Chapter Thirty Four: Future Plans

26 November, 1982

The warmth from the cup allowed Remus to enjoy the chilly early morning without freezing his insides, and as he took a large gulp of hot chocolate, the warmth spread down his throat, heating him up through his core and causing a contended sigh to escape past his lips. The snow drifting around casually on the other side of the window, and everything covered in a white blanket made him forget, even for just a moment, that there was a war going on outside the walls, invisible to people like him, but showing its effects nonetheless. He brought his mug up to his lips to take another sip when someone came up from behind him and barrelled him sideways, causing him to spill half of his drink. With an annoyed grunt, he brushed the liquid from the front of his jumper, while Nathan began to laugh.

"Good morning," he greeted playfully in between his laughter, before taking out his wand to wipe the chocolate from his clothes. Remus thanked him, albeit reluctantly, and turned back to look out of the window. "I expected a good morning in reply," said Nathan, shoving him lightly with his shoulder.

Remus frowned, his mind whirring with thoughts and with the memories of last night. The words Sirius had uttered in his sleep kept coming back to him, creating questions he had no answer to. It seemed like the more he got to know Sirius, the less he knew about him.

"Does Sirius have -" he blurted out involuntarily but stopped himself and held his tongue. Nathan raised his eyebrows and looked at him questioningly.

When he didn't continue, he asked, "Does Sirius have what?"

Remus chewed thoughtfully on his lips. He couldn't ask Nathan for information about Sirius. If Sirius didn't want him to know something, he had no right to intrude in his personal life. If he wanted to know, he would ask Sirius himself. "Nothing. Forget it."

He could see the wizard observing him out of the corner of his eyes. Rather uneasily, he sat on the windowsill, one of his legs folded so that he could turn to look out of the window and continue to enjoy the view outside. Nathan came up and joined him.

"So, I saw Sirius coming out of your room this morning," he stated casually, a small smirk visible on his lips, his right hand on the left pocket of his jacket, as Remus noticed, holding something protectively. He brought his mug to his mouth again and hoped the warmth on his face was caused by the steam rising steadily from his drink.

"Yeah, he has nightmares," he mumbled quietly. Nathan let out a loud sigh.

"Nightmares. Of course. I feel like we'll never escape it. Sirius should should know how lucky he is to have you with him." He squinted into the distance, as though trying to identify the species of the trees that lined the horizon miles away. "I wish Gillian was here," he said after a long pause, clutching whatever object it was he had in his pocket tightly. "But she has to look after her younger brothers."

Remus watched him in silence. He couldn't have been much older than him. Maybe two, three years? And yet, he looked like he was centuries old, the burden of the war, of looking out for his younger sister, for Sirius, for his girlfriend and for her little brothers, and goodness knows how many other people from the Order, having taken an overwhelming toll on him. And Remus could see it was made worse by the fact that in order to not dishearten those who were younger than him, he had to put up a brave face every single day. He wasn't allowed to cry, or break down, or show emotions, because doing so would mean that Sirius or Marlene or Gillian might feel like if someone as strong as him could lose hope, what could happen to them? They had been thrust with responsibility and the burden to win themselves the war, and there was no way out.

"I wanted to show you something, Remus," he said after what could have been several minutes, or even hours. Remus looked up at him in surprise, and saw how uncomfortable he looked. "It feels strange, considering I've only known you for a few weeks, but I guess that's the reason I decided to show it to you, and not to them. And then again, you're also far more responsible than them."

Remus only nodded, as he couldn't figure out what to say, neither could he understand why Nathan seemed to be so uncomfortable. But he smiled encouragingly, and Nathan finally produced, from the pocket of his jacket, a small black box. He placed it on the empty spot between the two of them, and a look of astonishment overtook Remus's face as he realised what it was.

"You're going to propose to Gillian?" he exclaimed, unable to keep his voice low and Nathan pounced on him to clamp his hand over his mouth.

"Remus," he scolded, "why do you think I'm telling this to you instead of Marlene or Sirius? So that you can yell it out to them?"

"But why?" Remus asked in confusion once he had removed his hand. "Why aren't telling this to your sister?"

With a sigh, he pulled back and began to tug on his blonde hair, which, Remus now realised, had streaks of grey on them. Nathan picked up the box that held the ring, and fiddled with it absently. "I don't know. I just feel like they won't like my decision. There's a war going on, and here I am, thinking about getting married. And there's also Marlene to think about. She is older than Gillian, and I don't know, I somehow feel that she won't accept her into family. I don't think anyone else would like it either, you know? People are dying everyday and I'm looking through family heirlooms to look for my grandmother's old ring. And then there's the fact that I haven't even proposed to her yet. What if she refuses? What if she thinks I'm being selfish? What if she doesn't want to marry me?"

