"If he loves rainbows,
he must stay till the storm is over."

Smily Verma

△△△

I watched with a bright, genuine smile as Baron and his now wife took their first dance together.

The entire day had been pure magic and while I had feared that I would have felt down because of everything that marriage currently represented to me, I wasn't. Baron had become almost as close as a brother to me and that was proven to me when the joyful tears had fallen as they had said their vows.

The only bittersweet moments that filled my day were the few wrestlers that were invited who wondered where John was. I had done the polite smile I had become used to throwing on and spoken the truth which was that he was working. If I wanted to elaborate on the truth I would have told them that I didn't want him to be here because he despised Baron.

"Funny to think that this could be you, soon" I heard Trinity and was surprised I hadn't gotten a chance to speak with her for the day yet.

"I wouldn't say soon" I smiled slightly as I clutched my bag beneath my arm while I held my wine glass.

"You ain't racing down the aisle after how long you waited for him to put a ring on it?" She frowned and it was like everyone was continuously asking me that.
I know I hadn't been subtle in my pursuit to just wanting to tie the knot with John. I had even wished for it while I stood near the Eiffel tower as if that would have helped. But ever since I returned I hadn't voiced anything about it, mostly because it was blasted so much in my storyline with everyone since I returned.

I was disappointed that I would be taking an hiatus from wrestling, but I knew that I needed it. I had been sucked into being in the shadow of John without realizing it when all I had wanted was the opportunity to prove myself worthy of the championship.

"Exactly. I waited so long for it to happen so there's no rush anymore." I shrugged.

"Where's your ring then?" I heard the familiar voice that had vibrated against my skin many times but had grown foreign to me over the last week.

"It's at the jeweler's getting fitted" I lied and avoided looking at him even though his blue eyes were fixed on me.

"With the perfectionist that your man is I would have assumed it fit correctly" She teased.

"Well, what can you do? I got what the wrestling world would deem as the perfect proposal so something had to be out of place." I laughed out before I set my empty wine glass down and grabbed another off the tray.

I pretended to having heard someone call me as I made my exit before anyone else decided to bombard me with more questions about Nena.

The reception was held at an old castle, it was simply beautiful so I didn't mind just getting lost in one of the gardens. I had been there for the wedded couple all day. While I wanted to join them on the dancefloor I would need some more red wine in me for that.

I just needed a break from continuously pretending to be the amazing fiancée and feeling like I was still John's sidekick even though he wasn't anywhere near here.

I didn't even know who my real friends were from work anymore and who I had just become close to through John.

"It's hard to be mad at you when you happen to clean up quite nice" I heard the soft voice of Allen as I stared up into the night sky.

I tensed briefly due to the surprise as I heard him slowly approach due to his footsteps.

He moved beside me and joined me for the view of the moon that seemed so bright. I didn't tear my eyes from it but soon felt something put over my shoulders and realized it was his suit jacket.

"Thank you" I smiled slightly before I took a big sip from my glass because we were probably going to have a conversation that needed some liquid courage.

"I heard you were at Baron's place yesterday while I was sleeping" I stated but still kept my eyes ahead.

"Yes, he invited me over for breakfast. I didn't want to wake you..." He shrugged but the way his voice changed I knew that was a lie, also because Baron had explicitly told me he just hadn't wanted to speak to me.

"Well, here I am. Awake and maybe slightly tipsy. Do you have any questions to throw me off in front of people or do you actually want to talk about us. Instead of driving off in your car while I'm crying?" I moved in front of him and stared into his eyes.

Maybe too much liquid courage was had...

"You say that as if I wanted to do something like that. I was blinded by rage. Do you have any idea what my first thoughts were when I saw that ring being slipped on your finger? I was at the gorilla, seated next to Tommy as we waited for you and I saw that. I saw the woman that hours before had told me that she would officially be mine being engaged to the man she claimed to be done with. In that moment I didn't care about anything and I almost went out there but instead I walked away. So you saw me being heartless and driving off? It was better than the alternative." His words conveyed the lingering emotion while his voice was much calmer than it had been that night.

"You keep saying that I am making excuses or used you. Do you know how hard that was to hear? I have been called much worse by the media, but hearing the man that claimed to be in love with me think that I would be capable of using someone for that, broke my heart. You sounded just like John..." I uttered as the flashes of anger from him that night filled my mind.

"Don't say that." He briefly shut his eyes as if hating that I had even made the comparison.

"But it's true. I know Baron told you about the fight on Monday and you know what led to that? Me refusing to give him any attention and completely shutting down on him. I was absolutely disgusted with myself because I hurt you."

I pressed my finger to his chest.

"I hurt the man that I love and when I tried to make John realize what he had done, he too hadn't believed me. He said I used this guy as a way to make sure he would commit to me fully. So is there something wrong with me where I just use people to get what I want? Apparently the two men that try to emphasize so much that they love me seem to think I would stoop that low." I stared at him and he sighed heavily.

"I was upset, Nicole. What did you expect me to say? If you saw that, you would also be questioning the intentions. I didn't know what to believe when the whole world was kissing your feet. Everywhere I look it's the fairytale romance and you staring lovingly into his fucking eyes!" His voice raised as he recalled it and I didn't blame him because WWE had been milking our moment.

"No. That's me pretending because I am not in love with him" I clarified because any love I used to feel when I looked at John was gone the moment he made me a fool.

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair as his jaw clenched, "You're just engaged to marry him. Please tell me what you are going to say to me so I can see the reason you haven't announced to the world that you are done with him. And don't even try to say it would look bad to the fans, cause while I am all for pleasing them, I am tired of hearing it."

