"Okay, class. Let's start the quiz."

My students scramble to get back to their desks. I gave them half the time to study or cram before I started the quiz. Mabuti nalang at sa fourth-year students ako na-assign. Since they were graduating, they were all taking me seriously and were afraid to fail the subject. Their behavior was one less problem I had to think about.

I presented the slide that contained all the questions for the quiz and gave them 30 minutes to answer. Pagkatapos, naupo lang ako sa tabi habang nagbabantay sa mga estyudante ko.

I couldn't stop thinking about what Enrique said this morning. I thought he had sworn me off after what I did last time. Akala ko dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ay ililipat na niya ang pangalan ng bahay sa kaniya. We went our separate ways after that. There was no reason for him to hold onto me.

Stepping out of the classroom, I tried to dial the number of the realty company that called me before. Mabilis naman itong sinagot.

"Uhm, mag-i-inquire lang po sana ako..."

"Yes, Ma'am?"

"About sa status ng bahay under Miss Avery Felicia Perez," I swallowed.

"Can you hold for 2 minutes? I'll check our records, Ma'am."

I paced in the hallway for a few minutes until they started talking again.

"Ano pong i-inquire natin, Ma'am? As per our records, the house was fully paid last year. Updated naman po ang HOA fees pati na ang amilyar ng bahay."

"R-Really?"

"Although wala pong occupants as of now. We offer assistance if you want to rent out the house."

"Uhm, no. Thanks."

"Anything else I can do for you, Ma'am?"

"Wala na... salamat."

I ended the call and went back inside the classroom. I started searching for their realty company and the name of the subvision. Nasa norte pala ito. Pre-selling of the house models started when Enrique graduated from PMA. The value of the properties have increased over the years and as of today, it's almost fully occupied.

Goodness. If he starts dating another woman and she finds out he bought a house for his ex, he'd surely be kicked out of their relationship.

Napailing ako. I could not even think of a reason why he'd do that! Ilang beses ko pa ba siyang kailangang ipagtabuyan para mapagtanto niya na talagang wala na siyang babalikan? I know he promised to buy me a house when we were still dating, but we are over so there's no reason to fulfill that promise anymore.

Pagkatapos ng klase ay niligpit ko na kaagad ang mga gamit at dumaan muna sa faculty. I said hi to some professors before getting my things. I wanted to get some rest since I just kept tossing and turning around earlier.

When I stepped out of the faculty room, I stopped in my tracks when I saw Enrique standing at the end of the hallway. He was dressed properly this time, in a navy-blue Ralph Lauren button down and black jeans. Mukhang hindi naman ako nakita ng lalaki dahil nakatuon ang atensyon niya sa iba. Sinundan ko ang tingin niya hanggang sa dumapo ito sa dalawang dalagang nagtutulakan at nag-aasaran. May hawak silang mga papel.

My jaw dropped in realization. It's the twins! Leslie and Lianna!

Tumalikod kaagad ako at akmang aalis na nang makarinig ako ng boses.

"Ate Ganda!"

I stopped in my tracks, hesitating if I should turn around and respond to Leslie's voice. Mayamaya, naramdaman ko ang marahang paghawak sa braso ko.

She gasped as soon as she saw my face. "Si Ate Ganda nga!"

Sumunod naman si Lianna sa akin. By then, Enrique is already watching me silently.

I smiled at them. "Anong ginagawa niyo dito?"

"Magpapa-enroll po kami, Ate! Grade 11 na kami!" They chorused and showed me their white forms. Nang mapansin nila ang lanyard na suot ko ay biglang nawalan ng kulay ang magaganda nilang mukha. "Ate... nagtuturo ka po dito?"

I slowly nodded.

"Sorry po, Ma'am! Ma'am pala dapat! Sorry po talaga!"

I chuckled and started shaking my head. Tuluyan nang lumapit si Enrique sa amin, tahimik lang na nakamasid.

"Ayos lang, hindi niyo naman alam. Anong strand ba ang kinuha niyo?"

"ABM po ako," ani Leslie tapos itinuro si Lianna. "Si Lia naman, STEM."

I nodded in approval. "Buti naman. Pagbutihin niyo ang pag-aaral, ah?"