"Nathan, stop rambling," said Remus soothingly but loudly enough to stop him continuing further, and placed a hand over his thigh. "I know there's a war going on, and people are dying, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to be happy. In fact, it's all the more reason you should make full use of your life, and make sure that if you end up dying in the war, you won't regret any hesitation in doing something you wanted to do. Show that the war hasn't taken full control of your life, and that's already going to take you a step ahead in winning."

A smile appeared on Nathan's face. He looked at Remus, brown eyes meeting green, and said quietly, "Thank you. You're a great friend."

Remus smiled demurely. "I'm not sure about that."

Before Nathan could come up with a reply, the door swung open and Sirius entered, before halting in his steps as his eyes fell over the two men sitting on the windowsill, Remus's hand resting over Nathan's thigh. The blond hastily shoved the small box inside his pocket and Remus pulled his hand away, peering into his mug where only a small amount of his hot chocolate was left. He took a sip and looked at Sirius, whose hair was hanging wet over his shoulders, looking much longer than it really was. A shadow was visible beneath his eyes but his lips were pink and full. His pale skin was damp in places and Remus recognised the maroon jumper he was wearing as his own - loose and oversized.

"What's going on?" asked Sirius with his bushy eyebrows furrowed, his gaze lingering over where Nathan had put the box back, and then he turned to look at Remus. "What is he hiding?"

"It's none of your business," Nathan answered, not unkindly, and hopped down from the windowsill, pulling his jacket closer around him. He looked at Remus. "I'll invite you," he mouthed with a smile, causing Sirius's look of confusion to grow even more. He, however, ignored him and sauntered out of the room with his hands deep inside the pockets of his jeans.

Sirius eyed Remus suspiciously for a moment before coming over to join him by the window. He too stared outside and admired the snow covered environment for a while, or rather, as Remus thought to be more likely, cursed the weather for being so chilly. "What was that about?" he asked after a moment.

Remus took another sip of his hot chocolate and sent him an innocent look from the top of his mug. "What was what about?"

"He was hiding something from me."

"I hate to break this to you, Sirius, but the world doesn't revolve around you."

Sirius gave an annoyed grunt and glared at him. Remus opened his mouth to ask him about his brother, but closed it again. He couldn't form the words in the correct sequence to say what exactly needed to be said, and then again, Sirius looked so unusually cheerful, that he didn't feel like spoiling his mood. So instead he proceeded to ask, "Did you sleep well last night?"

This, surprisingly, brought a smile up to his face, and his silver irises sparkled as he looked at Remus. "I did. Very well, in fact. No nightmares."

A relieved sigh escaped his mouth involuntarily, but Remus quickly concealed it. Looking at Sirius again, he smirked, "That's good. Did I cuddle well?"

A faint red coloured the pale skin of his cheek, and Sirius shifted on the windowsill to properly face outside, one of his legs dangling down the side of the wall, but not touching the floor. When he spoke, however, his voice held no tone of bashfulness. "You did. Though, I think I woke up once." He frowned slightly. "I didn't bother you, did I?"

"No," he lied.

Both continued to stare outside, and Remus found solace in the snowfall that was raging the air. It almost felt like a message from the universe. Despite whatever war mankind has cooked up, the world will remain unchanged, will continue its cycle of life and death, will wash the humans with light or darkness according to its will, and nothing could stop it. There was something comforting about this thought that made Remus's heart flutter with hope. Maybe the wizards will succeed in defeating Voldemort, one day - whether two months later or two years, it didn't matter, because Remus knew that humans were meant to push through obstacles and survive anything and everything, and he knew that they would survive this evil too. The fact that he might not live to see it, did not bother him.

"Where do you get all these jumpers?" Sirius's question pulled him out of his thoughts and he blinked a few times before he could bring his face into focus. "They're so comfortable. Nothing like this can be found in the wizarding world."

"Really?" Remus asked with a smirk. "I remember someone once said that wizarding stuff were generally better than muggle ones."

Sirius scoffed. "It's a matter of opinion."

"I knitted them," Remus answered his question now. "I used to knit when I was in school, but then I sort of lost interest."

Sirius looked mildly surprised at the information, but he smiled as he leaned up against Remus's side. "Well, I like it. Except it's oversized."

Remus shrugged as he put an arm around Sirius's shoulder and pulled him close to him. His back was pressed over his chest, and Remus brought his hand up to twirl the strands of his hair between his fingers. "Well, you can't blame me if you're so small."

He gave a very loud and very fake gasp in reply. "Take that back!" he demanded, craning his neck to look up at his companion. His eyes were stern, but the playfulness in them was still visible. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Let's have breakfast first, idiot."

❇

i have a few things to say.

1. i added new character aesthetics at the beginning of this book, if anyone's interested.

2. there are going to be two parts to this book. not a sequel, just the story itself will be divided into parts one and two. part one will end after two/three chapters.

3. i'm writing cute lil chapters to prepare you for the shit that's about to hit;)

4. thank you for reading.

5. i love you all <3

6. idk why i'm numbering these.