Note: R18 content

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"Kinakabahan ako..."

"That's normal," Lulu tapped my shoulder as we entered the pharmacy.

I did a quick scan at their counter and saw what I was looking for. Pinulot ko ang pregnancy test at nahihiyang nagbayad.

For God's sake, Avery! Stop acting like a teenage girl buying her first PT instead of a married woman!

"Cash po o card?"

"Uhm, cash."

Naglabas ako ng pera at inabot sa babae. Lulu is behind me, smiling at me encouragingly.

Truth is, there are no other symptoms aside from the fact that I missed my period. But I've always been irregular! Ngayon ko lang siguro pinagtuonan ng pansin dahil sinusubukan namin ni Enrique na mabuntis.

Lulu had the nerve to order iced coffee on our way home, as if I wasn't nervous enough! Natatawa pa ito sa mukha ko nang inabot ang kape sa akin.

"Relax..."

I bit my lower lip. "Paano kung n-negative?"

"That's okay. Hindi pa kayo nagf-first wedding anniversary, Avery! Don't sweat it!"

I groaned out loud. But she's right. It's only been a couple of months since our wedding. Blackjack has grown now. Siya na ang palagi kong kasama tuwing hinihintay ko si Enrique na makabalik sa bawat deployment niya.

"Just follow the instructions," Lulu sipped on her iced coffee. "And then we'll wait."

I nodded and stepped inside the bathroom. Binasa ko muna ng ilang ulit ang instructions sa packaging bago ito sinunod. When I was done, I placed the PT atop the counter and stepped out anxiously.

"Five minutes."

She nodded and pulled me to the couch. Lulu reached for my arm and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"You're going to be fine." She whispered.

Hindi ko alam, sa totoo lang. Baka kasi assuming lang ako na buntis o ano! Walang morning sickness o pagkadiri sa kahit na anumang pagkain akong nararamdaman. Nag-spotting lang ako noong nakaraang linggo but... that was it.

Enrique is coming home this week after his short deployment. I admit, goodbyes at the airport never get better. Lalo pa ngayon na sunod-sunod na ang combat operations niya.

Nababalitaan ko nalang sa telebisyon na napatay na ng platoon nila ang mga target na rebelde sa bundok. Each time I hear news about them, I always pray that they're not the ones killed.

Tumayo ako pagkalipas ng limang minuto pero naduwag din ako nang makarating sa pintuan ng bathroom. Sumaklolo ako ng tingin kay Lulu.

She chuckled and got up from her seat. Siya na mismo ang pumasok para tingnan ang resulta...

When she turned, her eyes are glassy with tears.

"You're pregnant, Avery!"

Nagtilian kaming dalawa at nagyakapan pagkatapos malaman ang resulta. Lulu hugged me tightly.

"Congratulations!"

My heart is racing wildly. Kahit nanginginig ang mga kamay ay kinuha ko ang PT at pinagmasdan iyon nang paulit-ulit.

"I'm really pregnant..." I whispered.

After the test, I really went to the hospital to confirm my pregnancy. I did a blood pregnancy test just to be sure. When it was confirmed that I was really pregnant, six weeks in, I nearly cried in joy.

Hindi ako mapanatag habang hinihintay si Enrique sa airport. I traveled to Manila to do some shopping and also to wait for his arrival.

When his flight number was announced, I got up from my seat. A few minutes later, passengers started coming out. Hinanap kaagad ng mga mata ko si Enrique.

As soon as I saw him, I immediately ran to him. He caught me just in time when I jumped into him, and he chuckled.

"Mrs. Cabrera..." he murmured.

"Hi!"

He kissed my lips softly before setting me down.

"You're in a good mood." He observed my face. "May nangyari ba?"

"Ah, yes."

Tumaas ang kilay niya sabay pulot sa rucksack na nahulog kanina pagtalon ko sa kaniya.

"What is it? Did they finally accepted your manuscript? Is it getting published?"

"Something better than that..."

Seryoso akong tiningnan ni Enrique.

"I'm pregnant..." I grinned at him.

Nabitawan niya ulit ang rucksack sa sinabi ko. Mabilis itong lumapit sa akin at hinawakan ang magkabila kong balikat.

"You're pregnant?" Tanong niya sa napapaos na boses.

I nodded happily. "You're going to be a father!"

Enrique pulled me into a tight hug. Natawa ako at tinapik-tapik ang balikat niya.

"Dalawa na kaming maghihintay sa pagbabalik mo, Enrique..." bulong ko sa kaniya.