Nagtinginan ang kambal saka dumapo ang tingin sa kuya nila. Lianna grinned.

"Kuya, hindi mo ba aayain ng lunch si Ate?"

Enrique glared at her but she ignored the piercing gaze of her older brother, turning to me and linking her arm with me.

"Tara, Ate, lunch tayo! Libre ni Kuya!"

Napatingin ako kay Enrique, nanghihingi ng saklolo. Marahan lang itong umiling at nagpatianod sa aming tatlo. Napaka-ingay ng dalawa at nag-aasaran pa hanggang sa makalabas kami ng campus.

I took off my ID and placed it inside my bag when we got outside. May nakalinyang fastfood chains sa labas kaya doon na kami nagtungo. Walang imik na nakasunod sa amin si Enrique habang ini-interview naman ako ng dalawa.

"Kumusta ka na po, Ate? Ilang taon ka nang nagtuturo sa DMMMSU? Ano pong skincare routine niyo?"

I laughed and started answering their questions one by one while we were lining up for food. Leslie tugged on my arm, so I turned to her. She smiled fondly at me.

"Mas lalo po kayong gumanda ngayon, Ate..."

Nag-init ang mga pisngi ko sa sinabi ng bata. I shook my head and laughed it off.

"Bolera ka pa rin hanggang ngayon, Leslie?"

She giggled at me. When we reached the counter, she pointed at the various foods displayed on the menu.

"Gusto ko ng fried chicken tapos large coke zero tapos barbecue fries!"

Enrique frowned at her. "Nag-softdrinks ka na kanina, Lei."

"Eh!" Reklamo nito at binalingan ang kambal. "Okay lang naman ang coke zero, diba, Lia?"

Tumango naman ito at bumaling sa kuya nila. "Oo nga, Kuya! Minsan lang 'to, eh!"

Enrique sighed while pulling out his wallet. Tumingin naman siya sa akin. I bit back a gasp when I saw an old photo of mine in his wallet. My college ID picture!

"Anong sa'yo?"

"Uhm... yang rice bowl nalang."

He nodded and repeated all of our orders. Hinila na ako palayo ng kambal sa counter para maghanap ng mauupuan namin. Dahil lunch-time ay punuan at maraming mga estyudante ang naroon. We managed to get a bigger table after a group of students left.

"Buti mahaba-haba ang leave ni Kuya ngayon, 'no?" komento ni Lia habang naghihintay kami kay Enrique sa table.

"Bakit? Hindi ba nagl-leave ang Kuya niyo?" Usisa ko naman.

She shook her head firmly. "Nagpapakita lang siya sa amin taon-taon para lang kumalma si Mama na buhay pa siya, tapos ayun... balik ulit sa serbisyo. Kahit yung ibang mga sundalo na nagli-leave, nagre-reup naman si Kuya."

"Oo nga, nagagalit na sa kaniya si Mama kasi puro nalang daw siya trabaho."

I smiled. That's just like him.

"Pero mandatory ang leave niya ngayon, diba? Dahil dun sa CBT niya."

"CBT?" Kumunot ang noo ko. "Why?"

Leslie was about to respond when Enrique arrived. She immediately clamped her mouth shut and smiled at her brother.

"Salamat po, Kuya!" They chorused like little kids.

Hindi ako umimik nang tumabi si Enrique sa akin. Isa-isa niyang binigyan ng kutsara't tinidor ang mga kapatid pati na rin ako. We were all just silently watching him as he distributed the glasses before tending to himself.

"Uminom ka ng maraming tubig pagkatapos, Leslie," paalala ni Enrique habang nilalapag ang soda ng kapatid sa harap niya.

"Opo, Kuya!"

When we started eating, the twins sparked a conversation again about the campus and asked me what to expect in college life.

"Totoo po ba yung sinasabi nila na nakaka-pressure sa college?"

"It actually depends on how you handle it..."

"Ikaw, Ate, na-pressure ka po ba?"

I paused and looked back on my college days. The first two years were fun. Even if Enrique and I were separated, we made efforts to see each other. The last two years were bittersweet. I slowly became an independent woman, but not without a price. I lost sleep, weight, and a little bit of myself every day as I struggled quietly. Hanggang ngayon ay misteryo pa rin sa akin kung paano ko naitawid ang mga taong iyon.

