"It was an infatuation that consumed me from within"
m.i writings

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"Where's John?" Baron’s voice interrupted my thoughts as I stared up at the fan, continuously spinning just like my head seemed to be these days. We were laid out on his king size bed in his hotel room, both staring up at the ceiling as if it were the TV.

"Has appearances, I'm meeting him for dinner in an hour though" I sighed as I was dreading it a bit, it would be the first time we were completely alone for at least an hour. 

It was about two weeks since Allen had pitched up to lay down his thoughts and made it clear he wanted this. Since that had happened we hadn't discussed it again and had drifted into our usual routine of coffees at work. It felt like we were just pushing all the intimate details under the rug, yet it still lingered. It was always on my mind...

"Don't you need an entire hour to get ready though?" He spoke again when I had been perfectly happy with the silence. Or maybe I was grateful because my head hurt with the constant battle filling it.

"Yeah but I have mentally chosen my outfit and my hair's fine so that saves time. Besides, I missed you" I turned onto my side and hugged the pillow and peeked up at him as his back was resting against the headboard.

He chuckled, "Well that's great to hear since I didn't miss you at all"

"If you say so." I narrowed my eyes and he smiled which told me the truth.

"Did anything eventful happen in my absence?" He questioned, and I knew he meant between John and I but my infidelity with AJ didn't want to be left in the dark.

"Do you think I should ask John about the texts?" I blurted out instead while mentally debating on whether I could tell the man I currently trusted with all my secrets my darkest one.

"That depends. Are you ready to hear his answer?" He shrugged, doing the I'm not really interested thing when after all this time I knew he was. He comforted me when I needed it and told me the truth when I needed it too and oddly enough never made me regret telling him.

"No but.. I feel like a hypocrite" I huffed as I reached my decision with at least one troubling thought.

"Why?"

I briefly glanced at him and he frowned and raised his eyebrows, waiting for my response, "If I slept with someone doesn't that make me just as wrong?"

"Who did you sleep with?" His eyes widened but the small smirk annoyed me.

"It doesn't matter" I shook my head and sat up.

"Come on..." He kicked his leg against mine continuously while I had chosen to remain quiet, until I wasn't.

"AJ" I admitted and he laughed out as soon as the two letters left my mouth.

"I should have known that would be your response" I sighed as the guilt was eating me alive while Baron couldn't hide his amusement. I honestly wasn't sure how our friendship had been maintained for so long.

"I'm sorry I just didn't think that you were serious. You and righteous Allen slept together?"

I glanced at him and saw the amusement was replaced by him seriously wishing to know, "Yes. It was last month after the Royal Rumble. He was drinking so I took him back to his room and things escalated. He doesn't regret it and I don't think I do but then I wonder do I only not regret it because a small part of me knows John is doing the same?"

That small part was the only reason I wasn't pushing myself into AJ's arms. My brain was still messed up because of what I saw so I honestly couldn't trust anything I was doing. 

"Then you should confront John and hear him out. If it's true maybe you will know what to do"

"I feel like deep down AJ wants to be with me" I shrugged, and he nodded slowly seeming to easily agree with me when all he knew was that we slept together. Despite his reaction moments ago there was no judgement in his eyes and I didn't understand why. 

"The guy works on my ass but he is a good guy so I would pick him for you over Johnny any day"

"It's not that simple though and why were you so pissed when I caught a hint of John cheating but you're okay with me sleeping with Allen?"

"I honestly don't have a fucking clue. I mean I travelled in the backseat with you two and saw how you interacted. How you would wait all night for John to call and he would cheer you up. You love John and I get that but sometimes love ain't enough when they're not giving you what you deserve"

I always thought John treated me fairly and provided me with everything I deserved, he believed in me, in my aspirations and respected me. "He gives me everything he can. He makes time out of his busy schedule. He makes me a priority"

"Does he though?"

●●●

I watched my beloved John's mouth moving while my hand held his on the dinner table. His blue eyes shone as he explained his latest role in a movie to me but what filled my mind were Baron's words. The more his words echoed, the more I knew he was right. I wasn't the priority in John's life, his work was and maybe I was just his guilty pleasure. Or his safety whenever the work rush ended...

"Hi" I heard the voice of AJ interrupt my heavy thoughts but believed it couldn't be, but as I glanced up I saw him taking a seat.

"Hey AJ!" John smiled. "Sorry Nicole, I forgot to tell you I invited him while we were at the appearance"

"No problem" I mumbled and hoped the smile on my face was convincing when the last time I had seen him at the beach house rang in my head. All I saw when I looked at him was a bubble of confusion, he had a way to calm me like John used to and make me forget about everything. He also made me feel wanted and that was a very bad thing cause I found myself becoming distant to John in ways he easily didn't pick up because of how busy he was. 