He kissed me gently, in the midst of the crowd, without a care in the world. Wala na rin akong pakialam dahil sobrang saya namin ngayong dalawa.

"Maybe you should get lesser units this semester?" Enrique carefully asked while we were having dinner later that night.

"For what? It's just the first trimester. Graduating na ang mga bata ko ngayon..."

"Yeah, but what about the symptoms? Morning sickness? Fatigue?"

"Wala akong nararamdaman na ganyan," I shrugged. "Ang sabi ni Lulu, iba-iba talaga ang pinagdaraanan ng mga babae kapag nagbubuntis."

He licked his lower lip as he stared at me. "I just don't want you straining yourself too thin, Avery."

"I'm gonna be fine. I also filed a maternity leave for both companies and they've agreed. Tatapusin ko lang 'tong semester na 'to."

He nodded and continued what he was doing. Isang buwan lang ang pahinga niya ngayon dahil may naghihintay ulit sa kaniyang deployment order.

I don't know where he's going to go next, and I'm not allowed to ask. So all I could do on every departure was to wait for him patiently to come back home alive.

"How about help? Kailangan mo ng katulong dito sa bahay..."

"Alam na ni Tita na buntis ako at tutulong siya hanggang sa makapanganak ako."

"Nakakahiya, Avery. May asawa din ang Tita mo..."

"Iyon na nga ang sinabi ko sa kaniya pero alam mo naman si Tita, diba? Nakikinig ba yun?" I shook my head.

Enrique nodded in understanding. He set down the plates and went to me. Dahan-dahan niyang kinuha ang laptop mula sa hita ko at hinalikan ako.

"Let's eat..." he whispered.

I nodded and followed him to the dining hall. Si Blackjack naman, nagz-zoomies ulit sa loob ng bahay.

He's still a puppy and so full of energy. Kahit na may bakuran ay nilalakad ko pa rin siya tuwing umaga. Nakilala ko na din ang mga kapitbahay sa ilang buwan naming paninirahan dito.

Enrique washed the dishes while I showered after dinner. I was planning to do some work tonight but reminded myself that I'm no longer allowed to pull an all-nighter.

Medyo kinakabahan din ako dahil baka ngayon pa magsimula ang morning sickness at kung anu-ano pa kapag nagbubuntis.

I stepped out of the shower and saw that Enrique had already done the same. Ginamit niya lang ata ang CR doon sa likod ng kusina. He was busy cornering the sheets, his hair still dripping wet.

Nagbihis ako at naupo ulit sa desk. Enrique went out to get Blackjack. After a few minutes, the lights in the living room are turned off.

"Are you really going to work?" Enrique whispered behind me. Napapitlag ako sa gulat dahil hindi ko man lang namalayan ang pagpasok nito sa kwarto namin.

"I have to finish this case study..." sumimangot kaagad ako nang maramdaman ang kamay niya sa strap ng suot kong tank top.

"Work can wait..." he said hoarsely, shutting my laptop off. I scowled at him.

"Kapag ako nasisante!"

He chuckled. "Bubuhayin kita. Ano pa't nagtatrabaho ako para sa atin, diba?" He kissed me again, deeper this time.

Ipinikit ko na ang mga mata at hinayaan siya. His kisses went down to my jawline. I craned my neck to give him more access.

"Thank you for making my dream come true, Avery..." Enrique whispered in the dark.

Humigpit ang kapit ko sa kaniya. I felt both of his hands on my buttocks as he carried me to the bed. Enrique gently lay me down and started kissing me again.

His hands were busy pulling down my silk shorts. Naglakbay ang mga kamay nito sa dibdib ko. I almost moaned out loud when his thumb grazed across my nipples. My breasts are tender and sensitive and even the slightest touch of him made me quiver.

"Natutulog na si Blackjack," he chuckled against my ear.

I slapped him jokingly. "Gago ka kasi—oh, God!"

I shut my eyes closed when he started sucking on my nipples while his free hand was massaging the other. My toes curled in anticipation, and Enrique had to pin me down as my body buckled against him.

My body made an arc for him as he finally slid down my silk shorts, gently widening my legs. Enrique started kissing my stretch marks in my inner thighs, my biggest insecurity, as he made his way to my core.

Hindi ko na mapigilan ang pag-ungol nang maramdaman siya doon. I grabbed his hair while his tongue deftly worked its way on me. My hips were moving, following his rhythm as I reached my first climax.