But then, I had my friends. They all supported me. They never left me.

I smiled at Leslie. "Oo, pero kaya naman."

Lianna turned to her brother and gave him a knowing smirk.

"Ate, alam mo bang hindi nainom si Kuya?"

"What do you mean?"

She giggled and pointed to him. "Hindi niya kaya ang isang bote ng alak, Ate! Dati pa yan, ang bilis niyang malasing."

"Lianna," Enrique shot her a warning look.

"Tapos nung nag-try siyang uminom sa bahay mag-isa, hindi pa nangangalahati ang bote, lasing na kaagad!" She laughed out loud. "Parang hindi sundalo, eh."

Enrique snorted. "Hindi naman ako na-inform na requirement na pala ang pagiging lasenggo sa mga sundalo."

Leslie grinned at him. "First time mong malasing nun, Kuya. Ang sabi mo, miss na miss mo na si Ate Avery—"

"Lei!"

She clamped her mouth shut but the mischievous look simmered in her eyes. Enrique looks pissed.

"Uhm... huwag na muna nating pag-usapan 'to. Mukhang hindi komportable ang Kuya mo, Leslie."

I watched the two of them, hoping that they wouldn't fight. But knowing him, he probably would just let this slide. He's not the kind of person to start a fight over something silly, especially with his sisters.

Napailing nalang si Enrique. "Huwag kang manghihingi sa akin ng baon mo, ha?"

Leslie looked at him in horror. "Kuya!"

He ignored her and continued eating. I let out a sigh of relief and turned to my food again, but her words remained in my head long after we were done.

He can't drink? He got drunk without even finishing a bottle? I wanted to laugh. How did he even survive PMA? They were notorious drinkers, especially during socials and celebrations. I even heard once that an alumna had to chug down his beer just to get back his bull ring inside the bottle in one of their reunions.

We never drank together, so I didn't know this side of him. Wala rin naman siya palagi kapag kami naman ng mga kaibigan ko ang nag-iinuman. This is all new to me.

And what Leslie said struck something inside of me... he missed me? But that could've been ages ago! Hindi niya nabanggit kung kailan nangyari iyon. Baka matagal na... baka noong mga panahong mahal pa niya ako.

Napatingin ako kay Enrique habang naglalakad kami palabas ng fastfood. I wonder how he'll act if he gets drunk, now? He'll probably curse me for everything I did to him before.

I knew my words hurt him. I meant to. It was the only way that would keep him from coming back to me. But he never said anything hurtful to me, even as a counterattack. Not once did he raise his voice at me. Kaya niyang panatilihing kalmado ang sarili kahit na galit.

"Magma-Ma'am po ako sa iyo sa loob ng campus pero pag nasa labas tayo, pwede pa rin po ba kitang tawaging Ate?"

"Oo naman," I smiled at Leslie and Lianna. "Good luck sa inyong dalawa."

"Salamat po, Ate!"

Enrique turned to me. "Ihahatid ko sa bahay ang mga kapatid ko..." paliwanag niya.

I raised a brow at him. Why is he explaining?

"Uhm, ingat?"

He sighed. "Pasasakayin nalang kita."

"Huwag na!" Tanggi ko kaagad. I don't want him acting like this in front of his sisters! They might get the wrong idea and I don't want them teasing me about it when he's gone... again. "Kaya ko namang mag-commute mag-isa."

"Avery—"

"Sige na, buh-bye! Ingat kayo!" I quickly turned around and walked as fast as I could away from them. Alam kong makikita ko rin naman siya bukas sa boarding house pero ngayon... kailangan ko lang talaga munang mapalayo sa kaniya.

When I arrived at the boarding house, I changed and slumped on my couch. Hindi ko na alintana ang ingay ng mga nagtatrabahong construction worker sa baba. I pulled out my phone and tried to search for him again on social media but I found nothing.

Even when I searched for his name on the internet, all I could find was a video of his graduation speech at PMA and some old photos taken inside the academy. I have no idea where he was deployed or what happened to him throughout those years.