I remained quiet for most of the dinner which didn't raise any red flags cause it's what I usually did when the three of us hung out. I would just glance between them as they traded wrestling stories or what their plans were for the future. Usually it was because I admired their passion but now it was because my mind had a million things running through it. 

I watched as AJ stood up deciding not to stay for dessert and I felt both relieved and disappointed. 

"I really enjoyed dinner. I will see you guys at work" he smiled, and I returned it before focusing on John. 

"What are you having for dessert?" I placed my hand on his but as I did I heard his phone. 

"Just one minute"

"Sure, I will head to the bathroom quickly " He nodded and I made my way down the hallway, only I didn't make it that far as I was pulled into what seemed to be the coat room.

"I thought you left" my eyes widened as my body was pinned to the wall by AJ.

"That was the plan. But I missed you and seeing you spaced out for that entire dinner." He rambled, and I sighed as all the moments since our talk acting like platonic friends just led to us bottling it all up. 

"This is wrong" I whispered as he leaned in even though I made no move to stop him. I missed the feeling, being this close to him and I couldn’t stop the need filling me. 

"Very wrong" he nodded but kissed me anyway and even though I knew it was, I returned it. 

My fingers tugged on his hair as he lifted my legs around him and I moaned into his lips as I felt him push me up against the wall. I felt the emotion in the kiss between us and I didn't want to erase it, so I held onto him and deepened the kiss. I wanted more… 

"Oh my.. I need to go, John is probably thinking..." I breath as soon as the cold tile against my back reminded me where we were. 

"He probably doesn't even know you left" he shook his head as he moved back to allow me to fix my dress. 

"Really Allen?" I half glared even though I knew it was probably true. I was just shocked at the hostility in his voice towards a man he had just spent an hour having dinner with. Was I doing this to him? 

"I'm sorry, just leave with me. We have been going on like nothing ever happened but the more we do, the more I want more to happen" he half groaned with frustration and I knew how he felt but I felt like my head was so clouded. 

"And then? I can't do this… John is out there"
I immediately left and actually went to the bathroom to make sure I didn't look like the cheater I was. I felt bad for just leaving him there, but I had John waiting for me and I belonged with him. 

I made my way to the table and noted the coat room had been open with no sign of AJ as I did. "Hey sorry, Brie called me as I was about to leave, and you know how needy she is while being off the road"

He nodded before replying to his phone briefly and focusing on me. "Feels like forever since we have had dinner together"

"Yet you invited AJ? " I vaguely replied as our dessert was set before us. 

"The guy is on the road and likes the simple life. Figured I could treat him to a good steak and good company. I mean you guys hang out a lot when I'm not there, so I didn't think it would be a problem" He smiled sincerely. 

"If that were the case you should have invited Baron Corbin too" I giggled so it didn't feel like he was pinning us together. 

"I don't like the guy that much"

"Is that why you told Vince he wasn't ready to be brought up?" I blurted out as Baron had mentioned it to me. 

He frowned, "You know how it goes. They ask my opinion, but he is here now. Did he tell you that?"

I just devoured my dessert while he sighed, "You know you can always ask me anything. I would rather you hear the truth from me than lies spread around the locker room. I know you hang out with all of them but you're close with Corbin? "

"I was thinking of sharing with Renee tonight since you're leaving early tomorrow" I spoke instead feeling irritated with him suddenly when I never was. 

"Won't Dean be annoyed?" He immediately questioned instead of pushing the Baron thing. 

"He's sharing with AJ" I never lied to John well I never got away with lying to him but I guess with the slight awkwardness he wanted to give me some space. 

●●●

I stood outside of AJ's door for what felt like ages until I finally knocked, knowing what would happen once he opened the door and accepted it. 

He opened the door a few seconds later but his eyes widened as he noticed it was me, "Nicole.."

I didn't blame him because I still couldn't believe I was here when my boyfriend was in the same hotel. "Hey, surprise I managed to.."

"Room service has the.." I heard Charlotte's voice echoing from further in the room and frowned.

"Uhm Charlotte and I are sharing so.."

"Oh yeah okay. I'll just.." I walked back officially regretting lying to John.

"Ni.."

"It’s okay" I forced and turned around and walked down the hallway before turning the corner and knocking on the only person’s door I could without being caught in more lies.

"I am an engaged man, Nikki" he rolled his eyes as he leaned in his doorway.

"Who will be sleeping on the covers cause he is such a good friend" I smiled and pushed past him. It wasn't odd for Charlotte to be here since she was champion and included on most appearances even if she was from RAW. 

"Isn't John here?" I heard him behind me as he probably recalled I was having dinner with him. 

"Yeah"

"You confront him?" He questioned as I took off my heels while I hoped my silence would be answer enough.

He sighed and threw himself on the bed. "Just grab whatever you need from my suitcase."

I smiled and ran over to him and hugged him even though he was laid out on his stomach trying to sleep. "You're the best"