"I know you are and I completely understand that and I hate that I made you wait it out for so long and then you had to see that. I wish I had an answer for you because I hate that you are mad at me, but I don't. I just feel so suffocated by everyone right now and that doesn't mean you, but I have been avoiding my friends and my family, just everyone. The world is happy for me because they believe this is what I want when all I want is to be with you..." I whispered and felt the tears fill my eyes and he glanced away due to it.
"I'm just so sorry, I wish I had just not done the storyline or quit. The wrestler in me knew that I had to carry it out though, even when the woman that's in love with you wanted it to end. I am in love with you, Allen, even though I am doing a terrible job at showing it lately."

I wiped my eyes as best I could without ruining my make-up. If Baron got any hint of me being truly upset, it would just get him worked up when I wanted him to enjoy officially being a husband.

"I know you are. I just don't know if that's going to be enough for you to leave him." His voice faded and I hated knowing that he doubted me because of all that had happened.

"I have left him, he knows that I am not in love with him." I weakly shrugged as some sort of defense.

"You don't get it. You told him that you didn't love him and he continued the storyline and then proposed. He doesn't believe you."

"But you do?" I raised my eyebrow because even if John was in denial, I needed to know Allen knew I stood with him.

"When we are together like this, yes I do. And I don't know if it's just because I love you and I want to believe it all. Because when you aren't with me, you're with him and you're just showing off the love to the world." He wavered.

"Allen, I have spent so many times pretending I was happy with him when I felt conflicted. There were so many moments where I debated whether I should just leave him and have faith that I would find someone else, but I always just felt too weak and I loved him so I believed he would change. I know what you mean when you say that, but I feel more fearless when I am with you. Everytime I go back to him I just feel so weak because it feels like I am just giving up on myself and disappointing the woman I want to be." I spoke sincerely as I meant every word.

I didn't want to feel weakened by the man I loved. I wanted to share in the spotlight, not be blinded by it.

"I don't like seeing you this way. I know you are in pain and you are trying to please everyone but as your friend speaking and not the man that loves you. You can't please everyone and by what you just said, you would be breaking yourself by continuing to be what the world wants you to be with him."

"How do I make this right?" I realized how selfish it was to ask him to help me figure out what to do but I didn't know what to do.

I had always been a very indecisive person which I was sure was due to me choosing to follow my heart more than anything else. There were things I knew for certain, like the fact that I no longer wanted to be with John and was in love with Allen but trying to execute it all I wasn't sure of.

If I had been good at being straightforward instead of not trying to be harsh with John and walking on eggshells around him, maybe I wouldn't have been in this mess in the first place.

"Just be honest, Nicole." His voice was lowered as he stared at me with a mixture of concern and still some hurt.

"But I have been honest though" I whispered.

"Not completely." He stated.

I frowned, "You want me to tell him that it's you?"

"Honestly, I wanted to tell him that night you were hurt in the ring, but I didn't want to cross that line. I wanted you to do it on your terms and not let you have any regret as to how the situation was handled. I know you are trying to protect me but I don't need that protection. I'm a big boy, I am capable of taking care of myself" He fixed the collar of his shirt with a small smirk.

I liked seeing it for the first time in what felt like forever, yet it was just a week.

"That you are" I giggled while he simply shook his head.

"I can protect myself and I will protect you from the world when they find out that their ship is no longer sailing" He took a step towards me.

"You don't hate me?" I searched his blue eyes underneath the night sky because I never wanted to see the darkness he had that night directed at me again.

He shook his head, "I could never hate you. I can be infuriated by you but never hate you... I just want to stop having to contain what I feel for you. Whether its at work or just when we are off..."

I nodded as a small, grateful smile filled my face, "I know and I will make sure we can have that. I am scared because it's going to be overwhelming but at least we'll be hated by the world together?"

"I will shelter you from whatever storms may come our way, Nicole."

"Well, it has already started pouring on my parade because I went to a doctor's appointment yesterday and I won't be getting into the ring anytime soon."

He frowned as his eyes fell to my neck, "Did you hurt yourself at Wrestlemania?"

I shook my head immediately, "Fortunately not, but I do have to take time off and see how things go. I have been treating my body how I used to, with the exception of my finisher and I apparently just need to learn to move at a slower pace."

"So no more coffees?" He said thoughtfully as he realized I wouldn't be at work anymore.

"For now." I reassured him.

He nodded and glanced around and I wondered what he was doing but my thoughts were soon answered as he leaned down and connected his lips to mine. I immediately returned it as I had missed not only being close to him, but just feeling his touch.

My hand that wasn't filled with a glass wrapped around his lower back as I pushed my body up against his. He briefly nudged his nose over mine before he kissed me again and I felt my heart being warmed by his loving caresses.

I had feared that we would have been screaming at each other all night, but I knew that he felt guilty about his reaction. It wasn't like him to behave that way, even though he had every reason to, but I was just happy to be close to him again.

I heard my phone going off and while I would have normally ignored it, Brie was past her due date so even though I had blocked out the world throughout the week. I needed to by on standby for my sister.

I broke the kiss which he didn't seem to like much, "It might be Brie"

He nodded and ran a hand through his hair while I moved towards my bag I had left on the step.

It had stopped going off by the time I got to it and I realized it had only been a text but it wasn't from Brie...

John: It's AJ isn't it?

♥♥♥♥

Firstly, I am so sorry if the chapters appear jumbled. I have tried fixing it but it just goes back to being a mess 😭

Secondly, I hope you are still enjoying this book! ♥

Thirdly, if you are a reader on the dreame app. Please show my first non-fanfiction book some love 🥺
It has over 40 chapters already ♡

It's called Write on Me...

https://m.dreame.com/novel/Yq3veX6Zjz7/oppc6/e7OQ==.html