Hindi maalis sa isipan ko ang sinabi kanina ng kapatid niya. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is given to soldiers who were diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Symptom Disorder. They often receive a multi-faceted approach including Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing but I am so damn sure that CBT is somehow linked to PTSD.

I couldn't even begin to imagine if he actually has it...

This means Enrique is battling with intrusive memories, flashbacks, or nightmares from the traumatic event. He could even be having trouble falling asleep. From what I've seen of him so far, he's not hyper aroused... so that's a good thing. It would break my heart if I see him being constantly on guard or feeling jumpy as if someone would attack him any second.

I want to ask him... to check on him... but I don't know how or if I even have the right to. Baka mas lalong magalit sa akin ang lalaki kapag nanghimasok ako sa personal na buhay niya.

"Wow, you're actually taking the day off, Dr. Perez?"

I smiled at our HR. Sa tinagal-tagal ko sa kompanyang ito, iilang beses lang akong nagli-leave at para lang iyon sa importanteng mga okasyon.

"Isang araw lang ba talaga ang gusto mo?"

"Yup, I'm fine with that."

She shrugged and signed my clearance. Nagpasalamat ulit ako bago lumabas sa opisina.

When I got home, I saw that the flowers I ordered were delivered already. Itinabi ko muna iyon at binuksan ang pinto. I checked the flowers properly and smiled to myself. Pagkatapos, maaga na akong natulog at nagpunta sa sementeryo kinabukasan.

I often hear comments from people who learned about my dog and how I'm still grieving even after all these years. Nakakapagtaka nga naman. Bakit hanggang ngayon ay nasasaktan pa rin ako sa pagkawala ng alaga? Kung kumuha ako ng bagong alaga, eh di sana limot ko na siya.

But it's different for me. Even if they say that she's just a dog, for me... she will always be the reason why I got through all of this. May mga panahong ayaw ko nang bumangon dahil pagod na ako sa trabaho at eskwela, pero hindi ako pwedeng magmukmok dahil naghihintay sa akin si Chuchay. When everything and everyone else failed me, she remained the reason why I still get up every morning.

People who don't understand the depth of my love for her will never know the pain. And that's okay. Hindi ko naman kailangang ipaglaban ang pagmamahal ko sa kaniya. Huminto na rin ako sa paninisi sa sarili sa lahat ng nangyari noon. Ngayon, nagpapasalamat nalang ako sa magandang alaala na iniwan niya sa akin.

Nilinis ko ang puntod ni Mama, Papa, at Aaron habang naroon ako. Magkakatabi na silang lahat. Minsan, iniisip ko nalang na masaya na sila ngayon at wala ng sakit na iniinda para hindi na ako masyadong malungkot.

I stared at Enrique's number and contemplated if I should dial it or not. Hindi ko alam kung naaalala pa niya kung anong araw ngayon, o kung iniisip niya pa rin ito hanggang ngayon. Naduwag lang din ako at itinago pabalik ang cellphone habang nakaupo sa harap ng puntod nila.

I remained in the cemetery for a long while, revisiting my past life and all the good memories we shared together. Pagsapit ng dilim, kinuha ko na ang mga gamit ko at umalis. I was planning to walk home and just sleep but when I passed a local bar nearby, I found myself entering the establishment.

Maingay at magulo sa loob. There were a mix of locals and tourists jumping to the music with drinks in their hands. Lumabas kaagad ako nang mamataan ang isang mas pribadong area. I entered the sliding door and as soon as I did, the blasting music faded out. Tanging ang malamyos na boses ng babaeng kumakanta sa stage ang naririnig ko.

There were only a few people there. I waited for a while for someone to call me out and say it's a private event but no one batted an eyelash. Naghanap ako ng upuan at kaagad namang lumapit ang waiter sa akin. I ordered a ladies' drink and some nachos. Tapos ay ibinaling ko ulit ang tingin sa babaeng kumakanta. Her voice is soft and angelic, para kang hini-hele ng musika niya.

I scrolled on my phone while waiting. Una ko kaagad nakita ang IG story ni Ivo at nalamang nasa La Union pala ito. Out of habit, I sent him a text message.

To: Ivo
Elyu ka?

