"The worst battle is between
what you know and
what you feel."

△△△

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" The kind blue eyes met mine with a small smirk.

He was staying in a motel nearby simply because he hadn't felt like ordeal of staying in a hotel and being bombarded by fans when he couldn't be with his boys. So when I had seen the message and had time to briefly be on my own I just found myself asking him his location.

I immediately wrapped my arms around him which had caught him by surprise but his arms around me let me know he didn't mind.

I felt the lump growing in my throat as I had felt numb ever since I saw the message and watched as John just waved it off as some random person. His smile let me know it was no wrong number and the message had been meant for him and I wasn't sure what that meant, I wasn't sure what was happening but tightened my eyes shut and forced it down because I wasn't going to sit here and cry when I wasn't exactly sure.

I heard the door shut while I still held to him and he still did the same, not questioning it and maybe it was all I needed. Just a hug to put all the emotions into one blank one...

I had received a text from Nicole about half hour ago asking where exactly I was staying. It had sounded odd to me and I hadn't exactly thought she'd be showing up but she was here and really feeling the Christmas spirit with her arms latched around me. I of course was not complaining but I knew it wouldn't do well for me holding her any longer.

"Nicole..." I began and felt her pull back with her eyes finding mine.

"What? I was just getting all the hugs I have missed out on" She shrugged before moving past me before I had a chance to read them.

"Missed out on?" I questioned.

"Yeah I tend to end up with a handshake whenever John is around" She shrugged again and I wasn't sure what to say so I simply smiled.

"Well I guess I assumed my hugs weren't all welcome." I ran a hand through my hair as I had sort of rushed getting to the door.

"Why wouldn't they be?"

"Seems like you and Tommy are more buddies than we are." I blurted out having seen her post with them yesterday.

"Do I detect a jealous undertone?" She smiled taking a seat on the neatly made bed. Only because I had done so once I had gotten her message, I wasn't able to spend time with my boys so I figured I would just catch up on all the games I missed for the day and not bother getting out of bed but here she was.

"No. I just assumed our bond was stronger" I scoffed but smiled simply because I was jealous but didn't want her to realize just that. It was clear to me Tommy enjoyed messing with me while she seemed to genuinely enjoy some aspect of his personality.

"Oh no. Ours is stronger, don't you worry. Allen"

"Good to know. Er I ordered pizza, so dig in." I took the box off the counter and placed it onto the bed and she opened it and reached for one before staring at me.

"Aren't you going to ask why I'm here instead of back home?" She whispered giving me a look into her true emotions and I stared at her for a few seconds.

"Do you want me to question it?"

"Not really." She glanced away.

"And that's why I'm not."

"You love thinking you can read me."

"I tend to be able to. But just because I can doesn't mean you'll let me in. You're quite guarded but I suppose its alright Johnny boy has got you covered I am the mere buddy when he is away" I teased but her face changed.

"Is that really what you think?"

"No, I'm just messing with you." I hadn't meant anything by it in all honesty.

"Oh well you shouldn't. I value our friendship."

"I do as well." I nodded and closed the box only to discover that they had attached a mistletoe to the lid for the festive season I suppose.

"Well of course this would happen" I chuckled slightly as the more I tried to just be a good friend it seemed I was being pulled in another direction.

"You're still upset about it , Allen. I forgave you. Besides I think we have clarified I'm the problem" She sighed heavily and stood up and so did I as I set the box where it had been before.

"Problem?"

"Nevermind" She simply said and I wasn't sure if her eyes lingering with emotion was due to me bringing up what had happened between us indirectly or what had led her to me today.

I stared at her and figured that maybe Tommy was right I was scared because I did not want to cause any problems but it was just that I was indeed the problem, not her.

"I know that I am the problem because I just.. I like you, Nicole and I know you're in love with John and I hate that I put you in that awkward position you know? It wasn't right of me."

She sighed while I felt the regret fill me once more while sadness filled her face and I knew she was thinking of her regret as well.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and ran both hands through my hair because I did care about Nicole and I didn't want to put her in a position where she was forced to lie to the man she loved because I had ambushed her. Yes I hadn't ignored the fact that she had probably wanted to make a move here and there but it was my job to remind her that she had John because the road was tough and you'd feel alone a lot and while I had nothing to lose, she had a relationship many admired.

"Were my lips that terrible?" She mused as she sat beside me and I held a small smile.

I groaned before answering, "They were great. All two times but.."

"Two?" She cut me off by questioning before I could begin to remind her that I had acted out of..

"What?"

"You said two but we only kissed once."

"I was mistaken" I shrugged while she seemed amused when I knew she didn't remember the night.

"Something tells me you want to kiss me again." She mumbled to herself and I turned to stare at her again and realized she had shifted forward and nudged her nose over mine. "Nicole.."

"Don't stop me"

I didn't.

She leaned forward and grazed her lips over mine and I closed my eyes telling myself not to allow myself to do what I wanted. But she kissed me, why I wasn't sure but I knew I wouldn't be stopping her despite what I had just been telling myself. I was a good man with morals and I needed to...

I felt her shift onto my lap and my fingers immediately ran up her thighs. She moaned into my lips and I felt her fingers trace over my chest and moved her beneath me with my nails briefly grazing her denim jeans. 

I held her locks in my hand and pulled her harder, feeling her fingers hold my lower back. I was kissing her and I didn't want to stop. My fingers gripped her thighs and pulled her against me as she moaned against my lips.
"Fuck" I pulled away.

"What's wrong?" She breath holding my neck.

"I... " I shook my head and sat back, moving out of her grasps .

"You're cute" She mumbled while I had stood up to create some distance.

"Are you drunk?" I questioned as she seemed off and yes we had kissed before but it felt like she had wanted to do more and I knew I wouldn't have fought any longer but she would surely regret it.

"I have to go" She frowned. "I just thought, the way you were looking at me earlier and.. Sorry I shouldn't have done that."

"Nicole..." I grabbed her arm while she tried to shrug me off.

"I have to go"

"Nicole. You're in love with John, I'm not going to let you make a mistake cause something might have happened and maybe John had to leave and you're lonely." I stated knowing that was probably the only reason she had showed up outside my door. I didn't see her leaving John's side to simply keep me company.

"And why did you kiss me, you lonely too? Is that the only reason or because its me? If anyone else kissed you, would you return it?" She stared at me and I wasn't sure what she wanted me to say when the answer should have been pretty obvious but perhaps she was looking for a way out.

"I don't know what I would do." I mumbled which seemed to upset her when I hoped a indirect answer would leave less pressure on her.

"Its okay, AJ." She stated and moved past me.

"Allen..." I reminded her but knew I had hurt her by my words hence her choice of name.

"I'm sorry I have to call John. I'll see you around." She opened the door and attempted closing it but I went after her.

"It didn't come out the way I..."

"It doesn't matter, its just another mistake. I'll see you on the road" She called back and immediately jumped into her car and drove off while I still felt slightly confused about what had just happened.

◆◆◆◆◆◆

I STILL CANT BELIEVE NENA BROKE UP. STILL FEELS LIKE A WEIRD PRANK. YOUR THOUGHTS?

SO THEY KISSED AGAIN
THOUGHTS?