I saw his shadow move in the dark. Enrique slowly lifted me up. Nakaluhod na ako ngayon sa kama habang hinahalikan niya ang leeg ko. I ran my hand across his body, knowing that no other woman would ever see him this hard... this aroused... other than me!

It turned me on even more! Enrique cupped my chin and gave me a gentle kiss.

"Bend over, baby." He whispered to my ears.

I immediately followed. My heart is beating wildly. Humawak ako sa headboard. Enrique placed his hand on my waist as he positioned himself to take me from behind.

My mouth formed an 'o' when I felt him entering me and soon, whispers of his name followed when I was filled with him. Huminga ako nang malalim. I should fucking get used to his size! I can't believe it still hurts when I'm going to give birth a couple of months from now!

Ipinikit ko nalang ulit ang mga mata. Enrique started moving swiftly. His thrusts were deeper, faster, and harder this time. Pakiramdam ko ay magigiba pa ata itong kama dahil sa ingay na ginagawa nito habang gumagalaw si Enrique.

"Fuck!" His hand tightened on my hips. I was shocked when he turned me around and lay on the bed. His chest was moving heavily. "Ride on me..." he almost pleaded.

I swallowed and nodded. Enrique was holding my hand when I positioned myself on top of him. I wrapped my fingers around his shaft and swallowed even harder. I haven't done this before. Paano kung magkamali?

"Just relax, Avery..." he must've sensed my hesitation because I heard his voice again.

I nodded and slowly went down. Sunod-sunod na mura ang lumabas sa bibig niya. I placed both my palms on his chest, trying to adjust again on him before I started moving.

"Touch yourself..." he ordered.

I bit my lower lip and nodded. His eyes were dark and filled with lust as he stared at me, touching myself while riding him. To see him getting more aroused gave me more confidence.

"Fuck, you're going to kill me, Avery..." he groaned.

I continued what I was doing. Enrique guided my hips as I moved even faster, chasing after my climax. My legs quivered when I came but he wasn't done yet.

Enrique pulled me closer to him and kissed me as he moved on his own rhythm. I clutched the sheets as I felt another wave of climax welling up. He moved faster and harder until I felt something warm spilling inside. Saka pa bumagal ang galaw niya.

We were both panting when we finally stopped moving. Enrique gave me a soft kiss on the forehead when I removed myself from him and lay on his side.

"You're so damn hot, do you know that?" He chuckled.

Umirap ako. "And you're getting too demanding!"

"But you're good." He nuzzled my neck. "So good..."

Itinulak ko ang mukha niya palayo. I wanted to cuddle a bit before I cleaned myself again. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata at pinakiramdaman ang paghinga niya.

"A house with a big yard, a dog, and now... a child." I whispered to him. "You're the one who made my dreams come true, Enrique."

Naramdaman ko lang ang paghigpit ng yakap niya sa akin. I closed my eyes, feeling it all. I can't believe I'm allowed to be this happy this time, and with him by my side!

I could sense his hesitancy when he left again after his leave. Lalo pa ngaoyn na alam niyang buntis na ako. I assured him that I'm going to be fine and Tita will always check on me.

He's going to be gone for almost seven months this time, just in time for me to give birth. Ayaw niyang umalis dahil hindi niya ako masasamahan sa pagbubuntis.

"What if something wrong happens and I'm not around? I'm going to kill myself if anything happens to you and the baby—"

"Enrique, you're freaking out!" Pinandilatan ko siya ng mga mata. "I'm going to be fine, okay? You have to trust me this time."

He licked his lower lip, still pissed at me. Nag-iwas lang ito ng tingin.

"And you said that this is your final target in this mission. If they move again, you and your platoon are all going to start from scratch! Gusto mo ba yun?"

Hindi na sumagot sa akin si Enrique. Lumapit ako sa kaniya at hinawakan ang mukha niya. His jaw is clenched with anger.

"I'm going to be fine..." I promised him. "You're going to make it in time."

That's what I promised him but when my third trimester came, I was shaken.

My baby bump is already visible to everyone. I was having a class when one of my students sprayed perfume. When it hit my nostrils, I gagged and almost threw up.

Kaagad akong tumakbo papuntang ladies' room at sumuka. Hilong-hilo ako at nagsunod-sunod na simula nung araw na yun.

I took my maternity leave because I couldn't get out of bed. Dito na natutulog si Tita dahil sa pag-aalala sa akin.

"Bakit ngayon pa? I was fine the first five months!" I groaned and almost cursed when I could feel myself throwing up again.