From: Ivo
Yup.

To: Ivo
Nasa HighUp ako, punta ka?

From: Ivo
Nagpapapansin pa ako kay Raya.

From: Ivo
Saka di ako nainom!

I chuckled while reading his text, but it only reminded me of Enrique. It's funny how we shared five years together but I've never had a chance to sit down and have a drink with him. Should I invite him?

"Baliw," bulong ko sa sarili sabay simsim sa inumin ko. Hindi pa nga ako nalalasing, kung anu-anong kabalastugan na ang iinisip ko!

From: Ivo
Hindi ako pinapansin ni Raya :(

I laughed and typed a reply.

To: Ivo
Sunduin mo nalang ako dito, o-order pa ako ng isa.

From: Ivo
Tangeks, hindi nga kasi ako nainom

To: Ivo
Who said it's for you?

Itinago ko ang cellphone at nagpatuloy sa pakikinig. Pinagmasdan ko ang babaeng kumakanta. Her face is so familiar to me. When she turned to my direction, that's when I realized that she's the drag Enrique rented for his Ring Hop Ceremony! During those five years, she's the only woman I got so jealous of and for all the wrong reasons.

Binilisan ko ang pag-inom. I could feel myself getting dizzy. Napamura ako nang mapagtantong malalasing na ata ako. I pulled out my phone again to text Ivo.

To: Ivo
Lasing na ako hahaha

To: Ivo
Sunduin moko

I watched her intently. She doesn't know me. Of course, she doesn't! She was only doing her job that night. Baka nga pati si Enrique, hindi na niya matandaan. I'm just the pathetic one who couldn't forget her face because it was the only time I got so insecure while I was still with him.

Lumipas ang oras. Hindi ko na mabilang kung naka-ilang ulit ako ng order. Ivo didn't text me back. I just found myself zig-zagging my way out of the bar. Umiikot ang mundo ko.

"Pucha, lasing nga..."

I lifted my head when I heard a man's voice. Ivo's face came into view. Napangisi ako.

"Akala ko hindi ka pupunta..."

"Nagd-drunk call ka na sa 'kin, eh!" Reklamo niya sabay akay sa akin sa paglalakad. "Feeling jowa ka, ah?"

I laughed out loud. Wala na kasi akong ibang maisip na kukuha sa akin mula sa bar. Ilang beses ko siyang tinawagan kanina, hindi ko nga lang alam kung nasagot ba niya o hindi dahil wala na ako sa wisyo.

Ivo guided me inside his car. Ihinilig ko ang ulo sa bintana ng sasakyan hanggang sa maramdaman kong umandar na ito.

"Ang ganda-ganda nung drag na yun, nakakainis..." bulong ko.

"Ha?"

I scoffed. "Sa kaniya lang talaga ako nagselos..."

"Pinagsasabi mo, Avery?"

I started ranting to him on our way home. Ivo is frowning while I dramatically told him about my failed relationships in the past.

Ivo was grumbling under his breath when we arrived at the boarding house. Somewhere on the way home, I started singing loudly inside his car. Hindi na siya nakikinig sa mga kwento ko, eh! Pinagmumura na ako ni Ivo habang tawa naman ako nang tawa. Muntik pa kaming madapa dalawa dahil nahihila ko siya tuwing matutumba ako.

"Avery!" Ivo scolded me. "Umayos ka nga..."

"I'm okay now! Pwede ka nang umuwi sa bebelabs mo!" Pagtataboy ko sa kaniya.

"Anong okay pinagsasabi mo?" He groaned out loud and pulled me up. "Hindi ka nga makaakyat sa unit mo, eh!"

I chuckled again, fishing my bag for my keys. Ivo waited impatiently until I started climbing the stairs again. Nang makarating kami sa second floor, napamura nang malutong ang kaibigan ko.

"Huh?" I squinted my eyes when a tall shadow moved in front of my unit.

"Tanginang buhay 'to, mamamatay pa ata ako ngayong gabi," Bulong ni Ivo sa tabi ko.

Enrique stared at the two of us. Napangisi ako. Umiigting na ang panga nito sa inis at galit habang nakatingin sa aming dalawa.

Uh-oh... Captain's mad.