?" He asked.

"Well.... the job is with my mom's paper..... in New York." You bit your lip.

"New York?!" Greg's smile and joy faded. "Don't tell me you already accepted."

"So what if I did?" You raised an eyebrow at him. "We can't just leave England! Scottland Yard, everyone's here!" Greg looked at you wide eyed.

"Greg this is something I've dreamed of since I was little! I can stop waiting tables! We can move out of this tiny flat! Look at the possibilities!" You insisted.

"Is it really that bad here?" He asked you, his voice softer. You looked into his eyes, he looked hurt. "No! I didn't say that!" You protested. "It's what you were implying Y/N." Greg stood, running a hand through his hair, he turned away from you. "Greg where are you going?!" You asked, wide eyed. "I need to think." He murmered.

Needless to say, that was the last night you would ever see him smile.

*back to current time.*

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me so right. The way you held me in your arms that September night, the first time you ever saw me cry

"Greg. I'm sorry. I know how much of a bitch I was."

Maybe this is wishful thinkin'.

"I know I still have feelings for you and I couldn't sit at home and do nothing about them."

Probably mindless dreaming.

"I can't go on knowing how bad things are between us. I love you." You said the last part softly, barely audible.

If we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.

You pushed yourself out of the booth, you felt tears well up in your eyes. You began to walk away, but were stopped by someone grabbing your wrist. "Y/N wait." Greg stood. You felt warmth spread through you at his touch. "My feelings for you never went away. You hurt me, I want to forgive you but it's hard." He took your hand in his. You looked up at him with wide eyes.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't, and if the chains are on your door I understand.

The both of you stared at each other for a moment before you stood on your toes slightly and placed your lips on his.

But this is me swallowin' my pride sayin' I'm sorry for that night

You felt the familiar tingling your stomach return, this was something you thought you lost forever. You couldn't help but smile, maybe he could forgive you.

And I go back to December. Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine.

He was the first to pull away. "I'm sorry." He said softly.

"what?" You had barely caught what he said.

"I'm sorry I can't do this."

I go back to December turn around and make it all right.

"What?" You cocked your head, you could tell his words were pained. "I can't. I wasn't enough to keep you here. What makes me so special now? You broke my heart and left me to pick up the pieces." With that he turned away, leaving you standing there. You felt a tear run down your cheek as you watched Greg Lestrade walked out of your life forever.

I go back to December all the time

a/n

I love this song soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much it's ridiculous. Don't have much to say in this authors note since I have a couple more to post.

Love y'all