The back pain, fatigue, morning sickness, frequent urination, and contractions all came to me at once. I thought I was going to die. Halos wala na akong ganang kumain. Certain foods made me gag.

"Kailangan mo pa ring kumain, Avery. Para sa bata..." palaging paalala ni Tita sa akin.

"Crackers nalang po... saka tubig."

She sighed and placed the food tray away. Nagpunta ito sa kusina para maghanap ng maipapakain sa akin dahil halos isinusuka ko na ang lahat.

The baby started kicking that night. I placed a hand on my tummy and wished Enrique could call me right now. I wanted to tell him how our child is making a mess out of me.

"Hindi ka pa nailalabas, pasaway ka na..." I scolded my baby and chuckled.

When the kicking started, the baby made sure to kick me almost every night. Halos hindi na ako makatulog. There are times when the kicks are forceful and I would clench my teeth in pain. Ayokong pag-alalahanin pa si Tita sa akin.

"Avery!" Tita looked shocked when she helped me change my clothes and saw some bruises on my ribcage. "Bakit may pasa ka?!"

Napabuntong-hininga ako. I felt sharp pain in my rib area last night but I was too busy distracting myself to sleep to even check on it. Dali-dali akong dinala sa ospital ni Tita para ipatingin kung ano ang sanhi ng pasa.

After the diagnosis, the physician called us inside his office and showed me the imaging results.

"This is rare but you broke your ribs due to the baby's movements..."

"What...?"

"I'll prescribe some painkillers for now, Mrs. Cabrera. Strictly bed rest po tayo. Pwede kang magsuot ng rib belt o binder para mabawasan ang sakit..."

Napanguso ako. And here I thought I was going to have a normal pregnancy! Sobrang saya ko pa sa naunang buwan dahil halos wala akong nararamdaman pero ngayon ay gusto ko nalang ilabas ang bata!

"Hindi pa ba uuwi si Enrique? Malapit ka nang manganak..." ani Tita.

My friends visited me earlier. Ni hindi man lang ako makausap nang maayos. Naiirita din ako sa mukha ni Ivo at Karlo. Si Tita lang tuloy ang nag-entertain sa kanila kanina.

"Avery!"

Gusto kong pagsarhan ng pinto si Karlo nang makita ko ang nakakabwisit nitong mukha umagang-umaga. I scowled at him.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?"

"Kabuwanan mo na," he placed a small bag on the table as he stepped inside the house. "Tatambay muna ako rito hanggang sa makapanganak ka..."

"Ayoko sa mukha mo!"

He chuckled. "Alam kong hindi mo 'ko type, Avery, pero wala ka nang magagawa. Wala pa ang asawa mo ngayon kaya ipapahiram ko muna ang sarili ko..."

I rolled my eyes. "Pauso ka."

"Hindi mo ba ako naa-appreciate? Iniwan ko ang sarili kong asawa para sa'yo!"

"Eh di bumalik ka dun! Lecheng 'to!"

Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggagaling ang inis ko kay Karlo. I suspected it was the hormones. Wala naman akong problema sa kaniya noon, eh.

And despite my protests, Tita and Karlo stayed in the house. Enrique is coming back tomorrow. Apparently, the baby couldn't wait.

"My water broke!" I screamed inside the bathroom when I first noticed it.

Kaagad akong dinaluhan ni Tita habang nanatili naman sa labas si Karlo. She helped me change while I screamed in pain when the first contraction hit.

"Breathe, Avery, breathe..." Karlo reminded me as he supported me in his backseat.

"Don't tell me what to fucking do!" I shouted angrily at him. Naiiyak na ako sa sobrang sakit.

"Okay, then just yell at me if it will help ease the pain," he countered gently.

"Pakibilisan nalang, Karlo," si Tita habang nakahawak sa kamay ko nang umandar ang sasakyan.

I was panting and clenching my teeth in so much pain. Pakiramdam ko ay mamamatay na ata ako. Nakita ko ding nasasaktan na si Tita sa hawak ko kaya binitawan ko ang kamay niya.

"She's already in labor..." Karlo told the nurse as soon as we got to the hospital.

The rest was all blurry. All I could remember was it felt like my body was being torn in half because of so much pain. Hinayaan ko na ang sariling maiyak sa sobrang sakit.

"Your baby is breech, Mommy. We need to do C-section right away."

"What? My husband is still not here!" I cried.

Bigo itong umiling sa akin. "I'm sorry..."

Before I could protest, I'd already passed out from so much pain.